20 May 1972
11:50
Numb.
Numb on the inside. Numb on the outside. That's what I am.
That phone call on Wednesday, it was for me. It was Rie. In tears. At first, what she said made no sense.
But on the next day, it did. The white flower in a glass vase on the desk made it all too clear to me.
Misaki-kun died in that fire. Him, his parents, and little brother-whose name I cannot remember.
At least I have some motivation keep me here and smiling. Rei-Chan, exam next week, the future.
By that argument, I could say that Rie has the future to keep her here and smiling. But that one thing , it isn't enough. Her eyes, once so lively and bright, have gone dull. Her hair, so long and dark and beautiful hasn't been combed. I remember envying that hair. She says hardly anything, when before she started all the conversations. She flinches whenever someone talks of the circumstances of his death. As though she cannot accept it.
Me? It hurts .it hurts a lot, but I'm past feeling. He's dead, he's gone, and it's painful. But it happened. No denying 's dead.
Perhaps after the funeral next Friday it will hurt less. I definitely plan on going. I want to apologise for thinking that he was bad for taking Rie away. Ok, so I never actually said anything to him or Rie…but I cannot help feel bad for it. Because he made her happy. Really, truly happy. I hope that when Rei-Chan grows up and falls in love, she'll find someone like that, someone who won't die until the two of them have grown old and wrinkly , I hope that I'll find that too.