Vs Latias (Part 2)
Narrator: We rejoin our heroes in-
Ash: Hold it!
Narrator: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
Ash: I just felt the audience needed a recap on what happened... that's all...
Narrator: Oh okay... Well, I was just about to do that...
Ash: But now that you ask, why is this chapter in two parts?
Narrator: Because the author's a lazy asshole!
(You wanna be fired?)
Narrator: No, please! I have a wife and children!
(… Really?)
Narrator: Okay, fine... I have a really bad weed-smoking habit and a severe case of the munchies...
(Understood... just don't talk trash about me or break the fourth wall...)
All: ...Really?
(Okay fine... just limit the damage to the fourth wall, I have to pay for that shit...)
(Insert Alternative Rock theme song here)
(Latios appears with a cigar in one paw and a packet of cheetos in another...)
Latios: To summarise the preceding events in the previous chapter...
(Latios takes a puff from the cigar...)
Latios: Shit happens...
(On with the show!)
(Latias brings a card out of nowhere)
Latias: I use Monster Reborn!
(It didn't work...)
Latias: Oh, I guess he has to be a monster to do it...
Ash: BRING HIM THE FUCK BACK BEFORE I FART IN YOUR GRANDMA'S MOUTH!
(The universe stopped again)
Latias: Y-you s-swore!
Ash: So did your mom when I raped her last night! Now bring him back you overweight, McDonalds worshipping bitch!
(Stop him, he's way too out of character!)
Latias: Alright, alright... but before I do this I have to tell you something...
Ash: Alright...
Latias: I transformed into Bianca and kissed you, and Harry kills Voldemort at the end...
Ash: Damn it, I wanted to find out for myself!
(Latias disappears and reappears with Tepig)
Ash: Whoa, how did you do that?
Latias: Legendary pokemon were trained by martial artists with the power to destroy worlds by using blonde hair dye...
Ash: Wait what?
Latias: Exactly...
Tepig: Awww man, why did you bring me back? I was enjoying a nice taco...
Latias: In the universe I sent you too, tacos are their equivalent to bat guano...
Tepig: Well, pigs eat their own shit anyway... So it doesn't make that much difference to me...
Ash: (Clears throat) Latias... in light of your recent coolness, I would like for you to stay on my team!
Latias: At last, we can be together-
Ash: But you can't use the Kamehameha, or your 'instant movement' powers!
Tepig: You mean, Teleport?
Ash: Yeah!
Latias: But isn't that an in-game move?
Ash: You don't learn it!
Latias: Fine... It would be all worth it, just to be with you...
Ash: Also, to prevent any jealousy, I need you to assume human form...
(Latias transforms into a girl with pink hair and red outfit)
Latias: How do I look?
Ash: You look great-
Latias: (Fangirl squeal) He said I look great!
Tepig: The forehead's a bit wide, though...
Latias: (Pounds Tepig on the head) Who asked you!
Ash: We should give you a name too...
Tepig: How about 'Sakura', for that dreadful pink hair-
Latias: (Kicks Tepig) Watch it, ass-wipe! You're on my list!
Ash: I like it, it suits you-
Latias: (Glomps Ash) Thanks Ash, Sakura is the best name for me ever!
Tepig: Then you should thank me for it-
Sakura: (Chokes Tepig) Shut up, Naruto!
Ash: Eh? Who's Naruto...
Sakura: Sorry, that just came out wrong...
Tepig: Hey, 'Author', couldn't you even keep it a bleak reference to Naruto, you talentless douchebag!
(Sakura torches Tepig with a flamethrower-)
Tepig: Ha! I'm a fire type pokemon, you retard!
(Filled with acid...)
Tepig: OH SH-
(I win... fatality... flawless victory...)
Tepig: I'm still alive, bitch!
(GET OVER HERE!)
Tepig: ARGH!
(Tepig gets squashed into a ball... now get on with the story, or you're next!)
Sakura: But Tepig has the next-
(DO IT NOW OR PERISH!)
Ash: What does per-
Sakura: Kiss me you fool!
Ash: Wait wha-
(Sakura kisses Ash, but that's not in the script!)
Sakura: I'm improvising!
(That's it, I'm wrapping this shit up...)