"I'm sure you're thrilled Charlie is coming back." Bethany states in that shrill tone Lili knows as a common feature of this company's atmosphere. Everyone is too chipper and it makes Lili wish she could have coffee at work. The loud talking usually gave her a headache by mid-afternoon.
"Oh, I am!" She manages to mimic the cheery tone, trying to not feel freaked out at Charlie finally coming up. After a month of trying to piece together the problem it was finally rearing its ugly head. "I missed him so much."
"I still can't believe you kept your cool like that. If my finance left the country for so long I'd have gone stir crazy." She laughs and Lili feels a cold sweat settling against the back of her neck. She has a finance?
"I know how to keep my cool." She manages to bluff earning some laughter from the table of women. Lunch wraps up normally with only some teasing about Lili being too excited to see her future husband. "Don't ravish him too much, sweetie!" One woman calls as they exit the break room earning another round of laughter.
If she has a finance, why doesn't she remember him? Why doesn't she have any pictures of him anywhere? She had dug through her computers at work and home for some kind of indication. At best she found far too many pictures of her parents over anything else. Every time she looks at her parents for too long she just gets frustrated. Something about them turns her stomach.
Lili knows logically she shouldn't feel that way about her parents, but… something about them unsettles her. Those dreams only compound the feeling.
###
She screams until her voice is hoarse. Her wrists are sore and her whole body radiates pain. Rough hands hold her chin steadying her face as she struggles. She's on the table and cannot leave.
"Hold still you- little bitch." A man's voice, low sharp and angry. His patience is at an end and that only makes fear intermingle with the anger building up inside of her.
"Fuck you!" She was trained not to antagonize, not to push back but the rage is burning so sharply in her gut she can't stop herself. "You piece of shit!"
The sting of a smack across her face doesn't stop her from screaming profanity at him. She only is stopped by capsules being shoved into her mouth. A metallic taste follows after as she sinks her teeth down on his fingers. He screams at her, yanking her hair. Other hands join the fray, other voices begin to rise.
Her heart is hammering in her chest. Lili needs a long moment to count to ten and breath. She grounds herself by touching the stucco walls behind her bed.
The dreams have only gotten worse with the talk of Charlie.
###
Her parents prattle on about a welcome home party for Charlie for the rest of the week. Lili only feels nauseous every time it comes up. She does what she does best around her parents let them take over the proceedings. It's easier, it causes less of a fuss.
It pisses Lili off completely, but she knows to sit on her hands and observe by now. Her parents are bringing up the trip more now than ever. How it'll be a honeymoon before the actual honeymoon for her and Charlie. How they've been in love since forever. It's almost strange how they're explaining her life to her.
"You two met in college of course. You were getting a degree in english and he was working towards a tech degree." Mother intoned with a bright smile. "I'm so glad you two have each other. I wouldn't know what we'd do with you."
Lili nods, "I don't know either." She does actually, she'd be babied into oblivion. She's on the edge of asking about why she and Charlie apparently chose Honduras of all places, but resists. Lili suspects if she sits on it her parents will answer soon enough. They seemed intent on explaining everything. It's just making Lili wonder if they think she's idiotic.
"He's the light of your life! The shining star that brings greatness to you!" Mother offers back, voice louder than need be.
"That's right." Lili offers back, "I don't know what my life would be like without him. I missed him." She didn't know he existed until last month. She's thought more about Goggles than anyone else at this point. "Do you have a picture of him? I miss seeing him." That had to be a safe question… right?
"Of course, sugar blossom." Her father shockingly speaks up, digging through his pockets. He produces his wallet, eventually handing over a photo. It's an innocent enough photo, yet it sends her stomach plummeting. A lanky redheaded man with dark brown eyes and a slightly upturned nose smiles back at the camera. His arm is curled around her waist holding her against himself. Lili barely recognizes herself in the picture. She looks gaunt, vacant. Her own smile in the photo is dazed at best. It almost looks like he's propping her up.
"This helps, thank you." With that her father motions for her to keep the picture. Lili doesn't refuse it.
"Now, if you'd be a dear-" A list was shoved into her hands. "Go get these for us, please?" It's a list of party supplies. Lili focuses on the large loopy handwriting instead of the sinking feeling in her gut. "Just take them home with you and we'll have the party at your apartment next week."
"Is anyone else coming to the party?" Slips from her lips before she can catch it. Her parents seem to not mind it though given their lack of reaction. "No, it's a family affair. Something private." Something deep inside of Lili feels like that's a threat. A warning. Lili can't ignore the intensity of that warning.
"Of course."
Lili makes her leave, tucking the list in her pocket. The idea of seeing Charlie in person again leaves her more disgusted than anything else. Lili walks down the sidewalk, taking the long way back into the city proper as she pulls the picture from her pocket. Something about this man sickens her and she can't bare to look at it any longer.
"Fuck this." She crumples it in her hand.
###
Lili isn't quite sure how long she's been out. All she can do is walk, walk, walk, walk. The steadiness of it makes her feel less like she's floating along outside of her body. Less like she's a doll her family seems to play dress up with.
The sun is starting to sink in the distance and she can't stand the idea of going home. Finally she comes to a stop in a park, exhaling as she looks at the crowd of people starting to slowly dwindle. She finds a comfortable bench to sit on. Lili simply people watches as her mind wanders. She folds the party list into an origami star in her lap.
Only a man's voice breaks the steady bubble of silence she built around herself. The voice is heavily accented, German.
"Lili?"