Chapter Six

Tokyo, March 6, 2002

Haruka dropped Michiru off at the house. They'd been silent the rest of the way home. There was nothing more to be said. Michiru couldn't fight and Haruka wouldn't tolerate her in that condition.

Setsuna hurried out to the driveway as soon as she heard the car pull in. She took one look at Michiru in her tattered dress with her singed hair and burn-marked skin and turned to Haruka angrily.

"What the hell were you thinking, Haruka?"

"I was thinking she could fight," Haruka drawled, eyes hooded as her hand moved restlessly over the clutch. "Obviously, I was wrong."

She was apparently oblivious to the stream of abuse that followed her as she sped off into the night, and Michiru was a little shocked to see the normally elegant Setsuna screaming after her like a fishwife.

As Haruka's tail lights disappeared round the corner, Setsuna turned to Michiru and sighed, taking in her injuries with a concerned eye. "Come on," she said gently. "Let's get you cleaned up and you can tell me what happened."

Michiru resisted, however, as Setsuna tried to lead her into the house. "Hotaru," she said. "I don't want her to see me like this."

"Don't worry, she isn't here. After that stunt at dinner, everyone went back to Usagi's house to discuss the, er, situation."

"Speculate on whether Haruka and I would get back together again, you mean," Michiru translated wryly.

"Something like that," Setsuna agreed.

"And you?"

"I thought I'd better hold down the fort. In case of an emergency."

"Does this count as an emergency?"

Setsuna gave Michiru one of those inscrutable looks that she was still so annoyingly good at. "The emergency hasn't stopped since you went away."

Together, they went into the house and stepped into the concealed elevator that would take them down to the laboratory underneath. Setsuna had installed it not long after the war with Galaxia, installed rather than built because one day it wasn't there and the next day it was. The lab was hidden within another dimension, much like Professor Tamoe's facility had once been, which was probably where Setsuna had gotten the idea. When she'd first shown it to everyone, she explained that it would be the perfect location to analyse enemy samples, carry out experiments and treat battle-related injuries. In a way, its creation symbolised the recognition that all of them were growing up, becoming more accepting of their identities and their destinies. They knew that sooner or later another war would find them, and that a place like this could well be needed. It was part of an ongoing transformation that made them look more like an army and less like a bunch of teenage girls.

Part of the lab was set up as an infirmary, and Michiru still hated to remember those three and a half months she'd spent down here after the Battle of the Hill. Day after day she'd just lain in her bed in pain while Ami and Setsuna tried unsuccessfully to make her wound heal. Haruka lay unconscious in the next bed over, skin covered in bandages, breathing with the help of life support. The machine's quiet steady beep had been the solitary thin thread of sanity to which Michiru clung during those months, each precious breath echoing the anxious beating of her own heart. Usagi came regularly and used the Silver Crystal on both of them, which was probably the only reason neither of them died.

The day Haruka awakened and was well enough to have some of her bandages removed was perhaps the best and worst day of Michiru's life. Haruka still wouldn't talk to Michiru, or even look at her. When Michiru tried to touch her, she flinched away, just as she had in the aftermath of the battle. As soon as she could she left the infirmary and moved back upstairs, and after that Michiru was alone. All she had was her pain and her thoughts and her guilt. The knowledge that Haruka's injuries – that everyone's injuries – were in part her fault because she hadn't fallen into line when Uranus and Pluto demanded it of her. She'd failed in her first duty as a soldier – to protect the Princess. And it had nearly cost all of them their lives. She wasn't even surprised when her wound continued to trouble her, healing as a long, ugly scar that rarely stopped hurting. It was no more than she deserved, considering her actions.

Michiru was returned to the present by Setsuna placing a hand on her shoulder. The past faded away, and Michiru was in a white walled room with half a dozen empty beds.

"The bathrooms are through there," Setsuna advised her, as if she would have forgotten. "Go and have a shower, and I'll prepare something for your burns. You'll find towels and robes in the locker room."

Nodding dutifully, Michiru followed instructions and went to have her shower. The pain in her chest was fading, but her heart was beating nervously. She knew that Setsuna was going to ask her to de-robe so that she could examine her, and then she would see the scar. Michiru had never told her, or anyone, that it hadn't fully healed.

After her shower, Michiru re-entered the infirmary dressed in a white robe to find Setsuna wearing a pair of surgical gloves and unscrewing the top from a large jar of ointment. Michiru recognised it as the formula to help cure burns that Setsuna and Ami had invented together; almost a necessity considering their ongoing war against Metalia's overwhelmingly fiery minions.

"Are you okay to take the robe off?" asked Setsuna. "It will be easier to check you over that way."

"Setsuna, there's something I have to tell you."

Hearing the serious tone of Michiru's voice, Setsuna looked up at her with concern creeping into her eyes. "What is it?"

Michiru tried, but she couldn't find the words. She opened her mouth, closed it again, attempted to start over and failed. Finally she just undid the tie of her robe and let it drop to her feet, standing before Setsuna in nothing but a pair of underpants.

Unmistakably, Setsuna's gaze was drawn to the long, ugly scar on Michiru's chest. "Michiru," she whispered, "is that…"

"It's the scar from Haruka's Space Sword," Michiru confirmed in a dead voice.

Biting her lip, Setsuna placed the jar of burns cream down on a nearby bench. She reached out a hand before stopping, eyes flicking up to Michiru's face.

"…May I?"

"If you must."

Gentle fingers probed her. Michiru tensed as she felt the pain, but kept her face blank from long practice.

"I had no idea," said Setsuna. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Because I didn't see the point. I was very nearly mortally wounded with a mystical weapon, and there is no treatment that can undo what was done to me. That's why I fought so badly tonight. It still hurts. It hurt tonight far more than I expected. Almost as if it was reacting to the proximity of the sword."

Her expression grim, Setsuna picked up the burns cream again and began lathering it onto Michiru's skin; hands, arms, stomach, back, legs. Apparently the fire demons had done more damage than Michiru realised.

"You have to tell Haruka," said Setsuna. She gave Michiru a final inspection before indicating that she could resume her robe.

"No." Michiru's reply was sharp and decisive.

"Why not?"

"Because if she knows that I might never be able to fight properly again, she won't let me work with her. She has to believe I can improve."

Peeling off her gloves, Setsuna sighed. Michiru pulled her robe tightly about herself, feeling suddenly more vulnerable than when she was naked.

As obvious as it probably was that Michiru wanted to restore some of the bond she used to share with Haruka, it wasn't a subject she had yet broached directly with anyone, and she wasn't sure she was ready to do it now, either.

But what Setsuna said next surprised her.

"This is all my fault," the senshi of time stated quietly.

"Your fault? How so?"

"If I'd handled the situation better on the battlefield, it might not have come to this. I shouldn't have taken sides. I shouldn't have made Haruka feel she was justified in what she did."

"But she was justified," Michiru pointed out. "That's what makes it so difficult. That girl was too much of a risk, and she did go bad. She tried to kill the Princess and she nearly killed Haruka. Haruka was the one who paid for my mistake."

"Yet now she's fully healed and you're not. If someone's still paying here, it isn't her."

"What else can I do, Setsuna?" Tears were forming in Michiru's eyes, much to her embarrassment. "I know she won't forgive me."

Setsuna gave Michiru a considering look. "Did you know that Haruka's sword never relinquished your blood?"

"What?"

"After the battle, I was the one who collected your talismans. The mirror and the sword. Your blood was still on the Space Sword, and even though I tried to clean it off, it wouldn't go. It was like it had somehow gotten under the surface of the metal, and slowly, over about a month, the sword absorbed the blood into itself."

"But that's crazy," said Michiru, seriously shaken. "The sword's never done anything like that before, has it?"

"Not that I know of. But we still don't understand everything about our talismans and how they work. It could certainly explain why your body reacted to the sword, though."

"Does Haruka know?"

"I don't think so. I never told her."

"Why would the sword do something like that? What possible benefit could it have?"

"Maybe it was reacting to some unconscious desire on Haruka's part. Maybe it happened because whether she wants to admit it or not, Haruka can't let you go."

Michiru shook her head. "This is all very strange. I don't know what to make of it."

"Well, at any rate, this won't excuse Haruka from working with you. She's been ordered to do so by the Princess, and the Princess will find a way to make her comply."

"Oh, I'm sure she will," Michiru murmured, a little acidly.

"There's nothing going on between Haruka and Usagi," said Setsuna. Her voice was half soothing and half amused. "Usagi loves Mamoru just like she always has, and Haruka…"

"Yes, and Haruka?"

"Haruka's just confused."

"I've heard that before," said Michiru dryly.

"Look, Michiru, I won't tell Haruka about any of this if you don't want me to, but Usagi has to know. Haruka can't be allowed to go on treating you as she did tonight, and Usagi is the only one Haruka listens to these days."

"But what if I'm really no good, Setsuna? What if I can't ever fight again?"

"For once, I have no idea what the future holds, but I've been here to see the past two and a half years. As a fighting force, we've been failing. We've let ourselves become fractured, and that's as much our fault for rejecting you as it is yours for sheltering an Enemy. We need you, Michiru. We need to find a way to make ourselves whole again. And that is up to all of us, not just you."

"I just wish everything could go back to the way it was, when we were all a family. I miss those days."

Setsuna smiled sadly. "Me too," she said.

Usagi found herself standing on a windswept cliff high above the ocean. In the distance, she could see a city lighting up the darkness, and guessed she must be looking at Tokyo. Parked on the edge of the cliff, overlooking the sea, was a familiar yellow convertible.

She approached, and was soon close enough to make out a figure lying sprawled on the hood of the car, staring up at the sky. Sensing someone was nearby, the figure sat up sharply and looked quickly in her direction.

"It's only me, Haruka," Usagi said, continuing to move cautiously towards her most difficult soldier.

Haruka slithered off the hood of her car, crossing her arms and leaning back against the bumper bar. "I don't know what I should ask," she commented. "How did you get here, or how did you find me."

"I got a call from Setsuna." Joining Haruka, Usagi took a moment to admire the view, thinking how best to broach the subject at hand. She didn't want Haruka to just shut down on her; aside from anything else, none of them had the time for it. "She told me the fight against the Sparklers didn't go well. She thought you might need someone to talk to."

This statement was met with a quizzical gaze. "That isn't an answer."

"I thought about wanting to find you, and I got here. That's all."

"That's all? You always make the most complicated things sound so simple."

"Haruka. Just tell me what happened."

"Michiru screwed up," Haruka bit out shortly. "She couldn't fight properly. I don't want to work with her anymore."

"You don't have the option of not working with her. You're going to have to find a way to make it work."

In the moonlight, Usagi could see the tense line of Haruka's shoulders. She wasn't happy about being told what to do, especially in regards to this. Usagi could almost sense her will straining against the orders she'd been given.

Finally, she said gruffly, "I wish you'd never recalled her, Princess. She'll just mess everything up again."

"Everything's in a mess already," said Usagi. "Bringing Michiru back is supposed to fix things."

"Just like that?"

"No, not just like that, but you could try putting some effort in."

Haruka's frown was thunderous. "I can't trust her anymore. If she behaved like that once, she could again."

Usagi could feel her patience wearing thin. She knew Michiru's actions that night on the Hill had devastated Haruka. She could hardly not know given that it had torn her soldiers apart, but she could no longer indulge Haruka's childish selfishness when the entire fate of the world was most likely at stake.

"Michiru was only trying to protect an innocent girl," she pointed out. "If I'd been there, I would have supported her."

"If Michiru was so good and righteous, why didn't you protect her from us?" came the immediate counter. "Why did you let us exile her? You could have saved her, but you didn't. That's not exactly a ringing vote of confidence."

"Because," Usagi said softly. "I was afraid for her. You were all so angry that I was worried about what would happen to her if she stayed. I thought she might just end up getting even more hurt and feeling worse about what she'd done if you all kept reminding her of it and hating her. Besides, in those days I didn't want to be the leader. Not in the sense of giving orders and having them followed and overriding everyone else. So I went with what the majority wanted. But I think now that was a mistake, and I've realised that sometimes, whether I want it or not, I do have to be the one who makes the calls. And I'm prepared to make one of those calls now, if you keep refusing to cooperate."

Usagi finished with an ominous edge to her voice that was not lost upon Haruka. She felt a rather perverse glow of pride when those smoky blue eyes glanced towards her with trepidation showing in their depths. It had taken a long time and a lot of pain before she'd won the right to have Haruka take her seriously like that.

"What will you do to me?"

"Send you away, for the good of harmony within the ranks."

"You can't send me away, I'm your strongest fighter."

"Actually Saturn is my strongest fighter. She can't use the full extent of her powers like you can, but even so…Now that I have Neptune back, I'm quite prepared to see if she can do any better than you have these last two years. If you won't fight with her, she can take your place."

Rebellious eyes flashed at Usagi in the night, but her words had the desired effect. She could feel Haruka's stubborn will wavering. It would wound her honour to be sent away, to have Neptune possibly succeed in her absence in the war against Metalia. And then also, she wouldn't be around to protect the Princess as she believed only she could.

The grinding of teeth was almost audible. "Fine," Haruka spat gracelessly. "I'll try again."

"Good. And treat Neptune with respect from now on. You trust me, and I trust her. If you really do have faith in me, you have to believe I know what I'm doing."

"You know I trust you, Usagi, it's just…"

"She hurt you."

"No, she hurt you. She nearly got you killed."

Having been down this road of denial before with Haruka, Usagi gave up on that conversation before it got both of them sidetracked. "There is one more thing," she said.

Haruka looked at her inquiringly. "Yes?"

"You can't use the Space Sword when you fight with Michiru."

"What? Why not."

"Because it hurts her. That's why she fought so badly tonight."

"What do you mean it hurts her?" Haruka's tone was belligerent.

"I mean it causes her physical pain when you use it in her presence. She feels an echo of whatever you do to your enemies."

There was a lot about the sword Usagi deliberately left out. She didn't explain about the blood and Michiru's scar; she sensed that was too personal for her to get involved with. But she did want Haruka to be absolutely clear on why she couldn't use the sword. The sky senshi had to realise at least something of what Michiru was going through, and learn to be a bit more considerate.

Usagi felt more than saw Haruka's reaction. Dismay began to radiate from her as she thought back over the evening, reassessing her own callous behaviour in light of the new knowledge of Michiru's condition.

"I had…no idea," she said haltingly.

"No, neither did Michiru. Not until it happened."

"But that's…Why would the sword do that?"

"I don't know. Setsuna is looking into it."

Haruka sighed. With relief, Usagi recognised it as the sound that signalled surrender. "All right. I won't use the sword until Setsuna figures out what's going on. Obviously I don't want to be hurting Michiru every time we fight."

A short silence settled, filled with the muffled booming of the waves. Usagi waited, knowing Haruka was going to speak.

"I never wanted that girl to die, Usagi."

"I know that, Haruka."

"But it was a choice between her life and yours, and I couldn't lose you."

"Michiru might have been right," countered Usagi. "The Silver Crystal might have been able to restore Tamiko to herself. It might have been able to save her planet."

"You never would have gotten close enough to use it. The very sight of you was what awakened the evil of Metalia."

"I wasn't prepared. If I'd been ready…"

Haruka thumped her knee in frustration. "I'm so sick of going over this. There's a thousand ways things might have unfolded differently, but they didn't. I wanted to destroy the girl, Michiru disagreed, the two of us fought and I nearly killed her. I have to live with that, as much as she has to live with the repercussions of protecting Tamiko."

It was almost more than Usagi could bear to hear the deep and terrible sadness that tinged Haruka's tone; the resigned hopelessness in her voice. She'd given up believing that things could ever be any better than this, and Usagi would have made the moon itself turn backwards in the sky if she thought it could give hope back to her. But there was only one thing she could try.

"Haruka," she said, glad of the darkness that hid her rising blush, "There's something I want to show you. I've never shown it to anyone before, and it's kinda embarrassing, but maybe it will remind you of…how things could be."

She took an envelope out of her pocket and handed it to the curious Haruka. "Be careful, it's full of rose petals."

Gingerly, Haruka opened the flap of the envelope, shielding it with her hand to stop the petals escaping. The scent of roses surrounded them, sweet and faded like a book of old photographs. Usagi could tell that Haruka remembered that scent. Her voice was husky when she spoke.

"The roses that used to fall…When Michiru and I fought together. It's been a long time since I've known that scent. I'd almost forgotten…"

"I collected those after a fight," said Usagi, still slightly pink at the memory. "One of the daimon battles, early on. I somehow thought it would help me understand you better. And also…I admired Uranus and Neptune, even then. Your abilities, your commitment, your loyalty to one another. I wanted so much to be like you."

Her expression growing stony, Haruka tipped the envelope upside down. Usagi cried out in dismay as the brittle petals were swept up by the wind, soaring out over the cliff edge to fall into the swelling sea foam far below.

Haruka returned the empty envelope to her. It still smelt of rose petals. "Those days are gone, Princess," she said in a regretful voice. "And they're not coming back. Don't dream of what isn't possible."

"You still love her, Haruka."

"No, I don't." In a move that was almost violent in its suddenness Haruka turned to Usagi, cupping her cheek in her hand. Her fingers were firm and knowing against Usagi's skin, radiating heat and an almost arrogant promise of sensuality. Intense blue eyes searched her face from beneath straw coloured bangs. "I love you," Haruka proclaimed. "I know you don't return my feelings, I know you don't want to be with me, but I don't mind. I just want to be near you. That's all. That's enough."

Usagi swallowed, surprise freezing her limbs. This was the first time Haruka had ever been so direct with her. Always plenty of innuendo and flirting, but never an avowal of love. Her heart was beating hard just at the passionate sincerity of her touch, her piercing gaze.

No wonder women fell for Haruka like flies.

Yet somehow, Usagi still didn't think it was real. It wasn't a coincidence that this declaration had come now, hard on the heels of Michiru's return. All that she was seeing was Haruka furnishing herself with more armour against the feelings she wouldn't allow herself to have for Michiru.

Covering Haruka's hand with her own, Usagi felt tears of compassion gather in the corners of her eyes. Haruka started at the gesture, and maybe at the sight of Usagi's tears glinting in the moonlight. Her sure touch faltered and she began to tremble, burying her face in Usagi's shoulder as the mask of her reserve cracked. Then she cried, in great choking sobs that shook her whole body, and Usagi comforted her as best she could.