|Jade|

I feel like I'm about to snap. Not just snap - explode. Implode. Burn.

I want to set both of them on fire.

They've been inseparable this whole week. They're practically on top of each other all day - she's touching her hand, playing with her hair, draping her legs over her lap - it's making me sick just by watching and I don't even know why.

I pluck angrily at my salad, grumbling down into the food. This is stupid. Why do I even care? Let them be 'besties' or whatever the fuck they're doing. I don't fucking care. I don't. I have Beck. I don't need friends, I don't need old crushes following me around, I don't need Tori. I don't need Cat. In fact, they are the last thing I need. No, they aren't even on my list of needs. They can both just fuck off.

"You okay?"

Beck's hand is on my back and I turn to glare at him. His eyes are the softest brown and I can tell he's genuinely worried, dark brows meeting over his nose. I turn my eyes sharply across the courtyard. Cat is leaning on Tori's shoulder and they're both laughing at something Andre is saying, the sun playing on their table and lighting it up like a goddamn halo. I huff loudly, dropping my fork to wind my hands into Beck's black hair, tugging him closer and kissing him hard on the mouth. He smells like hotdog but I don't even give a shit, I just keep the kiss going until he pulls back to breathe.

"Jeez, Jade." He shakes his head, eying my curiously as he turns back to his food. We're sitting alone, to my insisting, because I just couldn't take sitting that close to ... to them.

"What? I can't show you some affection? What do you want me to do, ignore you? I can do that." I fold my arms and turn away from him, only to feel his chin on my shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

I twist my mouth and once again my eyes are sliding toward Vega and Cat on the other side of the courtyard. I can't ... I can't get over how happy Cat looks. Her eyes are bright, her smile is wide, her hands pulling Tori's hair away from her neck and she's whispering something in her ear. I grit my teeth. Cat was a mess earlier this week, and I thought I had scared her away from Tori for good ... not that I feel particularly good about how I went about it. My shoulders sag slightly, the fight melting out of me. I didn't mean to scare her, and now the image of her frightened, puppy-eyes is burned into my brain. I come off mean, I can't help it, and I thought she was going to cry as she stood there, repeating my words back to me - stupid and meaningless.

Even thinking about it now, it makes my stomach turn.

"Hello? Jade?"

I turn to look at him, sighing hard as I search for his hand. I don't find any comfort there, not in his hold, not in his eyes, and I glare hard at the table. This is Cat's fault. She stirred up all of these old feelings ... no! No, I don't have feelings. Not for her, not for anyone. Just Beck. The bell sounds and I lean over again, kissing Beck. I can sense more than see him rolling his eyes at me and then I'm standing up, swinging my purse over my shoulder and moving wordlessly away from him. I try not to look at either of them, but my eyes betray me, sliding over to study Cat and Tori - Cat's staring at me. I hesitate only briefly, holding her eyes without a lick of fear in them. Let her stare. Let her know she can't have this, and maybe she'll back the fuck off.

The happiness I had seen in her earlier ... I literally watch it die away. Her smile falls, her hands meeting nervously over her mouth. Tori is frowning down at her, following her gaze to me and I shift my gaze to her, too, holding it defiantly. She's the one that messed everything up. Everything was fine, going smoothly, and then she ... then she fucked Cat up and made her think about things that were never important. Fuck. Tori looks back at me with surprising strength, touching Cat's arm and saying something to her. I can't hear from where I am so I just walk by angrily, Beck close at my heels.

The rest of my classes blur by me, my mind somewhere else. I am not in the mood for this, any of this. I just want to hole up somewhere and break really expensive pottery or something. I fume through school and when the final bell rings I tell Beck that I'm following him home. He keeps looking at me like I'm a time-bomb and, you know, maybe I am. I certainly want to blow up, it doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Beck even manages not to crack any jokes, which, for his own sake, is good. I would gouge out his eyes if he tried.

I grip the steering wheel on the way to his RV until my knuckles bleach white. Why do I even care? Why does it piss me off so much that Cat and Tori are so buddy-buddy all of the sudden? A part of me is terrified that Tori ... that Cat told Tori something she didn't mean. Why else would they be so close? My teeth grind. I told her not to tell anybody, that it didn't mean anything, that it was never supposed to happen ... and it wasn't. None of that stupid ... stupid hormonal shit we did was worth anything. It was just two teenage girls messing around. It happens all the time. Cat just, she doesn't know when to quit. She doesn't know how to keep her feelings in tow, she can't separate reality from fantasy.

I swing into Beck's driveway right behind him, hurling myself out of the car. He pauses by the door to his trailer, unlocking it as his eyes shoot tentative glances toward me.

"Seriously, what's up with you?"

"I'm horny."

The blunt words catch him off guard, but he lights up like a fucking Christmas tree. He grins happily at me, yanking the door open and all but running inside. I slip into the RV - it's a familiar place for me, almost a second home because I spend so much time here. He closes the door behind me, locking it eagerly. I sigh, feeling his hands on my hips, his mouth on the crook of my neck. I lean back against him and close my eyes - this has got to be the best way to shut my thoughts up, I think, rocking my hips back against him. His breath is hot as it runs along my jugular and then I'm spinning around, throwing him against the door of the RV and kissing him.

Beck is a great kisser. I know, because I taught him. He uses just the right amount of pressure, just the right amount of tongue, and his hands play expertly up my shirt, fingers walking up my ribs. I moan as his tongue meets mine, shifting my shoulders to tear off my jacket. Beck muffles a laugh as the kiss breaks, urging me backward.

"Feisty," he whispers against my lips, his eyes hooded and something tries to catch in me, tries to spark like an engine attempting to turn but it dies, it struggles and burns out.

Fueled by my frustration, I tear off his shirt and he rips off mine, the back of my legs meeting the bed as I fall down, my back meeting the bedsheets. He crawls over me, my legs parting to let him in and his lips are on my neck, careful not to bite because he knows how trashy I think bruises are. His hands run over my bra and I arch up, my eyes closing as he kisses his way between my breasts. I try to focus - on him, on this, on my fucking boyfriend, for Christ's sake, but all I see behind the blinds of my eyelids is Cat staring at me as I crossed the courtyard, the light dying in her eyes. I turn my head, Beck's mouth on my bellybutton now, his fingers plucking the button of my jeans. I lift my hips, letting the garment fall down my legs and tossed on the floor. I crack my eyes open to see Beck, hungry and grinning, his teeth gliding over the elastic of my panties.

My eyes close again. I don't know if it's just instinct to do it or if it's because I ... no. No, I'm not trying to imagine someone else. But as soon as Beck's hand glides over my panties, Cat explodes in front of my eyes. I moan, my legs twitching as I try to grind down into his hand. I can hear him breathing and I wonder if he knows just who I'm thinking about ... I shake my head again in a desperate attempt to get her out, to shake her off. Fuck. Fuck this.

My panties are gone and he's between my legs, breathing against me and I tremble, but not because of him - because his breath is Cat's behind my eyes, because my brain is spiraling down into the past. I remember the first time I kissed Cat, awkward and nervous on her bed and we had stolen some wine coolers form her parents and we thought we were so badass. We didn't have sex then, but her cheeks were so red and I laughed and we kissed some more, and watched movies, and it was innocent and sweet and why the fuck am I thinking about this right now?

I moan again as his tongue flicks against me, my hands sliding over my chest and gripping my breasts. This is unfuckingbelivable. Here I am with my boyfriend willingly going down on me and I'm fantasizing about a crazy fucking redhead? I pull my eyes open and watch his black hair bob between my legs, his tongue a fucking genie, but as soon as I realize its him it's like the excitement begins to die.

I am too horny for this.

I let my head fall back again, eyes screwing shut as Cat floods me again. The way she smelled, the way she touched me, the way she looked all flushed and trembling beneath me, the way she said Jade like it was her favorite.

Beck is Cat and when I come it feels like falling from a hundred feet up.

Beck crawls over me again, grinning this cocky-ass smile, but my eyes stray away from him, panting hard. Something heavy coils in my chest. Guilt? It grips my heart and pulses with every pump and Beck moves away, saying something about grabbing a condom. I honestly don't notice, and the rest of the sex is uneventful for me. Beck's happy as fuck, tossing my bra off and riding into waves of ecstasy that are written all over his face. I just watch him, making the appropriate noises, but my mind is somewhere else entirely.

He finishes - quite loudly - and I dress, telling him I have homework to do. He whines pathetically, doesn't even notice the faraway look in my eyes. I just ... I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him for a little while and put my priorities in order. Right now. He kisses me before I leave and I try to return the gesture as much as I can, but the fact that he doesn't smell like vanilla turns me off.

I drive home in angry silence. Not even music can soothe this.

A/N: Guys. It's my birthday in two days. A review would just, it would ... I will love all of you forever. And update soon, because this story has become like oxygen. Or food. Or masturbation. All three of which I do. A lot.

...And now you've learned way too much about me. Review, mis amigos!