I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.

Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own.

TIME TO HEAL

Chapter Six

Scene Eleven

The music that was playing kept people tapping their feet, even after they'd sat down. Mr. Tillman had invited Mr. Miles, his daughter, and the men to come to a social he was having out at his small ranch. They'd accepted.

Heath stood against the south wall watching people come and go. He soon noticed Lorilee was sitting alone at a corner table, and turning down every guy that asked her to dance. That puzzled him; she seemed so friendly to everyone when they first arrived. Why would she refuse to mingle now? He told himself it was none of his business, but he found himself making his way to the table at which she sat.

"You should be out there enjoyin' yourself." He pulled out a chair and sat down.

She grinned and chuckled, "That's the pot calling the kettle black. I haven't seen you out there dancing." She hadn't either. He too had been polite enough, but he hadn't moved away from 'his wall', until now.

She had him there. He'd been so busy wondering just what he'd let slip while he was running that blasted fever, the thought of dancing had never entered his mind. Lorilee seemed to know what was worrying him and she lowered her voice as she broke the silence that had fallen between them, "I promise, I haven't repeated a word you said while you were sick."

Heath stood up and nodded towards the door, "May we talk outside?" He found himself needing to know just what he'd said.

"Sure," she let him pull her chair out for her and stood up; soon they stood on the porch of the building that the people in Genoa used for their socials.

The sun was just beginning to set, and the air smelled fresh.

Heath finally turned to Lorilee, "Just what did I say and do while I was fighting that fever?"

Again, she felt bad for him. She wanted to take away all the guilt he felt, only she couldn't. He had to let it go. "You were begging forgiveness," she went on to talk about Ward, the horse and everything else she'd heard, "Accidents happen, Cal."

He knew she meant well, and he appreciated it, only, he shook his head, "I never should have told him to do it. He'd never broken in a horse before."

"Look at me," Lorilee spoke with such a firm tone of voice it caught Heath off guard, "There's a first time for everyone; I mean, when it comes to doing various things. This friend of yours, this Ward, he knew that. I mean, he knew it was his first time trying to break a horse. No one forced him to do it. Blaming yourself ain't right."

His head had told him the same thing over and over, only problem was, his heart never listened. He shook his head, "Do you know what it's like knowing you had a hand in getting someone killed?" he threw out the words so hard he was sure they would break wood, if it they actually came in contact with some that is. He was shocked when she pulled back and threw out her own anger.

"Yes, I do!" Lorilee exploded, "The last time I saw my fiance alive we had a fight. We saw the run away horses and I, basically, told him if he thought he was such a professional horseman he should go catch them only," tears started streaming down her face, "They caught him instead! I swore then I'd never let myself get close to someone else. I didn't want to be responsible for what might happen!" she jerked back as she surprised herself and started laughing, "Gee, now who's calling the kettle black? I've been doing the same thing! It looks like we've both been blaming ourselves for things that happened after we said things we wish we hadn't."

For a moment she said nothing then ventured to ask, "Is that why you left where ever it was you were living? Because of what happened to your friend?"

Heath sat down on the closet bench and shook his head, not believing he felt so at ease telling her things he thought for sure he'd never speak of, "I'm not the only one that blames myself for the accident. When your own family is ashamed of you what is there to do but leave?"

Before she could give him any sort of response, Joseph stepped out of the door. She wanted to laugh at the expression of annoyance on his face, "We weren't doing anything wrong; you don't need to worry. We'll be back in after a few minutes." Joseph couldn't help but grin as he went back inside.

"May I have this dance?" Heath stood up and held out his hand, giving her a small lopsided smile, guess he could offer her that much.

A smile as wide as the Pacific Ocean spread over her face as she took the offered hand and let him lead her back into the dance.

SCENE TWELVE

Lorilee watched as Mr. Tillman's men brought Heath the horse that needed breaking in. During the dance the night before, he had told more about his ranching experiences. She just had to watch him break in this horse.

Her father, brothers, and the rest of their hands stood by and watched as Heath sat down in the saddle; soon the horse was doing its best to throw its rider. "Stay with him, Cal!" Jeffery shouted. "You show him!" Another hand yelled. Lorilee found herself holding her breath more than once, but was glowing with happiness as the horse finally settled down and Heath dismounted.

"You did it!" Lorilee screamed louder than she meant to, it earned her a few looks but she didn't seem to care. Heath had actually given her one of his crooked smiles, and he wasn't forcing it. That part, him not forcing the smile, really made her day.

Once Heath was standing next to Lorilee her father walked up. "Maybe I should ask you what your intentions towards my daughter are and," he added due to the look on Lorilee's face, "I don't care if you are a grown woman. You're still my daughter."

What were his intentions? He had no home to offer her. He had no family. For that matter, he hadn't even told her about his being a bastard, still, "For now, I'd just like to get to know her, unless there's a problem," he looked at Lorilee.

"I won't object and," she jokingly glared at her father and brothers, they'd walked up beside Mr. Miles, "Neither will they." Well, they could try, but she wouldn't listen.

"Yes, ma'am," Joseph saluted her making them all laugh. He was always saluting her. He said it was his job to tease her; he just had to do it.

Later that night Heath sat around the campfire thinking about his own family and something he'd heard Lorilee saying to her father, "I'm not repeating anything Cal said to me, father. The best thing I can do for him is to heal myself and be his friend. If something comes of it, fine. If not? I still have a friend." After the man had left she, thinking she was speaking only to herself, had added, 'I just wish his family at least knew he was all right'.

Going through his saddlebags he found the small pencil Mr. Miles had asked him to keep, along with a piece of paper. He sat down and started writing.

0000

Victoria, Jarrod and Nick were in the living room talking about the Pinkerton's latest search, and the dead end it had led to, when Audra came hurrying into the house. "It's addressed to you, Nick!" she was beaming from ear to ear, "It's from Heath!" Nick snatched the letter she held out to him and ripped it open.

"What does he have to say?" Victoria looked up, the anxiety she felt for her missing son could be seen in the pleading look in her eyes.

Nick shook his head as he read the letter out loud.

"Nick, I am hoping this short letter finds you and the rest of the family well. You were right in asking me what I was thinking when I let Ward try to break the horse in. I don't blame you for being ashamed to call me brother. I hope someday you will feel like you don't have to feel that way anymore. I sincerely hope Nora is not back in the saloon. I have wired money into our account for her. Please make sure she gets it. I need to close now. We are leaving Genoa in the morning. Love, Heath."

"Genoa!" Audra stared, "That's in Nevada! I wonder if he's still there."

"We?" Victoria looked at her middle son, "Does it say who he's with at all?"

Nick looked at the letter again and shook his head, "Nope, just says he's leaving Genoa."

Jarrod stood up, "I'm going to send a telegram to the Pinkerton Agency right now. I'll be back as soon as I can!"

"Make sure the man knows to tell him what I really said!" Nick hollered as Jarrod opened the door.