Forgetting

Walking home after class I pulled my hood over my head, sighing as the rain began to fall. The early winter air was beginning to grow chilly and my combat boots were squeaking as I entered the housing complex. The hallway was bright as I made my way to my home, unlocking the door I walked in. I couldn't explain why I felt so odd and lonely at that very moment. It wasn't like I had known him all that long, so I shouldn't be attached. Should I? I felt pathetic as I dropped my stuff onto the couch, wincing slightly as I remember just hours ago what had almost taken place there.

I walked to my room, shrugging off my clothes and hitting the button on my itouch speakers. The music wafting through the bedroom and bathroom as I turned on the shower, stepping in once it was hot. My muscles were tight and sore from all the worry I had put myself through in the past few hours. No matter what I did, I couldn't get him out of my mind. As I ran the body soap over my stomach and sides I could only imagine how it would feel if he was the one touching me. I could feel the reaction that just my thoughts were having on my body as I felt the moisture build between my legs. I gasped as I dropped my cleansing item, allowing my fingers to dip lightly into my folds. My index finger slowly entered me as my thumb lightly pleasured my throbbing clit. I pictured his green eyes looking up at me in wonder as it was his fingers pumping into me steadily. My breathing began to hitch as I leaned against the wall of the shower for what little bit of support it would give me, my free hand finding my nipple. Pinching it and rolling it between my fingers as my imagination was solely focused on him. My moans were growing in volume, though I paid no attention to that. Only my thoughts of what his amazing talent would be like. It was only a few more moments of teasing my clit until I came hard on my hand, leaning against the shower wall, my hand now gripping the railing so I would not fail, I gasped for breath. Never before had something felt that amazing.

It took several minutes for me to come down from the high of the orgasm I had just had. Never before was I able to give myself one, and beyond that I topped anything James had ever done for me. Thanks to the imagines of a now ghostly part of my life. I finally summoned the energy to get out once the shower had turned cold, slipping on a shirt and sweatpants I went into the living room. Sighing a bit as I pulled out my computer and went through some late night studying, my only hope for tomorrow would be seeing him in that dreaded class we shared. I logged on quickly and started reading over my notes, realizing it was worthless to even try I slammed my computer lid shut in annoyance. I went to my room, throwing myself on the bed I laid there as my cell went off.

"Yeah?" I answered, my tone slightly annoyed.

"Bella, it's me Ali." Alice's chipper voice rang through the phone and I couldn't help but smile. She had that ability in her; the energy surge she brought into everything couldn't help but make you smile.

"What's up?" I heard her pause nervously and could picture her biting her lip as she wondered how to phrase the question I knew she was going to ask. It was something Alice rarely did, asking anyone for anything was a hard thing for her. She was strong willed and independent, something I truly admired about her.

"My brothers driving me batty over here at the apartment, I was wondering if I could stay with you until he gets his ass off his shoulders?" she spoke, her voice slightly hurried hoping that I wouldn't get annoyed with her request.

"Of course Alice, you are always welcome."

"Thanks Bella, I really owe you one. I'll be there in a few." With that she hung up and I tossed my phone on the dresser, thankful that at least I would have Alice's bubbly personality as a distraction while I cleared my head of that stupid ass Greek god. Yeah, I just called Edward, the object of all my bodily lust stupid. I have every right to do it too. After all what kind of guy practically gets all over a girl, leads her on then just gets up and leaves? A guy with no balls that is. A let out a ragged sigh, what was I saying here? I knew I would just be lying to myself if I said things like that, things I would never believe to be true. I could only hope that he had a real reason for just running out on me like that.

When Alice arrived we stretched out on my bed as she babbled on and on about how her idiotic brother was home after being gone for awhile only to be aggravatingly depressed and killing her mood completely.

"He has been like this ever since Leah died. I swear he needs a shrink badly" she groaned as she rested her tiny face against her hand, her eyes closed and seeming to be relaxed.

"What happened?" I asked in a tone that showed I was not trying to pry on her personal life, but curious as well seeing she had never really mentioned her brother except for the occasional babbling about his idiotic ways.

"They were high school sweethearts, you know the ones that everyone knows will last. At least everyone that didn't know them to well. She was a cheerleading and perfect, and well Anthony not so much of the typical guy to date a girl like Leah. That didn't matter though, and even though they fought constantly, they stuck it out together. At least until the night of our senior prom." She sighed a bit, her eyes now open and off in the distance of the memory she was speaking off. "Leah told him that night she was three months pregnant, at first he was ecstatic since he was sure of their life together. Until Leah told him she was positive it was not his but she wanted him to raise it anyways." Her fingers tugged at the short black spikes that were her hair. "I saw nothing wrong with this, they did love each other after all. Anthony saw different, he was enraged that she had cheated on him after four years. He refused to act as if the child was his own. Their biggest fight broke out that night, and he said he never wanted to see her again. She died that night, car crash with the baby's father apparently. I'm not sure my brother has forgiven himself for it yet, and all the what if's he thinks about."

"He has to learn to forgive himself sooner or later. It's not his fault it had happened." I watched her sigh softly as she nodded.

"He is stubborn though and would rather take the blame then accept the fact that it was just Leah's time."

Our conversation continued about her brother, how he was suppose to go to college for music but it changed due to the loss of Leah. It seemed that her brother was enrolled at this college as well, but probably didn't stick around much. He lived with Alice due to the fact that he wasn't one to associate with others. It was nearly two in the morning before we fell asleep sprawled out on my bed.

When I woke up in the morning I caught the smell of sausage. Getting up I walked to where my tiny kitchen was, my face furrowed and confused on who would be cooking this early. "Alice?"

Alice turned, the spatula in her hand with such a look of happiness that it should be illegal at this time of the morning. Bounding over to me she wrapped me into a hug and giggled.

"Go shower and get ready, breakfast will be ready soon, and then I have to go to the shop."

I did as she said and made my way back into the room, stripping off my clothes and stepping into the hot shower. Leaning my head back I let the steamy water take me over, relaxing every muscle that I didn't even know was tense.

The morning went by quickly and the afternoon came. Edward was not in class.

This went on for a week, Alice living with me and spoiling me rotten. While Edward seemed to have disappeared all together. My days at the shop were as lively as ever, with Jake showing me the art of Japanese coloring. I laughed when Paul was brave enough to offer his body as a way to experiment on my coloring skills. To his surprise and mine as well, it came out stunningly perfect. With all the fuss, and the arrival of my tattooing license I was able to distract myself from the missing piece that was Edward. I kept the drawing for his tattoo just in case he was to come back, though my hopes were not all that high.

"Bella can I ask you something?" Alice inquired one night while we lounged across my living room floor, the most recent horror film credits rolling on the TV.

"Sure."

"Why, were you so sad when we first met you? If you don't mind telling me that it." She asked softly, making sure I knew it was okay if I was not comfortable with it.

"Well," I sighed softly, knowing maybe it was time to trust her with this. Seeing as all the trust she had put in me the past week. "I was in love, at least I thought so. You know when you're young and that one guy everyone wants looks at you and not them? Well that guy was James for me." I closed my eyes, smiling a bit at remembering the person he was. "He was what every girl wanted. I should have been happy, and I forced myself to believe that I was. I spent six years lying to myself, we fought constantly. It was the worst of relationships, it got physical and I learned that pain was my friend. He hated the person I was, the passion I had for body modification. He wanted to change me, for me to be normal." I continued with my story on how James left me, and then how I ended here. Alice hung to every word, asking the perfect questions and giving the perfect responses. It didn't come off as fake, as it would with other people. She was truly being herself, and truly intrigued and concerned.

Finally the conversation died down and I began to work on the assignments for next week when there was a knock at my door. Alice bounded to answer is so it would not disturb my studying.

"Anthony!" she giggled stepping out of the door as she closed it behind her, the voices muffled due to the door. I sighed, focusing back on my computer screen. Scared that she would be leaving me now if her brother was back to his normal semi-bare able self.

It was several moments before Alice peeked in the door and looked at me, smiling slightly.

"Bella, can Anthony come in so we can talk? It's kind of chilly out here."

"Sure." I mumbled as I began engrossed in a chapter of my schoolwork, at least I made it seem like I was.

A/N hehe I liked this chapter, hope you did too. Anyways as always, add my twitter PiercedWolfGirl and review please! I want to know what you think :3