Chapter 6

"Betty, I think this is the last one; it's marked 'PCR,'" Henry called out, well aware of what the contents were as he carefully moved the final box inside from the porch and closed the door just after the mover's van backed out of the driveway and drove off, leaving them alone and insulated from the past in a new house, a new neighborhood, a new church, a new precinct in what he hoped would be a clean break from painful memories that had come between them requiring a much-needed reset for their short married lives together. With his wife's parents now both deceased, coupled with a self-imposed exile from his own abusive alcoholic father and the mother who enabled him, there were no family ties to bind them to their old life in Woodlawn Heights where Peter lay still with his maternal grandparents on ethereal watch over him in the family plot, and the fact that Betty had isolated herself away from their social circle over the course of the past six months as she continued to mourn meant they were free to move on here in virtual anonymity.

"Where would you like me to put it, dear?" he asked, uncomfortable with what he knew her answer would be given the fact that unlike any of the other boxes now stacked about and littering various rooms in the much-larger home, this one had been thoroughly taped shut with several layers of heavy binding over all the seams as Betty sought to pull the memories of an agonizing time from the open and lock them away in the past.

"Henry Reagan, we talked of this before, did we not? It goes in that tiny attic space above the closet upstairs away from the rest since it was yer idea to move here and put all things behind us. You said yourself everything we left behind in the old neighborhood would remind us of our angel. If we keep his pictures and things about, don't you think everyone else who comes here will be sure to ask why he is not with us?" she cried from the kitchen. "I have no wish to explain to perfect strangers where it 'tis my son now rests alone!" she railed back with some of the same anger and pain in her heart that they were looking to escape, and he did not dare cross her. If keeping Peter a secret, for now, was what she needed to move past his death, then that was what must be, he reasoned. Unknown to his wife, he had taken one of the most recent small photos of their son out of the frame before it was packed and carefully placed it in the back of his wallet. While Betty's exacting, photographic "elephant" memory as he often referred to it allowed her constant access to his visage, Henry had no desire to let the passage of time dull his memory of the smiling little boy he loved in life and death.

"Alright, sweetheart, whatever you say. I'll take it up there right now and put it away," he conceded and readjusted his grip on the box before heading upstairs to do her bidding, all the while praying this move to Bay Ridge had been the right thing to do by her.

###

"Okay, Pop's all set up in Kaylin's bedroom, and after three stories she's snug as a bug on the air mattress in the nursery, so hopefully everyone can sleep well tonight, right bud man? Pretty please? Now, what's in the attic over the closet?" Jamie whispered with a yawn and a kiss on his son's cheek later that night as he crawled into bed next to Eddie. Joey was taking a feeding before being settled into his bassinet next to them for what both anticipated would be one of his short, nighttime naps as had been his habit since arriving home. "We cleared everything out of there last summer," he reminded his wife who was bound and determined to recount all she had learned that afternoon from Henry during one of the couple's infamous little late-night chitchats.

"Apparently, not everything."

"Mrs. Peterson's hoard was downstairs, and in the basement," he added. "The attic was almost clear; I never saw anything else. Maybe they took it."

"No, it's not in the main part. Pop said there was a separate little cubby over the hall closet because of the way the roof gables angle. There used to be steps in there to get up to it, but since the space was so small they never used it for anything else, and they took them out when they remodeled the master bath and made it bigger. Now there's some kind of access panel in the ceiling. He forgot all about it until now. Maybe you can have Danny or one of the boys crawl up to see if it's still there next time they're over since you're not really steady enough on your leg to be up on a ladder, okay?"

"Alright, sweetheart, whatever you say. We'll take a look up there this weekend," Jamie conceded before the enormity of what his grandparents had suffered through and hidden away for all those years struck him and he propped himself up on his arm to look over her, still in awe of the incredible, beautiful bond between his son and wife, the mother who carried and protected Joey's life within her all those months and now continued to nourish the child in her arms. "It's kinda weird though that they put his things away in the attic, isn't it? Even his pictures? I can't imagine why Grandma Betty wanted… I mean had to do that… Would you? For all those years she just went on without telling any of us as if Uncle Peter never existed, not even my parents when they had those two miscarriages. At least Mom would have understood then. If something ever happened to Kaylin or Joey… could you really pack all their things away and forget?"

"Jamison Reagan, don't you dare ever say anything like that about our babies or your grandmother again!" Eddie hissed as she pushed him aside with a fiercely protective maternal look down at their still-somewhat fragile, but by all accounts, now healthy little boy who continued to suckle away unperturbed. "I'm sure she never came close to forgetting! Not for one minute! Could you?! But I think she was just trying her best to cope and do whatever she needed to move on. Look at how many marriages fall apart today if a child dies… something like eighty percent and we've both seen it on the job… the constant reminders and stress are too much to take, and the parents move away from each other, or God forbid, do something worse. Back in the 50's, being a devout Catholic without the support of her family anymore… that wasn't an option for her. She was always good mother though, and maybe that's exactly what made her stay so involved with Frank and worry over all of you when you were growing up."

"You're right, she was the best Grandma ever; I'm sorry," Jamie acknowledged with guilt that the question had caused his wife to become so instantly red-line momma bear defensive as he lay back down. "I guess we didn't help with all the other stuff Danny, Joe and I pulled... like that time I fell down the steps here or when I stopped eating because Erin made me lie about the dent in the car. No wonder she and Pop were so upset about that. We just never knew the details before and it makes me sad to think she felt like they needed to keep what happened to Peter a secret all that time. It's not like it was her fault anyway, I mean back then they couldn't have done anything for leukemia. Pop was married to her for forty-six years and never betrayed her trust either. Imagine how hard it was for him too, especially when Dad found out he had an older brother last fall."

"He said she didn't want your father growing up missing someone he never knew," Eddie told him. "You want to know another secret though?" she whispered as she glanced over at him while her eyes danced with the juicy little tidbit she was about to drop. "We're all lucky to be here at all. After Peter died, Betty said she didn't want to have any more children, but then one night right after the move they had a little picnic on the living room floor in front of the fireplace, and there was some wine… and well, you know what happens when Reagan men get tipsy and carried away. Sound familiar?"

"Oh, God! Too much information, Ed!" Jamie groaned as he reached over and pulled the pillow over his eyes, trying in vain to not let that image get seared into his brain—the one reminiscent of the story of his own conception in the house on Harbor View Terrace on a rainy Valentine's Day night, or that of their little beloved bean now aside of them who got his start under the same circumstances during their honeymoon in Iceland. "He actually told you that?! Was he high on one of those pain pills at the time? I swear I'm never gonna be able to make love to you downstairs ever again now! It's bad enough to think of my parents that way, let alone him and Grandma! Ugh! This family's gotta learn to stay away from the bottle and fireplaces when it's cold outside! We're done, and Kaylin and Joseph are never touching a drop! Do you hear me, Edit Katalin?"

###

"Betty! I'm home!" Henry announced with a bit of added jig in his step as he closed the front door after shift one Friday evening in mid-March just shy of a month past their initial arrival in Bay Ridge. "Did you hear me? Sorry I'm a little late, sweetheart, but baby, it's still cold outside!" he joked as he set a good bottle of her favorite red wine down on the counter and rubbed his hands to warm them with the anticipation of perhaps enticing her into a recap of one very pleasant evening the two had spent together a few weeks before.

"Should I start a fire?" he continued since the impetus behind the move appeared to be working, at least in his mind. Betty seemed to be far more relaxed in the new environment, or at least had allowed herself to be occasionally distracted with a return to physical intimacy between the two, and it had afforded them the opportunity to begin to reconnect as a couple even though he recognized it was much too soon to bring up the possibilities of anything else… still, there were so many empty bedrooms upstairs and a gaping hole in his heart that a beautiful little boy had left behind.

What Henry Reagan didn't know at that very moment was the card had already been played, and his wife had fallen headfirst back into the dark abyss of guilt and despair she had just managed to claw her way somewhat free of immediately after realizing that fact earlier in the morning.

"Betty?" he puzzled again when she did not answer, and a glance around the downstairs revealed nothing of her presence, only their breakfast dishes still sitting uncharacteristically unwashed in the sink of the ordinarily tidy kitchen.

"BETTY!" he cried again with fear gripping absolutely every cell in his body as he ran to the steps and climbed them two at a time while considering all types of wild possibilities. Having been on the job for nearly four years now, he had witnessed the aftermath of many sad family situations and the depression that could follow so knew intrinsically that sometimes the worst came just after the light seemed to dawn. Still though, surely not her, not his dear, faithful wife…

"Oh, Betty! There you are, thank goodness!" he sighed as the relief that swept over him was immense and nearly stilled his own heart when he turned the corner and found her sitting up on the bed instead, her own mother's old bible laying open on her lap with family letters strewn about and tears in her eyes. Frequent prayer and meditation had become her only escape in the months after they buried their son and he was immediately concerned that something had happened to drive her backward and into utter despair once more.

"Honey, what is it? What's wrong?" he demanded gently as he took a seat next to her. "Were you up here all day? Why didn't you answer me?"

"I cannot... oh, Lord our God, please help me! I cannot understand his reason behind this," she whispered more to herself in a semi-panicked voice while still distractedly turning the pages back and forth to various passages and only half-acknowledging her husband's presence in the room as she had apparently lost all notion of time in her distress.

"I prayed on it all morning after speaking to Father Campion," she revealed finally and referenced the young Jesuit priest at their new church who had been very kind and sympathetic when learning of his new parishioners' plight, agreeing to keep their confidence and counsel the couple weekly together and Betty privately whenever it was needed, so she had taken to attending his early morning masses daily. "I tried the book of Revelation, 'He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away,' and Ecclesiastes," she quoted in one breath. "There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to give birth, and a time to die…"

"Sweetheart, slow down, and all those things are true, aren't they?" Henry offered softly, misconstruing the reason for her angst as he wrapped an arm around her and attempted to be supportive. "Father Campion tried to help you see that last week when we spoke… that when things like this happen, the world can seem full of loss, pain, sorrow, illness, and death and our lives will not always be rosy. Sometimes it's because of the things we do, sometimes it's the result of somebody else's actions, or sometimes like with Peter it's no one's fault, especially not yours or mine, just simply a consequence of living as human beings on this earth. I thought you were beginning to accept that?"

"That's not what he gave me to pray on today," Betty revealed as she gave her husband a pained look and frantically flipped to another bookmark as he grew more concerned over her anxious demeanor. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought they had stepped back in time to that day their son lay dying in the hospital when the hurt was unbearably raw, and she had sought answers from her shaken faith for the terrible event they were being forced to endure. "He told me to heed the words of Job 1:21... 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away; Blessed be the name of the Lord!'" she pointed to the page before turning her face into his shoulder and crying. "Oh, Henry!… What if He giveth to us again after I sinned before Him and betrayed His will when I said I didn't yearn for another, but then we allowed ourselves weakness in the moment, anyway? Now, will He taketh again too? I am not strong enough and cannot bear it!"

"Betty, what the hell are you talking about?!" he demanded now as he took her by the shoulders and sat her up straight to look in her eyes, concerned that she was indeed suffering from some kind of break and cursing himself for this insistence that they pack up and try to leave everything behind in the past. "What has you so upset? You're not making any sense!"

"I am in fear over this!" she cried and stared back at him as he searched her expression for some minute clue as to what was behind it, although nothing prepared him for the shock that descended as her hand slipped down over her belly, and the realization of exactly what was causing her dread hit him squarely. "Henry Reagan, what have we done?"

"Oh, Betty," he breathed as he tempered his reaction given her state even though his own heart beat with joy for the first time since that terrible day as he had himself longed for this to happen at some point. "Sweetheart, it was only just that once. Are you sure?"

"I know me own body and what it has to tell," she sighed with a sad nod that admitted the truth… that without a doubt in her mind she was with child again. "Have you ever known me to be off my time and have breakfast not sit well? I haven't been able to think straight since it came over me this morning!"

"Only that once," Henry acknowledged as he pulled her close again and remembered quite the opposite reaction to this same news nearly three years before when they had been blissfully naïve as to the happiness and heartbreak that lay ahead through Peter's nearly entire textbook pregnancy, delivery, and short life. "But Betty, we don't know until we know, right? You need to see a doctor first… and, honey, if it's true, then you must see this as a blessing. We can't go on through the rest of our lives living in fear that every good thing will be taken away again."

"I am always in fear! I fear that you will walk out the door and never come back home to me with bullets flying past yer thick Irish head near every day!" she admitted as the realities of being married to someone so bold and committed to the job had only been compounded by Peter's death. "I fear that this child will be taken away too because I dared question His wisdom when I should have held strong to our faith!"

"That's not so. I'll always do my best to come home to you, and from now on I'll do everything in my power to help you remember that," Henry vowed as he continued to hold and assure her that they would face this together. "I know it's hard right now, but someday you'll see this was a gift, Betty… maybe even from Peter himself because he wants you to feel that happiness of being a mother again. It's because of him we're on this new path here in this house, right?"

"I miss him so though, Henry… some days still I can barely manage to lift myself out of bed."

"I know, sweetheart, but Father said something the other day that really made sense to me… that grief over this kind of thing is like a great weight that never really goes away. When you first pick it up, it's heavy and hard, and you struggle to find a way to hold it. Then even though it never changes as time goes on it begins to feel lighter because you get stronger and learn new ways to carry it. You can do it, Betty, we both will together. Have faith in that."

So what's with those Reagan men in werks-world?… A little alcohol, cold nights and fireplaces, right? All bouncing baby boys to follow nine or so months later too, hmm… You can find the story behind Jamie's conception in the first three chapters of the original "Snapshots - From the Series" in my profile starting with "Be My Valentine," and of course the little Joey bean was planted in similar fashion during Eddie and Jamie's "Honeymoon" chapters in the "Snapshots II" collection which also includes some of the other bits about his fall down the steps ("Karma with Sprinkles on Top") and issues with Erin's dent in the car ("Goody Two-Shoes")—so much fun to connect all these things together in this piece!

Next, Eddie continues her probe into the past while her mother joins the conversation and we find out a little more about the current state of Eva Janko as well as how Betty dealt with her second pregnancy and what might have triggered her return to Irish momma bear mode.

Since FF is still having issues more than half of the notifications and PMs are ending up floating somewhere in cyberspace, which is disheartening as an author, but thanks again to everyone for reviewing and reading. Even though it concerns me that some might be missing updates, I will continue to post on a Tuesday/Thursday schedule for now and cross my fingers they will fix it soon so please look for a new chapter on those days even if the email alerts aren't sent!