Ryoma
"Ochibi-chan!" I hear an incredulous voice call out.
Turning around, I see that it's a redhead with cat-like eyes, and a band-aid on his cheek; he seems to be about two years older than me. The moment he sees me turn around, he launches himself at me, grabbing me into a vicelike grip. I force myself not to flinch away, not wanting to make the same mistake again. I'm proud of myself when I succeed.
"I missed you so much, ochibi-chan! W-when we heard on the news about your disappearance, a-and when your family came home without you, everyone was so sad! After a while, they thought you were dead, b-but all of us knew you would come back one day, and now you have, and y-y-you don't know how happy I am to see you again!"
"A-ah," I say, not quite knowing how to respond. Then, after a second of silence, "You're Eiji-nii, aren't you?"
He nods his head eagerly and a wide smile spreads across his face. He looks as if he's about to say more when the door to Momo's room and there's two more young men standing there. One of them has sharp, snake-like eyes and a green bandanna around his head. The other is a brunette with bulky muscles wrapped around his shoulders, and he has a shy expression on his face. I can kind of recognise them, but I don't quite remember their names.
Their arrival makes me a little nervous. Even though I know that they won't hurt me, something makes me want to flee the room right away, but I stay seated on the ground beside Momo. Almost immediately, I regret my decision because, before I even have time to blink, the two newcomers enter the room, still with their eyes trained on me, and soon, another four young men appear at the doorway too. Suddenly, I start to feel suffocated, and I start panicking.
One of the older teens, his eyes are closed and his mouth is stretched into an excited smile, steps towards me, and I slowly back away from him. His name is Syuusuke, I remember; after Momo and Eiji, he was probably the one I was closest to, but even though I know I can trust him, my body won't listen to me.
When he sees me retreating, a confused and hurt expression comes onto his face, and I almost want to apologize, but I can't.
By now, I can barely think straight, and my surroundings slowly change.
Instead of being in the brightly lit room I was in a second ago, I'm in a dimly lit, lavish bedroom with a king sized bed in the centre. There's a man in the room with me; he has flowing blonde hair, and I can tell from his clothes that he's very wealthy. As he walks slowly up to me, I suddenly feel too terrified to move. He grabs both of my hands in his, and I'm suddenly four years old again; too weak to break out of his grasp.
He puts his other hand on my waist, and roughly pulls me closer to him.
The spicy smell of his cologne makes me lightheaded, and I don't have any strength to fight back as his free hand moves intrudingly under my shirt, and I let out a yell of pure terror.
That's when I realize that I'm still in Momo's room, and everyone is looking at me with worried expressions.
"Ryoma?" asks Syuusuke, reaching his hand towards me. This one gesture reminds me of that place again, and I back away, saying in a scared voice, "Go away. Don't touch me!"
I look fearfully at everyone in the room, and I slowly wrap my arms protectively around myself, curling into a tight little ball, wishing I could disappear.
Inui
"Go away. Don't touch me!" shouts Ryoma. His eyes are slightly glazed over, as if he is somewhere else right now.
The way he curls in on himself, as if he wants to disappear seems familiar to me; even though I'm sure I've never been in this situation before.
It takes me a minute to realize what's going on, but then realization hits me like a rock, and I remember where I've seen this before.
I remember watching a documentary about child sex abuse victims a few years ago and, even though I wish it wasn't true, I know now why Ryoma disappeared all those years ago.
"Ryoma," says Momo, trying to approach the frightened twelve year old.
"Everyone," I say, trying to get their attention.
As the others all turn their questioning glances on me, I hurriedly take control.
Gesturing towards the door, I say, "I want everyone to leave. Now."
For a second, no one moves, but slowly, they all get up to follow my orders.
Just before I close the door on them, I say to Tezuka, "Call Ryoga-san and tell him what happened to Ryoma."
I didn't wait for a response before I closed the door, knowing that my order will be carried out.
Turning around, I look at Ryoma, who is still curled up on the bed, not having noticed that everyone has left.
"Ryoma-kun," I say in a normal voice, but the boy doesn't react. "Ryoma-kun," I repeat his name a little louder, and he slowly turns his head towards me, but his eyes aren't focused, as if he's lost in his horrific memories. I smile reassuringly at him, and I see him relax a little. "Do you remember me, Ryoma-kun?" I ask.
It takes a minute for my question to register, but after a moment, he slowly nods.
"Who am I?" I ask him, slowly inching closer.
"Sadaharu-nii," he says quietly, not seeming to notice the lessening distance between us. "We used to play together when we were younger."
I nod in affirmation, still inching ever closer to the poor boy. "And you know I would never harm you?" I prompt.
After a slight hesitation he nods.
"And what about the others?" I ask. "Do you think they would ever hurt you?"
He slowly shakes his head 'no,' and my smile widens a little. "Then why did you react like that earlier?"
"B-because," he stutters. "I was scared."
"Why were you scared?" I ask.
"I remembered that place," he says, and suddenly looks around, as if noticing for the first time that we're alone.
When he turns back to look at me, I'm only a few feet away from him, and this seems to spook him.
He looks as if he's going to retreat again, but before he can do anything, I say, "But you're not in that place anymore. You're back in Japan. You're back home, with your friends and family, who all love and care for you."
His whole body starts shaking, and he regains that faraway look in his eyes. "They told me they loved me too," he said. "But they still let me get hurt."
I put both hands on his shoulders, and Ryoma looked up at me with wide, scared eyes.
"That wasn't love," I said. "Those people were sick and twisted, and only cared for themselves. They're gone now, and they can never hurt you again."
By the time I finish speaking, the fear in Ryoma's eyes is gone, but it's been replaced by anger, pain, loss, and most of all; guilt.
For a second, I don't know what to do; how to continue, but then, I remember a quote from the documentary: Child sexual abuse victims often don't tell adults what has happened to them because they believe that they are in some way responsible, and that their parents or loved ones will hate them once they find out the truth. This is almost never true, and the earlier the victim realizes this, the closer they are to coming to terms with their painful past.
Forcing Ryoma to meet my gaze, I say to him the four words he probably most wanted to hear in the world: "It wasn't your fault."
Ryoma
I stare at the older boy for a few seconds, trying to comprehend the words that he's just said.
I've heard them before. The people at the centre used to tell us that all the time. When a new arrival comes, they would keep repeating those words to them, like a mantra. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault.
I'd heard it so many times that the words have basically lost meaning for me.
. . . At least they should have. They should be a meaningless string of sounds to me; they shouldn't have any effect on me.
So why? Why do I feel tears welling up in my eyes?
Why do I feel as if a huge weight has suddenly been lifted from my chest?
I can't keep the tears at bay any longer, and they pour over onto my cheeks.
Sadaharu-nii smiles gently at me, and pulls me into a gentle hug and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I welcome the embrace.
I clutch at his shirt, and pour my heart out.
The seconds stretch into hours, and by the time I stop crying, it feels like hours have flown past.
Sadaharu-nii smiles at me again, and I return the smile shyly. Then, looking past him, I see the clear blue sky through the window, and even though it's barely noon, I can see the faint outline of the moon; the first quarter.
SkyGem: Well, what did you think? Very emotional chapter, ne? Anyways, please do leave a review and tell me what you thought, ne? And I'll see if I can update this soon (though I probably can't).
P.S. In case any of you are wondering what the first quarter is, it's the name for when the right half of the moon is out (the left half is the last quarter).