Once school has finished I walk home with my sister Prim and Peeta. Peeta goes to hold my hand and I, though reluctantly, hold it back.
"What's wrong?" Peeta asks me whilst Prim is further ahead trying to pick some plants for mother's medicine supplies.
"Nothing, I'm just tired," I reply. Peeta shakes his head in an unconvinced way before letting go of my hand to help Prim. My eyes follow the movement of Peeta and Prim, though my thoughts drift elsewhere. I'm unsure of why I am acting slightly hostile towards Peeta; I think it was after the kiss at lunch. I don't want to develop any form of feelings for Peeta for I know he will only get hurt. That I too will only get hurt. I could love Peeta but I don't know whether I could ever be in love with him. Especially not where we live. We'd never be happy in District 12.
"Katniss look what Peeta's found!" my sister Prim exclaims, breaking me free from my thoughts. I look down into my sister's petite little hands to see a mouldy, soggy biscuit.
"Lovely," I reply. I don't know what Peeta thinks of me and my family but we aren't that desperate for food.
"No, look at it closer," Prim exasperates in frustration, as if reading my thoughts. I take a closer look at the biscuit to notice that there is a design burnt into the biscuit. Not just any design. My Mockingjay pin design. I gasp, snatching the biscuit out of Prim's hands instantly, leading to the biscuit to crumble.
"Where did you find this?!" I exclaim at Peeta.
"Over by the hole in the fence which leads onto the woods," Peeta replies calmly. I feel a shudder inside of me, what if President Snow placed the biscuit there for me to find? I'm sure he knows that I go out hunting, all of District 12 does. I think that Peeta can sense my worry because he takes my hand and pulls my attention to focus entirely on him.
"You're safe Katniss; I won't let anybody hurt you. Ever." I know it's only words but I do feel slightly more secure, just with the knowledge that someone is aware of what I am going through and that they are willing to protect me. I know that in reality Peeta would be useless if President Snow was to ever attack my family.
"I'll call for you same time tomorrow to walk to school?" Peeta asks me once we have finally gotten home.
"Okay," I smile, "I'm going to visit Haymitch later. Will you be there?"
"I doubt it," Peeta replies, "I never visit Haymitch on Tuesday's. The Hob normally has a fresh batch of liquor and he enjoys intoxicating himself too much."
"Well I could visit you?" I ask. I notice Peeta's eyes suddenly brighten in delight; I can't help but smile at his reaction. I only want someone to talk too; I need someone to talk too. Someone who will understand. Peeta gives me a brief kiss on the cheek before walking home himself.
I decide to go visit Gale after I have finished dinner. I tell Prim that I am going to visit Peeta after as well so I am likely to be late. I don't want her worrying like she did yesterday. I take the normal route to Gale's and just like yesterday I see Hazel in the kitchen washing. When Hazel notices me she gives me a small smile, allowing me into the house.
"Gale is upstairs," Hazel comments, "He seems upset about something so I'm glad you're here." My mind starts to race at why Gale could be upset whilst I walk up the stairs. I knock on his door and after a brief second I am met by the dark grey eyes which I adore.
"What are you doing here?" I hear Gale ask me in a hostile tone.
"I just thought I'd visit you," I reply.
"You could have come seen me this morning in the woods, remember?" I feel my stomach plummet. Of course Gale is upset! I forgot to meet him in the woods this morning like I told him I would.
"I am so sorry, Gale. I had a nightmare and by the time I woke up I had to get ready for school. I honestly didn't mean too forget. It wasn't deliberate," I plea. I feel like I have to beg for forgiveness based entirely on the look which Gale is giving me.
"I don't even care about that, Katniss." Gale replies harshly. I know he's mad at me; he only ever calls me Katniss when he's annoyed.
"Well what's wrong then?"
"You really don't know?"
"Of course not!" I exclaim. I feel slightly annoyed by his question; does Gale actually think I'm playing dumb with him? Gale takes one final disgusted look at me before turning his attention to a crack in the wall.
"My brother told me something interesting today," He mentions. I don't choose to ask what that was because I am pretty certain Gale is going to tell me. "He said at lunch he saw you and Peeta…kissing." The way in which Gale says the word 'kissing' makes my stomach twist into a knot, like he is purely disgusted in me.
"I-I can explain," I stutter slightly.
"What's to explain Katniss? You like Peeta, it's fine. I wish you would have told me though instead of pretending you never wanted to see him again."
"No, it's not like that. I do like Peeta but as a friend-"
"-You like me as a friend but you've never kissed me?" Gale questions. I look at him in confusion; I don't know how to respond.
"I have to act like I love Peeta, you know that. Just because I'm not longer in the arena doesn't mean that the Capitol hasn't stopped watching me." There's a brief silence between me and Gale, where neither one of us makes direct eye contact. Finally Gale speaks, though I wish he never said anything at all.
"I love you Catnip."
I don't know how to respond, I never knew Gale felt this way about me before. Sure, I've thought that maybe he likes me more as a friend at times, but never love me. "Are you going to say anything?" Gale adds after my extended silence.
"I don't know what to say," I admit. I notice Gale's eyes dimming slightly with disappointment.
"That maybe you love me too?"
"You're my best friend Gale. I love you but I don't know if I love you in that way." Gale simply stands up, opening the door for me to leave, avoiding eye contact.
"Well come find me when you know." I walk out of Gale's room and quickly out of his house in hope of avoiding conversation with Hazel. I walk out quickly onto the deserted streets of District 12, tears stinging my eyes.
My mind is racing from the face of Gale to the face of Peeta. My heart is torn in two. I love Gale, yes, but am I in love with him? Honestly, I don't know. I know I always feel happier around Gale, regardless of what mood I could be in. Gale and I are so alike; there's been a basic chemistry from the start. But Peeta and I? That's a different story. We're forced to act like we're in love, and maybe through this act I am becoming confused between what is true and what is false. My own selfish need for support and protection is what drives me to Peeta, the emotional stability which he is able to provide me. But Gale provides me with a burning passion of confidence, of independence. As I stand there thinking of the reasons for why I love both Gale and Peeta, I begin to become more and more disgusted with myself. For every reason I state isn't based on their personalities but it is based solely upon how Gale or Peeta benefit me in one way or another. I make myself sick.
A/N- Thank you for all the reviews so far :) Please could you leave me one for this chapter, letting me know what you think/ where I could improve/ what you like? :) I promise that there will be more fluff in the next chapter! x