And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where the angst begins to work its way into the story...
Warning for homophobic language within the chapter!
They hadn't even been back in San Diego for a full two days when Connor got a call from Tanisha, asking the both of them to come into her office for a meeting. It didn't come as a surprise to Jude. He'd received enough of what he dubbed "if looks could kill" glares from her during their time in Orlando to make it clear that he was Tanisha's least favorite person on Earth. Knowing that, and knowing that Connor's profile within the Padres organization was rising, coupled with the attitudes of the people in baseball meant that Jude wasn't going to be shocked if the purpose of the meeting was to flat-out ask them to break up.
Jude walked into her office with Connor, sticking closely to his side and clutching Connor's hand tightly as he tried not to hyperventilate. Despite the fact they'd been together almost six months, Jude fully expected that Connor would prioritize baseball over him and end things without hesitation if Tanisha asked. Even though Jude knew that such a reaction was out of Connor's character, he was afraid that under the right pressure, Connor would cave and decide that their relationship just wasn't worth the potential cost.
Jude looked around at the room they were in to try and distract himself from the rising tightness in his chest. The office was just as dull and faceless as the office in Orlando; in fact it looked almost exactly the same. Bare white walls, three chairs and black table, which served as her desk. Jude thought nothing of the bareness of the office when they were in Orlando, since it was probably a rented office, but her home office was just the same. Its completely impersonal feel was unnerving to Jude.
"Good morning!" Connor greeted brightly as they sat down, getting nothing more than a nod in acknowledgement. She kept tapping away at the keyboard for a few minutes, Jude assumed to complete an email or something similar, before glancing up and shutting the laptop.
"Thanks for coming to see me on such short notice," she said, reaching across to shake Connor's hand but ignoring Jude. "I had a few—well actually I had one concern that was vital that I discuss with the both of you immediately."
"Well go ahead. Shoot!" Connor replied, still oblivious to what was going to be the topic of discussion even though it was clear to Jude what was going on.
"I don't think this relationship is a good thing for you Connor," Tanisha explained without hesitation. Jude swallowed, locking his eyes on Connor and bracing himself for Connor's reply as Connor processed the statement. The look on his face made it clear to Jude that Connor was blindsided and stunned by the revelation.
"I—I'm sorry but I'm not sure that you're the one that gets to be the judge of that," Connor answered finally.
"Maybe so, but I thought we had agreed that you were going to refrain from dating while you still had a shot at becoming a major leaguer."
"Yeah we did," Connor shrugged, shooting Jude a small smile as he squeezed his hand in reassurance. "But then I met Jude, and he was just so incredible that it didn't matter anymore."
"Might I remind you what could happen to your career if it ever became public that you were in a relationship with another man. You—" Tanisha said firmly before Connor interrupted her.
"I'm well aware of what the risks are and I honestly don't give a fuck. I love Jude and I'm not breaking up with him," Connor growled. Jude exhaled, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. Relief washed over him as it became clear that Connor wasn't going to roll over and give in to his agent.
"Connor, please calm down," Tanisha pleaded gently. "This isn't just about you, okay? You and uh—"
"Jude."
"Right, Jude. Anyway, you both could receive death threats from people who are serious about acting on them. This is not just about your career, it's about your safety."
Jude sighed; she was right (though Jude found the way she had mentioned him to be downright manipulative). As long as Connor played baseball and they were together, they were probably going to be in danger from rabid, homophobic fans.
"She has a point Connor," Jude spoke up weakly in defeat. "Maybe—maybe it is better if we break up now."
"No Jude, it's not," Connor answered immediately, his voice calm but his face clearly suggesting the desperation behind his words. "I don't want to break up with you and there's no reason we have to. We can work it all out somehow."
"Look you two uh—you should be f-fine as long as you keep your relationship out of the public eye," Tanisha suggested hesitantly, the strange expression on her face seeming to indicate that it pained her to offer up the advice.
"Yeah exactly," Connor agreed quickly. "I'm still just a nobody in the minor leagues. No one is paying attention to me. So yeah, I'm good with this, but it's not entirely my decision to make. What do you think Jude?"
"Uhhhh—" Jude replied uncertainly. He wasn't thrilled at the prospect of, essentially, being Connor's secret, but he was much less enthusiastic about the idea of breaking up with Connor, which seemed to be their only other option. He loved Connor whole-heartedly and he knew Connor felt the same; surely that meant that he could deal with this, whether he actually liked the plan or not. "Yeah, sure," he finally answered, after a long pause.
"So, that means you both need to keep the hugs and handholding to a minimum, and absolutely no kissing in public. And…" Tanisha outlined for them almost a little too gleefully once Jude agreed. Jude bit his lip, tuning out the rest of what she was saying; the basic idea of what they were going to do wasn't really that bad, but he still hated that they couldn't be a couple in public. "Finally, in general, please just be careful and discrete. I don't want you getting hurt Connor," Tanisha said sincerely. It wasn't lost on Jude that she showed no such concern over his safety, her words quite clearly not directed at him. She didn't even spare a glance in his direction.
Connor stood up when she finished speaking, and Jude followed, taking that as a cue that the meeting was over. They walked out of the building, pausing for a second and both sighing before they reluctantly dropped their hands at the exit. Jude kept a healthy distance between them as they walked to his car. The two actions made Jude's chest ache; he repeated over and over in his head that this was necessary for them to do, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
"I know, I hate this too," Connor remarked as they climbed into Jude's car, linking their hands together once their doors were closed. "I just—I can't let you be in danger. I trust Tanisha is being honest about the situation and I don't want you to be in harm's way. It would tear me apart if something ever happened to you because of me."
"I know that Con, I really do," Jude sighed, pecking Connor on the cheek before revving the engine to life. "But I wish it didn't have to be this way."
"I promise it won't be this way forever," Connor assured Jude, squeezing his hand gently. "Just—please don't give up on us, no matter what happens."
"I don't ever plan to Connor," Jude scoffed at the request. "I love you, and that's never going to change."
"I love you too babe. Now how about we get home. Justin isn't supposed to be there, so we'll have some time to ourselves," Connor smirked.
Jude just laughed and put the car into drive.
Their new rules required a few days to adjust to, but it turned out to be a fairly minor adjustment. They actually didn't go out together as often as Jude thought they did, so very little changed for them, something Jude was glad about.
Tonight, however, they were going out together, because tonight was Connor's first game of the season, and it was a good thing that they were going to the stadium together, because Connor was in the middle of having a small freak-out.
"I'm really nervous. What if everyone is way better than me and I look bad and get benched? What if…"
Connor had been going on and on like that for the entire ride over to the stadium. Finally they got there and Jude parked the car, unbuckling his seatbelt and turning to face Connor.
"Con, look at me," Jude said softly, cupping Connor's cheek gently, twisting his head around so they could look each other in the eye.
"Yeah?"
"Take some deep breaths and relax," Jude instructed. He counted off, guiding Connor's breathing until Jude could visibly see him calm down. "It's just another game, alright? There's no need to be nervous."
"But Jude, this is Triple-A," Connor argued, the pitch of his voice rising slightly. "Everyone is going to be better than the guys I played against last year. What if the coaches made a mistake and I don't belong here?"
"Con, I watched you play during spring training and you're amazing," Jude countered gently, grabbing Connor's hand with his free hand and rubbing his thumb soothing over it. "You're good enough to be here, and you deserve to be here. The coaches wouldn't have put you here if they didn't think you could handle it."
"I—I'm just terrified of looking stupid," Connor mumbled.
"Come here," Jude urged, guiding Connor's head onto his shoulder and tenderly playing with the strands of his hair. "Con, no matter what happens tonight, I'm extremely proud of all the hard work you've done to get here."
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course Con. I'll always be proud of you," Jude replied, placing a kiss on Connor's golden brown hair.
"I love you," Connor sighed contentedly, lifting his head and capturing Jude's lips in a long, soft kiss.
"I love you too," Jude breathed out, resting their foreheads together for a brief second. "But you should probably get in there before you're late."
"Yeah. Thanks for calming me down babe."
"You're welcome," Jude grinned. "Now go get'em Con. I'll be right there cheering you on!"
"I'll see you after the game! Love you," Connor said, giving Jude one last peck before getting out of the car.
As Jude sat in Connor's stadium box to watch the game, Jude could've sworn that he was probably more nervous than Connor. When Connor was out on the field for warm-ups, he looked relaxed and loose. Jude on the other hand, was tense as he paced back and forth in front of the window looking out on the diamond. It was like he had absorbed all of Connor's anxiety himself. But he preferred that it to be this way; he didn't have a performance to worry about his nerves affecting. Connor did.
As he paced across the ten-foot length of the box for seemingly the fifteen thousandth time, the door opened and someone who Jude didn't recognize stepped inside. Jude was highly suspicious of the man who entered; Connor had said that he was going to be the only one sitting in the box.
"C-can I help you?" Jude stuttered cautiously as he made eye contact with the man.
"You can start by telling me what the hell you're doing in my son's box," he slurred, sounding to be very drunk.
"Who's your son?" Jude questioned. Given that the man was drunk, Jude figured it was highly likely that he had stumbled into the wrong place.
"Connor Stevens."
Nope, unfortunately, he was in the right place.
"Now what the fuck are you doing here?" he continued brusquely.
"I'm here because Connor invited me to watch the game here," Jude answered calmly. "Who are you?"
"I'm Adam, Connor's dad. He didn't mention you," Adam bristled. Jude was taken aback by Adam's overt hostility towards him. Adam didn't know him; he had no reason to be upset with him. "But I know who you are," Adam added, menacingly taking a step closer to Jude. "You're the filthy faggot that's going to cost my son his career."
Oh, well that explains the rage.
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, I saw you two making out in the car before the game. It's fucking disgusting what you're doing to him," Adam spat angrily.
"I'm not doing anything to Connor that he doesn't want to do," Jude fired back, defensively standing up a little taller.
"I don't believe that for one second. You gays are manipulative, turning perfectly straight people into perverted queers," Adam ranted, stepping up so that he was mere inches away from Jude, poking him in the chest as he spoke. "Connor never cared to date boys before you. You turned him, and now you're going to force him to quit baseball!"
"Do not touch me!" Jude growled, roughly shoving Adam backwards. "I didn't do anything to Connor and I'm not forcing him to do anything either! Adam, I am the last person on Earth that wants Connor to quit playing. Hell, I've even offered to break up so he doesn't have to worry about having to do that, but he refuses to even consider it! Now if you could stop blaming me when it's not my fault and get your homophobic ass out of this box before I call security, I would really appreciate it!"
"You think by getting me forcibly removed from this box that I'm just going to disappear from Connor's life quietly?" Adam chuckled darkly. "I'll leave the box, but I'm his father and I refuse to go anywhere. Don't think I'm through with you yet."
With that, Adam turned and stumbled out the door. Once he was gone, Jude slumped into one of the chairs, taking a deep breath as he tried to calm down and figure out how and what to tell Connor. Jude knew there was a reason that Connor didn't talk about his dad, and that confrontation made it crystal clear why.
A sudden roar from the crowd distracted Jude from his thoughts. He looked up just in time to see Connor trotting around the bases, having hit a homerun. Jude grinned (and he would've whooped if he thought Connor would've heard him); he knew Connor had nothing to worry about once he got into the flow of the game. Jude, on the other hand, had numerous things to worry about now, and that made it difficult for him to focus on the game.
When the game ended, Jude made his way down to stand outside the player's locker room, waiting for Connor to finish showering and changing. Jude vaguely knew that Connor had played a good game. He'd found the ability to concentrate long enough to watch Connor's at-bats, but that was it. He'd had too much on his mind otherwise.
"Hey Con," Jude said when Connor emerged, giving him a brief hug.
"Hey ba—I uh mean hi," Connor replied, shifting around on his toes awkwardly. As part of their new relationship rules agreed upon with Tanisha, they were keeping their relationship hidden around Connor's new team, and it was obvious that Connor was still a little shaky on how to act.
"You played great," Jude smiled, turning and motioning for Connor to fall in step with him as they walked to the car to head home.
"Well, I didn't play great, but I didn't play poorly either. I know for sure that I could've played a lot better," Connor said, shaking his head gently.
"Good is never good enough for you, huh?" Jude teased. This was always how Connor evaluated his games, and it was equally annoying and amusing to Jude.
"Nope!" Connor answered seriously. "The best players are never satisfied, and I want to be one of the best."
"I know you will be," Jude said, affectionately nudging Connor in the side as they settled into a comfortable silence for a few seconds. Jude figured now was as good a time as any to tell Connor what happened. "So I uh—I had a visitor to your box before the game," Jude added, biting his lip.
"Oh really?" Connor asked curiously, cocking his head to the side as he thought about who it could be. "Who was it?" he finally questioned after a moment when he came up with nothing.
"It was your dad," Jude responded quietly. Connor stopped in his tracks, his body going rigid at the words.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm really sure. He uh—he saw us kissing in the car before the game and um—he had some pretty nasty things to say about me," Jude explained hesitantly, watching as Connor's face contorted into a scowl.
"What did he say?" Connor pressed.
"I really don't want to repeat—"
"What did he say to you Jude?" Connor questioned him again sharply.
"Connor, please don't make me say those words out loud," Jude pleaded softly.
"Okay that's it," Connor muttered under his breath as he turned on his heel, stalking off somewhere to, Jude assumed, find Adam. Jude walked after him; Jude didn't think that Connor really should be confronting his dad right now, but Jude also knew he couldn't stop him. So he hoped by being right nearby, Connor might hold back some.
They didn't walk very far before they found Adam staggering down the sidewalk a block away from the stadium.
"I thought I told you to stay the hell away from me!" Connor barked, clenching his fists as he stormed up to Adam.
"You really think you get the right to say that to me?" Adam garbled indignantly. "I am your father!"
"You were never a father to me! You cared more about baseball and getting drunk than you ever cared about my well-being or me." Connor shouted, rising to his full height and towering over Adam by several inches. Even under the dull streetlights, Jude could see that Connor's face was growing redder with every word that came out of his mouth. "I'm 22 now, and I don't need you in my life, and I sure as hell don't want you in my life! Especially since you count 'being in my life' as showing up at my games and yelling offensive slurs at my boyfriend!"
"Son, I'm just looking out for you," Adam countered weakly, starting to cower back in the face of Connor's unfiltered anger. It was easy for Jude to tell that Connor had never exploded at Adam like this before, and Adam was at a loss for how to react.
"No you're not looking out for me! If you were, you would know that he makes me happy and that I love him! You don't care about my life; you just care about whether I make it to the major's and about how much money I make! If you cared about my life, you would know that baseball is more fun for me than it has ever been and I'm playing better than ever, all because of Jude! If you knew anything about what my life is like now, maybe you would know better than to barge into it and scream at the person who's best thing to ever happen to me!" Connor ranted angrily, his voice getting louder the more he spoke.
"Connor—" Adam tried to cut in, but Connor didn't allow it.
"I've had enough of this, so let me make myself clear: if you ever come near me or Jude again," Connor growled threateningly, "I will make sure that it's the last thing you ever do."
With that, Connor both literally and figuratively turned his back on his father, grabbing Jude's hand and walking away. Once they were a good thirty yards away, Adam started yelling at them.
"Fuck you and your fucking faggot boyfriend!" Adam screamed. "I'm ashamed to have ever considered myself your father and I hope you both rot in hell, you fucking freaks!"
Connor kept walking as Adam kept screaming, squeezing Jude's hand so hard it was cutting off the circulation to his fingers. Jude didn't mind at all; Connor wanted to hold up his façade while they were still within sight of Adam. Jude on the other hand wore his emotions on his face; he was shocked and angered that Adam could say those things about his own son.
The fainter Adam's voice got, the more Jude could see Connor start to break down. By the time they reached the car, tears were freely flowing down Connor's cheeks.
"I'm so sorry," Jude whispered, leaning up the side of the car and drawing Connor into his arms. Connor didn't hesitate, collapsing into the embrace as he buried his face into Jude's neck, shaking violently from the sobs that wracked his body. Jude muttered soothing, calming nonsense into Connor's ear, holding onto him as tightly as his arms could.
It broke Jude's heart that Connor had to hear someone who was supposed to be his dad say those nasty, horrible things about him. Jude could easily see that it affected Connor deeply; he'd never seen Connor this broken down before. He wanted so much to march back over and punch Adam in the face for doing this to Connor. But Connor needed him more than he ever before, so Jude just held his boyfriend tightly in the dimly lit parking lot as he cried.