Down Towards the Healing
Chapter 6: "Beautiful World"

"My, my, my, it's a beautiful world
I tried talking to Jesus, but he just put me on hold.
Said he'd been swamped by calls this week
And he couldn't shake this cold."

Jeff parked his car in a half vacant lot that cost him 20 bucks to park adjacent to a nearly empty beach. He was already ten minutes late in meeting Maria, but damn! He could have sworn the cobalt blue tide was calling his name and pulsing in and out in perfect time with his heart. Before he knew it he was standing with the cuffs of his jeans rolled up to his knees and his bare toes digging into white sand and staring at the sea as if it had all of the answers to the questions his brain could possibly come up with.

He walked forward until he reached the edge of the shore where the green sea licked the sand and sat down on his back, enjoying the gentle annoyance of the grains along his body. Every now and then he felt the light tide lick at his feet and bare legs and creep up to soak his jeans. He breathed in deep and let the salt air sting his nose. He was listening to the sea gulls scream and whine and he could imagine them chasing each other in the sky; playing tag like he and Matt used to do back home in their backyard.

A dirty blond 12-year old Jeff was running for his life as a raven haired, more solidly built 15- year old Matt pursued him like a wolf after prey. The other kids weren't even trying to get away from Matt, now. They knew he had set his sights on his younger brother, so why waste the energy?

Jeff pumped his bony arms and his legs as fast as they would. He raced around the front of the yard and down the winding asphalt driveway. As he reached the beginning of the road, he felt Matt effortlessly run at his heels. Soon, he felt his brother reach out and push against his back between his shoulder blades.

Before he knew it, his heels where out from under him and he skidded across the concrete like a flat rock skipped on still water.

After a minute he pushed himself up using his knuckles to roll himself over in a sitting position. He was shaking uncontrollably as he stared wide eyed at his brother who was leaning over his knees breathing heavily a few yards away, keeping eye contact with his the kid on the ground.

Jeff eyes didn't start watering until the wind blew lightly and his chin and left cheek stung like salt in a paper cut.

"Jeff don't you dare cry!" Matt ordered him.

Jeff clenched his fists and immediately regretted that decision. He winced and looked down at his hands. They reminded him of the hamburger meat that his dad mashed into patties before putting them on the grill, bloody and shredded.

Matt told him not to cry so he held his breath for what had to be five minutes until he heard a set of pounding steps coming from behind him.

"Dude! Your face looks like Freddy Krueger's!" Shannon exclaimed.

Meanwhile Jeff never took his eyes off of Matt's who had made his way over to assess the damage.

"Jeffrey! Quit looking like your gonna die; now getup." He hauled the younger kid to his feet by his upper forearm, a part of that wasn't bleeding and decorated in gravel, and wrapped an arm around his waist guiding him toward the house.

When they reached the upstairs bathroom Matt sat Jeff on the toilet, wet an old rag and gave it to Jeff who just held it.

"Dude, wipe your face, you klutz."

That woke Jeff up, "Klutz? Matty, you pushed me hard! You wanted me to fall!" He screamed tears running down his face.

"Don't be stupid. And don't blame me for you being an idiot." He said while grabbing a towel and de-crusting the knees of his sobbing brother.

"Matt, that's not true – you always go after me! And I'm not even the worst at sports! I'm faster then Shannon, but you always go after me. And I'm better as basketball then Shane, but you always pick him to be on your team even though he shoots foul shots granny style! You wanted to hurt me!"

"Shut up or you'll wake Dad!" He rinsed the rag and started on his brother's face. "Jeff, you're the one who always insists on playing with us. You could just leave me alone. You choose this."

Jeff bit his lip and angrily wiped his face.

And then the door to the bathroom was pushed open, "Dad! I can explain…" Matt jumped up and dropped the bloody cloth in his hand.

Mr. Hardy looked alarmed as he stood in the doorway, bloody towels laying on the sink counter and Matt holding another one. Then he saw the wreckage of his youngest face and rushed over to kneel in front of the boy examining him more closely, before exhaling a deeply held breath.

Turning to less bloody kid, he growled deeply, "Matthew, what happened."

"Dad, it was an accident, I was just –"

"Daddy, I was just trying to prove that I was better then Matt as sports, so I climbed the basketball hoop and jumped off of it to prove it. They said I couldn't do it. Proved them wrong, right Matt?" He glanced from Matt to his Dad. "Matt tried to stop me, but by the time I realized that he was right, my face had already been formally introduced to the driveway. I'm an idiot, right Matty?"

Matt looked puzzled at Jeff over his fathers shoulder, "Yeah, Jeff sure showed them."

"Shoot Jeff! We talked about this, damn!" He put his hand on the side of Jeff's uninjured face. "Come on, Jeff. We need to go to the hospital. That face doesn't look good, and the gravel looks really deep in there."

"Matt, see if Shelly will let you eat dinner with Shane, for me?" He looked at his eldest, "and don't think that this conversation is over."

He led Jeff out of the room with his hand on his shoulder. Jeff turned to look over his shoulder at his brother. He was shocked to see him with a surprised smirk on his face, and a look Jeff didn't recognize; respect.

He was still dozing off when soon, the squawk of the birds transformed into sounding like his name.

Isn't it funny how if you here a word enough times, it can sound like something else completely?

"Caw… Caw… Jeff... Jeff!"

"Jeff!"

He opened his eyes and lifted his neck as he squinted into the sun. A hundred feet off on the edge of the board walk, he could make out the silhouette of Maria's slight form waving at him. Instead of getting up he laid his head back down and waited for her to join him.

The next time he opened his eyes, Maria was looking down at him with an annoyed look on her face.

"What are you doing? I was calling you and calling you!" She huffed and ran a hand through her hair. "I hate sand."

Jeff sat up and shook off the back of his shirt and head the best he could. "Mornin' Sunshine", he said with a grin.

Maria rolled her eyes, "Fine, I'll bite. Good morning, Jeffrey."

"Why do you hate sand? I would have thought you would have loved the beach, what with your pre-skin cancer tan you're sportin' there."

"Oh, a skin cancer joke, I haven't heard one of those before, did you stay up all night thinking of it?" Maria suddenly smiled, "Oh, banter with you is fun. Anyway, sand sucks because it gets everywhere. Seriously, all I did was step on the beach to drag your ass out of it, and I'll probably be rinsing it out of places I didn't even know I had for about a month."

"Ok, so no Cancun beach trip for our spring break: Check." Jeff paused, "And likewise, I mean with the banter thing."

Maria gave a small smile before pointing an accusatory finger down at Jeff, "And you did not make fun of my skin tone! Ask me how I found you. Ask me!"

"What, the purple hair didn't do it for ya?"

"Well there's that… But mostly it's because I thought I saw a ghost… with purple hair."

Jeff laughed out loud and turned his head so his cheek rested on warm sand. "Yeah, I can blind people in the right light."

"Come on", Maria extended her hand, "Let's get some breakfast or something."

Jeff rolled himself up and clasped the outstretched, manicure hand and was pulled up by a surprisingly strong pull. When he was standing he pulled back his hand from hers, but was met with resistance. He looked at the girl and Maria was staring at his hand.

"We could skip merrily hand in hand to breakfast if you want, but somehow I don't think you would keep up; I'm a master skipper."

"What happened to your hand, Jeff?"

"Oh that", he had honestly forgotten about whole first half of the morning. He thought about the yellow bathroom now littered with broken mirror. "Cut my hand on glass this mornin'".

They started walking toward the boardwalk and towards the strip of stores. "So you're here with your Boy?" He asked with his head pointed toward the ground.

He glanced over to catch Maria smiling shyly to herself.

"We just laid on the couch and watched movies all weekend. We ate pancakes in bed and bought tons of junk food and it was just a blast." She sighed and started to climb the wooden steps off of the sand. "I never realized how much work the whole "some measured amount" distance relationships were so hard until these past 6 months or so."

Jeff gave a small smile as he dropped his shoes on the ground and ground his feet into them before bending over and lacing them up.

"Relationships, no matter what the distance, are hard. Phil's a good guy; you'll make it work."

"The best guy" she said as she batted her eyelashes.

They walked for a few minutes until they were in front of the familiar green awning of a Starbucks.

Maria stared longingly into the window at the bar.

"So, the puppy dog eye's are saying that, what? You like coffee?"

Maria turned from the glass to Jeff's green eyes, "Um, only with my oxygen".

Jeff lost it. "Well how do I deny that answer?" He opened the door and waited for Maria to enter before he stepped inside after her.

Maria placed her hand on Jeff's shoulder and leaned her forehead on it, "Bless you." and she turned toward the cashier to place her order. "I'll have a Venti skim latte, no foam, double pump sugar free vanilla with two extra shots of espresso." She turned to Jeff, "What do you want?"

Jeff stared at the menu and blinked, "Uh…"

"Jeff you're holding up my coffee-ing, what do you usually drink?"

"Umm…"

"Jeff, if I don't get caffeine within the next 2 minutes, I'm going to go through withdrawal symptoms. For real. Order."

Jeff looked down from the menu and gave an apologetic smile to the cashier who had an overly happy look on her face. "Um, I guess I'll have a large green tea."

"OK sir! We have five green teas for you; China greentips, Envy, Green ginger, Om, Zen, and Lotus! Which one would you like today?"

"Um. I don't care, anyone is fine." He watched Maria's amusement grow out of the corner of his eye.

"And how many tea bags would you like today?"

"What? You mean I can have more then one?"

The girl behind the counter giggled behind her hand, "Of course, sir!"

"Um, how many is normal? Two, does two sound good? Is that ok?"

Maria cut in, "Yeah, ok." She glared at the girl and Jeff before running a hand through her hair, "Here's what he wants, give him a venti green ginger tea with three tea bags and a cup of ice on the side." She turned to Jeff and then turned back to the register, "And the biggest slice of the cake with the cranberries and white chocolate pieces."

"Ok, the total is $11.82!"

Jeff took out a rolled up twenty from inside his jeans and handed it to her and took back his change.

Maria elbowed him, "you have to tip them." She looked up at him and pointed to the jar.

"For makin' coffee?"

"Yeah, all you got is tea, so really you could have gotten a way with just tossing in a buck, but I ordered a latte and you…" Maria laughed, "You just looked like an idiot ordering so you should give em' a five spot."

Jeff shrugged and tucked the five dollar bill into the jar.

"Plus, I think they knew we're on TV. "Famous" people are supposed to tip well… for everything. How do you not know this stuff?"

They gather there drinks and food and made there way to an empty table by the window.

"I don't like to drink corporate coffee. Or coffee, really."

"Jeff how are we supposed to be friends if you're against everything I stand for? Cell phones, Starbucks, what next, kittens?"

"I am more of a dog person" he said laughing, "What's with the cup of ice that you ordered?"

"Cause the water for the tea is hotter then lava and you're going to burn your tongue."

Jeff thought about his personal reference of him being a volcano of crazy and just nodded and blew on his uncapped drink while Maria took a healthy sip of hers. The moments passed by as Jeff watched the waves roar in and thunder out on the beach in the offing.

"So, what are you doing in good ole' California?" And she took a huge forkful of the cake that was between the two of them.

"Just visitin' an old friend. It's so nice to be in warm weather when it's supposed to be cold."

"Cool" Maria nodded up and down while taking another fork full of cake.

And the lighthearted conversation continued on easily for the next few minutes while the two enjoyed their liquid meals.

Maria suddenly interrupted Jeff when he was talking about story with him and his brother, "Hey. You know what? This is the first time I have never seen you without a cigarette. Are you quitting?"

"Well, in order to give something up like that up, you kind of have to be addicted. And I don't think you're allowed to smoke in California anymore. Yeah, the whole state banned it." He turned to look out the window, "I don't really get addicted to things, anyway."

"Sign one of an addict". Maria looked doubtful, "So what everyone said, about your… uh… extended leave of absence? That wasn't true?"

Jeff shifted uncomfortable in his seat, "Well. I guess I won't lie to you. I was doing drugs… do drugs, really. But I don't really think it's an addiction, but more of a way to get me out of shit. So I missed a bunch of practices and skipped a bunch of house shows, but not because I was strung out at home on the couch or something… I don't know. I guess I was sick of this job. I was sick of traveling and missing my friends and my home. And I think I kind of know that this life isn't really for me."

Maria sipped her latte and gave him a measured stare, "So you use drugs as what, a defense mechanism? That's really messed up and stupid."

"Well yeah, I'm pretty fucked up and stupid."

"Stop that. So why'd you come back?"

"The same thing happened with TNA after the band fell apart and Matty wanted me to come back, so I did."

"You came back for your brother? Jeff, I have a brother, and I got to say, I wouldn't even give him a ride when we went to the same high school."

"That's one of the reasons. And it's not like I was doing anything else anyway."

"That's great, Jeff." She gave him a serious look with bug shiny eyes, "Please don't do drugs anymore, at least for that reason. You start feeling like that again and come talk to me, ok? I'll remind you why you have everything goin' for ya."

"I guess I could do that. But if we're bein' honest, I smoked a bowl before I came here." Jeff answered with a guilty grin.

"Jeff! How are you going to pass your Wellness Test?"

"Green tea, cranberry juice and a couple gallons of water. You act like you've never cheated a piss test before."

"That's cause I haven't. "

"Wait, you've never toked up?"

Maria shook her head no. "So is it true, that it's a gateway drug?"

Jeff laughed, "No, that's something Dare officers say to 5th graders." He started to chuckle again, "I was in 9th grade when me and my friends got stoned for the first time. It was during lunch. And that same day we got caught by the principle and were all sent to some ridiculous amount of detention. We were put in solitary confinement and couldn't speak to each other or anyone really. It was hell!" He smiled to himself and took a sip of the cooled tea. "So that's how it went for 10 weeks. And the whole time I went to that school I was labeled a stoner by the faculty and the students, so I made the best of a bad situation and smoked up everyday until I was out of there."

"You're a visionary." Maria said dryly and Jeff just started to crack up at the memory.

Maria looked at the watch on her wrist and sighed. "I should get going, it's kind of a hike back to where I'm staying and I have to pack and get ready for dinner tonight. Phil is taking me to a place called "White Horses" and I googled it to see how expensive it was and yeah, I'm gonna have to put out tonight."

Jeff laughed before replying, "I can give you a ride. I don't mind at all."

"Really? Cause I'm not the kind of girl who turns down a free ride. I grew up in Chicago, after all."

Jeff held the door open and followed her out onto the boardwalk. Jeff deeply inhaled the salty air again and picked up pace next to Maria's quick steps.

"So, you've never smoked pot. Please tell me you're not straight edge too? Like you've at least drank before, or popped speed before an exam, or had a glass of white wine with dessert?"

"Nope to the pill popping, but yeah, I've drank before. I mean, I'm 24 years old, of course I have, but out of respect for my guy, I don't now. I'm proud of him for not going with convention and having morals." She shivered as the cold air blew off of the waves, "But do I miss having a glass of merlot before going to bed, hell yeah I do."

Jeff unzipped his black hoody and handed it over to her, "Ya know, I saw you in the TV show. 'Outback Jack'. You seem really different in real life".

Maria shrugged on the sweatshirt, zipping it up to her chin, "I don't like to talk about it". She said in a clipped tone.

After a few moment of silence, "Jeff, that is the ugliest shirt I have ever seen and I can't believe you would even wear it in public, much less listen to it in the privacy of your own room."

Jeff looked down and laughed. "Everyone like New Kids on the Block and no one is ever man enough to admit it. Besides, I like how nearly all there song titles end in the word 'Girl' when clearly they were all screwing each other up the ass."

When they got to the parking lot, Jeff went to the passenger door and unlocked it, holding it open for Maria to climb in. She just stood there staring.

"You still want the ride, right?" He saw Maria nod, "Then get in." Maria mutely climbed in, he shut the door and climbed into the driver side and started the ignition.

"Jeff this truck is a death trap and you actually escorted me into it." She snapped the seat belt in, "And I actually got in."

"Awe, she' ain't so bad." He said, backing her out of the spot and driving out on the main boulevard.

"I'm adding this to the reasons why we shouldn't be friends." She made sure Jeff smiled as she said that and relaxed when he did.

"I mean, Jeff, I know for a fact you have to make decent money. I know that I'm not strapped for cash and I only get a Diva's salary. Why don't you buy a nice new sports car or something? Then again, you don't seem like the sports car kind of guy, so buy an old Mustang! I could totally help you fix it up! My dad taught me everything to know about cars. Hell, if you like trucks buy a new F1-50! You can haul major ass in that truck, for sure!"

Jeff laughed, "I love this truck. I bought her when I was 17 and it was all I could afford. She's still goin' strong; I change her oil and keep'er tuned up. Besides, Matt would have a coronary if I got rid of her. He's more attached to this thing then he his to me. I have no idea why…"

"But…"

"I give most of my pay check to my Dad, so he can retire at an early age and not worry about anything. I have legal fee's and hospital bills that take care of the rest. Honestly, a new car is the last thing I would every think about getting."

Maria sulked, "But even your upholstery is ready to be retired; look it's torn at nearly 50 percent of the seams." She brushed the interior and inhaled more then a decade of Jeff Hardy. It smelled like stale cigarettes, a forest, and …a something unique to the man in question. She smiled a little to herself, "I like the bench seat, though. Very classic. Bucket seats are so impersonal, ya know?"

"Yeah, me too. So where'm I goin'?"

Jeff pulled up to five star hotel, cut the ignition and turned to Maria. "Well, I guess this is goodbye." His eyes were clear and round and honest.

"Yeah, thanks for the ride and the coffee… And the phone call. I had a good time hanging out. I need more friends."

"I should be thanking you, for helping me kill my morning. And if anyone needs friends, well, it'd be me."

He watched Maria unbuckle herself and scoot closer to Jeff and wrap her arms around his neck. "I'm stealing this pack of cigarettes, since you know, you're not addicted." And she scooted out of the truck and walked through the glass sliding doors, before turning around and giving a final wave.

Jeff sat in his the truck watching the beautiful girl disappear from sight. After a few minutes, he set his head on the wheel, took a deep breath, looked up and started the engine and led his truck back towards Rob's suburban neighborhood.

Maria slid her card key into the lock and waited for the light to turn green before entering the suite she was sharing with Phil.

He was sprawled in a sea of golden sheets, and flipping through the channels on the TV. Maria threw down her bag, kicked off her shoes and then ran and jumped on the bed right next to the dark haired, tattooed man.

"Hey Babe, watcha watchin'.

Phil muted the TV and turned to give Maria a quick kiss, before lifting up the covers to allow her to burrow under with him. "Now I'm watching you" and his lips went to her neck as she turned to allow him better access, smiling into her shoulder. His hand working his way to her stomach fighting between the layers of sweatshirt, tee shirt and tank top.

Things were unfolding very fast when suddenly he pulled away.

"Hey! Why'd you stop?" She cried, opening her eyes and looking at him.

"Where you with another guy?" he asked blankly.

Maria turned so she laid directly on top of him, there stomachs sandwiched together. She tangled her fingers in his hair, before replying, "Well, yeah. I told you I went out with a friend for breakfast."

"You didn't say it was a guy though, I thought it was, I don't know Ashley or someone! Who was it, MK?"

Maria rolled her eyes and rolled off of him, so that she was next to him and had her head resting on his broad shoulder.

"I just got coffee with Jeff Hardy. Nothing to write home out about." And Maria felt the tension leave Phil's shoulders. "Hey! How come you were so worried and then when I said it was Jeff, it's all good now?"

"Babe, Jeff is as bent as a twig" He gave a throaty laugh.

"What."

"Yeah, he has to be."

"He can't be gay, I refuse to believe it." She said trying to think about their previous meetings and trying to figure out if he'd done anything that had sent red flags up and she couldn't think of a single occasion.

She bit her lip, "Well, he does like New Kids on the Block". She turned back to Phil, "Really?"

Phil smiled and returned to kissing her neck and unzipping her jeans, "Mmhhmm." He got the jeans off and lifted his head to get to work on her shirt, "But I'm not, so let's not talk about Jeff Hardy's sexual preference right now."

"And still this emptiness persists
Perhaps this is as good as it gets
When you've given up the drink and those nasty cigarettes
Now I leave the party early at least with no regrets
I watch the sun as it comes up I watch it as it sets
Yeah this is as good as it gets"

Hey all,

The feedback you all are giving me has left me speechless and completely breathless. Thank you so so so much for the kind words. You cannot imagine how much it means to me.

Nothing really to explain about this chapter, I really feel like you guys are getting me, and that is amazing, cause I don't even get me.

Colin Hay wrote the song in this chapter and it's absolutely a beautiful song. Everyone should check it out.

Also, I really don't own anything you recognize here.

The summary of this story includes quotes from a song by Defiance, Ohio called "I don't want Solidarity if it mean holding your hand". I really like this band, because they are old school DIY and they do everything they do because they believe in something. It's truly awe-inspiring. They just give away there music for free, because it's all about the message to them.

Also, I thought I'd keep Maria with Phil, because he doesn't seem like a bad guy, even though I personally don't like him. I keep getting the feeling like he's going to preach his straight-edge-ness to me. And clearly, I'm pro- "do whatever the hell you want to your body, cause it's yours" and there isn't much in this world that you have control over, so why not your body?

Also, nothing is written for the next part, and I go into Finals hibernation in like 28 minutes. Wish me luck, cause I'll need it!

So anyway, no chapter for a while, mostly because of finals, but also because nothing else it written for this. Also, I want to clean it up and fix errors that I feel are completely affecting the message of this story (whatever it may be). I'm also going to try and speed it up a little. I always fall into a death trap with stories because I take things so slowly! I think it's because my life is a whirlwind these days and I would kill to be able to slow it down, so it comes out in my writing. But I don't want to sacrifice my love for description... Augh! I'm so torn. However, this story is moving the fastest anything I have ever written, actually!

And another thing. I've never actually written a 6th chapter for anything! Seriously, look at my profile. I always stop at 5 chapter or less. And you all are accredited to this phenomenon.

Hope all you Jeff/Maria fans are sated for now. I know it's not quite what everyone wants, but it wouldn't be me if I just let them jump into bed together. Things are way more complicated then that, right?

You all rock my world, for serious. Leave more feedback, cause I'm needy!

"I had no idea what I was after, I'm just preparing for a disaster!" - Defiance, Ohio