Title: Wallowing in Sorrow

For: TheGreenThing and Phlob/ AKA Conster! XD

House: Gryffindor

Name: CityGirl419 AKA Desty (:

Hope you like this, Conster! This was my first ever Drarry. (: Feel proud! XD Loveeee youuu!

Harry ran his hand through his already impossible mess of hair as he downed another shot of Firewhiskey. He knew he shouldn't be getting drunk again. Knew that it was probably a mistake, just like the last time. Yet, he couldn't help himself. He needed something to keep his mind off from what happened. What he couldn't believe. What he couldn't forget, even when he was drunk.

Even though he was drunk, the memory still pulsated his mind like a headache as though he was one hundred percent sober when it happened. Maybe it was the fact that what happened had caused him to be sober the moment it was over. It was eye opening and very confusing. One single night had caused him more pain than he thought possible.

It had been a long day at the office. So Ron, Draco, and Harry had decided to stop at the Leaky Cauldron for a drink to relax a bit. It was already late, so it's not like they had to rush home. Ron had run off to the loo, to no doubt puke his brains out and had left Harry and Draco sitting at the bar, drunk out of their minds. No one was in the place; just the bartender, who had stepped into the back room for a minute to get something at the time, and the three of them. It surprised Harry how much he remembered.

At first they weren't saying anything. Just sitting there, drinking. Harry and Draco had a strange sort of relationship. Harry had forgiven Draco for everything that had happened in order to maintain a professional relationship when they both became Aurors. They had become close throughout the years and Harry considered Draco one of his good friends.

Harry had turned to say something about the latest case to Draco when it had happened. Out of the blue, really. Draco just kind of leaned in and kissed him. Harry, being slightly past intoxicated, didn't really react to it. He stayed there, and let Draco kiss him. Harry was worried because he kissed back after a while, not even truly knowing what he was doing at the time. It didn't last long, but it did deepen. A bit too much for Harry's liking the next morning. After Harry thought about it though, did he really not like it?

That was the reason for all the misery. Harry couldn't tell if it was his drunken state that liked the kiss or if he himself liked it. Draco didn't show any signs of remembering the kiss. That didn't mean he didn't though. Draco was good at hiding what he was feeling, his emotions. All Aurors were, it was their job not to show different emotions to certain people during their job.

After a few more shots, Harry had decided that he was going to ask Draco if he remembered anything from that drunken night. Not the kiss specifically. Just the night, to see if he would say anything about the kiss. It was the only thing Harry had at this point.

The next morning Harry woke with his head pounding. He probably shouldn't have had so many drinks on a work night, but he couldn't help himself. He just had too many problems to not drink. Luckily for him, Harry always had a bit of Pepper-up potion in his cupboard for occasions like these. Ever since Ginny left him, he had taken a liking to Firewhiskey and never knew when he needed a pick me up.

He downed it quickly before grabbing a to-go cup of coffee and Apparating to the Ministry. Nodding occasionally to people he passed in the hallway, but not really stopping to talk to anyone no matter who tried to get his attention. He was used to it. No matter how many years had passed since Voldemort was defeated, Harry still got attention everywhere he went. It was always, 'that's "The Chosen One", or "The Boy Who Lived"'. It got annoying after a while, but it was something Harry had to deal with.

Finally he made it to his office and went straight to his desk. He noticed Draco wasn't there yet, but that wasn't unusual. Harry was always at work before everyone else was. Actually, he was surprised when Ron walked into his office. Already having been there. Ron looked stressed and upset about something. Harry's eyebrows burrowed and his face had a look of pure confusion on it.

"Harry, we lost an Auror last night on that mission," Ron said plainly. Clearly trying not to break down. Harry swallowed and looked down. Afraid of who Ron was going to say.

"Who? I thought the mission was going to be a cake walk? It was only one Death Eater they had to get. There was five Aurors that went!" Harry told Ron, even though he already knew.

"There were two Death Eaters. Not just one. The other was hiding. Waiting. Unfortunately, he got what he wanted," Ron grumbled with a glare that was clearly meant for whoever this Death Eater was.

"Why wasn't I called immediately?" Harry demanded to know.

"Because it just happened! We were late getting out on the mission. We all just got back. I haven't even been home. Once the Death Eater got what he wanted, he came quietly. There wasn't a problem after that."

"Who was the Death Eater. What did he get. And who died." Harry was getting angry now that Ron had worked his way around the question he had asked.

"The Death Eater was Lucius, Harry. He got his revenge. He killed Draco," Ron said it flatly.

Harry didn't know why he insisted on hearing it. He had a feeling it was Draco since the moment Ron walked into the room. Harry would never get to tell Draco about the kiss. Never get to figure out what exactly it meant. If he truly had feelings for him or not.

"You can leave now. Thanks, Ron," Harry told him. He was afraid he was going to break down and he didn't want anyone around.

"Alright. I'm sorry, Harry. I know Draco was your friend. He was my friend too," Ron said simply before walking out of the room, leaving Harry alone.

He ran his fingers through his messy black hair as a deep sigh erupted from his chest. He would never get to find out if he had been living a lie all his lie and wasn't even interested in girls. The kiss Draco and him shared when they were drunk wasn't just some spontaneous thing. Harry felt something. He wasn't sure if Draco felt anything or not. Or even if Draco remembered the kiss. He was supposed to find that out today.

Why did he have to die like that? Randomly? It seemed like everything in his life either left him or died. First his parents, then Sirius, Dumbledore, Dobby, Remus, Tonks, Fred. The list could go on for hours. Ginny left him, Hermione and Ron were too busy with their love life and having children that he barely talked to them anymore. He hung out with Draco quite a bit. He was becoming his best mate, maybe something more.

Harry was tired of things like this happening to him. Of the people around him dying. What were the chances that the one mission Harry had off they would find the man they had been looking for since the war ended. The one that had carefully eluded them since. The one they knew was after Draco because he turned good.

Harry buried his head in his arms on the desk and just sat there in silence. Thinking about all the things that could have happened. A slow tear rolled down Harry's cheek as he wallowed in his own sorrow for what seemed like the millionth time.