Okay, total Spamano chapter. YAY! And the Netherlands (I like him, he's awesome) and Luxembourg!

Next chapter, a smut-like dream will happen. Promise.

So, I had to work on July 1st. I work in tourism, so I expected tons of people wearing red and white and Canadian Flags, it being Canada Day. Nope, tons and tons of people dressed in Italian or Spanish (one Portuguese) jerseys and hats. There was this one guy carrying around the Spanish flag after the game finished. Happy Canada Day, I'll be waving my Spanish flag up proudly. It really did not feel like Canada Day. Poor Matthew. Antonio, Lovino and Feliciano out shone you on your birthday.

I love the fact that this story takes place before the Euro.

The Wal-Mart in this chapter is based on the Wal-Mart closest to me.

João = Portugal, Gregerio = Vatican City

Translations

Hombre =Man (Spanish)

Perro = Dog (Spanish)

Cornuto, stronzo, vaffanculo, coglione = Italian insults

Chapter 6

Lost in an image, in a dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops? They go

Lucky (Britney Spears) 2000

"Lovino, are you serious?" Sandro asked me.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I figured people usually wear jeans and a t-shirt to football games, so that was what I did. I put on a red $700 t-shirt and a pair of designer skinny jeans. My ass looked good and I was staring.

"About what?" I asked my little brother.

"You're giving me this?" He asked, wide eyed at a little black book. My mamma had given me the little black book full of numbers of women she'd met in Italy while filming. So, I gave it to Sandro. He was in awe of the book. It was like I gave him the key of the universe or something. I have the most girl crazy family.

"Why not," I said. "My ass is hot in these jeans, right? They don't make my ass look fat?"

Sandro rolled his green eyes. He then put the book in his pocket. "Why are you so worried about how you look for this football game? Why are you even going? Have you ever even watched a football game?" I gave him the 'are-you-kidding' look. Duh, of course I had not. "Okay, so why are you going … Wait…" Was Sandro figuring something out? He must have been. It looked like the wheels in his head started working. "You're nice to him, you… LOVINO!" He yelled with his eyes wide.

"What?" I yelled.

"This is bad, this is very bad," Sandro told me.

"Shut the fuck up, I know what I'm doing." Total lie. Antonio had me around his finger without even knowing it. I had no idea how to fix it and every time I tried, I failed. Fuck, this sucked.

"He's married! To a woman," Sandro said. I rolled my eyes. I knew that, I was fucking going to this thing with his brother-in-laws. I fucking know he's fucking married. "If something happens…Can I have the wife? She's hot." There was something seriously fucking wrong with my little brother.

"Like that will ever happen," I said rolling my eyes. Well, it technically never happened, unless Sandro did something and never told me. Eww.

"Yeah, he seems too in love with his wife to do anything with you," Sandro said. He took the book again and started to dial one woman's number. "Ciao!" Smart move, Sandro. I was just about to tackle him to the ground.

I rolled my eyes. "Bye! See you when I get back."

Sandro talked to the woman on the other end of the phone. He gave me a wave but never stopped talking to the woman. Seriously? I'm more important than some one-night stand in Italy!

I left my apartment. I waved to the doorman and waited outside. Yes, I have a doorman working at my apartment. I don't know his name or anything about him but I can tell you how he looks like… Um… I think he has blond hair… Never mind, I don't care enough about the doorman.

The sun was out, the sky was cloudless. God, this was a beautiful city and it was filled with beautiful people. Trust me; people-watching in this city was always interesting. You have your beauties and your crazies. Someone was bound to peak your interest. Especially when celebrities are walking around.

I put on my sunglasses. It was too late. I had paparazzi taking pictures of me. So, I just smiled for the cameras. They were fucking annoying as hell, but I couldn't pull an Alec Baldwin and punch one. I just smiled. Negative publicity was bad publicity. Or at least that's what Luise and Mamma always said. And it's true. How many people have lost their careers because of bad publicity?

Antonio and his brothers-in-law arrived soon. I really should have stayed with Sandro up in my apartment. But whatever. Now my face will be on TMZ, or some magazine. Good publicity… especially now that they see that I'm going out with Antonio.

So, Antonio came out of the car, a very handsome red convertible (not as good as my Ferrari, but still a good looking car). One of his brothers-in-law was driving. The driver had spiked blond hair, a scar on his forehead, dark sun glasses, a Dutch soccer jersey, and a cigarette in his mouth. His arm was resting on the side of the car and he had a serious look on his face. Was he trying to look cool for the cameras? Sure he looked hot, but he also looked like a giant ass that didn't care about anyone else. Antonio's other brother-in-law was sitting beside his brother. He looked fancy and elegant. His blond hair was elegantly put up and his green eyes were sweet. He wore a light blue dress shirt and a smile on his face. He looked fun. Antonio was obviously the best looking of all of them. He was wearing a dark gray long sleeved shirt with sleeves that were rolled up a quarter, dark blue jeans that hugged his body beautifully and black track shoes. That man could make a paper bag look hot.

"¡Hola, Lovi!" he yelled, waving at me. His eyes were bright and happy. He was smiling an unnaturally large grin.

"Ciao," I said, walking to the car. I walked passed him. Okay, there are paparazzi here. They are the worst at starting rumours, so it might be best to not talk to Antonio too much. What if they snatch a picture of me blushing in Antonio's presence? Or get a picture that hints at my feelings towards him?

"We have to be in San Diego in three hours, so we better start driving," He said, following me. The way he said San Diego was so hot.

"Then let's go," I told him. I hopped into the back of the car.

He laughed and followed me. He jumped into the back and sat close to me. Paparazzi took a few photos and tried to follow us, but Dutch boy lost them in five minutes. I was impressed. Not that impressed, because I could have lost them faster, but I was going to lose my license if I got caught speeding again. Shut the fuck up; I was going at the speed of traffic. If this was the Fast and the Furious. I like going fast. Fuck, I have a Ferrari! I should be allowed to go fast! It's a fucking Ferrari! The Italians are built for speed. Driving fast. Not 'you know what', because we are also built to be amazing lovers.

Antonio introduced me to his brother-in-laws. Raphael was the smaller nice looking one and Andries was the douchebag in a Dutch soccer jersey. Apparently, Andries was going to wear Orange until the Dutch won the Euro. Good thing he was one of those rare people that actually looked good in Orange. I laughed, in my head of course. They were in the death group with Germany and Portugal. Italy was going to win.

Raphael was excited to meet me. Andries was emotionless. He sort of reminded me of Tiina's girlfriend. Raphael had this little white fluffy pup. Plutz was its name… I think… whatever its name was, it was annoying. A guy bringing a little dog was also really gay. Seriously, even I have better sense, and I was the one head over heels for another guy. And the fact that I think I'm more of a cat person. Though, I don't think I'm an animal person at all. Whatever. The dog was cute. It looked like a snowball! How the fuck wasn't that cute?

My overall impressions of the in-laws: One was a hot douchebag, the other a quiet sweetheart.

The drive was long. If I'd been driving we would've been there in ten minutes. But no, we were at the airport in an hour. But I got to sit beside Antonio for an hour "accidently" touching hands every so often. Fuck you, I just had too. It was my chance and I took it. I also talked with Raphael. He was smart and nice. He, like Emma, knew one too many languages: English, French, German and Luxembourgish. Seriously? Who the fuck speaks that language except people who live in Luxembourg.

We got to San Diego in time for the game, sort of. I'm not going to bore you with what happened on the plane ride and stuff since there wasn't too much to talk about. Well there was this one thing. Andries almost got stopped for drug possession. That was funny and hot when security patted him down. Andries had muscles. But he talked his way out of it. So, that's all I remember.

Because we were stopped by some cops, we were a little late for the game. Not like any of us really cared for the sport. Fuck, Andries was wearing a soccer jersey! You ask any of us today who played at the game and we couldn't answer you if our lives depended on it. Who won? I dunno. Who played? I dunno. Did you even watch the game? Fuck no, I was sitting beside Antonio. How the fuck do you pay attention to anything when you have a hunky Spaniard beside you?

I do remember I sat beside some shirtless fat guy in the colours of one of the teams. He also smelled; like, really really smelled. Bad- no, terrible! I can't believe people actually smell that bad! I would be trying to cuddle with Antonio even if I wasn't totally in love with him. That big fat guy scared me. 'Chicken.' You would be to if you had that guy beside you.

I couldn't believe how many fucking people were at this game. Why was football so big? It was horribly named and it's violent… Actually the violence is a plus. Guys tackling into each other trying to violently hurt each other… Well, I guess technically they shouldn't be, but it's not like anyone really plays by the rules. And the injuries! You know when I think about the game, it's kind of cool. Soccer was better.

"What's happened?" Raphael asked.

"I think those guys have the ball," Antonio said. Andries just took a smoke of his cigarette and huffed. I'm not sure if he was allowed to do that. Was he? Though, he's the type of asshole to just burn the police with his cigarette when they tell him to put it out. So, it's better not to tell him anything. Plus, he's big and a little mean looking. 'Chicken.' Fuck you.

"Oh, okay," Raphael said, but he was still confused. What happened to that fur ball you may ask? Snowy -because I don't really care about the dog's real name, so he's just going to be Snowy in my mind- was with some dog sitter.

"Nachos," I told Antonio. He smiled at me and gave me the nachos. I took one with extra salsa, trying not to look at him. I was trying to pay attention to the game and the guy beside me. Hey, I had to make sure that fucker didn't bash my head in. He jumped up from his seat every so often. I really had to make sure he never hit me. I didn't want to find myself in a hospital in San Diego.

"I'm glad you came," Antonio whispered in my ear. Why was he whispering? Well first, Antonio is fucking weird, and second, there were a lot of people around us cheering. I think one of the sides was going for a slam dunk but I'm not sure. 'Slam dunk is Basketball, touchdown is football.' Fuck off; it's whatever I say it is.

"Why?" I asked him.

"I have one amigo here," he said, still smiling proudly.

"And what are they?" I asked moving my head in Andries and Raphael direction.

"Ay… An hombre who wants to rip my guts because I dared marry his sister and Raphe, who's more like a little brother to me now."

"Why didn't you invite… I don't know, Gilbert?"

"Gilbert's touring Europe with FBT and I didn't think to ask him. Honestly, he would like this sport more then you, but you were the first person I asked. The first person I thought of." AWW! I mean- no! I mean aww. Okay let's let Lovina dance a little bit. I was the first person he thought of! I was the first person he thought of! He much rather spend time with me than anyone else on this planet! Suck on that losers! "Aww, you look like a tomato," Antonio giggled. He fucking giggled? Wow, you know you're manly when… Wait, did he just call me a tomato? He called me a fucking tomato! I was not blushing, it was the heat. I had a sweaty ugly guy beside me. His sweat and the heat made me hot. I was not blushing! Let's all say it together: Lovino Romano Vargas does not blush like a tomato. Good.

"I do not," I protested.

"It's cute." He thinks I'm cute! Wait? Cute? Cute? Cute! Fuck, I am not cute! Men are not cute. Men are handsome, men are hot, men are hunky and manly. Cute is girly and I don't see boobs on me. Men are not cute in any way or from. He thinks I'm cute? Fuck, he should think me hot and handsome. He's a man; he should know that we do not like being called cute.

I didn't have time to reply to that awful comment. Because I was not looking, karma, the universe, God- whatever you call it or him or her… decided it was time to ruin Lovino's life more by spilling beer on his very expensive outfit. Fucking Sticky Ugly Fat guy started to jump for joy at whatever the fuck was going on in the game with his fucking drink in hand! And the fucking thing dumped itself all over me! EWW! And he drank out of his cup! It was in my hair! It was all over my outfit! This was a hot 1000$ outfit! And I had no other fucking clothes with me! That fucking idiot was so getting sued… Or paying for the dry cleaning bill, if the fucker could afford it.

I had my mouth open wide. Antonio looked at me with confusion. Andries made a small chuckle with his beer in hand. Raphael looked as surprised as I was. The fat man settled down and then looked my way. It then hit him that his beer, his fucking beer, had spilled all… ALL over me!

"Sorry, dude," He said.

I was shaking in shock.

"It's okay, accidents happen," Antonio said, taking me by the shoulders. Not with 1000$ outfits! "Let's find Lovi something new to wear."

"Hey, you're that spik singer," the fat ugly man said.

"I'm actually Spanish, not Mexicano," Antonio replied. Not the time or place or TIME!

"Who cares, all the same to me," Ugly man said. Andries made a small chuckle. "Can you sign this for my daughter? She's a fan." He gave Antonio a napkin. Antonio stared at it in confusion. So did I. I was all sweaty and sticky and he was fucking asking Antonio to sign a fucking napkin for his daughter! And fuck, is the mother blind? Who the fuck would have sex with this man?

"Sure," Antonio said. Raphael gave him a pen. Antonio signed the napkin quickly.

Antonio didn't say a word. He took me and we left. I was in shock and confused with what just happened. Antonio was just dazed and confused. Once we left the seats and went into the walk way and stuff. Fuck, I don't know anything about architecture. We were at the part with the bathrooms and the snacks.

"What just happened?" Antonio asked me.

"Fuckface just ruined my outfit! Dry cleaning will cost me a fortune!" I didn't even want to see my hair… my beautiful hair! "And then he fucking asked for your autograph!"

"He also called me Mexicano!" Because that was the important part.

"Get use to the weird because there's going to be a lot of it… Do you have clothes?"

Antonio looked at me for a second. "Even if I did, I don't think they would fit you… I know Andries has an extra shirt in the car, but he's bigger than me."

"Orange?" I said like I was insulting the colour. Well, I was insulting orange. I was not one of those people who looked good in orange.

"You could put Andries' shirt on and we could go buy you more clothes," Antonio explained. Where the fuck do you buy clothes in San Diego? It wasn't like San Diego was known for great shopping. It was known for beaches and surf.

So, Antonio and I went to the car. He drove. He just took the driver seat without even asking me if I wanted to drive! Whatever, I was still in a state of shock. I had beer all over me and I was starting to get sticky. EWW.

In the car, I put my sunglasses on and some baseball cap. I really didn't want anybody to see me like this. I was disgusting! Antonio just put sunglasses on… he stilled looked like him. He was hot, but I liked him better without sunglasses. His eyes were one of his best features. Fuck, all of him is his best feature.

We drove around. We were pretty silent in the car. Antonio just turned on the radio and looked for somewhere to buy me clothes. He gave me free reign over the radio. Which pretty much sucked for him. I wasn't doing anything but stare at the orange shirt I was wearing. I was in an orange shirt that was five sizes too big! And it was Orange! And it was Dutch! I was an Italian soccer fan!

Antonio stopped and parked in some large parking lot. There were a lot of cars, people coming back to their cars with shopping carts and people walking to the store. Wal-Mart? I think I've heard of that store. Wasn't that the store that sold really cheap stuff because they have it all made in China by kids? That was wrong.

"Come on," Antonio said getting out of the car.

"You want me to go in there?" I asked.

"It's just Wal-Mart," he laughed like this wasn't a big deal. "It's not like anyone you know will be here." Not likely. This was Wal-Mart, home of the cheap.

"But do they even sell clothes here?" I asked.

"You've never been to Wal-Mart?" he asked in shock. I shook my head and he laughed. "Now I have to bring you in. Come on before I carry you in."

Antonio put on a black hoody while I bravely got out of the car. It was crowded. The parking lot was crowded. I was just imagining the store. It must have been Disney World during Christmas crowded.

The only way Antonio got me into that store was by pushing me in.

"Maybe we should turn back and go back to the game?" I said at the doors.

He laughed. "!Vamos!" And he pushed me into the store. There was an area just for carts. A wind blew up. That scared me. "They're not here to kill you, they just want your money," Antonio said. I was not sure if that was a joke or not. He was pushing me, so he talked from my left shoulder in my ear. Sexy. We were in the actual store. Wow! This place was fucking huge! There was some kind of greeter, some old person. There was a McDonald's, a grocery store, a clothes store and that was all I could see. I saw pop cans on sale beside the greeter. Tons and tons of cashiers. A pharmacy! A nail salon, a barber! Fuck, there was a clinic! It was like a small town, without people living there.

Antonio laughed. Now he started to push me towards the clothes. None of the clothes were any good. Okay, they were fine. Holy fuck! Two dollars for a fucking shirt!

We picked some clothes fast. I was burning them the moment I got home, so it didn't matter how great they looked on me. Fine, it mattered a little bit. Antonio left me alone while I picked a shirt. He came back with a brush.

"We'll go to the bathroom so you can change," he explained. I nodded.

He went to a cashier and paid. I was surprise that no one noticed him, it wasn't like his disguise was any good. But no one recognised him. We then went to the bathroom. It was a small gray bathroom that I'd rather like to forget about.

"Go in the stall and give me your dirty clothes. I'll bring them to the car. Just wait for me here." I nodded. It sounded like a plan and that's what happened. Though, after I wet my hair in the skin and brushed it, I stayed outside of the restroom. Fuck, it smelled worse in the bathroom than the guy who'd spilled his drink on me in the first place!

Antonio came back. He was still in that hoody. That hoody did not show off anything. "Everything is in the car. I called Andries and told him that we were here. Half-time is just starting, so, we have tons of time to explore. Where do you want to go next? Shoe shopping? Sports wear?" Shoe shopping? They sell fucking shoes at Wal-Mart?

"Where ever," I said playing it cool. This was officially the first time it was just Antonio and me. No wife, no brothers, no parties, no brothers-in-law. We didn't even have to text. You'd be surprised how often Antonio and I text each other. Well, it was more like he was bothering me and I swore. And he was always the one starting the conversations.

"Let's start from the right and go from there."

I nodded. Food it was. The food didn't take long to go through. It wasn't like we were buying anything, we were just looking. We did take some time to look at the tomatoes. Both of us deemed the tomatoes unworthy. After the food we went to a baby area. I couldn't believe there was a section just for baby stuff. You know cribs and everything. Antonio lingered there a little bit.

"Emma and I have been talking about kids." Not what I wanted to hear. He had unknowingly just ripped my heart out. "But … I don't know. There's something pulling me back." And back my heart came. "I always loved kids. I became a third grade teacher because of it." He laughed. I always hated kids, but I bet if they were mine, I would love them. Hey, I take good care of my stuff. "But I don't feel like having kids with Em." What? "At the moment!" Nice save, but your wife would hate the pause between 'Em' and 'at the moment'. I wasn't going to tell her about it and I don't think Antonio was stupid enough to say it.

"Trouble in paradise?" I asked. Friends talk to friends, right? I was being a good friend, right? Fuck, I was just curious. I wasn't trying to be a good friend. I just wanted to know if they were getting a divorce.

"No," he said. "Just a feeling."

That was the end of that conversation. We just went back to the clothes section.

Okay, this place was full of cheap things. Ridiculously cheap things. Chocolate for a dollar? Seriously? And it had everything. Pillows, vases, plates, books, greeting cards. This place was a giant! Wow. Yep, I was impressed. Not that would admit it too anyone. I always told Antonio, it was fine, that was fine. And I would never in a million years admit to my co-workers or Luise or family that I went to Wal-Mart. It was not something I wanted to admit.

We eventually found ourselves in the electronic department. You could buy TVs here! No wonder the CEOs of Wal-Mart are so damn rich. In front of the other cashier- why did the electronics area need their own cashiers?- we saw a bunch of CDs. So, the first thing I did was look of Antonio's CD. There was a sign saying Best Sellers. Would Antonio be in A or F? I looked in A. Adele, no. Lady Gaga, no. Why was Lady Gaga in A? I looked behind her CD. Oh some idiot put her in front of Adele's 19. OH! Antonio! What a simple album cover. It was just him with a guitar, well his classical guitar. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans. Yep, he looked hot. Well, you've all seen the CD cover. Why do I describe these things to you?

Antonio was looking at a CD of FBT while chuckling. Now, Antonio was looking at me with curiosity. I put the CD back. I already owned that CD. Antonio heard me put back the CD. He laughed when he found out what I was looking at.

"Best seller?" He asked.

"You are," I replied.

"Wow, I am. I'm at Wal-Mart with Romano looking at my CD. Pinch me, I'm dreaming. Ow!" I pinched him. Hey, he asked me too. "No, I'm not dreaming." He laughed. "Let's go in."

I followed Antonio into the little electronic section. I still don't understand why it's its own section, but whatever. We saw myPods, myPads, expensive graphing calculators, video games, TVs, etc.

Antonio stopped when he saw a woman with two large DVD boxes in hand.

"Need any help?" he asked while laughing. Smooth.

The woman turned and saw a guy with sunglasses on, good thing he didn't have his hood up because then he would look like a rapist. Instead, Antonio still looked hot, so, I think she thought he was flirting with her. Not that he was. Antonio was being weird and stupid. And the girl was not good looking enough for him. That's all I can remember of her looks, I think she was blonde but yet again, I didn't care enough about her looks.

The woman blushed. She thought he was flirting with her. "I don't know what to buy my sister for her birthday. Tru Blood orThe Smuggler?"

That explains Antonio giggling. The thing I had learnt during this trip, other than Wal-Mart is huge, was that Antonio could not act to save his life. He was giggling and giggling and giggling. So I stepped in.

"Ignore my friend, he's special," I told the woman. Now, I was the actor of this duo. Antonio should just go back to singing. "But if you are at some type of cross roads, I could help." Antonio was still giggling in the background. "Personally I would go for The Smuggler, it's a better show." Antonio lost it. I kicked him to try to make him shut up but it was impossible.

"She likes both shows. I've never seen either one of them."

"Well, then I would go for The Smuggler. It's the same price and the actors are better looking." Antonio nodded his head, still laughing. "And it's educational. They mention real battles of World War 2 and in the extra features there are little factoids about Italy and, of course, World War 2. Tru Blood is purely fiction. It's about vampires."

"Your friend is okay, right?"

"I'll bring him to the car. Bye," I said. I grabbed Antonio and started to push him towards the video games. By the way, she bought season 1 of The Smuggler. Grazie for contributing to my paycheck.

Antonio and I left the electronic section before Antonio did something stupid again. We ended up at the sports section. Antonio took a soccer ball and started looking at it. He threw it at me and I let it fall. I looked at him with the are-you-kidding-me look. He laughed again.

"So many Barbies," I said, looking at all the dolls. There was a row just for them.

"I know," Antonio replied. "Hey! This one looks like Carmen."

"Carmen? She's your older sister right?"

He nodded. He picked up a Teresa doll. "Carmen just has curlier hair and her eyes are green. But it's her in Barbie form."

"Your sister must be beautiful." Hey, she looks like a Barbie. It was a given that she was hot.

"She is. I actually have a very pretty family. My cousin, João, he lives in Portugal, he's been in a few fashion shoots. He's not big or anything, just good looking." Antonio has a Portuguese cousin?

He looked at the doll for a little bit. He then took a photo with his phone. "Let's go before Andries texts me. I need to show you the pharmacy and gardening before we leave."

"Why did you take a photo of a Barbie?" I asked while walking to Gardening.

"Just sending it to Carmen."

I never got to see the pharmacy. Antonio took too long talking about gardening. He explained to me what a whole bunch of tools did. I forget almost everything he taught me. It wasn't like I was ever going to garden.

"I remember using (insert gardening tool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was the only part of the sentence I didn't remember) to plant the tomatoes when I was little. Abuela always told me to take care of the plants. Give them a lot of love and sunshine. I missed the farm. I had this pet bull growing up," Remember, he grew up on a farm in Madrid. A little reminder for those who have not memorised his wiki page, "Never ask a five year old to name an animal. I called him Señor Toro. We did so much together. I would read to him good night. We would eat tomatoes together. I would ride him. He had such a great personality. So calm and relaxed. He was my best friend growing up." Normal kids get dogs or cats, Antonio gets a bull. What the fuck was wrong with his family? "But he died when I was fifteen. He lived a nice life but I was sad. I think that was one of the reasons we moved. I don't know why we had to move to San Antonio, in the city. But we did and my parents bought me a turtle. Okay maybe it's just me and I have no imagination with names but I called him Señor Tortuga." I laughed. Mister Bull and Mister Turtle, it sounded like a children's story. "He's living with my parents in Maine now."

"Your parents don't give you normal animals do they?"

"Dogs are the devil's animal," He said, rolling his eyes. Okay, that was the second time he said something religious involving his parents. "Sorry, I have a pretty religious madre and she doesn't trust dogs since they are too much like jackals." Ah. Well. She hates me by the way. She hated me even before she met me because of my show. After she met me, I think I was on her top of her hit list. But I'm getting ahead of myself. "Though, it doesn't mean I don't want a Señor Perro." I rolled my eyes.

It was around then when Andries texted Antonio. Apparently we were late, very late. Antonio, being the handsome idiot he was, hadn't felt his phone vibrate and didn't notice the missed calls when he took that picture for his sister. No matter. We left to go pick up Andries and Raphael.

Andries drove home. We didn't take a plane, since Andries wanted to keep his drugs in his pocket and not go to jail. Though, I think Andries would fit in in jail. He was big, muscular, tough looking. No one would try to rape him. Plus, he could throw a punch. How do I know that? Antonio told me that he punched him when he started to date his sister. It was something he did to all his sister's boyfriends. Later on he went boxing with Antonio and apparently Antonio kicked his ass. Antonio was smaller than him. How did that happen? Apparently, Antonio could keep his hot ass for himself if he was in a prison too.

Anyways, Raphael talked about the game as his brother smoked something that I don't think was a cigarette. After Raphael stopped talking he asked about our trip to Wal-Mart. Raphael wasn't a Wal-Mart fan, he liked quality. Though, Andries was 100% pro cheap stuff, anything to save a dollar. He picks cheap over quality any day. I bet he was just the greatest boyfriend ever. I wish you guys could notice the sarcasm in my voice. Though, I was later told that if he did go out on a date, he was kind and always bought tulips. Tulips were his favorite flower (very gay sounding that this big tough guy has a favorite flower… mine were daisies, Antonio's are red carnations (because they symbolise passion… seriously), Luise liked cornflowers… shut up, Feli told me). Andries just happened to get lucky that tulips are a cheaper flower.

"Cornuto," I said.

"Cornuto," Antonio replied. We were so bored in the back of the car that I was teaching Antonio Italian swear words.

"Good, that one means cuckold… yes, it's very insulting, more so in Southern part of Italy than the Northern part. Next,stronzo."

"Strontho."

"Zzzz not th."

"Zzzz," he said laughing.

"Stronzzzzo."

"Strontho."

"You're a stronzo."

"Stronth…zo."

"I give up on that one. It means asshole or bitch, depending on who you're talking too. I like this one: vaffanculo."

"Vaffanculo." He could say this.

"It means fuck off or fuck you."

"You use that a lot in the show," Raphael said.

"And at home with Feliciano and Luise," I replied.

"Luise is his manager," Antonio explained. "And she's dating Feliciano."

"Cool," Raphael replied.

"Next one," Antonio said excited.

"Coglione."

"Coglione."

"It means idiot. I use that a lot with Feliciano too."

"That's all you're teaching me? Cornuto, strontho, vaffanculo, coglione?"

"You can't even say stronzo!"

"Others?"

"Others? Basically religious things. Never ever use the lord's name in vain in Italian in front of Italians. It was illegal for the longest time in Italy."

"Okay?" Andries said. "You Italians are way too religious."

"Yeah," I said agreeing. "One of my cousins is a priest, in the Vatican. Father Gregerio Vargas." He actually met Antonio's mother. They hit it off and they still send letters to each other to this very day.

"Cool, so do you go to the Vatican to see him?" Antonio asked.

"No. He doesn't like me or my brothers very much, or Marino or Nonno. He's had one too many divorces and married one too many women that weren't Catholics. He's fine with Mamma and Babbo."

That conversation ended there. Raphael told us a few Luxembourgish swear words while Andries swore in Dutch for no reason.

An hour or so passed, the sun was setting and the road was getting dark. Raphael was sleeping in the passenger seat. Andries was speaking to himself in Dutch. If I heard that in prison, I would be afraid of him. He would so fit in.

Antonio was mumbling things in my shoulder. He was sleep talking. He was my shoulder as a pillow. I would have joined him in a little nap, but HE was sleeping on my shoulder! How could I sleep while he was sleeping on my shoulder? It was impossible! Unthinkable! I acted like he was heavy and I didn't want him there. For Andries sake, I did not want him to know anything. So, I pushed Antonio a little bit and his head fell. Where did his head fall? Guess. Just guess. Andries lifted his eyebrows. He saw everything in his rear-view mirror. It seriously looked like Antonio was giving me a blowjob from where Andries was sitting. I should have just kept him on my shoulder. Then Antonio woke up.

"Not my fault! The car hit a bump and you fell there," I told Antonio.

Andries rolled his eyes. "Sure." I gave him a dirty look.

"I believe you," Antonio said tiredly. He then yawned.

That was about all that happened that was interesting because Antonio went back to sleep, not on me. Sadly.

I ended up waking up on Antonio's shoulder. How the fuck did I get there? Andries told me to wake up.

"Vaffanculo," I said giving him the finger. I cuddled more with Antonio. Fuck, I was half asleep, my brain was shut off.

"Wake up," I heard Antonio say. That woke me up. I yawned once and rubbed my eyes. "I'll help you too your apartment."

"I'm not a damsel in distress," I protested. "I can fucking take care of myself, bastard."

I got out of the car. But Antonio didn't stay in the car like I told him too. No, he followed me up to my penthouse.

"Wow, this place is beautiful and big," he said. "And you live here alone?"

"Vaffanculo, this is all you're seeing of it," I told him.

Antonio smiled sweetly. "Adios, I had a lot of fun today, Lovi."

"I said vaffanculo," I said. Yes, I'm cranky when I wake up.

"I'm still very glad you came with me today. It wouldn't have been as fun without you."

"Sure, whatever, ciao."

And the elevator doors closed.