LAST CHAPTER
Ooh, I always get emotional at the end of stories. I kind of feel like I know the characters, though I can't guarantee I'd like House!
Oh, and thanks to Mr Vanderkamp and BookwormKiwi and all my other wonderful reviwers - I'd have abandoned this by now otherwise.
Having your heart broken hurts like hell. In fact, one of the only things in the world that hurts more is having it broken all over again. It's crippling. No more pretence, no more brave face. You curl up and cry and cry, and when you have no tears left anymore you fall into those horrible dry sobs that make your whole body shudder and the surface of your throat burn and scrape, and you want nothing more than to be sedated for the remainder of your life, because that way you can forget how much it hurts.
Lisa Cuddy was learning each of these things swiftly and painfully. She was grateful that she had a day off, and she could lie in her bed through each phase instead of sobbing over her paperwork, or worse, the patients. For the first time in her life, she was entirely sure that she was in love with House, because how else could she be so upset? It was a shame that she couldn't somehow see inside House's head, because it would have in a ever so slightly vindictive way, it would have cheered her up no end. For the first time in a very long while, House was being honest with himself.
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House was no stranger to pain, but there's no medication that can be taken to ease the pain of trawling over all the mistakes in the last week, all of them your own, and what each of them had lost you. He had narrowed it down to the following list:
Kissing her when she was drunk (or, sort of) – he should have done it properly. Asked her out on a date, and romanced her. It would have meant a lot to her.
Not telling her he loved her the next day. Because he did, he really did.
Then not telling her that he loved her when she asked about their relationship.
And yet again, not telling her that he loved her when they had argued in her office.
If at any of these moments, he had behaved differently, he could right now be sat with his arms around her, contently stroking her hair, allowing himself a brief smile perhaps. Instead he was sat in his office, scowling and attempting to throttle his cane.
A lot of people do not have the luxury of realising their mistakes. Those who do, usually have the sense to try and remedy them. House, on the other hand, had intelligence on his side, but not always sense.
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Books took too much energy to read. The mundane chattering of the TV grated on her tearful headache. Magazines slid from her fingers, unread. In fact, only two things stood before her as options: a bottle of red wine, and a big bar of chocolate. Remembering what had happened last time she drank wine, Cuddy reached for the chocolate.
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House rested his head on his desk, and sighed deeply. He was an expert at passing up love. He had turned down Stacy, and now he was pushing away Cuddy. It was almost cliché in a way. The woman he had known for years, who had been there through thick and thin, steady and reliable. Except in the movies, the guy had enough guts to get the girl.
Maybe movies occasionally had lessons to be learned from them.
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Cuddy actually groaned aloud when the doorbell rang. She was curled up on the sofa using her finger to dab up the last vestiges of chocolate from the wrapper. She wanted nothing more than to ignore whoever was knocking at the door, or alternatively, shout at them to leave her alone and go get hurt by someone, but at that moment she heard a voice calling through the door. "I know you're in there, Lisa!"
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Even when he was trying to win the woman he loved House was calculating. He realised that the use of her first name would make her more open to him. He knew that she'd be touched that he'd bothered to come over, and the symmetry with the incident with their second kiss would appeal to her romantic side. He was also not incredibly surprised when the door swung open to reveal an incredibly pissed off looking Cuddy clothed in a dressing gown.
"How dare you?" Her eyes were flashing with anger, and her face was pale and tear stained. The sight caused a feeling in House that he was not used to. He felt guilty. He had toyed with her and caused this, and now it was time to sort it out.
"Look, I know that I'm the last person in the world that you want to see right now, but I need to talk to you."
She let out a short, sharp, incredulous laugh. "Is this another chance to pour out my feelings to you in a vain attempt to get you to be anything but an asshole, and then have you throw it all back in my face with yet another oh-so-witty remark?"
House shook his head. "No. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to hear me talk honest sense."
She paused, taken aback by his sincerity. She was not altogether sure how to deal with this different side of House, but she had to admit that right now it seemed far more appealing than his other side.
"Go on then."
"I'm presuming you're not going to let me in to do it."
"You presume right."
House hesitated, a part of him still deeply questioning what he was about to do. "I…love you. I'm sorry I've messed you around. I would really like to try and have an adult relationship with you, but I need you to understand that I would probably end up hurting you eventually."
Cuddy sighed, and when she spoke, her voice was a little quieter. "You don't call this hurt? I don't want to worry about what might happen. I want to enjoy myself with the man I love. I want to be adored, just like any other woman. I don't want to constantly have to be on guard, making sure I don't get too close and scare you off."
House stepped a little closer towards her, feeling as though he were watching himself from a distance. "Then I'll try and give you it all."
Cuddy's legs were threatening to buckle underneath her. Part of her was wondering whether she had entered some kind of chocolate induced hallucination, and another part was wondering whether or not to tell him it was too late and slam the door in his face.
In the end, she listened to the part that told her to kiss him back.
It was not like any of their previous kisses. This was a kiss with genuine affection, and trust behind it. This was the kind of kiss where Cuddy wasn't too worried to snake her arms around his neck, and whisper softly in his ear, "I love you."
It was the kind of kiss where House forgot himself and whispered in hers, "I love you too."
And it was the kind of kiss where they both forgot that they were stood outside her door, whilst she was wearing her dressing gown, until the wolf-whistling teenagers walked past.
They pulled apart, a faint blush in Cuddy's cheeks.
"So," started House, "Are you going to invite me in?"
She simply smiled and pulled him in by the hand.
I may have finished, but reviews still make me happy. :)