We're back in the hovercraft. I look at the footage that we shot of Katniss, and I know it's good. But the price that we paid for that propo is unfathomable. All of the people that we filmed in the hospital are dead. Everyone but us and Commander Paylor, who stayed behind, even though we told her that we could take her with us.
I turn off the camera and look to my left, where Katniss is sitting. She turns her head to look at me, and I see my weariness reflected in her eyes. Wordlessly, she extends her hand to take mine. My heart rate increases, and I want to smile, but I can't, not now. I want to tell her that I understand how hard this was for her. But now is not the time to talk. Now is the time that we have to process everything that happened.
I threw myself on top of Katniss to save her life. I didn't realize that I was capable of doing something like that. Am I willing to die for her? I guess I must be.
Gale is looking at me, his eyes full of things, accusations and something else I can't quite identify.
So, he knows. Is he worried that Katniss likes me? I look down to our joined hands, but I don't think that's an expression of anything but sorrow.
I doze, and my dreams aren't peaceful. I open my eyes again when Katniss squeezes my hand gently, telling me that we're back in Thirteen.
"So, holding hands?" Castor asks me.
"It didn't mean anything."
"She kept her hand in yours for an hour, Cressida. It means a lot, I think."
"Yeah. That she was tired, distressed, and that she needed to hold onto something, anything, even someone's hand."
"Come on, you can't fool me into thinking that part of you wasn't thrilled."
I'm about to answer when Gale comes towards us. He doesn't look happy, and I'm certain that he's going to start screaming at me. Castor protectively puts himself in front of me, but I gently push him aside.
"Look, I want to thank you for what you did on the rooftop. You saved her life."
"We weren't hit," I say to him.
"No, but we could have been. And you would have taken the bullet for her if we had been. So thank you. Thank you for trying to protect her." He turns away from me, "I love her too, you know."
Yes, I know. I watch as he leaves, not saying anything even when Messalla asks me what's going on.
"You really jumped on top of her to keep her safe?" he asks.
"And Castor jumped on us. It was a very bonding experience," I tell him finally, squeezing Castor's shoulder, "Thank you for that."
"They won't kill you if any of us have anything to say about it."
"Let's hope they don't kill any of us," I say. But I know that it's just a pipe dream. Many more of us will die in this rebellion, and there's not much I can do to stop it unless we get started on the propo. "Come on, we have work to do."
It takes us the rest of the day to work on it, but the reaction within Thirteen when we show it to them tells me that it was all worth it. They're galvanized, cheering and pumping their fists in the air. I can only think of Katniss and all of the people that died today.
Over the next few days, we try not to think of the rebellion, although it's all around us. Finnick seems to be doing better, and has been assigned living quarters of his own in the same area as mine, so him and I talk often. He's picked up on my feelings for Katniss, but unlike the others, he doesn't question me on them, nor does he tease me. He seems to understand what I'm going through, being so close to her and being unable to be with her.
One day, while I'm talking to Finnick and watching him tying his length of rope into a dozen knots, Katniss comes in. My heart leaps into my throat, as it's been doing so often and I stare at her as though she's a vision. Her hair is in its customary braid, and I focus on that when she sits down very close to me on the floor.
"Gale and I got permission to go hunting," she says. "Would you like us to bring you anything?"
"We get to choose?" I ask.
She smiles a little at me, and nudges my leg with hers, "Maybe."
"Rabbit, then, if you can," I tell her.
She gives a nod, "It shouldn't be a problem. Finnick, what about you?"
"Rabbit will be fine," he tells her.
"All right then." Katniss stands up, brushing my cheek in the process, although I can't tell whether this was an accident or whether she really meant to do it.
As soon as the door closes behind her, I groan and drop my head on my knees. Finnick starts to laugh. It's a thin laugh, but the first one I've heard from him since we got here, and it's good to hear, "You've really got it bad for her, don't you?"
"You don't think it's weird?"
"Because you're both girls?" He shrugs, "There are a few people back home who aren't interested in the opposite sex. It doesn't happen often, but there are so many other things to worry about that we don't really pay attention to it. They're normal people, just like everyone else. And while they're not married, they love each other and work very well as a family."
I smile at the idea, "That sounds nice."
"Yeah, it is."
"I suppose you're going to tell me that I have no chance with Katniss."
"No, I'm not going to say that. But I do want to warn you. She's vulnerable right now, and so are you because you're in tune to her feelings. She loves Peeta. Exactly how much, I don't know, but I think it's safe to say that she would die for him if it came to that."
"I would never get in the way of that."
"No, you really wouldn't. You'll just stand on the sidelines and watch by yourself, and that's not fair to you, Cressida."
Maybe it's not fair, but it's what I'm willing to do to make sure Katniss is happy. I still don't understand exactly what I feel for her, whether it's a crush, love, lust, or a combination of the three, but I do know that I will do everything in my power to give her happiness.
There's a small television in the hallway, and I open the door so that we can watch as Caesar Flickerman comes on.
Both Finnick and I gasp when we see Peeta with him.
"Oh my God look at him," I say.
"He must have lost ten pounds at least…" Finnick's hand is on my shoulder, as though he knows that my instinct is to run for Katniss to make sure that she doesn't see this.
Peeta states that Katniss probably doesn't know what she's doing with the rebels and that she should think before she acts.
"What are they really planning?" he asks the camera.
I look at Finnick, but he seems absolutely stunned. He sinks to the floor and stares ahead, his eyes vacant. "Annie…" he whispers. "Annie, Annie, Annie…"
"Finnick… no, they're not…" I kneel in front of him and wrap my arms around him, looking back at the screen, which is now blank. Are they torturing Annie the same way they're torturing Peeta? They want to break Katniss, not Finnick, but I wouldn't put it past them to torture all of the victors in unimaginable ways to break all of us.
Finnick goes completely still. He's breathing, but only barely. I shake him, but get no response, so I get to my feet and look up and down the corridor.
"Help! I need some help in here!" I call, seeing someone. The person quickly runs over, "Get me a doctor or a nurse. Now!"
I don't know whether Finnick's gone into shock, but whatever it is, he's brought back to the hospital. I stay with him for a while, until the doctors decide to sedate him so that he can go to sleep.
"What triggered this?" a doctor asks me.
"There was an interview with Peeta Mellark just now. It looks like he's been tortured…" I swallow. "I think that he's afraid the Capitol might be doing the same thing to Annie Cresta."
The doctor nods, "He'll be asleep until tomorrow. You can come back for him then."
I leave the hospital, running a hand over my eyes, and hear someone crying. I recognize the voice instantly and go towards where I know she's sitting.
Curled underneath a pipe, I find her sobbing into her hands.
"Katniss," I whisper.
She looks up at me, and I do the only thing I can think of. I sit with her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me. "What are they d-doing to h-him?" she sobs.
"It's going to be okay, sweetheart, I promise." I stroke her hair, "We'll get him out. Shh, shh." I kiss her forehead.
"But what are they doing to him?" She looks at me with such naked anguish that I nearly burst into tears myself.
"Whatever it is, he's strong, Katniss. He'll pull through, and we will get him out."
"He doesn't kn-know… he doesn't know what happened at h-home…"
"You want to shoot a propo in District Twelve?" I ask her, brushing damp hair from her face and wiping her tears away, "Is that what you want to do?"
She nods, looking at me and putting her fingers on my cheek.
"All right, then we're going to do that. Can you get up?"
She nods again, and I slowly help her to her feet. She leans on me and we make our way back to our quarters, where we run into Prim. She's shocked by Katniss's appearance and immediately takes her to their mother, who's nearby.
"She saw the interview?" she asks me.
"Yes. I found her under the pipes again."
Mrs. Everdeen brushes Katniss's hair away from her face, "All right, we're going to give you a bath first." She looks at me, "I heard Finnick is back in the hospital."
Katniss's head turns towards me, "What? What happened?"
"He went into shock when he saw Peeta. He's afraid that they're doing the same thing to Annie." I take a deep breath, wishing we could all get out of this nightmare we've been thrust into.
"Is that what you think?"
"I hope they're not."
"But you… you said that we're going to get Peeta out."
"Yes." At this point, I think that I'll volunteer for the mission myself if it'll ease her mind. "I'll go talk to Plutarch and President Coin about that, okay, see how they're doing with the plan. And I'll talk to Plutarch about our next propo."
Prim and Mrs. Everdeen know I'm reaching. I have absolutely no pull with Coin, but it wouldn't hurt to talk.
Katniss grabs my hand as I turn from her. I look at her, "Yes, Katniss?"
She wraps her arms around me in a completely unexpected hug. I hug her back tightly and bury my face in her hair, resisting the urge to tell her that I love her.
"All right, I'll let you know what they say, okay?"
She nods and lets me go. She looks so young all of a sudden, so scared, that I'm forcefully reminded of the fact that she's only seventeen years old.
"Thanks, Cressida," says Prim.
"No problem."
Ten minutes later, I've found Plutarch, deep in conversation with President Coin.
"Katniss saw that interview," I tell them.
"That was just what we needed," said Coin. "I was hoping she'd still be hunting."
"Finnick saw it too, and he fell apart. He's back in the hospital, but Katniss wants to shoot a propo in Twelve. I think she wants to show Peeta what happened. He doesn't know that his home is gone, and that his family's been murdered."
"There's a possibility that Beetee will have managed to get through the Capitol's communication system by then," says Plutarch.
"All right, we'll do it." Coin doesn't sound altogether happy about the decision.
"Thank you. We'll make sure it's a good one." I'd like to say something about the rescue attempt, but I can tell that now isn't the time to do that.
And so, the following day, we all find ourselves on the hovercraft, going to District Twelve. Boggs doesn't accompany us this time, being as it's not a combat zone, but he does tell me to be careful, and that if anything happens to Katniss, he'll have my head.
"I'll have my own head if anything happens to her," I whisper to him, and he gives a small smile.
Katniss sits next to me as we take off. We don't hold hands this time, but out of the corner of my eye, I see that she looks at me every once in a while.
I don't know exactly what I was expecting from District Twelve. Maybe a more run down place than District Eight. But it's worse, much worse. Everything has been destroyed. Buildings are nothing more than rubble held together by skeletons.
Katniss doesn't really speak, but Gale tells us what happened in the last moments of the district. How he saw the Peacekeepers leaving and how he and some other miners got people out of their houses. But most of them were afraid to go into the woods, so they stayed on the road, which is where they were when the Capitol began dropping the bombs.
The road we overlook is nothing but the bones of all the people who died.
"You saved so many people, Gale," I tell him when he kneels in sorrow, saying that he could have saved more citizens. "If you hadn't done what you did, there would be nothing left of District Twelve, not even a memory."
We stare at the sea of human remains, trying to fathom what it must have been like for them. It is a horrible thing to think about, but it reminds me what we're doing this for.
"Where's Peeta's bakery?" I ask.
Katniss leads us to what's left of it. The front wall is only barely standing, but it's recognizable as the bakery, and we film it. I see what appears to be a body inside. Katniss takes my hand and laces our fingers together for a brief moment. I squeeze. She squeezes back. We let go.
"Is that his family?" asks Messalla, nodding sadly.
Katniss doesn't know, but it's probably them. Since nobody's seen them since the bombing, we can only assume that Peeta's family is gone. We walk away from the grisly scene, only to be faced with more people, more dead bodies, and more of Katniss' memories that come to the surface. Several times, both she and Gale need to stop to collect themselves, and I make sure to keep the cameras away from them at that point. Nobody else needs to see them grieving.
We walk through the ruined town and reach the Victor's Village, which, eerily enough, hasn't been touched. The twelve identical houses look pristine, and the only thing wrong is the air of neglect around the village, because nobody's been here for weeks, and the heat of the firebombs has caused the trees to die.
"This is my house," says Katniss, walking up some steps. "Come on in."
I have to smile at Katniss politely inviting us into the home that she no longer occupies. We go inside and I look around, curious to see how she lived before she went back to the arena.
She goes upstairs and looks at me, briefly gesturing with her hand for me to follow her. I almost feel like I did as a young teenager, when I first followed a boy into his room.
Katniss's room is at the end of the hallway. Its walls are painted a lovely green color, and the furniture is rustic, but elegant. I instantly like this room, where, hanging on the walls, are several pictures of trees and animals. I recognize one of the styles as belonging to a Capitol photographer who specializes in natural landscapes.
She closes the door behind us.
"Why do you like me?"
I turn to look at her, feeling my eyes widening and my cheeks warming. "It's a bit of everything," I say, barely able to get my voice to sound higher than a whisper. I clear my throat. "You've been through so much, and you keep getting up. You keep fighting, and I love that about you."
She only stares at me.
"You sacrificed everything to save your sister at the Reaping." I look down at the carpet, which is a pretty ivory color, now dusty, "You survived the Hunger Games, and the Capitol keeps demanding things of you. They think that your act was one of rebellion. They don't understand that you did what you did to keep yourself and Peeta alive."
"I didn't want all of this," she says in a low voice.
"I know. And despite all of that, you still go on, for everyone you care about. I don't know how many people would have managed to survive the same way you have."
I can't look at her. I take a deep breath and walk to the bed, sitting down and looking out the window.
"I don't know when it happened, but I do know that I couldn't stop it." I feel myself getting upset, but now that I've started, I have to keep going.
Katniss comes into my line of sight, leaning against the window so that I have to have my eyes on her.
"You run in my blood, Katniss."
She comes to me, standing directly in front of me. Her hand touches my face, then moves to the bald side of my head, slowly tracing the vine tattoo there. Her fingers follow the tattoo down my neck, then creep back up to my cheek. She sits next to me.
I'm actually shaking. I'm sure that when I'll look back on this, I'll berate myself for behaving so foolishly, for my body trembling with need for this girl who is almost a woman.
She touches my face again, and leans in. My heart stutters. She kisses me. It's light, sweet. Her lips are warm.
My Katniss.
The End