Not Being Believed

James Potter

On Monday, I decided to start my streak of being good by getting to class on time.

And so, when I entered Transfiguration that morning, only Professor Finnigan was there, marking papers.

"James," he said, both surprised and suspicious. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm early for class, Professor!" I said brightly, sitting down in my place and beaming at him.

"Very early," agreed Professor Finnigan, giving me an odd look. "You do know that your first lesson is Herbology?"

I frowned, and pulled my timetable out of my bag.

Monday, 9:00, Herbology.

Drat.

"Sorry, Professor!" I said, stuffing my timetable into my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. "Oh, but here's my homework!"

I ran up to his desk, and handed the bemused teacher a four page essay on Vanishing Spells.

"James, this isn't due in for two weeks!" he said weakly, staring at it. "You can't do this!"

I frowned, but before I could say anything else, the bell rung and I sprinted down to the greenhouses, determined to be on time.

7) Hand in essays two weeks early

8) Turn up early to the wrong class

I sprinted all the way down to the greenhouses, pushing First Years aside and chucking water over my head.

By the time I got there, I couldn't talk.

Professor Longbottom frowned at me. "James, why are you panting so much? And why are you so wet?"

I took a deep breath in, but I couldn't quite talk.

9) Walk into Herbology panting to hard to talk and sopping wet.

It took ten minutes to get my breath back, but when I did, I promptly grabbed Professor Longbottom's guitar from the side of the classroom, and slung it over my back.

Professor Longbottom looked frankly appalled.

10) Touch Professor Longbottom's guitar.

I shook my hair out of my eyes, and began to sing.

"Oh, I'm very sorry I'm late," I began, singing vaguely in tune to the song I was playing.

For some reason, the song sounded strangely like Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire.

I hadn't even known I could play that, but I shrugged and continued.

"Though it wasn't my fault, it was as bad as assault," I continued brightly. "I'm very sorry I'm late, it did make you hating 'cos I kept you waiting!"

At this point, I proceeded to do a dramatic guitar solo, which was apparently too much for even the mellow Professor Longbottom.

"James!" he half-bellowed, and, unwillingly, I stopped. "Will you stop it with the ridiculous, nonsensical singing?!"

11) Apologize for being late with an impromptu song that apparently doesn't even make any sense

"James," he repeated, fuming. "That is just not acceptable. I-"

It was only at this that I noticed that Professor Longbottom was making his detention face, and I knew I had to take action.

"Please!" I cried, throwing myself to his feet, on my knees with remorse. "I'm so sorry!"

And with that, the sobs issuing from my mouth seemed to take over my body, and I rested my head on Professor Longbottom's feet.

"James, shut up!" he barked.

12) Go down on bended knee to earn Professor Longbottom's forgiveness

I complied willingly enough, and sat up, giving him puppy dog eyes.

Professor Longbottom sighed. "Detention, James. My office, tonight."

My eyes widened in horror.

"No, Professor! I even made you up a song! Don't do this!"

Professor Longbottom hardened his mouth.

13) Act like you and Professor Longbottom are lovers.

"James, I'm sorry-" he began, and then I went crazy.

I ran up to the teacher, and threw my arms around him, practically crying.

"Please!" I said again, burying my head in his chest.

Professor Longbottom sighed, determinedly not touching me.

"James, let go of me," he said firmly.

Something told me he was trying not to laugh.

"No!" I sobbed, hugging him tighter. "You can't do this!"

"James, let go of me," he repeated dangerously, but I stuck fast.

"No!" I said again. "Not until you let me off!"

"James, I won't cave into blackmail," he warned me.

I started to cry harder.

"Please!" I said throatily. "Please, I'm begging you! In the name of Billy Joel, let me off!"

Professor Longbottom sighed. "What's your obsession with Billy Joel today?"

I shrugged, accidently headbutting him a bit.

Professor Longbottom grunted in pain, and then sighed.

"Fine," he said irritably. "If you let go of me, I'll let you off detention! But I'm not condoning this."

14) Hug Professor Longbottom to earn his forgiveness and refuse to let go until he lets you off detention

Ignoring his last words, I released him with glee and, started to dance.

It might have been accompanied by air guitar.

15) Do a war dance when you get off of detention

Professor Longbottom sighed. "Go and wait outside, please, James."

I blinked at him. "Why?"

"James," he said patronisingly. "You notice that the rest of the class are still waiting to come in?"

16) Burst into the classroom, thinking you're late, when the rest of the class haven't even come in yet.

I couldn't help but blush.

"Right, sorry," I mumbled, and went outside to the laughing class, to wait in line.

***

By the end of the day, I had more to add to my list.

17) Recite "The Walrus and the Carpenter" in the middle of the corridor

18) Say hello to random strangers

19) Smile at random strangers

20) Laugh at Professor Butterworth's jokes.

Just one day of being good had exhausted me.

I would never manage a month.