Dear Voldemort,
Ron says you have admitted that you are emotionally unbalanced, but that you will not go to therapy for fear of being placed in a squishy room. I have decided that I will be your therapist, in the hope that you will find the error of your evil ways, regret your actions, and turn to the light.
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
Um… good luck then, but that will never happen. Maybe therapy will do me good. What am I saying? Oh well. Do your shrinky stuff. At least it's better than a squishy room.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
Fine. Here we go. Why are you evil?
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
Because I want to take over the world. Duh.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
…Right. Should have seen that coming. Oh well. Next question: Do you feel any remorse or regret for what you have done?
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
What's the right answer?… I seem to be afraid of you. You're one of those bookwormy-types, aren't you? Do you carry heavy books with you all the time? I'm afraid of people like that. They tend to hit me with books. Big books hurt.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
Ron was right. You are a baby. Yes, I am one of those bookwormy-types… I suppose… but believe me, if I knew where you were, I would hit you with all the books I could find and more. But anyways… the regret thing?
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
I only feel regret for my mistakes.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
You don't feel regret for killing Harry's parents? Or all the other people? Or making people afraid all the time? Or making people feel pain? Or anything?
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
Look, I already apologized about that! Like, twice! I told him I was messed up that night!
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
'Emotionally unbalanced'?
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
What is it with you and emotions? I'm an evil dark wizard! I'm allowed to be insane! Okay?!
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
If you're really insane, how many things of these have you done? Worn makeup? Smiled happily? Not tortured someone daily?
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
Um… maybe only the first one.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
So you torture someone daily and you've never smiled happily, but you've worn makeup?!
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
Is that a problem?
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
Um...No. Well... not really. It's just... strange. That's all. It's strange. I don't even wear much makeup.
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
And yet the blood-traitor Weasley still loves you anyway.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
WHAT?! How...?
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
Even I have connections in Hogwarts.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
You probably know more about Harry than he knows himself!
Hermione Granger
--
Dear Granger,
: laughs evilly : true enough. But that works to my advantage. And you had better keep that a secret, girl, or it's bad news for you.
Lord Voldemort
--
Dear Voldemort,
Whatever. For all you know, I'm coming at you with a giant stack of books. : smirks :
Hermione Granger
--
A/N: I enjoyed writing this chapter I hope you enjoyed it too! Sorry about the repost, it didn't upload right? I don't know. Hope this is better.