Note: The song in this section is from Jeremy Kay "Have it all"

Chapter 6: Grief Girl

She woke to someone calling her name. Everything was foggy and her hand was killing her. She fought to open her eyes and when she finally managed, she looked up straight into Michael's concerned ones. He was sitting on the floor next to her, her head cradled on a pillow on his lap.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

He had been so worried. He'd been sitting in his apartment watching a basketball game after talking to Maria for a half hour when he'd suddenly felt shock coming from Liz . . . Before he could process that, he felt her confusion, her fear, then grief, pain, then just nothing. It was like she had simply stopped being. And he didn't know what happened. What if she'd been attacked? What if she were dead? There were no words to describe how terrified he'd been at that moment. So he rushed over to the Crashdown, nearly crashing Maria's car in his haste to get there quickly. And he found Liz lying on the floor of her living room, not far from where he'd left her standing earlier in the day. He checked and thank god, she was breathing, but she was also clearly unconscious. Not wanting to jostle her too much since he didn't know what had happened, he'd grabbed a pillow from the sofa and sat her head in his lap and started trying to get her to wake up.

Right now she was looking at him with this really perplexed expression and he realized with a start that she was in pain.

"What's wrong Liz? Where does it hurt?"

"My hand. Crap! My hand really hurts" she muttered. At that she held up her hand and it was only then that she realized it was clenched closed around something. She unclenched it with effort and gasped in shock at the piece of metal that unfurled in her hand and the blood that started pouring from the cuts in her hand. She dropped the piece of metal quickly and sat up, cradling her hand against her.

Michael looked confused as he picked up the piece of metal that he'd been carrying around for months now. He wasn't sure how Liz had gotten it, but whatever had happened had obviously involved it.

She looked at her hand again to assess the damage, but the sight of blood on her hand made her eyes begin to roll back in her head as she started to pass out again.

Michael looked up just in time to catch her before her head collided with the coffee table. "Whoa Liz, what the hell?"

She didn't look at Michael. She somehow looked through him. She blinked and a tear fell as she chanted quietly. "M-my fault . . . my fault . . . All my fault . . ." She huddled, wrapping her arms around herself and started to rock back and forth.

Michael realized she was having a flashback. "No Liz, it's ok . . . It's your blood." He shook his head. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." And he guided her up and to the bathroom. She allowed herself to be guided numbly, not really paying attention, not really caring where he was taking her.

When they reached the bathroom, Michael wet a clean washcloth and carefully cradled Liz's hand. He softly wiped the blood away and saw that the cuts weren't too deep and the bleeding had already stopped.

Liz didn't even wince.

He could no longer hear her but her mouth was still moving. When he was done, he held her hand up for her inspection. "See Liz? It's all cleaned up." He was hoping that the sight would snap her out of it.

Liz's eyes slowly focused and she blinked, looking around.

"Liz?" Michael asked uncertainly.

She focused on him. "Yeah" she grimaced, reaching up to wipe her face. "Sorry" she muttered, looking away.

"It's okay" Michael answered relieved, leading the way back to the living room. "Just tell me what happened and how you got this and we're even." He held up the square piece of metal.

Liz's eyes widened as she looked at the piece of metal and she took the last few steps to the sofa on shaky legs and sat down. Michael, seeing her unease, came and sat beside her.

"Michael, I got a flash from that. I found it under the sofa. The flash Michael . . . it was like nothing I've ever felt . . . It . . . it was Death, Michael, all around me . . ." Her eyes glazed over. "Everything was murky . . . There was this feeling of hopelessness and . . . and so much pain. It was more like impressions than actual images, but then . . . then there was just nothing, like the pain had just stopped . . . I . . . I don't know what it means Michael, but it was terrifying. "

Michael ran a hand tiredly down his face, trying to absorb all she'd just told him. "You got all that from this?" he asked, holding up the metal piece dubiously.

She blinked and looked at him.

"Yeah, why? Do you know what it is?"

"Yeah, uh . . . It's mine." He looked over at her to gauge her reaction. Seeing her simply looking at him curious, unaccusing, he continued. "It must've fallen out of my pocket earlier when I was here. It's actually uh, a piece of our ship that crashed . . . as you can kinda figure from it's odd behavior it's obvious it's . . . otherworldly." At that, he crumpled it in his hands and then held his hand out and it returned to its original shape. "I got it from this former captain in the army, Hal Carver, that I met some months back who claimed he was around when our ship crashed in '47. He showed me this piece of metal to prove he was telling the truth, then he let me keep it after I . . . after I showed him that uh . . . that I believed him." At that last part, Michael couldn't quite meet her eyes.

"Wow, ok" Liz said, sitting back. "But ok, that still doesn't explain why I got a flash from it."

"I know" Michael said puzzled as he returned his gaze to the piece of metal in his hands. "I've had it all this time and I never got anything from it."

"I . . . I want to try again to see if I get another flash, to see if I can get a clearer flash from it, but not right now. The last one was a bit much" she said as she flexed her hand unconsciously and then looked down at it resting in her lap.

"Yeah" Michael said, as he stood and walked over to the window. He was actually trying to shake the feeling of dread that had curled in his stomach. And after the past 24 hours Liz had had, he realized that a good distraction was in order for the both of them.

He turned back to Liz. "So what do you have planned for the rest of the day?" already making plans in his head.

Noticing Michael's sudden change of topic, Liz answered lightly. "Oh, you know, the usual, although I can't decide which of my exciting activities to do first: There's, you know, the always entertaining 'stare at the wall'. Then there's 'stare at the sky' which is good for some laughs. But, you know, really 'stare at the clock' beats out both of those . . . "

Michael held up his hands. "Ok, I get it, you have nothing planned. So, you wanna go catch Izzy and Kyle at that concert in the park?"

Liz hedged, thinking about the last time they all tried to get together, this morning not withstanding. It was about a month after Max and Alex's deaths and Kyle had arranged for them all to get together, probably because he felt it would help Isabel. But what a mistake that had been! Everything was so awkward and strained and the pain going around the group was almost palpable. And then, just when things had started loosening up, Liz had mentioned something about Alex and the whole table had fallen silent.

Grief-girl strikes again, Liz had thought to herself. Where there is joy, she will bring sadness. Where there is laughter, she will bring silence. For she is 'Grief-girl!' Able to depress a whole table in a single bound.

It seemed that getting them all together inevitably just highlighted their missing members.

"How about we just go and if we see them, we see them?" Michael offered as a compromise.

Liz hesitated then nodded in acquiescence, figuring that regardless she could definitely use a break from herself.

"Just let me change first" she said, looking down at the Crashdown uniform she was still wearing.

Michael nodded. "I'll be downstairs." And he headed out of the apartment. Liz joined him shortly after and then they were off to the park.

When they arrived, they found the crowd somewhat bigger than expected, due to there simply not being very much to do in Roswell most of the time, so when something did pop up, everyone went. So instead of trying to squeeze through all the people swarming about, they kept to the fringes of the crowd. The band playing was actually pretty decent and they were just finishing out one song and began another.

"Some days I feel like crying
Don't matter if it's rain or shine
I feel like my heart was broken
At least a million times"

Liz's eyes widened as she recognized the lyrics of the song.

"Some days I wake up dreaming
Feels like I never even woke
I answer life's big question
As if it's one big joke"

Feeling sick, bile rose in her throat, overpowering . . .

"Maybe it's too soon to be sure
But I, really do believe that some day we're gonna have it all
So I try so hard to keep the rhythm of a train rolling right along
When the ride gets rough you got to carry on"

She stumbled over to a tree, not caring if Michael noticed as she lost the last of what was in her stomach. After the dry heaves ceased, she leaned heavily against the tree trying to catch her breath and block out the rest of the song.

"So what was that about?" Michael asked softly from beside her.

"It was a little sensory overload" Liz hedged, deciding not to share that Alex used to play that song. Grief-girl would not be making an appearance at this event, she thought to herself silently. But then she grimaced at the horrid taste in her mouth, reminding her that Grief-girl had already visited.

"I'll be right back" Michael announced and walked off. Liz didn't even look up. He was back less than a minute later and handed her a bottled water.

She took it gratefully and used it to rinse out her mouth, although it didn't totally take the bad taste away.

"Tic tac?" Michael asked, pulling a pack out of his pocket and offering them to her.

Liz smiled the most wistful smile and took the pack, just staring at it contemplatively.

"What?" Michael asked. "What is it?"

"Alex" Liz said softly.

Michael patiently waited for her to continue, he could tell she needed to talk.

"Like a year ago, he really wanted to work at this computer store, so much so that he made me and Maria practice with him for days to prepare for the interview. So the day of the interview we had been practicing right through lunch, with Maria and I firing interview questions at him left and right. So we decided to order something to eat. Now Alex being Alex, he orders this burger with the works: fried onions, peppers and everything. Even Saturn rings on the side. So, when he's about to leave for the interview he starts getting really worried about his breath, so Maria offers him some tic-tacs. He pops a couple in his mouth and walks out looking totally confident. He comes back like 20 minutes later, totally dejected and without saying anything to us, sits down and drops his head onto the counter. So Maria and I look at each other and walk over to him. He doesn't even acknowledge us. Maria asks him what happened, did they not offer him the job? And still without looking up he tells us he didn't even get that far. Apparently when he went in, he and the manager of the store sat down at a table and the manager asked him the first interview question and just as he began to answer, one of the tic-tacs just goes flying out of his mouth and lands on the table between them. Alex said he was so mortified that he just grabbed the tic-tac off the table and rushed out before the guy could say anything."

Michael laughed softly at the story and Liz began to join him, but just as she'd feared, her laughter quickly dissolved into tears. Michael floundered for a moment and then began patting her back in what he hoped was a soothing manner as he waited for her tears to subside. When her sobbing turned to sniffles, his hand dropped back to his side.

"Is this what it's been like for you Liz, since they died?" he asked her. "The throwing up, the flashes, the nightmares, and the crying?"

"It's been bad since that day" Liz acknowledged. "But in the past few weeks, it's just gotten worse. That's why I couldn't stand it anymore Michael . . . It's getting worse instead of better."

Michael's arm went hesitantly around her shoulders. "It's gonna be ok Liz. We'll get through this, I promise."

Liz just nodded numbly. She didn't believe him but it was nice of him to try.

Neither of them noticed the figure standing just a few feet away, looking at them speculatively.

tbc...