Chapter 6

Callie finally found Lexie twenty minutes later. She had looked everywhere for her. In every lounge, every on-call room, every operating room, but she wasn't in the hospital, she was on top of it. Lexie was leaning over the edge of the roof, looking down and watching as people came and went to and from the hospital.

"I don't want to talk," Lexie said as she heard Callie approach. She wiped her hand over her eyes, trying to make her tears disappear.

"Good, because I'm not much of a talker," Callie replied.

Lexie turned around, surprised at Callie's voice.

"Oh, it's you."

"Thanks for the warm welcome."

"Sorry. I just thought you were…"

"Mark?" Callie walked over to her and stood beside her, leaning on the same ledge. "Why do people go to the roof?"

"What?"

"Why, when we're upset, do we all go to the roof? What is it about the roof?"

"It's calm up here," Lexie explained. "Not to mention that if you're truly depressed, you can always jump off and make it all better."

Callie laughed nervously, but Lexie didn't. "You're kidding, right?"

"Kidding," Lexie said although her voice didn't seem like she was kidding.

Callie cleared her throat, wondering where to begin. "Mark slept with Nurse Taylor and Dr. Harper before he met you."

"What?"

"He didn't cheat on you, Lexie, not with them, not with anybody else. He's never cheated on you."

Lexie nodded. "I know that. I've always trusted Mark. I've always been able to see beyond what everyone else sees. I mean, I'm not naïve, I know he has a…reputation, but I know he's never cheated on me."

"Then what is it? Why are we standing on the roof?" Lexie didn't answer. "Is it that he told you he loved you? Because usually when a girl's boyfriend tells her he loves her for what I presume is the first time, the girl doesn't go crying up to the roof."

"I thought you weren't much of a talker," Lexie said.

Callie shrugged. "Just trying to help. But, if you'd rather be alone…"

Callie turned back towards the roof exit when Lexie began to speak.

"He didn't tell me."

"What?"

"He didn't tell me he loved me. He told the chief. He told you and Derek and the whole hospital, but he didn't tell me. He didn't even know that I was standing there. As matter of fact, I'm pretty sure if he did know I was standing there, he wouldn't have said it at all. And what if he didn't mean it?"

As Lexie spoke, Callie wondered why she was even still standing there. Sure, she had agreed to find Lexie for some girl talk, but talking about love and feelings was not part of the deal. Not to mention that they weren't even particularly close. Lexie had always just been Mark's girlfriend and nothing more. But she knew she was going to have to suck it up and do what she had been asked to do. Mark was her best friend and she would do anything for him, even if it meant talking to his weepy girlfriend.

"Why would you say that?" Callie asked.

"What if he didn't mean it? He only said it because he was arguing with the chief. And he was arguing about something I told him not to argue about in the first place. He didn't say he loved me because he meant it. He said it because he wanted to win a fight."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"How?"

"Because he's Mark Sloan and Mark Sloan doesn't say that and mean it."

"Maybe that's his reputation. The one you said you could see through."

Lexie took a deep breath. "I don't know."

"Look, I know Mark. I know who he is and who he used to be and those are two very different people. When I first met Mark, he wouldn't even call a woman after he'd been in her pants, no matter date her. But you…he broke that rule with you."

Lexie went back to looking over the roof.

"What if I don't want him to break that rule?"

"You don't want him to say he loves you?"

Lexie winced at the word. "I'm not saying that, I just…" she dug inside her purse and held out the envelope.

"What's that?"

"An acceptance letter. You know that friend you called for me?"

"At Hartford General?"

"They want me. I got the job."

Callie smiled. "That's a good thing isn't it?" Lexie shook her head. "Let me guess, you haven't told Mark."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know what to do. I know that I have feelings for Mark, very strong feelings, but I need to be a doctor and Connecticut is apparently the only place I can do that."

"So why can't you be a doctor in Connecticut and be with Mark? I mean, long distance relationships are hard, but they're doable."

Lexie shook her head. "I don't believe in long distance relationships. They start off fine, but something always gone wrong and I don't want to drag it out. And Mark…he's a superstar here. I could never ask him to move with me…"

"Move with you?" Callie asked. Her smile suddenly turned into a frown. The thought had never occurred to her that she could be the one to lose Mark.

"Well, that would really be the only other option," Lexie said.

Callie took a deep breath, knowing what she was about to say was selfish, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't lose her best friend. Not after losing George. She couldn't lose her best friend.

"Mark's never had a loving family," Callie said. "He's set up a life here. He's finally settled down and set up a life here in Seattle. A good life."

"I know. He has Derek and you and…"

"He has a good life," she interrupted. "A stable life. He deserves to keep it that way. He deserves to stay with his family. And Derek and I…we're his family. You can't take that away from him."

Lexie nodded, understanding completely. She knew what she was going to have to do for both of them to get what they wanted, even though it meant breaking her heart.

*****

She couldn't help the tears. They just wouldn't stop. She had been crying a lot lately, not that she told anyone that. Not even Mark. She would be in the middle of washing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom and she would just burst into tears. Not having a job was taking its toll. But she wasn't crying because she didn't have a job. Now she had a much better reason.

Lexie finished cleaning out her drawer, placing the last of her clothes into her suitcase. She was grateful that she hadn't brought that much stuff over to Mark's. At least that meant less stuff she needed to pack. She was about to zip her suitcase closed, when she saw a small piece of black lace sticking out. She opened her suitcase and looked at the pair of blank panties she knew Mark loved. She held them in her hands, staring at them. They were only underwear made of fabric, but they were so much more than that.

Lexie opened the drawer where Mark kept his boxers and buried her panties under some of his shorts. She didn't know why she did it, but it felt right. As she was about to close the drawer, she spotted her favorite pair of boxers. They were a pair of striped plaid ones that she loved for no other reason than they made her think of him. She snatched them up and threw them into her suitcase just as she heard the apartment door open. She took a deep breath. She had been hoping she could make it out of the apartment without seeing him, but he was there.

A minute later, Mark appeared in the bedroom doorway. Lexie looked over at her and nearly lost her nerve. He hadn't bothered to take off his leather jacket, which just happened to be her favorite. She was mentally cursing him out in her head for looking so damn sexy in that jacket.

"We need to talk," he said simply. She didn't reply. "Lexie…" He cut himself off when he saw the suitcase on the bed. "What are you doing?"

"This isn't working," she managed to say.

"Lexie, if this is about what I said…"

"Everyone was right. We're not meant to be together."

He walked to the side of the bed so they were opposite each other with the bed between them.

"What? How can you…how can you say that?"

She had to calm herself down and remind herself that what she was doing was best for both of them. She needed to be a doctor and he needed the stable life he never had. Being together wouldn't allow either of them to have what they wanted.

"Look at us. We've got nothing in common and..."

"Nothing in common? You're moving out because we've got nothing in common? Lexie…"

She cut him off. She couldn't let him talk. Hearing his voice only made her want him more. "We had a good time while it lasted. But…but it's over."

"Don't say that."

This time he walked around the bed to be next to her, but she moved away.

"You're a brilliant surgeon. And I'm…I'm just me. I'm a student, I'm still learning. You should be with someone who's…up to you standards."

"Up to my standards? Lexie, do you know how amazing you are? How in awe of you I am every day?" He stepped closer to her.

"Please don't."

"I don't know if this is just because you're scared or worried or unsure about what I said, but…" he reached for her hand. "I want you to know that I meant it."

She twisted her hand out of his grip. "You don't mean that." She had to turn away from him as her eyes began to water again. This was harder than she even imagined it could be.

"Yes, I do. Lexie, I love you."

She choked back a sob. She knew what she had to do. She turned to him and looked him straight in the eye.

"I don't love you," she said. She felt her heart break as she saw his face fall. He backed up against the bed and sat. She hated seeing him like this. She hated doing this to him, but she had to. "It's only ever been about the sex."

He stood up, anger in his eyes.

"That's not true," he stated.

She nodded. "I was just using you to get more OR time."

"I don't believe you."

She could see the hurt in his eyes, but she continued. "That's the truth."

"Why are you doing this?" He asked, his head hanging low.

"Because I need to move on." Lexie took her suitcase off the bed. "We both need to move on." She went to put her hand over his, but he pulled away. All she wanted was one more touch and he was denying her. She knew she deserved it. There was only one thing left to say. "Goodbye Mark."

*****

Lexie stood in front of the closed door. She wasn't sure if she should knock again. She was about turn around and go back to her car, even though she didn't know where she would go, when the door opened.

"Lexie?" Meredith asked, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and little else.

Lexie turned to face Meredith. "I'm sorry. I know it's late. I don't have anywhere else to go."

"What happened to your key?" Meredith asked.

"I…I didn't feel right using it. This is your home…"

"Lexie, I might not always show it, but you're my sister. This will always be your home too. Come in."

Dragging her suitcase behind her, Lexie followed Meredith into the house.

"I'm going to Hartford," Lexie announced as Meredith closed the door.

"Is that why you're here instead of at Mark's?" Meredith walked over to the couch and sat down. "Derek told me what happened in the chief's office."

Lexie nodded. "I broke up with Mark."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm going to Hartford."

"So?"

"So. Can you honestly imagine Mark Sloan in a long distance relationship? I'd rather end it now before things get too…deep."

"He told you he loved you, Lexie. For Mark Sloan, it's already deep."

Lexie shrugged and flopped down on the couch next to Meredith. "It's over. That's the end of it. Tomorrow night I'll be on a flight to Connecticut."

"Don't you think you two should just talk about this? I mean, not all long distance relationships fail."

"This one would."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. Mark likes sex."

"That's the understatement of the century."

Lexie managed a small smile. "He likes sex a lot and if we're living on opposite sides of the country, we won't be able to have sex. And if we can't have sex, Mark will…"

"Cheat on you? Is that what you're afraid of?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. It's more than that. It's just…I can't imagine being with him and not actually being with him. Do you know what I mean?"

Meredith nodded. "But that doesn't mean you can't try. If it doesn't work out…"

"No, I don't want to go down that path. I just can't."

"Fine, but there are other options. What about Mark moving to Connecticut with you? I mean, did you even talk about it?"

"I really don't want to talk about this," Lexie said, standing up. "What's done is done."

"Yeah, but Lex…"

"I said I don't want to talk about it," Lexie nearly shouted. She could hear Callie's words in the back of her mind, reminding her that she was doing the right thing.

"Ok. I'm sorry."

Lexie dropped back down onto the couch. "No, I'm sorry. It's just been a very long day."

"Well, no matter what happens between you and Mark, what about us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lexie, you're my sister. Are we not allowed to have a long distance relationship, too?"

Lexie smiled. "You really want to keep in touch?"

"Of course I do. You'll have to tell me all about Hartford. And, if you ever get some time off, you'll have to come back and visit."

"I don't know if that will be such a good idea," Lexie said, thinking about how impossible it would be to see Mark again. Even though it broke her heart to say it, it was easier to never see him again. "But maybe you could come to Hartford? I heard the fall is really nice in New England."

Meredith nodded. "Ok." She looked over as the clock chimed, hitting midnight. "But for right now, I should be going to bed. I have the early shift tomorrow. Your room's still set up in the attic upstairs."

Meredith headed for the stairs.

"Thank you, Meredith. Thank you for…being my sister."

Meredith smiled before disappearing upstairs. Lexie stayed on the couch, wondering how she was supposed to be able to sleep without Mark's arms around her.

Author's Note:

Sorry it took me so long to post this one, but I really wanted to get it right. Thank you for reading!