Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own the boys, or anything related to the show. This is all just for fun.
Review Response:
J: Thanks again for the kind review. I hope the story continues to be go to your liking. And I hope you enjoy this chapter.
And thanks to du1387, dreamgirl193, rholou, Elle452 for your kind reviews.
Little nervous about this chapter, not sure if you'll all like it. But again this is my first attempt at supernatural fanfiction. And I'd love to know what you all think, reviews would be awesome. So if you don't like what I'm doing to the story, and/or let me know if you're still liking it. Thanks.
Chapter Note: The timeline may be a little different. I don't think it's been six months, but for the sake of the story, I am saying it's been six months since Dean finished his job in New Orleans.
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CHAPTER 5 - FAITH
After leaving Lawrence, Dean thought he'd never be able to think straight. That night, seeing his mom, he felt like he was drowning, he couldn't breath. But things have changed. It only takes getting shot with rock-salt, having your brother leave you, getting kidnapped by a town full of nut jobs, and almost sacrificed to a pagan god to make you forget about the scary man in your head, the weakness you feel in your gut, and make you forget about the need to self inflict some pain.
Now Dean lays alone, in a hospital bed, flipping through the channels of a television that is set up at the foot of his bed. The doctor just told him he's dying. Any normal person would be upset, cry. But Dean is exhausted. Exhausted of hiding, exhausted trying so hard every damn day to be what is excepted of him. But he doesn't want to die. For the most obvious reason, Sam. Sam's already lost so much, so fast. For him to lose Dean before finding their father, he might just break.
Sam's probably getting the news from the doctor right now, which makes Dean uncomfortable. He knows he hasn't exactly been a very good brother to Sam later. But Dean already is not looking forward to Sam entering his room.
After running through hundreds of possible of conversations and reactions, Dean doesn't feel any more prepared to handle how Sam might be when he walks into his room. Dean just has to be himself, the self he created that is.
Sam finally enters Dean's hospital room. As expected, he looks a mess. Like he's trying so hard to keep from breaking in front of Dean. Like he's trying to be brave, trying to be the strong big brother in this situation. Which makes Dean that much more uncomfortable. He hates being seen as weak in anyone's eyes, especially his family.
Sam didn't expect to see his brother so pale and fragile looking. It took every strength that Sam had to keep the tears at bay. He has yet to notice the scar on Dean's arm that stand out against Dean's flesh. The wounded healed now, and ugly, just as Dean anticipated. The hospital shirt not quite covering it. And if Sam really wanted to take the time, he could probably find thin, pale, white lines covering Dean's pale arms. But they are so faint, he probably won't notice them, to Dean's relief.
Dean keeps his focus on the television, even though he knows Sam is in the room. "Have you ever actually watched daytime TV? It's terrible."
Sam sighs. Doesn't surprise him that Dean's sticking to the humor attempts to mask what he's really feel. "I talked to your doctor." Sam tells Dean, even though he's sure Dean already knows that.
"That fabric softener teddy bear. Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down." Dean keeps his attention on the television, not wanting to see the wretched look he can only assume his displayed on his brother's face.
"Dean." Please look at me. Sam thought, leaving the words hanging in the air unsaid.
"Yeah." Dean turns off the TV and finally looks at brother. "Alright, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me."
"What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you." Sam can't believe Dean is just giving up. He can't have this conversation. Sam feels like the walls of the room are closing in on him.
"Hey, you better take care of that car. Or I swear, I'll haunt your ass." Dean says, as he tries to smile. He knows he shouldn't be joking right now, but it's all he can do.
"I don't think that's funny." Sam says, as he fight so desperately not to cry. He needs to be strong, for both of them.
"Oh come on, it's a little funny." Dean replies, still trying to keep the mood light. But when he really looks at his brother, he can see how much pain he's in. "Look, Sammy, what can I say man. It's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story."
"Don't talk like that, alright. We still have options." Sam says with determination. He is not willing to watch another person he loves die.
"What options? Yeah, burial or cremation." Dean's not trying to be cruel, but he doesn't want his brother to have any false hope. Hope, miracles, they don't exist. "And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it."
"Watch me." Sam states coldly.
Both brothers go quiet. The room being filled with an awkward silence. After a moment Sam pulls up a chair and sits down at the edge of Dean's bed. After taking a few deep breaths, Sam looks up to Dean again. This time taking a good look at him, noticing for the first time the scar on Dean's arm.
"Where did that come from?" Sam asks, his voice low and soft. His emotions still fighting to break free.
"What?" Dean looks over to Sam, confused.
Sam points to Dean's arm, and Dean follows his eye line. He looks at the scar on his arm, shit, shit, shit.
"That? It looks new. It also doesn't look like it was treated." Sam says, waiting.
"Oh, that. Yeah, um...you remember I told you about my solo hunt before picking you up from...from Stanford." Dean hates bring up Stanford, it still feels to soon. The place still is a strong reminder of Jess.
But Sam is trying hard to suppress all his emotions, and frowns. He looks to the floor, his hands fidgeting on his lap. He knows it's weird to just start such a casual conversation, but it's something Sam desperately needs right now.
"I remember you telling me you were in New Orleans, but you never gave me any details. Things got a little crazy. I forgot to ask about it, and you never brought it up. I just assumed it was a regular job." Sam says.
"It was." Dean says, trying to buy a little more time as his mind formulates a lie. "Had a run in with this crazy voodoo, black magic bitch. She cut me pretty good with this insane looking danger before I did her in."
The room goes silent again, and Dean is holding his breath without really meaning to. Hoping Sam believes his fabricated story.
Sam frowns, and Dean begins to panic, thinking Sam sees through his bullshit. "Huh. So...why didn't you stitch it up?" Sam says, still not looking at Dean.
Dean quietly lets out of shaky breath, relieved. "Oh, um...that's when dad kind of dropped off the face of the earth. Stitches myself up after the hunt was done wasn't really high up on my list of things to do."
"Makes sense I guess." Sam continues to stare off at nothing.
"Look, I know this is tough. If the situation was reversed I'd probably go insane trying to find a way to save you. But that's just it Sam, there's no cure for this. You're just going to have to let me go. Maybe go back to school, start a new..." Dean is cut off as Sam stands up abruptly, knocking his chair to the ground.
"Don't you fucking dare tell me to just start a new life." Sam stares at Dean for a moment, as tears finally start to escape down his face. He mentally curses himself and looks away from Dean.
"I'm going back to the motel. You should get some rest. And I'll be back when I find a way to save you." Sam doesn't wait for a response from Dean as he storms out of the room.
Dean is shocked, but not completely surprised.
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Sam is sitting on a bed in their motel room. The bed is covered in research; printed documents, as well has hand written notes. Sam's laptop is also open in front of him.
Sam is holding back tears as he tightly presses his cellphone to his ear, listening to his father's voicemail. He takes a deep breath before leaving his message, trying hard not to break down on the phone.
"Hey Dad. It's Sam. Uh...you probably won't even get this, but...It's Dean. He's sick, and uh...the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um...but, uh, they don't know the things we know, right? So don't worry, cause, uh...I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. Alright...just wanted you to know." Sam hangs up the phone, and tosses onto the bed in front of him.
Sam takes a deep breath and scrubs a hand over his face. His eyes are filled with tears, that are desperate to escape down his face.
There's a knock at the door. Sam jumps, tears making their way down his face with the abrupt movement. Sam takes the time to wipe his face, cleaning off the tears, as he slowly makes his way towards the door. He's shocked to see Dean standing outside when he opens the door.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam demands, noting Dean's appearance. He looks worse than when he left him back at the hospital.
"I checked myself out." Dean smiles as he painfully tries to stand up from the wall he's currently leaning against.
"What, are you crazy?" Sam puts out a hand to help, and is surprised when Dean doesn't automatically pulls away.
"Well, I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot." Dean says as he enters the motel room, shrugging Sam off once he gets his balance.
Sam watches Dean enters the motel room, not bother to follow as he closes the door.
"You know, this whole 1-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it." Sam says as he notices Dean no longer making an effort to move, leaning against the near by table.
"Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me." Dean allows Sam to help him into the chair next to the table he is currently leaning against.
Once Dean is settled in, Sam sits down on the bed across from Dean, minding all the paper.
"I've been scouring the Internet the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal." Sam smiles, trying not to cry. The last three days have been hell. Desperate searching for a cure as Dean gives up in the hospital.
"For what?" Dean asks as he tries not to concentrate on the pain.
"For a way to help you. One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist." Sam says with a hint of hope in his voice.
"You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you?" Dean doesn't want to get his hopes up, but he's willing to go along with Sam if that's what his brother needs.
"I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going." Sam gets off the bed and starts picking off his research.
Dean groans. "Not this second, right?"
Sam looks over to Dean, who is clearly exhausted from his hospital escaped. "First thing in the morning."
"Good." Dean relaxes back into the chair.
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The Impala pulls up outside of a large white tent. There are several people, most of which look very sick, who are making their way towards the tent.
Dean opens the passenger door and sees a sign that reads; "The Church of Roy LeGrange. Faith Healer. Witness the Miracle." Dean rolls his eyes, and lets out an annoyed groan. A faith healer, his brother brought to a damn faith healer. He was pissed.
Sam quickly makes his way around the car to Dean, as Dean tries to get out by himself.
"I got ya." Sam says and he helps Dean out of the car. Dean grunts in pain.
Once Dean is standing he pulls free from Sam. "I got it."
Sam lets go of Dean, a little hurt, but not at all surprised.
"Man, you are a lying bastard. Thought you said we were going to see a doctor." There was no way he was walking into that damn tent. Dean is pissed, because he knew he really didn't have a choice. He agreed to come in order to help his brother deal with his death any way her could. But this was just ridiculous.
"I believe I said a specialist. Look, Dean, this guy's supposed to be the real deal." Sam says as they slowly start to make their way towards the tent. He knows he should have been more specific before they left, but he knew Dean would never have gone for this. And Sam was desperate.
"I can't believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent." Dean is really pissed. Sure, he doesn't want to die, but he knew for a fact that this was a crock of shit.
"Revered LeGrange is a great man." Dean hears some woman says as she passes them.
"Yeah, that's nice." Dean says, his voice dripping thickly with sarcasm.
As Sam and Dean get closer to the tent, they pass an angry man who is the middle of a heated discussion with a sheriff.
"I have a right to protest. This man is a fraud. And he's bilking all these people out of their hard-earned money." The man shouts.
"Sir, this is a place of worship. Let's go. Move it." The sheriff says, as he starts to pull the man away from the tent.
"I take it he's not part of the flock." Dean says to Sam.
"When people see something they can't explain, there's controversy." Sam's not sure he believe either, but he has no other option. He needs this to be real so badly.
"I mean, come on Sam, a faith healer?" Dean knows arguing with Sam right now is pointless, but he's not going into that tent without bugging Sam as much as possible.
"Maybe it's time to have a little faith, Dean." Sam sure knows he probably has more than enough faith for the both of them right now.
"You know what I've got faith in? Reality. Knowing what's really going on." Dean is simply surprised that Sam is actually serious. But desperation is a scary thing sometimes.
"How can you be a skeptic? With the things we see everyday?" Sam asks.
"Exactly. We see them, we know they're real." Dean stops in front of the tent, trying to delay Sam's disappointment.
Sam stops, knowing Dean's stalling. "But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe good's out there too?"
"Because I've seen what evil does to good people." Dean says sadly. His family definitely included.
"Maybe God works in mysterious ways." Dean turns to see a young blond woman standing in front of the tent entrance, looking at him.
Dean admits she's attractive, even if he's not in the mood to be a gigantic flirt, he puts on the facade. "May he does."
Layla smiles. "I think you just turned me around on the subject." Dean says, hoping his smile comes off a genuine and not forced.
"Yeah, I'm sure." Layla says, still smiling.
Dean extends a hand towards Layla. "I'm Dean. This is Sam." Layla shakes his hand.
"Layla. So, if you're not a believer, then why are you here?" Layla asks.
"Well, apparently my brother here believes enough for the both of us." Dean looks over to his brother for a moment, before smiling at Layla again.
Before Layla can say anything, her mother approaches. "Come on Layla. It's about to starts.
Layla smiles and follows her mother into the tent.
"Well, I bet you she can work in some mysterious ways." Dean smiles.
Sam smiles, shaking his own. Only Dean can remain like this while facing down death.
They both enter the tent and they both freeze in the entrance. Dean looks over the crowded tent. So many sick people, all hoping for a miracle. He almost feels sick. He then notices a security camera on a wall in the corner of the tent. He nudges Sam in the arm, and points towards towards the camera.
"Yeah, peace, love and trust all over." Dean says.
Sam looks over to the security camera as Dean starts to move towards some open seats in front of them. Sam notices Dean's movements and sees that Dean is planning on sitting in the back, which definitely won't work.
"Come on." Sam grabs Dean gently by the arm.
"What are you doing? Let's sit here." If they can just sit through this thing, and go by unnoticed, Sam can then see that this Roy fellow is a complete hack and start dealing with the inevitable.
"We're sitting up front." Sam starts to walk towards the front of the tent, towards the stage. He gentle pulls Dean along with him.
"What? Why?" Dean verbally protests, unable to psychically pull away. Not wanting to hurt his brother anymore.
"Come on." Sam and Dean make their way to the front of the room.
"Oh, come on Sam." Dean is getting upset. Both angry and uncomfortable as they get closer to the front of the room.
"You alright?" Sam asks.
"This is ridiculous. I'm good dude, get off me." Dean pushes Sam away from his as they are near the front of the tent. He then sees Sam point to two empty seats behind Layla and he mother. Which would put them in the second row.
"Perfect." Sam says with a smile as he walks towards the chairs.
"Yeah, perfect." Dean says, sarcastically. He looks around the room again at all the sick people, and he begins to feel uneasy again.
"You take the aisle." Sam says as he takes his seat. Not waiting for Dean to respond.
Dean takes his seat as Roy LeGrange gets up on stage to start the service. This is when Dean notices that Roy is blind, as he's wearing sunglasses. His wife walks onstage next to him.
The crowd goes quiet, in anticipation of Roy's words.
"Each morning, my wife, Sue Ann, reads me the news. Never seems good does it?" Roy asks, and the crow voices their agreement. "Seems like there's always someone committing some immoral, unspeakable act."
Dean's never had a problem with religious figures. His father being friends with a hunter/pastor, Jim Murphy, who Dean stayed with sometimes when he and Sam were too young to go hunting with their father. But the man standing in front of Dean now...he can't believe it. Being religious is one thing, but using other people's faith to pray on the sick, is just...well, sick, Dean thinks.
Sam on the other hand is busy looking at what is on stage with Roy. There is a table filled with crosses and other religious items. His attention, however, is quickly drawn to an old cross that has another cross on top with a circle around it.
"But I say to you, God is watching. God rewards the good, and he punishes the corrupt." Roy says, as the crowds answers with nodding, cheering and murmuring. "Who does the healing here, friends? The Lord, who guides me in choosing who to heal by helping me see into people's hearts."
The crowd murmurs around Dean, and he's amazed that everyone in the room believes the words out of this guys mouth. "Yeah, or into their wallets." Dean says quietly to Sam.
Sam is not impressed. He simply ignores his brother, hoping no one else heard. If only he was that lucky.
"You think so, young man?" Roy asks, as the church goes completely silent.
Dean looks around, embarrassed. "Sorry."
"No, no. Don't be. Just watch what you say around a blind man, we've got real sharp ears." The crowd laughs at Roy's attempt at a joke. "What's your name, son?"
Dean's hesitates. He doesn't want to be on Roy's radar. He wanted to go by unnoticed. Let Sam watch Roy's failed attempts at healing a stranger. Not this. "Dean."
"Dean. I want...I want you to come up here with me." Roy says, as Sue Ann smiles, welcoming Dean.
The crowd claps and cheers, making Dean even that much more uncomfortable. He can't see Layla and her mother's looks of disappoint as Layla is yet again looked over.
"No, that's okay." Dean says, knowing his brother is going to be upset. Even if this guy is the real deal, there are so many people in this room. So many more people, much more deserving.
"What are you doing?" Sam asks. Clearly pissed already.
"You've come here to be healed, haven't you?" Roy asks, his hand extended, trying to encourage Dean to come on stage.
"Well, yeah, but..." The crowd cheers some more, making Dean's voice falter. "No, maybe you should just pick someone else."
The crowd claps loudly, trying to also encourage Dean to take the stage. Why are these people clapping? Dean wonders, don't they want to be healed, shouldn't they be upset that they aren't being chosen.
"Oh no, I didn't pick you Dean, the Lord did." Roy says, still extending his hand for Dean.
The crowd continues to clap and yell out encouragements. Sam is starting to get excited, he really didn't expect them to get picked on their first day. He nudges Dean. "Get up there!"
Dean is reluctant, but he can't deny Sam this. His brother looks so hopeful. Dean wishes he could beat this prick for what he is doing do these people, and to his brother. And he'd probably do it too, if he was absolutely positive the whole room would most definitely mob him. So Dean slowly get off his chair and makes his way to the stage, looking very uncomfortable.
Once on stage, Roy smiles. "You ready?" He asks.
"Look, no disrespect, but I'm not exactly a believer." Dean tells Roy.
"You will be, son. You will be. Pray with me, friends." Roy says and he lifts up his hands.
The crowd follows Roy, by lifting up their arms and joining hands with each other. Roy then places a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean and Sam both are extremely nervous. Both wanting this to work for the sake of the other brother.
Roy's hand moves to Dean's forehead. Dean is getting more and more uncomfortable. If he prayed, he would so that Sam wouldn't have to face this. But Dean knows this is only going to cause Sam more pain. After a moment of feeling ridiculous, with a strange man's hand on his forehead, Dean suddenly starts to feel odd.
"Alright, now. Alright, now." Roy says, clearly aware of what is taking place.
Dean starts to feel weak and dizzy. He closes his eyes, hoping to stop this feeling, but this only results in him slowly falling to his knees as Roy continues to speak.
Dean tries so hard to stay up straight, not liking the feel that has washed over him. No matter how hard Dean fight, he soon collapses onto the floor. The crowd cheers loudly.
"Dean!" Sam shouts, as he rushes to the stage. Sam shakes Dean, started to freak out. What the hell just happened.
Dean then suddenly busts awake, gasping for breath.
"Say something." Sam yells, still panicking. There's something in Dean's eyes that is unsettling.
Dean tries to get the room to stop spinning. As his vision clears he sees an old, who's clearly dead, on the stage next to Roy. The man is dressed in a black suit, and has white hair. He looks at Dean for a moment before vanishing, leaving Dean completely shocked.
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Sam and Dean are waiting in a hospital room. Dean is completely silent. He can't shake this feeling he has. Something about Roy and what happened in that tent just isn't right.
But Dean is also uneasy about being in a hospital again. When he was brought in after being electrocuted, he was in and out of it for some long, he barely was able to register where he was. And then when he finally was able to, he was told he was going to die.
Dean's never liked hospitals, but now he's getting more uncomfortable. Last time he was in a hospital was after he finished his job in New Orleans. He normally hates hospital, and didn't want to go to one back then. But after he was...attack, if that's what you'd call it. He knew he had no choice. All his tests came by clean but...somethings, he was told, don't show up until much later.
But if he's going to die, he doesn't have to worry about any of that.
Sam however, is a bundle of nerves for a totally different reason. Sure, like Dean, he too isn't a big fan of hospital. But now, he had a good feeling, he was staying positive.
"So, you really feel okay?" Sam asks for like the hundredth time.
Dean has no idea how long they've been waiting. "I feel fine Sam." Dean replies, no emotion in his voice.
A nurse then enters the room, looking over some paperwork.
"Well, according to all your tests, there's nothing wrong with your heart. No sign there ever was." The nurse tells the boys.
Dean is confused. He should be happy, but...how is this possible. Sam on the other had is very, very happy.
"Not that a man your age should be having heart trouble, but, still it's strange, it does happen." The nurse continues.
"What do you mean, strange?" Dean asks.
"Well, just yesterday, a young guy like you, twenty-seven, athletic. Out of nowhere, heart attack." The nurse tells Dean.
"Thanks, Doc." Dean replies, now filled with a new level of concern.
"Oh, no problem." The nurse then leaves.
"That's odd." Dean says, not looking at his brother.
"Maybe it's a coincidence. People's hearts give out all the time, man." Sam says, not wanting to push the subject. Dean is healthy, he's happy, that's all that matters, right?
"No, they don't." Dean states.
"Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on?" Sam asks.
"Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why." Dean says, as he finally looks at his brother.
"What feeling?" Sam asks. Not wanting to upset his brother.
"When I was healed, I just...I felt wrong. I felt cold. And for a second, I saw someone. This, uh, this old man. And I'm telling you, Sam, it was a spirit." Dean said with a new found determination.
"But if there was something there, Dean, i think I would've seen it too. I mean, I've been seeing an awful lot of things lately." Sam admits, not likely to bring up the psychic thing.
"Well, excuse me, psychic wonder. But you're just gonna need a little faith on this one. Sam, I've been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this." Dean says, not wanted to get into an argument with his little brother right now, but Sam is leaving him no choice.
"Yeah, alright." Sam says reluctantly. "So, what do you wanna do?"
"I want you to go check out the heart attack guy. I'm gonna visit the reverend." Dean tells Sam.
"Be careful Dean, don't do something stupid." Sam says.
Dean ignores the comment and fishes his car keys out of his pocket. "Here, take the Impala. I'll take a cab."
Sam looks at Dean with suspicion, confused.
"What?" Dean asks.
"Nothing, um...are you sure you're okay?" Sam asks, suddenly getting a strange vibe from his older brother.
"Yeah, I just...can't shake this feeling. And still a little dizzy at times, so I don't want to drive." Dean lies. He needs to do something more at the hospital and can't have Sam around.
"Okay." Sam takes the car keys from Dean.
Dean stays seated as he takes out of cellphone. Sam is at the doorway when he realizes Dean isn't following him. He looks back at his brother. "Aren't you coming?"
"Yeah, I'm just going to call a cab. You can go ahead. I'll meet you back at the motel." Dean looks down at his cellphone, flipping it open. Ignoring his brother's concerned stare.
"Okay." Sam says and slowly leaves the room.
Dean exhales a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Now that he wasn't dying, he did need to take care of himself. He knew this day was coming sooner or later. It's been a little over six months since the incident in New Orleans. It doesn't feel like it's already been that long, but a lot has happened in that time. Besides, who knows when he'll have be able to get rid of his brother again in order to visit a clinic. Well, that's no really true. Dean's good at deceiving those around him, so...but this is much convenient, so he might as well get it over with.
Dean knows he should be focused on this Roy LeGrange thing, but he can't completely focus on that if he doesn't get this done. He's been denying what happened to him, and he still is in a way. He still can admit it to himself, and he definitely can't talk to Sam. But he's hasn't completely suppressed the event. He knows generally what happened, even if he doesn't completely remember the event.
Dean is slightly shaking as the nurse re-enters the room carrying a pile of charts, and surprised to see Dean still seating there.
"Oh, I thought you left. Was there something else you needed to discuss?" She asks.
Dean clears his though. "Yeah, and I couldn't do this with my brother around."
"Okay, what's the problem?" The nurse takes out Dean's chart from the pile.
"Um...this is kind of embarrassing." Dean smiles sheepishly. He's cover story already mapped out in his mind. "A little over six months ago, I was at bar. And um...I ended up at some guy's motel room. We were both really drunk. Or else...I'm straight, so."
"Okay, you don't have to justify anything to me, sir. Just...take your time." The nurse smiles, trying to reassure her patient.
"I don't think protection was used, like I said, we were drunk...and uh, like I said, I don't...not with men." Dean takes a deep breath. He hands now shaking like crazy. "I know all about the risks, and I did get tested and everything after the fact. But the doctor told me that HIV or AIDS, I don't..."
"That sometimes the disease doesn't show until after six months?" The nurse supplies.
"Yeah, see...my brother doesn't know about this. And he's been through a lot later so I don't leave him alone that often. So...plus I'm here." Dean tries to smile through his nerves.
"Was it consensual?" The nurse asks as she writes somethings down on Dean's cart.
"What?" Dean is surprised. Not sure if he heard her correctly.
"Was the sex consensual?" The nurse repeats as she looks back at Dean, from his chart.
"I didn't...I would never do that to someone." Dean says, not believe what he's hearing.
"I know that, sir. I didn't mean to confuse you. Men that are the predators in this situation don't usually care about this stuff. And they don't tend to act the way you are right now. You don't have to be ashamed, it's not..." Dean shakes his head, cutting the nurse off.
"No, he didn't...that's not what happened." Dean says, trying to keep his voice level.
The nurse doesn't push the subject. "Okay, we can run some blood work. It will take a couple days to get the results back."
"I don't know how long I'll be staying in town. Can I simply leave my cell number, and you can call me with the results." Dean asks.
"Of course. Wait here, I'll get what we need." The nurse says as she leaves the room.
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Dean has pushed his hospital visit into the back of his mind. Sure, he's freaked. But if he's healthy, that's that. No more need to stress over what happened. Nothing happened! Besides, having run into Layla, he now can't think of anything else. What she must be going through.
Dean enters the motel room to find Sam already there, on his laptop.
"What'd you find out?" Dean asks, not wasting any time.
"I'm sorry" Sam does not look up from the laptop as Dean approaches.
Dean can tell he's not going to like what Sam has to tell him. Why not have more bad news today. "Sorry about what?" Dean asks.
Sam finally looks up from the laptop. "Marshall Hall died at 4:17." Sam states.
"The exact time I was healed." Dean replies, a little stunned.
Dean stands in front of the table as Sam speaks. "Yeah. So, I put together a list of everyone Roy's healed. Six people over the past year, and I cross-checked them with the local obits." Sam hands Dean a pile of research. Dean finally takes a seat across from Sam.
"Every time someone was healed, someone else died. And each time, the victim died of the same symptom LeGrange was healing at the time." Sam continues. Still not impressed that this became a hunt, why couldn't they catch a break for once.
"Someone's healed of cancer, someone else dies of cancer?" Dean asks.
"Somehow. LeGrange...he's trading a life for another." Sam really didn't want this to be a case, knowing this would destroy Dean. Dean always takes loosing civilians very seriously. Always extra hard on himself, always thinking that if he just tried a little harder. So now...
"Wait, wait, wait. So, Marshall Hall died to save me?" Dean is trying to figure this out. No, this can't...no.
"Dean, the guy probably would've died anyway. And someone else would've been healed." Sam knows this won't change the guilt Dean is feeling. But it is the truth.
"You never should've brought me here." Dean gets up and turns away from Sam. Things just keep piling up. The walls feel like they are closing in, and fast. Limiting Dean's air.
"Dean, I was just trying to save your life." Sam can only imagine what might be running through Dean's mind right now. Sam's at a lose. He doesn't regret what he did. How can he?
"But, Sam, some guy is dead now because of me." Dean turns to face Sam. If he can just concentrate on his anger and nothing more, maybe, just maybe, he can get through this conversation.
"I didn't know." Sam sadly replies.
Dean turns his back to Sam again, starting to pace the room. Dean is having a hard time breathing, but he's trying to stay calm. He can't have a panic attack, Sam most definitely will not ignore a second one after what happened in Lawrence.
Sam can tell that Dean is upset, and shaking, so he does the only thing he can think of. He does what he's brother would want. Not what his mind is screaming at him to do.
"The thing I don't understand is how is Roy doing it? How's he trading a life for a life?" Sam asks.
"Oh, he's not doing it." Dean says angrily.
"What do you mean?" Sam asks.
"The old man I saw on stage. I didn't wanna believe it, but deep down I knew it." Dean says.
"You knew what? What are you talking about?" Sam demands. Not wanting to sound impatient, he doesn't want to push his brother right now.
"There's only one thing that can give and take life like that. We're dealing with a reaper." Dean tells his brother.
Dean sits down on his bed, and runs a hair through his hair as he exhales a long and frustrated breath.
"Dean?" Sam asks cautiously.
"Don't Sam. We're on a job now." Dean states coldly. "Son of a bitch."
Dean gets off the bed and heads out the door.
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Dean is devastated. Why is all this happening. Layla is a good woman, she doesn't deserve this.
After learning Sue Ann is the one controlling it, Sam took off to stop her.
After Dean shakes the officer's. He walks the parking lot hoping he bought Sam enough time. That's when he seems him, the reaper. And he's staring right at him.
This can only mean one thing. Sue Ann changed the mark. She's going to exchange his life for Layla's. Dean just freezes. He doesn't want to leave Sam, but Layla deserves to live. Dean doesn't even fight it, not sure if he wants to. He doesn't want to die, does he?
But then, before Dean can decide, the Reaper back off, all on his own. Dean gasps for air as he's released. He should be relieve, but his heart aches.
Dean feels numb. He barely feels connect to world as Sam drive the Impala back to their motel.
The next day, they are packed up and Dean's barely said a word since Sam destroyed Sue Anne's hold on the Reaper.
"What is it?" Sam asks, wanting Dean to open up to him just a little, just this once.
"Nothing." Dean says, disconnected.
"What is it?" Sam repeats, a little stronger.
Dean sighs and faces his brother. "We did the right thing here, didn't we?"
Sam almost wants to cry for his brother, the pain he feels.
"Of course we did." Sam forces out in a neutral tone.
"Doesn't feel like it." Dean goes back to packing. There's a knock on the door.
"I got it." Sam says, knowing who's there. Hoping he made the right decision, and this doesn't send Dean off the deep end. "Hey, Layla. Come on in."
Layla smiles and enters the room.
"Hey." Layla says, directing her hello mainly to Dean.
Dean turns to see Layla standing in the room, he's confused. He looks at his brother for a moment before returning his attention to Layla. "Hey, how'd you know we were here?" He asks, already knowing the answer to his question.
"Um, Sam called. He said you wanted to say goodbye." Layla says.
Sam smiles, weakly. "I'm gonna grab a soda." He says, before leaving the room.
"So, um...where are you going?" She asks.
"Don't know yet. Our work kind of takes us all over." He replies.
Layla nods. There's a small silence before Layla speaks again. "You know, I went back to see Roy."
"What happened?" He asks. His mind really wanted to know why Sam would do this. Sure there's closure, but this is just painfully cruel.
"Nothing." The sit down, side by side on the bed as she continues to speak. "I mean, he laid his hand on my forehead, but nothing happened."
"I sorry. I'm sorry it didn't work." Dean feels a familiar pain in his chest. Guilt, grief.
"And Sue Ann. She's dead, you know? Stroke." Layla says.
"Yeah, I heard. I mean, Roy's a good man. He doesn't deserve what's happen." Dean says, not sure why he's saying these thing. There's something about Layla. He wants to save her with ever fiber of his being, but there is absolutely nothing he can do.
"It must be rough. To believe in something so much, and have it disappoint you like that." Not sure if he's only just speaking Roy anymore.
"You wanna hear something weird?" She asks.
"Hm?" Dean looks at Layla.
"I'm okay. Really. I guess, if you're gonna have faith, you can't just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it wen they don't." She tells him.
"So, what now?" Dean asks sadly.
She simple shrugs. "God works in mysterious ways." She says as she gentle reaches out and places a hand on Dean's face.
Dean fight everything he has not to cry. Not to lean into this simple and comforting touch. He doesn't deserve it.
"Goodbye Dean" Layla gets up off the bed, and goes to leave.
Dean is silent for a moment, but then has the urge to say more. "Hey." He calls out to Layla, who is still in the room.
Layla turns to face Dean. "Uh, you know, I'm not much of the prayin' type. The things I've...a lot has happened to me, to my family over the years." Dean forces an awkward smile, and drops his gaze. "If you knew even the half of it, you'd..."
Dean takes a deep breath and looks back up at Layla. "But I'm gonna pray for you."
Tears fill Layla's eyes, she's touched by Dean. "Well. There's a miracle right there." She smiles.
After a moment, Dean watches Layla leave the room and he collapses onto the bed behind him.
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The car is completely silent. Dean's driving, unsure of where they are headed.
Sam is worried, it's never a good sign when even the music isn't drowning out the awkward silence. He wants to say so much to his brother. Sam wants to know how things went with Layla, even though he can guess the response to that question. He also wants to tell Dean they did do the right thing? That it's not their job to save people like Layla. That they can't save everyone, but he knows this would only piss his brother off.
Sam is pulled from his thought by the sound of a cellphone ringing. He checks his phone, and nothing. Sam looks over at Dean, but it doesn't seem like he's paying attention to anything other than the road.
"Dean, phone." Sam says, as he then notices Dean's phone rested in between their seats. He doesn't wait for a response from Dean, since he does not expect to get one.
Sam reaches for the phone and picks up before Dean can protest. Dean doesn't really want to talk to anyone anyways..
"Maybe it's a new hunt." Dean says, still staring a head at the road.
Sam looks over at Dean for a moment, surprised he didn't yell at him for taking his phone. "Hello?' Sam says into the phone.
"Hello, may I please speak to Dean Burkovitz." A vaguely familiar voice asks. Burkovitz? Sam looks over at Dean, that's the alias they used since Dean's first trip to the hospital after the incident with the Rawhead.
"Um...yeah, this Dean Burkovitz." Sam replies, not sure who's calling.
Dean is confused at first as well, until he realizes he gave that alias to the nurse that was running the extra tests he asked for. His heart starts to beat wildly against his chest and his tightens his grip on the wheel. Shit, shit, shit. Don't tell Sam, it's not me. Dean thinks, fighting every urge to just snatch the phone from his brother. Knowing that will either cause an accident or for Sam to be just as curious.
"I've got the results of your tests back, are you still in town or would you just like me to tell you now over the phone?" The nurse replies.
Sam now recognizes the voice of the nurse that told Dean his heart was healthy after being healed by Roy. Why was she calling? What tests?
"Tests?" Sam asks, looking over at his brother.
"Yes, you're HIV and...I am speaking to Dean, correct?" The nurse says.
"Yes, sorry, I'm driving now, mind's kind of else where at the moment." Sam directs the state directly to Dean. "I actually just left town this morning, is it fine to get the results over the phone or do you need me to come back in?"
Dean risks a glance over at his brother, who is staring at him with an unreadable expression.
"No, over the phone is fine. You're tests came back negative. You're clean Mr. Burkovitz." The nurse replies.
"Thank you." Sam hang up the phone.
Dean feels like kicking himself, he can't believe this is happening. With everything that happened, the Reaper, Layla, Dean must have forgotten all about the tests. Or else he wouldn't have been so stupid, letting Sam answer his phone like that. And now, unless he wants to stay in the dark about the results, he knows the following conversation can't be avoided.
"Something you want to tell me Dean?" Sam asks.
"Do we really need to play this game Sam, just tell me what the nurse said." Dean replies, emotionless. Trying to calm his nerves.
"Dean, stop the car." Sam says coldly. Not wanting to cause an accident.
"What? Just tell me." Dean doesn't want to pull over. If he pulls over, the conversation is most definitely going to get out of hand.
The highways is pretty dead, they haven't seen many cars since getting onto this particular highways. But Sam still doesn't want to risk Dean loosing control of the car. This conversation needs to happen, now. He can't keep ignoring all this shit.
"Dean, just stop the car. I'm not having this conversation with you while you can get us both kill." Sam says, trying to keep his voice calm and soft even though it's screaming in his head.
"Fine." Dean barely noticed that he was gradually picking up speed ever since the phone rang. But Sam did.
Once the Impala was parked on the side of the road; Sam quickly exits, not waiting for Dean.
Dean takes a deep breath. This is ridiculous, why am I nervous about this. Everyone gets tested. Snap out of it Dean. Come on! Dean gets out of the car.
"What?" Dean asks aggressively as he walks around the car.
"What's going on Dean?" Sam asks.
"Come on Sammy. I'm sure we had the sex talk growing up. You know, how when you're sexually active, it's a good to get tested every once in a while. And come, we all now how much..." Dean plasters on a smile as he talks. Putting on a regular smart-ass grin.
Sam is not impressed as he cuts Dean off. "Cut the bull Dean. This is serious."
"Yeah, she shouldn't have given the result to you. They were my results." Dean says, still pissed.
"Right, because you seemed totally lucid back there in the car. You've been spaced out ever since we left the motel." Sam snaps.
"And I wonder why." Dean yells back.
"Look, I'm sorry about Layla. I thought that would help. It sucks..." Sam says softly.
"We aren't talking about this Sam. I'm not going to have some heart-to-heart on the side of the friggin' highway." Dean says, turning away from Sam. He needs to calm down before he seriously says something he regrets.
"They're negative." Sam says so softly that Dean barely hears him.
Dean turns around to face his brother. "What?"
"I said, they're negative." Sam says a little louder.
Dean exhales a long breath of relief. Which he realizes probably wasn't smart. Why would he be nervous if he's trying to convince his brother he was simple getting the test done because it was a good thing to do now and then. "Good, now let's get the show back on the road."
"You're unbelievable." Sam turns and takes a couple steps away from the car. Clearly the conversation is not over yet. Sam thinking the same thing, why would Dean be nervous.
"I'm unbelievable? Seriously, it's no big deal. I'm sure when you were with Jessica, you got yourself tested." Dean doesn't want to piss Sam off, but he needs to keep the conversation tuned to his liking.
"I never snuck around about it." Sam replied. He didn't want to have a big confrontation with his brother, but Dean was giving him no other choice.
"Sorry I didn't shout it from the roof tops Sam. Are we seriously having an argument about this. On the side of the road no less." Dean just chuckles, this is unbelievable. Can't he just get a break, just this once.
"I don't want you to shout it from the roof tops. But you purposely went behind my back about it, which makes me think you're lying to me." Sam snaps back.
"Why would I lie about this Sam. What could I possible be hiding from you?" Dean asks, turning his back on Sam yet again. What am I supposed to say Sam? Oh, by the way little brother, remember that foster care incident you wanted to talk about. Oh, well it's no biggy, I was just molested by some creep. Forgot about it entirely, until a group of very considering gentlemen decided to jog my memory by raping me and now...Dean flinches. He hasn't even thought those words to himself before now. Where did that come from?
He never allowed himself to admit what happen. He was too focused on other things, like his father. And now he's afraid that Sam will push him too hard. He needs to end this conversation before he breaks. He can't do this.
Sam notices the flinches, which surprises him, but he doesn't draw on it just yet. Whatever Dean's thinking, he can't just pull it out of his head, no matter how much he wishes he could.
"Dean, why can't...why is this so hard." Sam asks sadly.
Dean slowly turns to face his brother, trying to focus on anything but the pain. "What Sam? What do you want from me?"
"I want you to talk to me. Tell me what's going on. Why is that so hard for you? I feel...I feel like you don't trust me anymore. You don't talk to me." Sam doesn't want to break down, but he feels so frustrated and helpless to help he brother, who is clearly in pain. Sam holds back the tears with all his might.
"Right, because you're just the poster child of honesty and sharing." Dean shakes his head.
"I told eventually Dean. But how do you tell you're brother you have visions? I was freaked, okay, I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. But I'm not hiding anything from you now Dean, you are." Sam shakes his head, wiping a hand over his face.
"Sam, I'm tired. I just want to crash. Do we really have to have this conversation right now." Dean asks.
Sam laughs, shaking his head again. "Of course you're tired. You could have just finished a large coffee and be wide awake, but start having a conversation about something hard and you're suddenly tired. You need some new material Dean."
"Okay, fine, I just don't want to talk, period. There is nothing to talk about. I don't know what crazy idea you have in that insane head of you're, but there is nothing to talk about." Dean states, as he starts to make he way to the driver's side of the car.
Sam doesn't move. "I wish I could just put all this on that stupid incident in Rockford. That stupid Asylum. I mean hell, I shot you and said some pretty terrible things. But the truth is, the attitude of yours goes back further than that. Hell, you've been distant every since getting me at Sanford. Fine, you're worried about Dad..."
Dean wants to cut Sam off, but he doesn't even know what to say. He hasn't seen Sam like since...well, probably before he went to college. There was no stopping him now. The boy definitely would have made a good lawyer.
"But then there's St. Louis. Which is driving me crazy not to bring up, it's screaming at me almost everyday. But you don't want to talk about it. Then there's mom, and Lawrence, and that...I admit, that's tore me up. But you won't even talk about it. You were a wreck, and you can't take back what happened that night, even thought I know you want to. But you won't talk about it. And now there's all this...almost dying, Layla, Roy, and this sneaking around. I don't get it." Sam practically is screaming now. Sam finally allows himself to breath. His breathing coming out fast and irratic as he fighting so hard not to break down.
"Fuck, why can't you just talk to me." Sam asks softly.
Dean's breaking inside just by watching his brother. He knows he's to blame for all this. But Dean can't be what Sam wants him to be. Not now, and maybe not ever. So, even though he knows he's going to regret what he's about to say, Dean feels he has no other choice.
"You walked out on us Sam." Dean shouts as he walks back around the car. Getting close to Sam. "You cut all your ties because you wanted normal."
"Dean..." Sam can't apologies for going to college, and Dean doesn't allow him to speak.
"That's four years Sam. Four years of shit that you know nothing about. And I'm not going to sit down and catch you up, because if you really cared you would have picked up the damn phone from time to time." Dean says.
"You said so yourself, it's a two way street Dean." Sam says, he too started to get angry.
"You didn't want anything to do with us Sam. Why would I call and tell you if I had a bad hunt? Why would I call and tell you these things? You didn't want anything to do with hunting, which meant, you didn't want anything to do with me. I am hunting. It's what I do, and it's who I am. And I let you go back then. But don't try and take this higher ground shit with me now. There is nothing to talk about. If you want to spill your guts, fine. I'll listen, I'm still you're brother...I still..." Dean stops, looking at the ground. The anger quickly leaving, and his masks slipping.
"You still what Dean?" Sam asks softly.
"Let's go. I want to get as far away from Nebraska as possible before crashing and then looking for something to kill." Dean says as he walks around the car again. "Get in the damn car Sam. This conversation is over."
Dean gets into the car, slamming the door. Sam jumps, and the tears he fought so hard against start running down his face. He doesn't even bother wiping his face clean as he gets into the car.
Dean doesn't have to look directly at Sam to know that he's crying. And it takes everything Dean has to just drive. He just shuts everything else down. Pushes every feeling, ever bad memory, so far away so that all he is focused on now is the road ahead.
Sam tries hard not to make a sound as his tears continue to run down his face. He's completely exhausted, and he feels completely lost. He feels like he's loosing his brother slowly, and he just prays they find their father. Maybe then things can get back to...normal.
TBC
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Next chapter is currently being planned out, and will be uploaded soon. Don't worry, next chapter you'll learn a little more about what happened to Dean in New Orleans. And someone gets pretty close to the truth, but will is be Sam?
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