A/N: Seriously, close the tab and do not read further if this fic offends you. I won't take it personal. Better yet, I won't even know you closed it. It'll be your little secret. ;-) It's OK. There are so many fics out there to enjoy. This one doesn't have to be one of them on your list to struggle through.
For those who can take the wrenching love story about really lost and messed up people, then, read on. I dare ya. But buckle up. I don't write fluff but I do write HEAs. Thank you for reading and reviewing. xoxo.
***Please refresh tab if you're reading. 'Maya' should be Bella, missed the change. Original characters are in wattpad. facepalm.
Chapter 6: Edward
2001
It's winter. We're in Central right off the red line. Rose rushes me through the sidewalk. Her friends are waiting at Middle East. I'm a bit nervous. I'm not as adventurous or social as she is. She gets her courage from working at the state house, organizing and writing speeches for a Senator. Her work suits are as sharp as her mind. She knows so many people. A couple of them wait for her at the restaurant. There will be a show in the basement after dinner. You go through the back of the restaurant and hand over your ticket to get to a set of stairs where a stage is set up. She invited me to experience a bit of her world and introduce me to her friends. I'm intrigued. Junior year at Northeastern University isn't the most exciting now. Work and deadlines for midterms are drowning me, so this is the only fresh air I've gotten since the beginning of the semester. Living at home instead of dorms to save money doesn't allow for much fun or an extended social life. I rush home to finish things and, in the process, figure out what to do with my life. Liberal Arts isn't a definitive life path for me.
I settle in a seat at the table across from her when we get to the restaurant. She's chatting away already. Most of her friends are alums from Simmons College, so my guess is they're all women. I asked and she says, "Uhh, sure." I don't know what the hesitation was for, but I know I'll have to be on my toes. They're smart and witty. I'm betting any stupid thing coming out of my mouth will embarrass my sister.
I look down the line of women and one guy to my left. They're all so nice and wave over at me. Some ask easy questions. Where do I go to school? Where do I work? None requiring thinking or sharing my opinions on economic and social matters. I probably should've searched Ask Jeeves for the latest issues on those subjects.
The big, brawny, dude to my left is cool enough. He watches when I order and is curious how I'd like the dish. I guess I don't look like the type who gets out much and experiences foreign dishes, let alone order the best dish. Honestly, I think the chickpeas needed a bit more spices after picking at the half-eaten plate. It was surprisingly bland.
We're way into the meal when the door to the crowded restaurant opens. It charges in a brisk wind from the cold night. I look up, and this guy isn't so big compared to the one on my left. Brawny probably isn't the word to best describe him. He's tall, lean and wears a tight haircut to his scalp. But his sharp jaw and gray eyes really sets him apart from a crowd if you were looking hard enough. He sits by Rose, and he's all ears for her. He pulls her in, one elbow around her neck. She smacks his knee that he folded over the other, too tall to fit under the table.
She points to me, and I instantly tense. He looks straight at me because it's what happens when you're being introduced. He smiles and maybe his eyes and jaw were just a bonus. There's something great about his mouth, probably wonderful, but I don't think on it further. The intimidation is greater. I smile and nod his way.
"Roro's baby sister, huh?" And I hate the condescending way he said that.
"Yup, in the flesh," I say right back. He chuckles slightly. Someone grabs his attention. The chatter continues around the table. I fold my hands over my middle, relaxed elbows over my armrests. This is a comfortable chair. I wonder idly. I decide it's just one of those moments you realize you won't fit in with anyone around you tonight. And that's ok. You accept the solitude, and you become comfortable being in the background, just a spectator. I pick on my food more and stay occupied with people watching. The couple on a date to the right. The waiters. The outfit on that person across the room. I like her shoes. My wandering eyes end at gray ones staring back. I realize then my invisible cloak isn't working. The condescending stranger named Edward is watching me.
This grin is permanently glued to his face, like he's figuring me out, taking in every mannerism and fidget under his stare. His fingers fiddle with a camera around his neck I didn't notice he had until now. An old one. Minolta is etched in black at the top. I'd ask about it if it were someone else and in a less awkward situation.
I stray away from the camera, up to his eyes and look at him. He leans towards me. Oh no, he's leaning in. I hope to God he doesn't ask me thoughts on economic or social issues.
"Have you ever been here?" he asks instead.
I grin politely. "No."
"Do you know the band playing tonight?"
I just shake my head. "Are they any good?"
He shrugs. "I have their CD. Their first one was better." He smiles. I just nod.
Rose looks over and grins. She hooks a thumb his way. "He bothering you?"
He gapes, visibly insulted. "I don't harass," he defends.
Brawny dude to my left laughs loud. "This guy here is a dirty bastard. Don't trust him. Tell him no secrets," he warms me.
Edward lifts his hands, palms up. "What the fuck, I didn't do anything," he protests. I can't help but giggle.
"I'm watching you, bro." Brawny dude points a meaty finger. "Don't mess with Rose's baby sister. We'll have your ass."
"Please, you've known me way before you were a man. I'm harmless," Edward says. I do a double take to my left. Sure enough, Brawny's soft female features pull through, but he looks impressive. He laughs and elbows me.
"No one knows I changed because of this fucker right here." He points and the table roars in laughter. Edward can't help but laugh as well but doesn't hold back flipping him off.
The entire time my mouth is trying not to hang open, but I can't stop the cackling.
Click.
I look back at gray eyes peeking from behind the lens. The shutter went off, and it was pointing at me. I instantly redden.
"She smiles," he mutters to Rose. She pushes a laugh through her nose and shakes her head. She shrugs at me.
That was strange. I'm uneasy the rest of dinner.
We gave our tickets upstairs, and now we're standing in the dark basement of the restaurant. There's a bar and graffiti on the black walls. The crowd is growing, and Masen squeezes between Rose and me. The show begins. It's loud, too loud for the confined space. The band is kind of everywhere, the melody is off, but the singer is ok. The hooks to the songs are catchy. I see why people came.
The body heat is ten fold now, but it's the heat of a stare that's bothering me. I look up and Masen, Rose's nickname for him, is watching me not the band. I look away and look back. He's grinning.
I mouth a What? He shrugs and shakes his head. He looks at the band, so I focus on the chaos upfront. I tense when I feel him leaning in.
"Your reactions are more entertaining."
I shake my head, suppress a laugh. I don't look back at him for the rest of the songs. But he's watching, every once in awhile. After three songs he leaves and comes back with a drink for me. He just places it in my hand and sips on his.
Is this a date? Are we suddenly on a date? I take a sip as I sneak a peek at him and it's Coke and Rum. He's too much. He's confident and bold, taking charge of this back and forth between us—If it's even a back and forth, it's more like one sided.
The crowd goes wild. There's jumping and a bit of moshing all around me. I make myself as small as possible and pull my drink close to my chest. Moshers are everywhere, and I'm caught in the middle. I look around for Rose, but she's out of sight. My instinct is to look for Masen even though we're not connected. I look for anything familiar.
I push at a few people and finally find a spot I can stand immobile in. I'm not jostled much so I decide to wait it out. Elbows and knees jab here and there. I watch in a trance, bodies in motion. Hair flings this way and that. Silhouettes of digits extend, pointing to the ceiling like there's something there they'd like to reach for dear life. Maybe there is. I look up, and swirls of paint extend to the pipes. Some glow in the dark. Fluorescent colors brighten and dim with the stage lights.
Maybe I'm glad Rose dragged me here tonight. My bedroom ceiling is memorized, every crack and corner. I'd rather it be this ceiling than mine right now. The music swells and so do the colors. Elbows and knees still jabbing at me, but then I feel a break. A hand finds its way around my neck, a gentle pass that settles there like fire. The stage light is blocked from view. Masen's thumb skims my clavicle, and I'm suddenly not surprised it's him in front of me. I guess, deeply, I knew he'd find me. His lips descend without a beat of hesitation. I feel them on mine, and I close my eyes. Just so instant, the accepting, letting myself mold into it so quickly. He's...a puzzle. Subconsciously I knew, back there, when he smiled at me, that I could want him. I thought, with fear, that I could fall right into whatever he is and get lost. He's gorgeous. But I have no courage, so whatever that was I felt before never dominates or lures me to action. But he did.
He turns his head and let's go just enough to come back and tug on my bottom lip, molding our lips and tongues with a slow, delicious swipe. The song ends. Maybe people have already stopped jumping around, but I couldn't tell. I blink when he lets go and pecks at my nose.
"I just wanted to say goodbye," he says standing back. My hair is weaved around his fingers. He pulls away. "It was nice meeting you, Baby sister." He smirks, and I watch him go.
I'm crushed with this. What was that? He leaves, and the crowd feels relentless without him here.
I try not to seem different when Rose finds me. She doesn't seem to notice anything off about me. I'm grateful. The night ends soon after, and we go home without another hiccup. I'm floating, though, all the way to bed.
Time seems to pass, and I can't forget. Rose never talks about him so how do I begin to ask?
It's a cool spring night. Mom is cleaning out all of her makeup. She has tons and not any good ones. We filter through lipsticks and glosses. I find a red one and giggle. What would a conservative mom like mine be doing with such a color? I apply it, and it's not bad at all. It especially accentuates my pj's.
Rose is around packing up more of her shit she's left around after college. She's loud, demanding and obnoxious. The doorbell rings, and she's yelling for someone to open. The desk she's donating is on the porch.
I begrudgingly go and open the door after Mom insists so Rose would just shut up. That feeling of needing to fall or wish you were dead barges in. Because the last time I saw him, he was marking me permanent for life.
Masen grins instantly. He does a full body scan and tries to hide a full smile. "Baby sister." He nods in greeting. His hair grown to full locks. He looks different.
I can't seem to move a limb. Rose walks to the door and squeezes around me. Our eye contact is broken. Suddenly, I'm angry. It's spring. It's been months. Why would he do such a thing to a hopeless girl and leave her to simmer with it?
He stands there, and it doesn't affect him. He witnesses as my sister beckons me forward to say hi, I guess, but I remember him well, and I'm not moving. I walk into the house, leave him outside and hide closely by the door out of view, but I listen.
He's chatting away, telling her things about work and how they need new hires. I think on it. I realize, hey, I need a job—school is almost over. An idea pops up.
I walk out of my hiding place, and Rose looks over. She lifts her hand towards me. "There's your red-lip beautiful answer. Hire her."
He agrees. He's eager. He quickly flips his phone to record my number. Rose recites it because I can't speak.
If I could give my younger self advice to stay away, to not ask Rose five hundred questions about him after, to not find a sudden interest in becoming a Union organizer, I would. I would try to listen, maybe reason, but definitely tell her to stop and think how a future would play out without him in it. I would be happier.
Now I look at that stupid framed picture on my vanity he took four years ago. We were at a party, and it was dusk. He turned the camera towards us. I wasn't expecting him to wrap his arm around my neck, lean in and click. I looked so put off. I never tried to look interested or obsessively in love. Indifference was my mask. I used it well. It just made him love to tease all the more.
The time he stopped calling me Baby sister, I knew he felt something more. I could see it in his eyes. He would hover around more. He'd watch more closely. It didn't sit well with him. He used other women to tell me and himself without words, that he wouldn't get close. I just took casual friendship as a safe step to not push him away. Now we have this odd relationship. We fight, we bicker like adolescents. We know one another very well, yet we've never mentioned the most obvious subject that is stepping our toes with its elephant feet and stampeding our hearts. I've never talked about it—until tonight.
Memories continue to torment as I fall asleep in the bathtub after crying for an hour. Tears down the drain of a lukewarm shower. My plush robe is my blanket, towels under my blotchy cheeks cradle a ten-ton heavy head. There's no way I'm going out there where he is. I haven't heard the front door open or close. No footfalls in my room.
I'm not going to work today. Probably never. I plan out my escape to Seattle over and over in my head, but every time it ends with a dead end. I'm broke. I live paycheck to paycheck.
I can't help but wonder and daydream: How would he feel if I left? What if he went to find me? What if he missed me so much he couldn't live without me? He'd come running. Maybe he would find me so happy. Or better yet, he'd find me in love and walking hand in hand with a man. It would kill him knowing I moved on.
Who am I kidding? He'd do nothing. I would do him the greatest favor in leaving.
Our words turn in my head, round and round. Maybe I was unfair, cut him out too fast. He had a bar fight for me for crying out loud. And I still don't know how much he saw that night. So many scenarios run through my mind. I can't ask him now after everything I've said.
If that's how he reacted at the bar, I could only imagine what happened that night. I dig my nails in palms, angry I can't remember.
And Jane. I try to connect these awful things and her together. I can't believe she'd do this. If I weren't so mortified to go to work, I'd go, just to rip her throat out.
At around dawn, I can't take it. My head aches too much. I'm too cold. I won't be bullied from my own apartment. I roll out of the tub and unlock the door.
He's nowhere in sight. I breathe a little. I walk through the room and peek around the wall of the hallway. Nothing. But the door is locked. I turn to find the key on the coffee table, but it's gone.
…
Thursday. I have to do this. No hiding anymore. There's only so much you can say to excuse yourself from work after two days.
I'm at my desk before anyone is in and I'm pretty much here for the rest of the day. Surprisingly, everyone keeps to themselves, and that includes Jane and Kate. It's weird. Usually, anyone who's out this long gets the Spanish Inquisition. They both kind of avoid me. Ryan is out door-knocking, to my relief. I don't see Masen anywhere. His desk is messy but empty beside me.
The vacant feeling I've felt at home grows ten-fold here. I don't like it, and I want to quit, just stand and tell Emmett I can't take it anymore.
I'm trying not to hyperventilate when in walks Masen. He's late. That's no surprise, but he walks in dragging luggage behind him. He rolls it to his desk. No one seems to notice. Where is he going? He unbuttons his coat but doesn't take it off. He looks over. He's the first to notice my presence, yet I'm the one who looks away.
"Ready, guys?" Emmett says loud. He walks into the conference room for our daily stand up. Everyone laggers in. I stay in my seat to purposely stand in the back until they're all in.
"As we all know, Masen and Jess will be in New York for the time being to set up camp for the new Local 812. Some training and leading will be much needed there. But we'll need you guys here to sift through the info for new cases. They'll need our help."
I feel my stomach drop. New York? With Jess? I've never felt like this is the best or most disastrous timing in my life. Since the red-lip hire on the spot, I've never been away from him. And now he'll be away with someone else. Someone he's kissed before.
Tall people block my view to the front, but suddenly, shoulders part enough for me to see. Masen finds my gaze instantly. Again, I'm the one to look away.
"Bella." Emmett calls. I jump in place. "Glad you're feeling better," he says, and I redden. "You'll be continuing your work on both your cases while he's away. Please make sure you keep in contact and stay updated with any new changes." I nod to this agreement of torture.
Kate turns and gives me a small grin in support. I guess, she's still talking to me.
The meeting ends so I quickly go back to my desk heads down to work through the pile of paper. Everyone chats and jokes behind me. They walk past my desk, and I feel my hair being flicked from the back. I look up. It's Jane with a smirk on her face. "Out sick, huh? How was your brooding staycation?" she says. And suddenly all the anger boils inside of me.
I push my seat back and charge at her. She starts and quickly takes a few steps back. But I only get to swing once. Her chest caves with the blow, but not hard enough. My elbow is tugged. Just when my fist is about to connect again, I'm pulled back.
"Touch me again I'll rip your blonde hair right out of your fucking scalp," I spit. I kick a trash bin with the only free limb I have. It flies. I hits her tit hard. "Trashy bitch." Her face goes from surprised confusion to ashen. She looks behind me and back at me. Yeah, she knows.
Ben howls and guffaws loudly. I see him across the room. "And you! You both can go to hell," I yell.
"What the fuck? What did I do?" Ben lifts his hands palms up in all serious now.
I struggle out of the tight hold on me. I look back, and it's Masen. "Stop. It's not worth it," he says in my ear.
"Get the fuck off me," I seethe. I pull away roughly. I look back at Ben. "Oh, you want me to be real honest right now? I can say exactly what you two druggy pieces of shits did." Jane goes wide-eyed. Masen hugs me from behind.
"Bella," he pleads. He tugs at my chin to look at him. "Not the best time, alright?"
Emmett walks out of his office. "Yo, what's going on out here?"
Jane looks at Masen. "What did you tell her?" she says angrily. I charge at her again, but I'm on a tight hold and only end up kicking my legs out. She cowers away.
"You should spare a dick for once and go fuck yourself," I tell her. I walk out the opposite way and push a gawking Jess out of the way. She hits the wall.
"Excuse you," she says. I flip her off from over my shoulder and keep walking. Masen follows. And right at that very moment, like I couldn't have planned it any better if I tried, Ryan walks into the office. He stops by Emmett and looks around probably wondering what's going on.
I just walk right up to him, pull back my boot and strike between his legs. He bends enough for me to easily swing back a fist and punch him. Some standing around roar. I hear random profanities as I walk out. I leave Ryan doubled over holding his swollen dick and nose, now broken twice in one week.
Emmett's mouth hangs open, and I might be in deep shit for that, but I could care one spec.
Fuck it's cold out. I don't know where to go. What do I do now?
"Hey." Masen. I don't turn around. This is too much. I should leave. I should quit now and start running. "I didn't tell you that so you'd go ape shit," he says from behind me.
I turn to look at his unbelievably stupid talking face. "Oh right, because not doing anything about the people who did so much shit to me is the right way to go? You, the expert of self-control." I point at his chest. He catches my hand and tugs on it so I won't run.
Just his presence makes me want to hit him, too. But I can't because, why? He's not at fault for anything but breaking my heart, and that's another subject. Maybe I should hit him.
Emmett walks out, I can hear him and know it's him by his heavy foot falls. "What the fuck just happened in there? Can someone explain it to me?"
"Highschool. That's what happened," I speak up when Masen tries to explain but fails. I turn and step around him. "Look, I...I get that was unprofessional, but when you put twenty-something-year-olds in one room and expect them to act like professional adults, you're delusional." I point towards the door. "That right there was just one of those fucked up moments that wasn't adult or professional. I apologize, and I understand if you need to let me go. Better yet, I'll quit and save you the awkward explanation."
Emmett shakes his head. "You're one of my best employees. Why would I let you go? What I asked was why did one of my best employees hit a guy square in the face and only swung at him once?"
I do a double take. "What?"
"I'm not blind. I get what's going on and, to be honest, I can't stand the guy. What I don't want you to do is get caught in the mess and let them affect you. You're better than this. You're a smart woman. I hired you because of your work ethics, great ideas, and honesty. So be honest with yourself and think hard on what is best; your sanity and self-respect or a right hook, which by the way was really impressive," he says looking at Masen. He cringes as he cups his crotch. I hear an affirmation behind me.
I try to speak. He interrupts. "I don't want to know the details unless you want to tell me. All I'm saying is do what's best for you. Now go home. Cool down. Rest that hand, and I'll see you on Monday so you can do what I hired you for."
I sigh and nod. Kate walks out with my purse and coat in her hands like she knew. She pushes them towards me as she tries to hide a smile. I thank her, making a point to talk to her later. I don't hesitate and walk away towards home.
"Bella," Masen calls. I don't turn around. Emmett is right. I should be done with this bullshit.
…