Something Random Chapter 6: Channel Surfing!, a xiaolin showdown fanfic

Hey! Been a while... I've been working a lots of stories and other stuff lately and will be posted soon.

Also, just letting you know, some of this is in script form so you can understand it a little better. Don't report me because of it. I tried to put as little script as I could. There is also a little RaiKim bashing in this chapter and I'm sorry if offends some people.

Disclaimer: If I owned Xiaolin Showdown, Chase would be obsessed with sporks instead of Omi.

Channel Surfing!

The girl that goes by the name of Hybrid is completely bored out of her mind while she is waiting for her new Xiaolin Showdown TV set to arrive. She decides to play her new game (well,old game now, I began this months ago) "Dragon Quest VIII". As soon as she saves and turns it off, she hears a knock on the apartment door and answers it. It's the delivery guy with her Xiaolin Showdown TV!

Hybrid signs the clipboard and takes the TV into her room, hooking it up to her cable box. She plops down onto her bed and turns it on, seeing the Xiaolin Showdown beginning theme sequence show, just "the Pillows" "Ride on Shooting Star" song plays (aka, Fooly Cooly ending theme).

"I'm liking this already!"

FLIP!

TV Announcer Guy: Real cases. Real cartoons. Judge Omi. The plaintiff, Heylin Witch Wuya is suing the defendant, her boyfriend, Chase Young, for cheating on her with a 15 year old boy.

Clay, who is dressed as a police officer, says, "All rise."

Omi, who is dressed as judge, wig and all, walks in, and sits at his high desk. "You all may be seated."

Everyone sits down.

"Now, tell me why you have interupted my meditation session and it had better be good."

"Well," Wuya starts, pointing at Chase. "I'm suing his sorry (baby wail!) for cheating on me!" She glares at the black-haired man. "You hear that, you (baby crying) (nuclear explosion)?!"

"Loud and clear."

Judge Omi pounds a giant mallet which I think is called a gavel, but it's bigger, upon his desk many times. "WHAT HORSES EAT TIMES THREE! (hey hey hey!) ORDER! ORDER! I WILL NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IN MY COURT, THAT I WILL NOT!" The small, yellow-headed wigged boy calms down and puts the giant mallet at the side of his desk. He looks calmly at Chase Young. "Is what she says true?"

"Yes, and I don't regret it."

Judge Omi nodds and looks at some papers in front of him. "Hmm. I see. And, it says here that you slept with a 15 year old boy and Miss Wuya caught you, yes?"

"Yes. That is true."

"YOU BET IT'S TRUE! AND IT'S SICKENING!" Wuya shouts angrily.

The young judge chooses to ignore her. "Why? Why did you sleep with him?"

"Because I wanted to and he did, too. I was just merely granting his wish. Besides, it didn't mean anything."

At that, Jack Spicer rises, in tears, pointing an accusing finger at Chase.

"YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!"

He runs out of the room, bawling, screaming about being used. Everyone murmers loudly.

Chase spins around and calls after the redhead, "Wait! Jack! I didn't mean that!"

Judge Omi was banging the mallet again, trying to get everyone to be silent again. "ORDER! ORDER! WHY WAS THE CHICKEN CENSOR NOT THERE?!"

FLIP!

Singing person: Bad boys! Bad boys! Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do WHEN THEY COME FOR YOOOU?

We see Officer Fung driving a police car with Officer Kimiko in the passenger seat. They are in the middle of a fierce car chase.

Fung picks up the walky talky thing and says into it, "Reporting. We are in pursuit of a speeding vehicle on Airport Highway. Over."

Kimiko sticks her head out of her window and yells through a megaphone, "STOP THE CAR! IN THE NAME OF THE LAW AND THE SPEED LIMIT, I ORDER YOU TO STOP YOUR VEHICLE!

Chase's head sticks out of the driver's side, his hair whipping around him. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE, COPPERS!"

On the other side, Wuya starts shooting a machine gun at the cop cars, causing them to swerve slightly.

Officer Raimundo: (through radio) Clay and I'll take care of this.

With that, a fellow cop car zooms over and rear-ends the corner of the Chase's car, making it spin out of control and ram into the rock wall. It stops, soon surrounded by cop cars. Officers Fung, Kimiko, Raimundo, Clay, Jack, and Jermaine get out of the cars, pointing guns at Chase and Wuya's car.

"GET OUT OF THE CAR!" Officer Raimundo shouts, stepping closer to the steaming vehicle.

Officer Jermaine points a gun at the passenger window of the car. "WE ORDER YOU TO GET OUT OF THAT CAR!"

Officers Jack and Clay get on either side of the car and drag Chase (by Jack) and Wuya, slamming them against the car.

Clay shouts to Wuya, "HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!"

They handcuff them.

"Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything and everything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law." Officer Jack states, cuffing Chase.

"We would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling--"

"I SAID REMAIN SILENT!" Jack yanks Chase to a nearby cop car. "He's all yours, Fung."

FLIP!

Raimundo is holding Kimiko on Sunset Hill.

"I love you, Kimiko."

Hybrid glares at the TV. "Well, there's no way I'm watchin' this."

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

Kill Barney 2

Kids and Barney: I love you. You love me--

Jack: (interupts transmission) THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK!

Chase: Actually, Barney is the most evil force on the planet other than myself. I cannot allow that.

Wuya: He is the source of all darkness, corrupting the minds of kindergarteners and pre-schoolers all over the globe!

Jack: In hopes of attaining EVIL WORLD DOMINATION!

Omi: But we are not going to let that happen!

Kimiko: He didn't get the message when we attempted to stop him last time.

Raimundo: Allow us to show what happened last time:

We see a video clip of the Xiaolin Warriors, Chase, Wuya, and Megan on top of the empty Barney suit, tearing it apart ferociously.

Kid in Background: Mommy! What are they doing to Barney?

Man who was in Barney Suit: Man, $1,000 per episode is so not worth this.

Megan: So, we are going there again to SHUT... HIM... DOWN...

Clay: AGAIN!

Jack: TO THE KILL-BARNEY MOBILE!

Batman theme song plays, but instead of saying "Batman!", they say "Kill Barney!" really fast.

FLIP!

Hybrid hears "Phsyco" shower stabbing music.

"NO! I NO LIKE SLASHER HORROR MOVIES, EVEN IF THE BLOOD'S REALLY CHOCOLATE SYRUP!" Hybrid shouts, terrified.

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

GHOSTBUSTERS!

Do you ever have this problem?

We see ghost-Wuya outside of Jack's bedroom door. "JACK! COME OUT OF THERE OR I'M COMING IN!"

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE, FOUL SPIRIT!"

Then, who do you call?

"Huh?" Jack looks at the camera. "How'd you get in here!"

Camera Man: That's for us to know and for you not to know.

Chase, Raimundo, and Kimiko bust through the door where Wuya was just about to float through the door, all in Ghostbusters uniforms.

"Does this uniform make me look fat?" Kimiko asks, straightening her skirt.

Raimundo groans. "For the last time, YOU DON'T LOOK FAT IN IT!"

Chase sucks Wuya into the vaccuum thingy.

"NOOOOOO!" Wuya screams as she disappears into the vaccuum thingy.

Chase turns to Jack and outstretches his hand. "That'll be $20 please."

"Wow, Chase. You work for Ghostbusters now?"

"Shut up. It's just a summer job. What of it? Now give me that $20 or else you join the witch."

GHOSTBUSTERS!

FLIP!

Hybrid jumps up and down on her bed, turning the volume up. "Ooh! The Spanish channel!"

Mexican Kimiko: (speaking dramatically in Spanish/Mexican)

Mexican Fung: (speaking quietly in Spanish)

Mexican Rai: (shouting in Spanish)

Mexican Jack: (shouting in Spanish) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Everyone: (gasp!) JACK SPICER!

Mexican Omi: (shouting in Spanish at Jack)

Hybrid puts on a skeptical look. "And I have no clue what they are saying."

FLIP!

For your RaiKim moments, The Kimundo Channel, where it's nonstop RaiKim romance.

"AAAAAH! MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TO LIFE!" Hybrid screams.

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

Heylin Apprentice

We see Katnappe, Tubbimura, Vlad, Jack Spicer, Wuya, and Le Mime sitting at a long table, with Chase Young at the head of it. They're all in suits.

Chase looks at Le Mime. "Le Mime, you're fired."

Le Mime stands up. "Man, this is some bull sh(BEEEEP!)."

FLIP!

Kimiko and Raimundo are... doing stuff...

Hybrid covers her eyes. "OH! GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! UGH!"

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

(theme for "Survivor" plays. you know, the oh-ee-oh ee-oh-aa-aa thing.)

We see Master Fung pulling out names while Omi, Clay, Kimiko, and Chase (who is wearing the Imunity Challenge prize thing) watch intently on the rocks they are sitting on.

Fung pulls out a piece of paper, shows it to everyone. "Omi."

Camera zoomsin on Omi, tense music plays.

Fung pulls out another paper, shows it to everyone. "Clay."

Camera zooms in on Clay, tense music plays.

"Last paper." Fung pulls out paper. Long dramatic pause, he shows paper to everyone. "...Omi."

Omi walks up to Fung with his torch.

"Omi, the tribe has spoken." Puts out torch fire.

OHHHHHHH... DRAMATIC MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC.

FLIP!

"Oh, Raimundo, I have something to tell you! Really good news!"

"Yes, Kimiko?"

Hybrid's ready to change the channel.

"Oh, it's so great!"

"What, Kimiko? Are you pregnant with my child at last?"

Hybrid's eyes widen. "Holy Crap..."

Kimiko shakes her head and starts jumping up and down. "No! It's even better than that!"

Raimundo is very anxious now. "YOU'RE GONNA MARRY ME!"

"I JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO! YEAH!"

FLIP!

Audience:JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Jack and Chase sit in the chairs.

Chase says, "Jack, I have a secret to reveal to you."

Jack tilts his head. "What?"

"I'm really... a man."

"YOU (BLEEEEP!)! YOU LIED TO ME!" Jack tries to attack Chase, bell rings, two big guys hold him back, the sound is all one big BEEEEEEEEP and brief pauses of the audience chanting "FIGHT".

FLIP!

A "Vote for President" commercial

Anouncer Person: Vote Jack Spicer for president.

Jack appears. "Because Chase is a big fat doo-doo head and Kimiko is a little two-timing bi--"

Anouncer Person: Vote Jack Spicer for president.

Jack's Voice: I approve of this message.

Hybrid nodds. "That's what they might as well say in these campaign things."

FLIP!

Vlad is cooking. Throws some salt into a food mixture. "BAM!"

FLIP!

("The Twilight Zone" opening theme song starts playing. If you have never heard of this show, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?)

Rod Serling (creator and narrator of the Twilight Zone series, just found that out! yay for me!): Prepare to enter a demension where things do not make sense. At all. You are about to enter... the Twilight Zone Where There Is No Real Moral At All. There normally is.

Zoom in of Jack with Omi.

Jack smiles at Omi. "I know who you really are, Omi.

Omi looks hopefully at him. "You know who my parents are, Jack Spicer?"

Jack nodds.

The yellow kid starts jumping up and down. "EVERYONE! JACK SPICER KNOWS WHO I REALLY AM!"

The entire cast of 'Xiaolin Showdown' walk onto the scene, surrounding Jack and Omi. Jack takes out a megaphone and clears his throat. He points at Omi.

"OMI IS AN EVIL CHINESE LEPRECHAUN INTENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD WITH HIS POT OF EVIL GOLD!"

Everyone gasps and turn their gazes to Omi, who is standing there with his mouth hanging open.

"That... That is not true..."

"See? He's denying it! UNDENYABLE PROOF!" Jack shouts, still pointing at Omi.

All of a sudden, two short yellow people wearing red suits and top hats float above the crowd. One is a woman, a very ugly woman. She had beard stubble on her face with messy gray hair and was fat. The other was a man, a very ugly man. He was fatter than the woman and was bald underneath his hat. They both had rows of sharp teeth in their mouths. They were screaming.

The female shouted, "Aw, Tarnation! How'd he find us out, Freddy Crouger?" She had a thick country accent. And they're supposed to be Chinese?

The male bares his teeth at her. "Yeesh, woman-chi! Stop callin' me that-chi!" Why he kept saying 'chi' at the ends of his sentences, don't ask me. He points at Omi (a lot of pointing, eh?). "Come with us, Omi-chi! Together, we shall rule the world with our army of golden peanut butter and jelly sandwiches-chi!"

"Yes, father." Omi says quietly.

Chase shouts, "NOT SO FAST! You can't be Omi's father. THAT IS HIS FATHER!" He points to an orange floating kitty that stood on two legs.

Omi-Dad raises a paw. "Hello."

The ugly, fat, Evil Leprechauns claiming to be Omi's parents scream again and blow up. The camera zooms out into the sky.

Ashley appears. "And the moral of this story is..."

"I LIKE TATOR-TOTS!" Chase yells at the top of his lungs, eating tator-tots.

Raimundo is also eating them. "People have to be crazy not to like tator-tots!"

End...

Hybrid stares at TV. "Oooookay..."

FLIP!

Kimiko and Raimundo are kissing.

"I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS! Man, I'm playin' my game again!"

Hybrid turns on Kingdom Hearts II and is surprised that the main character is now Jack Spicer in a black hoody, Omi is Donald, and Clay is Goofy.

"AWESOME!"

This has got to be the most random thing I have EVER written... As you can see, I'm not a big RaiKim fan, but no offence to those who do like it. I just think the pairing is a little too obvious and it's EVERYWHERE. I have nothing against the pairing or anyone who likes/loves/obsessed with it, but it does get sort of annoying at some point. But, I try to keep the RaiKim bashing at a minimum so people aren't too mad at me. Well, later.