Author Notes: I know, I said I would update every month, and this chapter's early. I guess people will have to suffer. :)
First, again thanks to all for your reviews; all the positive, and negative, critique is wonderful, helping me improve this hobby of mine.
I notice that some readers want Agrias to have more screen time, so to speak. Don't worry, she'll get her fair share. I also see some people are getting confused by the inconsistency of Ramza; at this point in my story, he is inconsistent and chaotic. This is one, of many, issues he has to resolve. It looks like Belle was, mostly, well received. She was particularly difficult portraying, especially in this chapter, as you will read. I'm not a perfect writer, nor do I try to be, so some concepts and characterizations that I write about, some people will disagree with; that's fine. I try my best. Like all writers, I take a little creative liberty with my story.
This chapter is split into three sections; instead of making three chapters, I decided to just make a notation where one scene ends and another begins. Hope it doesn't confuse anyone.
Lastly, a refresher to everyone that this is a "M" rated story, and it does get dark and serious at times.
Ramza, slightly envying the two women in the warm and dry carriage, trudged through the increasing mud to the rear of the vehicle. As they had agreed on, Gafgarion's troop would guard the rear and Agrias's would guard the front; there was no need to change the order. Still technically signed up with Gafgarion, Ramza's place was in the back, though he would have preferred anywhere else. Ramza knew the dark knight was going to have words with him over the captive, and true to Ramza's assumption, as soon as Gafgarion spotted the squire he marched over, looking quite displeased with the situation. Ramza smiled; anything that pissed Gafgarion off was worth it in his book.
"Do you even remember my fucking order?" Gafgarion was seething, "Kill! Do you not understand that, boy? Not take prisoners. Now we have to babysit some bitch because you didn't have the fucking nerve to gut her!" As the dark knight spoke, he had grabbed Ramza's upper arm, clenching it in rage. Gafgarion expected complete obedience from his followers; soldiers were to be mindless and it was the dark knight's job to think for them.
Ramza, meeting the dark knight's fury, painfully twisted Gafgarion's hand and broke his grip, "Wrong; she is under my care and neither one of you will have anything to do with her." he glared coldly to the dark knight, who was rubbing his hand to sooth the pain "And I don't follow irrelevant orders from an incompetent leader."
Gafgarion swore loudly and lunged at the squire; Rad, staring at the squire as if he had grown a second and third head, amazed at the first insult he heard Ramza ever utter, leapt forward and struggled to restrain the dark knight. Ramza glared at the enraged dark knight with frosty disdain; the day's recent activities had bolstered the squire's meek attitude. Ramza leaned back in a relaxed position, adding fuel to the dark knight's fire; Gafgarion knew this was bait and Ramza was ready for a scuffle. Cooling down quickly, not as angry as he acted, Gafgarion shrugged out of Rad's grasp. Meeting the cold glare, he calmly spoke, "I don't think this contract is working out, Squire. Consider your contract void after the end of this job." Ramza mutely nodded; he was not going to continue to travel with the dark knight anymore. "…But know that your share of the pay will be needed to cover an 'early-expired contract fee'." Gafgarion finished, a smug look on his face. Ramza grimaced; he was running very low on gil and his pay would have helped quite a bit.
"Fine," Ramza conceded; he moved to one side of the wagon, his unspoken guard point. Gafgarion joined Rad on the opposite side and started to speak quietly with his loyal follower. Ramza knew that the duo were talking about him by the less-than-pleasant looks they were throwing at him, but the squire ignored them; his mind was too busy puzzling out the entire new situation in which he found himself. He reached into his pack to retrieve and don a rain cloak; just a few days ago his life was less complicated, although not very glamorous. Ramza's captive would complicate things and he honestly did not want that kind of responsibility anymore. While he walked, and for a long time, he mentally battled his conscience; in the end his dormant morals won out. His father had raised him to be an honorable man, and the lessons had not faded through the years, however Ramza might try to ignore or forget them. It's a small task, really, Ramza rationalized to himself; once I get Belle to Dorter I'll be done. Ramza nodded to himself, reasoning, Besides, it's not like I'm taking her under my wing. She's a chemist; I'm sure her skills will be needed. Feeling slightly better, Ramza marched the long hours away, keeping an eye out for danger, but mainly thinking about his past and his now cloudy future.
--
On the seat of the carriage, Agrias and Lavian made themselves as comfortable as they could get, given their situation. Agrias rustled through their packs to get rain cloaks while Lavian got a blanket; huddling together for warmth, Lavian wrapped the blanket around them, with Agrias placing the water resistant cloaks on top. Within a half hour, the two, while still damp, were rather warm and no longer getting wet. Neither one spoke for a few hours; Lavian was busy watching the surrounding area. She did not think anything would attack, but it was always better to be safe than sorry. For increasingly longer intervals, Lavian noticed that Agrias was staring at her. At first the knight shrugged the looks off, thinking them nothing; after a particularly long gaze, Lavian finally faced her officer and asked, "Ma'am?" Lavian did not know what Agrias wanted, and out of the hundreds of things she expected the holy knight to do, she did something Lavian did not expect: she blushed.
Averting her gaze, Agrias quietly asked, "…Am I your friend, Lavian?"
The knight, who was completely confused, stared at her commanding officer, mouth slightly agape. It took a few moments for the question to sink into Lavian's head; once it did, the knight blinked rapidly. "Well… Yea." Lavian never really thought about this before. She had always been closer to Alicia then Agrias; it was difficult forming a bond with a superior officer. "I mean, you're closer to my age. We've both been soldiers for years." She looked to Agrias, trying to sound less hesitant, "You're my friend."
Agrias nodded slowly, and then asked, "How long have you been in my command?"
Raising an eyebrow at the next odd question, Lavian crisply replied, "Over four years now, ma'am."
Agrias slowly nodded again, her gaze drifting away from Lavian, looking at something distant, "I've been a commander since I was sixteen; throughout the years I have lead thousands of troops" Lavian remained quite, surprised that Agrias talking about her past, something she was not known to do. Agrias continued, "I've seen good men and women under my command die at my orders." she turned to Lavian, a sad smile on her face, gaze averted, "Some right in front of me; I've even held a few during their last moments. I've always felt remorse at their passing, but never really cared. I mean… you know, they were soldiers, and I wanted to keep them alive, but I accepted that they would, one day, perish," Agrias finally looked at Lavian, a faint blush still present. "It's different for you and Alicia, though. I don't have a lot of friends, devoting the past six years to the royal guard. Today when we nearly lost you…" Agrias quieted, feeling slightly embarrassed; she was not used to sharing her feelings, having no one close with whom to share them.
Lavian, feeling a rush of affection at the holy knight, smirked and said, "Well, I am honored to have such a friend as you taking care of us." Agrias, relieved that Lavian understood, smiled back, and the uncomfortable atmosphere dissipated.
The knight asked, "So what's the next step?"
Agrias grimaced, saying, "There's not a whole lot we can do; we'll get a room in Dorter for the night, and in the morning sniff out where that damn knight ran off to. He's got to eat and sleep like us. Plus he won't treat the princess cruelly; he wouldn't dare!"
"That's assuming that he kidnapped her for ransom," Lavian stated.
Agrias blinked at the knight, "Of course. Why else would he kidnap her?" Lavian shrugged; she didn't know, just wanted to make the point. "Anyway, it doesn't matter why he kidnapped the princess; he had the audacity to commit the act, and we'll make him pay!" Agrias clenched her fist, holding it in the air, fire in her eyes, "So let's focus at getting to town and finding that bastard!" Lavian chuckled at her leader's pluck. The knight nodded, and looked back out into the landscape, reassuming her job to watch for foes. Agrias settled down next to her, gaze roaming the trail ahead, to the distant location of Dorter.
--
Within the warm confines of the carriage, two women sat across from one another, silence hanging within the carriage as it was outside; the elder was gazing around at the pretty cloth and ornate work dominating the interior of the carriage; the younger was watching the elder, face in a small pout, cheek puffed out like a child's. After a short while under such inspection, Belle finally settled her wondering gaze on Alicia. Eyes locking, the two fought a small battle of will, tying to figure the other out. Alicia broke the gaze first, unable to siphon anything from Belle's eyes, and turned her head with a small huff, her puffed cheek growing larger. Belle felt a bubble of giggles rising from her belly at the knight's childish attitude. Unable to withhold the laugh, Belle released her held giggle, sputtering, "What are you, twelve?"
Alicia, pout fading and a flush of anger covering her face, replied, "I just turned sixteen, thank you very much!"
Belle's giggles died down at the angry glare she received from Alicia; wanting no adversary, preferring a friendship with the girl, Belle apologized. "Sorry, the face you made was very funny. Anyway, thanks for the laugh, even if you didn't intend it." Belle's face fell, "It helped after what happened today…"
The faint anger Alicia held faded at Belle's apology and sudden depression. "That's ok…" An awkward silence hung in the air, Belle watching the floor emotionlessly while Alicia watched Belle, a small frown on her face. "…Are you ok? Rad didn't… do… anything to you, right?" Alicia was hesitant to bring up the subject, but she had arrived after Rad was knocked off of Belle, and she wanted to know what happened.
Belle, shaken from her reverie at Alicia's question, looked up at the girl, "No. Ramza stopped him; one monster was unable to violate me," Belle's voice was lifeless, and when she met Alicia's gaze, her eyes reflected her voice.
Alicia swallowed heavily; Belle's reply was peculiar, and before she could think that she should not speak, her mouth sprinted ahead, "What do you mean 'one'?"
Belle's voice was unchanging, "You must be fresh out of training right? I guess you didn't pay much attention during your history courses." Alicia remained silent, watching with wide eyes as Belle seemed to ramble on, "For hundreds of years the Nanten had a strict policy of womanless troops; we never have been as accepting as you Hokuten. Five years ago, though, Goltana," Belle spit out the man's name, "decided that we needed a more 'feminine' touch to the troops. He enacted the 'Sisterhood', a battalion of female warriors," Belle's gaze drifted, her eyes softening to reminisce, "Oh were we proud at first! We were promised an education, food, good pay… Most of us couldn't afford that on our own. A lot of us came from broken families, hoping the 'Sisterhood' would make our lives better," Belle closed her eyes, voice fading to a whisper, "And in the beginning, they were. We were taught, fed, paid, and trained. They wanted us all to take 'gentler' professions, teaching us chemistry and magic. They even had the nerve to give some of us rank!" Belle snorted.
Alicia hardly breathed as Belle told her impromptu story; Alicia had only graduated three months ago, and vaguely remembered her history lessons, so all of this wasn't new, but more elaborated. As Belle continued her story, Alicia felt a small sense of foreboding, as if something dreadful were to happen. Oblivious to everything, even Alicia's undivided attention to her story, Belle continued, "We should have seen it coming. There were signs everywhere; they started to split us up. Small steps in the beginning, a battalion turned into a few platoons, then into many squads… They added men, slowly at first. It wasn't long until each squad had one woman apiece," Belle started to shiver, and hugged herself, "They told us that we were an 'honor' and showed 'good relations' to the public. Then it started; subtle at first, a few remarks here and there, catcalls from the 'men'," Belle's voice finally changed, from emotionless to a mixture of fury and fear, "My captain was the first; told me that what I was there for." As if a flood gate was opened, Belle's eyes watered, and quickly a stream of tears ran down her face as she remembered the brutal way Jacob violated her, "I fought back at first, told him I was a soldier, part of the team. He hit me, spat in my face, and as he became my first, said that the only reason I existed was to be a whore for the troops." Belle finally met Alicia's shocked gaze, "That's what that fucking bastard made me: a whore for my squad. Every man, every 'comrade', raped me. Every horrible fucking night was hell for me, caused by those monsters. That's what I mean by 'one'."
Sudden silence. Belle covered her face in shame as she sobbed into her hands; Alicia was thunderstruck. Jaw hanging in shock, the knight desperately though of something to say to the devastated woman sitting across from her. What could she say? Alicia couldn't even fathom imagining what Belle had gone through, or why the chemist suddenly told her this horrific story. Her mind drawing a blank, Alicia quietly whispered, "My God…"
"God!?" Belle heard the words, and looked up, her face contorting in rage, she hissed, "God has nothing to do with this! Where the fuck was He when those men desecrated me? Where was He when this started? Why didn't He save me, or save my sisters?"
Alicia could feel the venom and hurt within the chemist's voice, and she tried to sympathize with Belle, but speaking out this lack of faith could be dangerous, especially with a holy knight nearby.
"How do you know?"
Shock and disbelief was written on Belle's tear stained face at the knight's words.
"What if we could be His work right now?" Alicia continued, breaking eye contact, gaze falling down to her feet, "I'm not the most devout one; Agrias is, but we should always trust in Him. I'm so sorry for what you've been through, but now you're free, right? Ramza said so; he'll look over you, and protect you," Alicia fought the jealousy that rose up and looked at Belle, "How do you know he's not His plan? What if He sent Ramza to you, to free you? I don't mean to sound cruel, but late is better then never, right?" Alicia crossed the small gap between the two, grasping Belle's hands, "You've been saved, today, and you're free."
Belle was surprised at the young woman's wisdom, and stared at the hands grasping her own; Alicia was right, she was free, and she would never suffer those horrors again. Belle could feel more tears form within her eyes, even though she thought she had no more to shed. No longer fighting the inevitable, Belle lurched forward, grasping Alicia into a tight hug, and bawled. Alicia held Belle the whole time she cried; long minutes passed as the chemist sobbed all her lament, releasing her held hurt, fear, and hate; and when her tears finally dried she felt lighter, as if a weight was lifted. The horrors of her past were still burned into her, forever, and she might never feel whole again; but it hurt so very much to hold all of that pain, and felt so good let it go. She would continue to live, day by day, and today, now, she felt better; Belle looked up to the girl who held and helped her. Perhaps she was wrong in thinking God had abandoned her…
"Thank you…" Belle gave a small smile to Alicia, "I feel better; truly."
Alicia returned the smile, "That's what friends are for."
It's amazing how a simple and short sentence can affect someone; pure elation bubbled up in Belle as she understood Alicia's words. Far too much time had passed since someone had called her a friend; Belle's smile widened, "I must be a frightful mess," and the chemist was, dried tears and mucus covering her face.
Alicia, looking at Belle's face, a dried mess that was starting to flake, started to giggle, "Oh yes, dreadfully so."
Belle, infected by the sound, joined the knight, and the two laughed quietly, evaporating the depressing mood that had hung within the carriage. Alicia pulled out a handkerchief and passed it to Belle, who cleaned her face and blew her nose. Emotionally and physically drained, the two leaned on each other and dozed until they heard Agrias call, "Dorter sighted!"