Kathryn only wore her hair down because he'd asked. Something in Chakotay's eyes softened when he'd made the request and it was too sweet for her to resist. Her grey dress was a little flirtier than she'd normally choose, and the ruffles along her calves whispered while they walked through the corridors, arm in arm. No one gave it a second glance, but her cheeks were half-flushed and she couldn't help the rush of pride that flowed through her to be at his side. They weren't an item, yet, but they'd spent the morning together, lazily in her quarters, they were attending Neelix's festival together and Kathryn was giving it until 0200 before it was the only piece of gossip on the ship.
"Have you been to one of these before?" she asked curiously as they got into the turbolift. "A gratitude festival. The request Neelix sent about it was so excited, I have to say he's made me excited."
Chakotay shook his head, grinning at her exuberance. "I haven't," he admitted. In all honesty he hadn't given it much thought. All his thoughts were reserved for the woman on his arm, who was currently almost dancing with anticipation as the turbolift sped them to their first official function as a couple - not the captain and the commander, but Kathryn and Chakotay. He was excited and a little nervous, but mostly he was simply happy that she was happy.
They exited the turbolift and strolled toward the holodeck. This was the woman he'd fallen in love with on New Earth; playful, relaxed, and thoroughly intrigued by the idea of a surprise. They were running a little behind and the corridor was empty. He stopped short of the entrance and squeezed the hand that was gripping his arm. "Are you ready?"
Kathryn looked around secretively and leaned in close to whisper to him. "No," she said, grinning. "I'm not ready at all." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and gripped his hand. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Everything will be fine. We're not the first, and certainly not the last, couple Voyager will see." She dug her fingers into the back of her neck and then shook her head.
"I'm trying to reconcile the fact that something we want, might be something the crew can not only accept, but support," she thought aloud. "They want us to be happy. Just as much as we'd wish any two of them well. And then part of me can only think about you." The smell of him lingered in her nose, and she could still feel the touch of his lips against her breasts. She leaned in closer still and whispered wickedly, "I do hope you're coming back with me after the party."
Leaving him with that thought, she took his arm firmly and walked them straight in.
His breath caught in the back of his throat and he coughed a little. Shaking his head and grinning in spite of himself, Chakotay let her lead him onto the holodeck. That was exactly what he needed in his attempt to look calm and unconcerned - images of a naked Kathryn running through his head.
The noise of the crowd enveloped them, and he relaxed automatically as he looked around at the faces of their friends and colleagues. The party was in full swing; people mingling, drinking, eating and dancing. Neelix was circulating furiously, carrying a platter of what Chakotay assumed were renewal scrolls. As morale officer Neelix had insisted that the crew have the opportunity to write their problems on the little slips of paper, which would later be burned in a ceremonial fire. Never before had Chakotay been so grateful for the reliability of Voyager's fire suppression system.
Bending to ask Kathryn what she'd like to drink, he was pulled off balance by a hand grasping enthusiastically at his free arm.
"Chakotay!" B'Elanna beamed at him. "Good evening, Captain. It's wonderful to see you both. I was beginning to think you weren't coming." Her eyes sparkled as she glanced quickly at Kathryn. Something interesting had definitely gone on between the two of them. He'd never thought to ask Kathryn about her conversation with his oldest friend. Interesting.
"We wouldn't miss it," Kathryn promised. She couldn't tell if the quick raise of B'Elanna's eyebrows was because she and Chakotay had arms linked, something they'd done before, or because it was simply that obvious that they were together. "Wouldn't be very gracious of us, would it, Chakotay?"
B'Elanna looked between the two of them and her eyes quickly took in the way Kathryn's hands were wound tightly around his arm. Kathryn glanced down at her fingers, then up at B'Elanna. She wasn't sure if she should blush or wink or grin like an idiot, but the latter seemed to be winning without her consent.
"I think we all have a great deal to be grateful for this year," Kathryn finished.
"Like the fire suppression system," B'Elanna quipped, sharing a glance with Chakotay.
Kathryn glanced at the ceiling and nodded. "I'm going to get us a drink," she said. Letting Chakotay and B'Elanna talk for a moment or two could be fun. He certainly had to have a lot to say. She squeezed his hand, wishing she could kiss his cheek, and headed for the tall glasses of replicated springwine.
Watching Kathryn cross the room, he took a moment to appreciate her dress. The bottom edge teased her calves tantalisingly, and his gaze slid automatically up her legs, lingering for a moment. Pulling himself away, he returned his attention to B'Elanna, who watched him knowingly.
"You look like you want to say something," he said, pointedly. His voice was stern but he knew she could see through him. B'Elanna knew better than anyone what this meant.
"Don't I always want to say something?" B'Elanna quipped over the edge of her wine glass. She watched his eyes linger and made a mental note to ask Tom if he agreed with Chakotay's obvious appreciation for the captain's legs. If she asked in front of Harry, she could probably make the ensign snort his spring wine. "You look happy; more relaxed. I don't want to be crude, but I'll bet a month of replicator rations that I could name a few things you're grateful for. It had been awhile, hadn't it?"
She paused and leaned in a little closer, conspiratorially. "The captain looks happy. Really happy. I guess you never forget, right? Just like flying a landskimmer." She ended in a smirk.
Chakotay tapped her gently under the chin. "Show a little respect, you're talking about your commanding officers." He couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face and his hand settled on her shoulder in a friendly squeeze.
He studied the eyes of the woman who was the closest thing to family he had left. Carrying a reputation for being prickly and difficult, underneath it all B'Elanna had one of the biggest hearts he'd ever known. Clearly delighted, she teased like the little sister she had always been to him.
"Thank you," he said quietly. "I know you talked to her. It made a difference. Losing the respect of the crew is her biggest fear." Not her biggest fear, but the other was too private for him to share with anyone else.
"I'm sorry, Commander," she quipped. "Would you like to discuss your relationship with the captain or the way you can't stop looking at her legs, Sir." She finished with a wicked smile. "Which entirely surpass Starfleet expectations."
When they were Maquis, she would have been anything but respectful when he had a new lover. She'd given him a hard time for everyone who didn't measure up because she cared. It surprised the hell out of her how much she cared at first, then she'd realised they were family. Letting go of the Maquis family and building a new one on Voyager had been hard at first. She'd hated Janeway and her Starfleet rules almost as much as she hated her mother and the Klingon ones.
Now, three years later, her heart had changed. She was happy here, trapped in the middle of nowhere. B'Elanna was useful, even respected, and she was still getting used to that. Leading Chakotay aside, over by the window, she took a slow sip of her springwine. The fruity sweetness and the bubbles reminded her of Bajoran friends they'd left behind.
"She needed to talk," she began, still surprised by the conversation she'd had with the captain a few days ago. "I guess I, most of the crew, forget she's human. She's the captain, and she's always the captain. It took me a minute or two to realise she needed a friend more than she needed an engineer. That's how much you mean to her."
"She's in love with me," he said softly. He hadn't meant to say it then, or in that way, hadn't meant to even tell B'Elanna but when he opened his mouth that was what came out. Which maybe wasn't that surprising since it was the only thing he'd been able to think about since Kathryn had told him. Chakotay grinned sheepishly and ducked his head.
He slid a hand up the side of his face, pulling his focus back to his friend. "I'm glad she talked to you," he continued, thinking aloud. "She isolates herself, and I know that all most people see of her is the captain. I'm hoping you'll get the chance to see more." He looked at B'Elanna. "It's really hard for her. She's struggling but she wants to give it a try. She wants to be with me." His face split into a grin. "And I want to be with her."
So much for playing it cool.
B'Elanna tried and failed utterly to keep from giggling. Maybe it was the wine or the Targ-in-a-mudpit smile Chakotay wore. "How could she not love you?" she teased softly. "Look at you, you've been everything she's needed for three years on top of being yourself, Chakotay. You're a catch." He'd been popular in the Maquis, and yes, she'd carried a bit of a harmless crush on him for a while. She understood why a woman could fall so hard for him.
And, surprisingly enough, the captain was a woman. "You know she was worse than a cadet in there, behind the plasma manifold. She dropped tools, couldn't focus; I was about to think she was possessed by some alien when she started talking." Then she'd seen something she'd never thought she'd see. Vulnerability, fear and a wistful kind of loneliness were all trapped behind the captain's best smile.
"Neither of you can do anything half way, can you?" she teased, clinking her glass against his. "Impulse to warp nine point nine." She studied him with amusement. "She'll understand eventually. The crew might even enjoy seeing both of you smile like that-"
He laughed with her, liking the idea of Kathryn awkward and clumsy because of him. As much as he'd love to tease her about it, he'd never mention it. The last thing she needed was to think the crew saw her as letting her personal life infringe on her ability to do her job. But...it was charming to think of her that flustered.
Chakotay scanned the room, looking for her, and spotted her talking to Samantha Wildman in a corner. She looked comfortable enough and was laughing at something Sam had said. Apparently his drink had gone by the wayside, but it was more than worth it if she was enjoying herself.
Returning his attention to B'Elanna, he realised what he'd done. Again. "Sorry," he grinned. "I guess I'm a little distracted. It's got nothing to do with the company, I promise." He patted her arm and let his hand rest there. "Thanks," he said, realising how entirely inadequate it was. "You're a hell of a friend, B'Elanna."
B'Elanna shrugged, pretending not to be moved. She was touched they'd managed to stay friends; B'Elanna wasn't good at keeping them long. He was her oldest friend on board and very nearly the oldest she had in any quadrant. "We look out for each other," she reminded him. "That Starfleet thing. Duty, honour, friendship, shiny boots."
Waving down Neelix, she grabbed a drink from his tray and handed it to Chakotay. Tom Paris and Harry Kim had emerged from behind the table of food and both of them smiled across the room. Tom's little salute with his glass made her grin, probably a smile as goofy as Chakotay's. "And who knows, maybe flyboy will stop messing around and ask me to dinner. Do you think the captain would double date?"
She'd said it for a laugh and then realised, watching the captain greet Tom and Harry, that dating Chakotay might just bring the captain down from the lofty heights of the command chair to the deck-plates with the rest of the crew. She couldn't resist one more question. "You didn't think you'd ever, you know, when we met her, did you?"
What had he thought about Voyager's captain when he'd first encountered her? She'd been a surprise from the start. More reasonable than he'd expected from a Starfleet representative, suggesting almost immediately that they work together to recover Harry and B'Elanna and treating him as an equal rather than the terrorist she'd been sent to apprehend. Her decision about the array had been sound and the gutsiness she'd displayed in proposing they amalgamate their crews was not something he had expected from someone so clearly by the book.
He'd been intrigued and he was man enough to appreciate that she was beautiful, but back then his trust was almost impossible to earn. He wasn't looking for anything and she was clearly not going to be interested in a quick release of tensions.
"No, not at the beginning." Chakotay shrugged. "You remember what I was like then. We worked pretty well together from the start but it wasn't until Seska that I realised she was also my friend." Kathryn had displayed incredible kindness and generosity toward him when his personal life had almost gotten them all destroyed.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he remembered. "When we thought we might lose some of the crew to the thirty-sevens, I realised that we depended on and could support each other." He shrugged. "Then we were left on the planet. The rest you know."
B'Elanna knew more than anyone on board, aside the two involved, what the planet had been like. She couldn't imagine giving up one life, building another and then having to give up that one as well. She remembered the conversation well, and now when she really thought about it, she hadn't been all that surprised. The captain, she was never really going to be able to think of her as 'Kathryn', was intelligent, determined and passionate. If she could share her heart with Chakotay and the ship, B'Elanna predicted they'd be very happy together. Something they richly deserved.
"Seska fooled all of us, not just you," she reminded him. Patting his shoulder, she smiled to chase the memory. There was something she had to ask him before the captain came back. At her most flustered, the captain had asked about children. Watching her talk to Sam Wildman, B'Elanna gave Chakotay an appraising look.
"You didn't hear it from me, of course, but if all goes well-" She couldn't think of a reason in the universe, short of tragedy, that would stop them from staying together until the end of time. Chakotay was smitten and considering the captain's behaviour, she was too. "She wants children. Someday. You'd make a good father you know."
Not much took Chakotay by surprise, but he looked at her with complete astonishment. Kathryn had talked to B'Elanna about wanting children? About...children...with him.
He loved children, something B'Elanna was keenly aware of, although he doubted she'd said anything that direct to Kathryn. In his life before Voyager, when they had made runs to the border settlements providing food and supplies, he'd inevitably ended up with a small group of them tagging after him wherever he went. He made what time he could for stories and tried to find little jobs for them to do. Seeing the relief on their parents' faces was constant validation that the Maquis were meeting a need nobody else could be bothered with.
Struggling for words, his eyes automatically sought out Kathryn again on the other side of the room. Children. It was too much to hope for but in spite of himself a spark flickered through his chest.
Returning his attention to B'Elanna, he composed himself as best he could. "That's interesting. We haven't talked about it."
She'd only seen him struggle this hard to keep his composure a few times in her life. Most of the time, in fact, each other time, he'd been angry. Now, she wasn't even sure she could name the emotion in his eyes. Was it hope? All of their prospects were changed. B'Elanna wouldn't have started a relationship with anyone she intended as more than a fling in the Maquis. They didn't have time for that. Voyager was different, calmer, and in some ways safer. As Naomi Wildman was proving, a child could grow up on Voyager and be loved and safe.
"I don't think she meant right away," B'Elanna promised him, squeezing his arm and finishing the last of her wine. "It surprised me at first. She doesn't seem to have much time to do anything for herself. Not that the rest of us do." She stared at her fingers, wrapped around the stem of her glass and caught a glimpse of Tom smiling as he neatly stole the captain's attention from Sam.
She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I didn't say this, because it'll ruin my reputation as a grumpy Klingon. I can think of many worse places to raise a child and few better women to raise one with."
"Your secret's safe with me." Chakotay gave her a full on smile and took a deep drink of his wine, swallowing with it the emotion that was clogging his throat.
It meant more to him than he would have imagined to have her approval. When they'd first come aboard Voyager, he'd spent considerable time and energy trying to help Kathryn and B'Elanna see that they were more similar than either wanted to admit. He'd been happy when they'd come to like and respect each other, but he'd always had the feeling there was more there for both of them if they could overcome the fear that kept each of them from reaching for it. Maybe that was starting to change now.
Sam Wildman had helped Naomi, now nearly two, write a clumsy scroll full of things she saw as problems. Ice cream not being real dinner was the top of them and not enough holodeck time being the bottom. Sam's scroll started with missing her husband, and Kathryn imagined a lot of the crew's had begun with loved ones missing. She missed her mom, and Phoebe, but having Chakotay was taking the edges off of her grief.
Even glancing at him across the room filled her with a new warmth she'd just rediscovered she was capable of. She was grateful for every centimetre of him and the way he'd been smiling at her when she'd woken up this morning He was already so dear to her heart that she couldn't imagine life without him.
She must have looked somewhat idiotic standing there, scroll in hand as she stared off into the space far too close to Chakotay. She could have watched him talk to B'Elanna all night but Tom stole her attention with a winning smile and the offer of a pen.
"Good evening, Captain," he said cheerily, watching her eye the first officer. She was good at it, very discreet, but he'd been around the block enough times to recognise covert surveillance when he saw it.
"I couldn't help but notice you seem to be having some trouble with your scroll. I'd have thought as captain you'd have more than enough problems to fill a table of scrolls." Taking her empty glass, he scooped a fresh one for her off a passing tray. "Unless you've decided to focus more on what you're grateful for?" he asked innocently.
Kathryn beamed up at him and took the pen. Pausing over the scroll, she looked at him in mock astonishment. "I write down my problems?" she asked innocently. "Well thank you, Mr. Paris, I've never been that good at intercultural studies. My Klingon is terrible and my Vulcan's not much better."
She eyed the piece of paper and then looked up at him. "Do you think the Prophets would prefer if I called you my rebellious yet talented helmsman or my insubordinate flyboy?" she asked with a wry smile. She could afford to be cheeky. Nothing was going to spoil today. Nothing could after that morning.
"Captain, you wound me." Tom made his voice sound hurt. "I can't count the times I've been called insubordinate. I'd expect something more original from you. You should definitely go with the first."
Twirling his wine glass, he studied her. Out of the corner of his eye he caught B'Elanna looking at him - an interesting piece of information that he filed away for future reference.
"So, Captain," he grinned at her, changing the subject. "Are you here alone?"
"But I'd really like to use flyboy," she mock pouted. Tapping her ink pen on the paper, she grinned at the antiquity of using a pen just like in her holoprogram. What would Maestro say if she started writing Chakotay's name in the corners of her papers just to see the way the ink clung to his name? Shaking that out of her thoughts, she smiled at Tom. He'd asked a question and she had less than a second to answer before she'd look suspicious.
"Actually, I came with someone," she answered, beaming. "And you?"
Touché, he laughed to himself, enjoying her quickness. "Yes," he said forlornly, taking a drink of his wine. "I couldn't get a date. Both the Delaney twins were already spoken for and the most beautiful woman on the ship shows some signs of being off the market. It's heartbreaking actually. The rest of us may never get over it."
He watched the captain carefully as he spoke. "Not that anybody could really blame her if she were," he continued lightly. "She certainly deserves to have a life for herself as long as we have to be out here."
Flushing just a little that he was talking about her, Kathryn wracked her brain. "I thought B'Elanna had no intention of taking up Ensign Vorik's offer?" she quipped. Bringing up B'Elanna was an unfair distraction, but she didn't know what to else to say. Even Tom wanted her to date Chakotay? That was too much for one evening. "I thought she was still single."
She could only beg off so long. Tom knew about her and Chakotay, he was just having too much fun not saying. "It's a small ship, Mr. Paris. Perhaps if you told a beautiful woman how you felt about her, it would work out to your advantage. I know the last time someone-" she had to force herself through sheer force of will NOT to look at Chakotay- "Told me he was in love with me, my response to him was about as subtle as a plasma flare."
Wow. Tom bet that was right. He'd always wondered vaguely, and for the most part innocently, how the captain's passion on the bridge might translate into other areas of her life. Forcing down the inappropriate thoughts that brought to mind, Tom gave her a lazy grin.
"Love? Captain, who said anything about love? I was just trying to get myself a date for Neelix's party here." He was surprised at how the thought of B'Elanna with Vorik irritated him. Casting a casual glance, he noticed she was still talking to Chakotay. Maybe he'd see if she wanted to dance.
"Oh!" she let her eyes widen in surprise. "You just need a date!" Kathryn feigned apology and scribbled four words quickly on her scroll. She tossed it into the fire and beamed at Tom as it crackled.
"I think I can help you with a date," she promised, taking his arm. "She's been monopolising mine for the last few minutes and I'm afraid I'm the jealous type." She walked Tom over to Chakotay and B'Elanna. Her engineer seemed to have answered a puzzle; she knew that victorious look. Chakotay was harder to read.
"I never got you a drink," she said playfully. "Maybe you'd dance with me and let me make it up to you?"
Chakotay set his glass down, smiling warmly at B'Elanna, and took Kathryn's hand. "I think that can be arranged." As he led her away to the area that had been cleared for dancing, he heard Paris ask B'Elanna as well. Now that would make an interesting combination.
But not as interesting as the woman in his arms. As he pulled her against him, being careful to leave a respectable distance, he couldn't help but think of dancing with her the night before in her quarters. It was cheating a little but he let his fingers brush against the soft hair that hung temptingly in the middle of her back. They were in public, but it wasn't like they were on duty.
Kathryn's eyes sparkled and her cheeks were a little flushed. He was curious about her conversation with Tom and his heart was still beating faster from what B'Elanna had told him. There was so much he didn't know about her. It was wonderful to think that he was actually going to have the chance to find out.
"How are you doing?" he asked softly.
"I'm doing wonderfully," she promised, beaming. "I discovered the things I really wanted to write on my renewal scroll. After Mr. Paris explained that I had to write down my problems, not their solutions." His hand was deliciously warm on her back. The fabric of her dress was thin and she liked knowing he was so close. "I would have hated the Prophets to think you were a problem."
Settling down from the high she was experiencing just being in his arms, she looked up at him shyly. "I was told I'm off the market. Being that I thought I was still engaged, I was a little surprised to know I had even been on the market. Maybe it was a private auction." She closed a little of the distance between them and smiled wickedly. "How much of an appearance is a good showing?"
Chakotay laughed. "Well, I'm not sure but being as we've only been here an hour it might be too early to leave." Spinning her gently, he noticed they were gathering some attention. "Besides, I like having the chance to show you off." He tightened the arm that was around her waist in response to her moving closer. If the gossip mill was going to take this on, they might as well get it right on the first try.
"I'll admit though, this is more difficult than I thought it was going to be."
"Dancing?" she teased. She knew he meant something else. Whether it was avoiding kissing her, which she found rather difficult on her end, or staying out in public she wasn't sure. The crew were smiling, but she wasn't sure if it was because it was a party or because both of them were so obviously happy. If the captain was happy, the crew was happy. If the first officer and the captain were both ecstatic...well-
Batting her eyes at him coyly, she looked down at her feet. "I'm not stepping on your toes am I?"
She drove him crazy when she teased him like this. "Well, I didn't want to say anything," he grinned at her, resisting the urge to brush his lips across her forehead.
"I talked with B'Elanna," Chakotay said, growing more thoughtful. "She's happy for us. Not that I'm surprised, but..." He trailed off, knowing Kathryn would understand.
Swaying back and forth in his arms, she flushed slightly. She'd been such a mess in front of B'Elanna. She'd been entirely lucky they'd been in a small, confined Jefferies tube and she hadn't caused a bigger scene by being love-struck. Kathryn finally sighed, lowering her head to his shoulder as the music slowed down. Maybe Neelix was watching them. Maybe everyone was watching them. Perhaps she really didn't care.
"I needed someone to talk to," she began softly. "She's good at solving problems. You're a puzzle and I'm an enigma; I didn't know what to do." She turned her head, resting her other cheek on his chest. She felt his chin on her head and smiled. "I didn't know I'd been that isolated until I started talking. Then everything spilled out like explosive emotional decompression."
He tightened his hold as she snuggled in. This was what had been missing all evening. Having his arms around her made him feel as though he were literally soaking her in, as if he were some sort of sponge. He wondered vaguely if he'd ever get enough of it - not that it mattered. He wasn't planning on ever letting her go.
"Kathryn, that's a good thing," he murmured into her hair. "I'm glad you talked to B'Elanna. Do you remember at the very beginning of all this, I said I wanted you to have time for yourself as well as time for me? This is the kind of thing I was talking about."
Pulling back a little, he ducked his head. "Hey, look at me," he said softly. "I'm proud of you. I know how hard that was. You made quite an impression on B'Elanna - a positive one," he added quickly.
Her expression must have flashed too quickly through embarrassment, shock and astonishment. Kathryn wasn't sure what she was feeling, or how she'd ever allowed herself to be here: in front of at least a third of the crew, in Chakotay's arms, about to cry. Or kiss him. Neither of which she could afford to do.
"I didn't-" she stammered. Her eyes stung but she determinedly kept her smile. "I wasn't trying to. I wanted. I don't know what I wanted. I wanted to be available for you. You deserve everything I have and I wasn't sure I could commit to that. B'Elanna's opinion means a great deal to me, Chakotay. I- I'm never sure. I know the crew respects me. I hold B'Elanna in the highest regard as an engineer." She was babbling now. "I was an idiot in front of her and she-"
"Sssshhhh," Chakotay hushed her softly. The tears were close, just below the surface.
He was still getting used to the volatility of her emotions, not that it bothered him. She had an expressive spirit, it was one of the things he loved most about her, and for close to three years she'd kept almost everything to herself. It wasn't unusual that now that she was starting to let the lid off it was somewhat overwhelming for her. But for all her comfort level was a bit more permissive, she would never forgive herself if she cried in front of the crew.
"You didn't do anything wrong," he reminded her. "B'Elanna didn't think you were an idiot, in fact she was touched that you think enough of her to talk like that." He stroked Kathryn's back as they danced and she relaxed. "Everything's okay," he said softly.
She knew that, logically. If she'd been Vulcan she might have been able to store away everything she felt for him and only dealt with it every seven years. Chakotay held her as if nothing was wrong. She turned her forehead to his chest and let her eyes stop threatening tears. Kathryn surrendered to his arms around her, letting him be the part of her shields she'd just let collapse.
"She's very wise," Kathryn said when she finally trusted her voice. "B'Elanna's seen a lot in her years and she absolutely respects you. Everyone does. Tom. Neelix. All I had to do was mention that I was cooking for you and ingredients appeared." Finding her smile again, she lifted her head and met his eyes with her own dry, finally. "I know," she agreed with him. "I know everything's okay." She allowed herself the little shiver as his fingers ran up and down her back. "Part of me thinks this is a dream. Or maybe that I've been in a trance. I've just been so happy for the last few days, and especially today. Today was wonderful. Every minute of it."
"It is wonderful," he agreed. He lost his focus when she looked at him like that. The rest of the room - the music, the crew, the clamour of voices - faded into nothing and all he could see was Kathryn.
There were things in his heart that he wanted to tell her, but he couldn't form the thoughts let alone the words. Her eyes were softest blue, clear and trusting. He'd noticed that they changed colour significantly depending on how she was feeling. It was surprising that after all the time spent watching her he'd never noticed that, but then, she'd never allowed eye contact between them to go longer than a few seconds.
"You know," he proposed, "I think we've put in enough of an appearance. Everyone's had a good look," he teased. "I think we've given them enough to talk about for one night, don't you?"
He spun her in, wrapping his arms around her as the song ended. It would pass as a dance move, but Kathryn knew better. She loved knowing better. She loved the smell of him just behind her ear and the feeling of his chest against her back. The eyes of the crew were there, and normally she'd be acutely aware of them, but this time he was right, they didn't matter. "But we've only been here an hour..." she teased, turning back to him. His hands were still on her shoulders, and judging by how much she wanted them lower - preferably removing her dress - it was probably time to go.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so enamoured with anyone. "Did you get to write down your problems in a scroll?" she asked, leading him towards the door with a shy wave at B'Elanna and Tom. Tuvok raised an eyebrow in her direction, and she'd have to talk to him later. He'd understand. He'd find the logic of it, even though she couldn't.
"I wouldn't want you to miss your chance to lighten your burdens." Kathryn glanced down at his hands and then up at him. "You certainly have lightened mine."
Chakotay draped an arm loosely around her, resting a hand lightly on her shoulder. It was a somewhat possessive gesture and he reminded himself that he wasn't in competition with anyone for her attention. But he couldn't help it.
Nodding a good night to Neelix, who was positively beaming at the command team, he followed Kathryn off the holodeck and into the quiet corridor. Lighting had been adjusted to evening levels and because they were alone he drew her closer to him for a moment, kissing the top of her head as they walked. He liked that the difference in their heights put her securely within the circle of his arm and chest.
"I don't have any problems, Kathryn," he said finally as he released her so they could step into the turbolift. He shrugged a little sheepishly. "I couldn't think of anything to write."
She stopped in the corridor, still smiling from the kiss on the top of her head. Sometimes she hated being so short, but being with Chakotay made it endearing. She could live with it. They maintained a discreet distance from each other until the turbolift closed. As soon as they were closed in, she backed him into the wall. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him hard enough to back him up farther.
Kathryn knew he didn't mind her being aggressive. It was one of things she adored about him. She parted his lips with her tongue, kissing him until she was breathless. When the lift opened, she dragged him out into the corridor, suddenly serene. "I'm glad you're happy."
Happy didn't begin to describe it.
Taking her hand, Chakotay linked his fingers with hers, willing his body to settle as they took the public stroll to her quarters. The way she kissed him made his blood boil. Once they were in private, all deals were off.
"You spent some time talking to Paris," he said, looking for an easy topic of conversation. "What did he say?"
Kathryn leaned close to his ear. "He noticed I am off the market." However crude it was, she couldn't help liking it. She liked belonging, feeling she had a place and it was in his arms. "I never thought of myself as being on it...then there was you. And you-"
She squeezed his hand in return. Why were her quarters so far away?
"You found something I didn't realise I'd lost." She pulled him into her quarters, wrapping her hands around his hips. "He was happy for us. I think everyone really is."
He nodded, glad that she could see it. Lost in the rush of her kiss, he'd forgotten she'd mentioned Paris' market comment to him already. It was amusing; even though Paris had presumably been joking, Chakotay knew there were a lot of men whose secret fantasies would take a hard hit once the rumour mill communicated the fact that they were together.
He'd have liked to feel sorry for them.
Smoothing the hair back from her cheek, he buried his fingers into it, enjoying the softness. She'd worn it down at his request but it had made it almost impossible not to touch her. Her hands were moving slowly on his hips, burning through his trousers into his flesh as he bent to kiss her neck. He nipped her lightly, then licked softly at the spot. "We're right together," he murmured, in response to her comment about finding something she'd lost.
Kathryn sighed and the sound grew in pitch as he licked up her neck. "Yes," she moaned. "Oh yes." Slipping her hands beneath his shirt, she ran her hands up his spine against his skin. There might be a point where the very idea of sex with him didn't set her nerves on fire, but they weren't there yet. They wouldn't be there for a long time yet.
They'd be the talk of the crew for weeks, but all she really wanted was him. "Do you like the dress?" she asked shyly. It was both shorter and frillier than she would have normally chosen but she felt differently. Maybe she was different. She had him to thank for that. Brushing her fingers along his collar, she smirked. "I like this."
Chakotay grinned, acknowledging her appreciation. Pulling away from her he held her hands, allowing his eyes the pleasure of a slow, studied slide down her body. "I love the dress," he said seriously. It moved him that she wanted his approval. She was shy about her appearance and had no idea how attractive she was - he would remember that in the future.
"You look incredible, Kathryn," he told her softly. He skimmed his hands over her shoulders and down her bare arms, onto her waist and up her sides, brushing his fingers over her breasts, enjoying the catch of her breath. Moving in slowly, he kissed his way down from the base of her throat to where the fabric of her dress covered her breasts, flicking his tongue down underneath it. "You're an exciting woman," he murmured against her skin. "You make me crazy with wanting you."
She expected he liked the dress; he had a unique appreciation for her feminine qualities. As Kathryn dug her fingers into his hair, she shivered. Absolutely delighted at his touch, she twisted her hips closer to him. Knowing he wanted her, she was as entirely smitten with him as he was with her.
"Not too crazy..." She lifted his head and kissed him again hungrily. "I'm entirely within your grasp."
Standing on one foot, she held his shoulders and trailed her foot up the back of his calf. "This new relationship of ours means I have to share you even less on the dance floor."
He shook his head, even as the thinking part of his mind started to slip away. "You never have to share me," he grinned, liking that she was a little possessive. Sliding his hands around and down her back, he cupped her butt, squeezing and pulling her closer.
The softness of the bare pad of her foot sent little shivers up his leg, as the velvet stroking of her tongue against his had sent a hot rush of desire all through him. It was difficult to remember the last time he'd been able to enjoy the fullness of sex, the exploration and wonder of it. For a long time physical involvement had been about tension and release, or at most a warm body to help him through cold, depressing nights. He hadn't realised the degree to which he'd cut himself off from it until now.
With Kathryn he felt alive in a way he'd never thought he could again. The heat of her mouth, the stroking of her hands on his bare skin, and her soft moans all conspired to remind him of who he was.