Authors' Note:
Hi guys! Sorry it's been a while since the last chapter, but Neko-chan's had lots of exams including maths-mocks (she got an A in those! Yay! :D)
Um okay, thanks for telling the whole world that. Anyway, we're proud to announce that this is officially the longest chapter yet! Though most of it is my work, seeing as AppleDoodle was sitting on the floor beside me whilst we were writing it, chewing the table.
...I have no excuses for that. I chewed the desk a bit. I can't say anything else.
So, that aside, we hope you enjoy this and also hopefully as our exams are over for now, we'll be able to write and update more chapter soon!
Oh, before I forget, our quote of the day: "That spider outside the window's really annoying me. Just make a web already! Stop floating around! Spiders don't get holidays."
Don't ask.
Chapter Six: Eleventh Squad - Part Two
(or Fangs and Fangs and Fangs and Fangs and Fangs and Fangs and Fangs and . . .)
"Ken-chan! Ken-chan!"
Kenpachi cracked open one eye and looked up at the hyper-active bubblegum-pink-haired girl inches away from his face.
"What?" he growled. Then his eyebrow twitched. "What the hell is that in your mouth?"
"Vampire fangs!" beamed Yachiru, jumping up and down happily. "You didn't forget did you, Ken-chan? Today's our audition!" And she grinned as widely as she could, revealing her fake pointy fangs. "I got them from Frankenstein!"
"Mayuri, huh?" Kenpachi sat up. "Wait, what audition?"
Yachiru tutted. "Ken-chan did forget! Silly Ken-chan!"
"You're too loud this early in the morning," Kenpachi muttered, getting to his feet and picking up his zanpakuto from where it had been lying on the floor beside the couch where he'd been sleeping.
"It's not early," Yachiru leapt up onto his shoulder. "It's six o'clock!"
Kenpachi glared at her. "Since when did you learn to read the time?"
"Look!" Yachiru leaned over and showed him her tiny wrist, upon which was drawn a watch in pink pen, the hands pointing to nine o'clock. "It's six!"
"No, it's not, it's nine," Kenpachi said.
"Really? That's bad!" Yachiru cried cheerfully. "The audition started ten hours ago!" she added, trying to work out the difference between six and nine.
"That's terrible," Kenpachi said sarcastically. "What are we gonna do?"
"Eat breakfast!" Yachiru cheered. "Let's go, Ken-chan!"
"Yeah," agreed Kenpachi, setting off out the room and nearly knocking over a passing eleventh squad member in the process. "And let's hope that seeing as it's nine, all the breakfast won't be gone."
"Don't worry!" Yachiru said. "If it is, we can go beat up some hollows and then go to our audition."
The eleventh squad member stared after them, confused, and looked over at the huge clock on the wall above where Kenpachi had been sleeping. "Breakfast? But it's three in the afternoon . . . why would he be wanting breakfast?" Then he paused. "And I swear their audition was supposed to be yesterday . . ."
Momo was not in a good mood. That much was evident from the way Aizen could practically see the fire burning off her.
Perhaps it came from having a fire-type zanpakuto.
As to the reason she was so annoyed . . . well, Momo had stated herself many times what the causes were.
"First, Zaraki Taichou and Kusajishi Fukutaichou don't have the decency to turn up to their auditions! Unbelievable!
"Secondly, we were waiting here all yesterday for them to turn up and they didn't even send a message that they weren't coming or anything! I even slept here in the audition room! They haven't turned up today either – despite how many shinigami we've sent to find them!
"And to top it all off, we've had Kurotsuchi Taichou complaining to us and threatening to set his bankai on us if we don't keep Kusajishi Fuku-Taichou under control, saying it's our fault that she completely overturned his lab in search of vampire fangs!" she folded her arms disgustedly and made a disapproving noise in her throat. "Honestly!"
Aizen was about to mention that it probably was her fault for planting the whole 'vampire' idea in Yachiru's mind in the first place, when he was interrupted by a commotion from outside the door.
There was a loud scream, and the door burst open as a terrified fifth squad member tripped into the room, a certain pink-haired little girl hanging onto their neck, being egged on by her laughing captain.
"Help! Help, please – somebody!" the poor shinigami was screaming. "Get her off!" He tried to loosen her grip by writhing violently, but the Vice-Captain only held on tighter.
"Why?" pleaded the shinigami. "Why me? What have I done? Please let me go!"
Yachiru raised her head long enough for Aizen to catch a glimpse of her plastic vampire fangs and evil grin. "But I need to drink your blood!" she squealed happily. "Otherwise I'll die!" And then she bent her head down and pressed the fangs to the shinigami's throat.
The victim screamed even louder and high-pitched than before, though Aizen suspected it was more from fear than actual pain. Yachiru sat back again, a pout on her lips.
"Ken-chan, why isn't it working? My fangs aren't making blood."
"You'll need to sharpen them first or they won't cut people."
"You're right, Ken-chan!" Yachiru said. "Can you do it for me? I left my zanpakuto in Bya-kun's pond."
"Sure," Kenpachi unsheathed his zanpakuto. The hostage shinigami looked, if possible, even more terrified.
Aizen decided it was time to intervene. "I don't think that's the best idea, Zaraki Taichou, and Kusajishi Fuku-Taichou, would you mind releasing our seventh seat? He looks as though he's about to pass out from this ordeal."
Yachiru pulled a sad expression. "But I was having fun!"
"At the expense of our seventh seat," Aizen said gently, even though, secretly, he'd been enjoying the show. "I take it you're here for your auditions?"
"Yup!" Yachiru said excitedly, forgetting all about the shinigami she'd been trying to drink the blood of and leaping off him.
Beside Aizen, Momo seemed to recover a little from the state of utter shock that she'd gone into. "Well . . . shall . . . we . . . er, start then?"
"That's an excellent idea," Aizen said, motioning to the seventh seat that he could leave the room, which the shinigami eagerly obliged. "I take it you two have learnt your lines?"
"Yep!" Yachiru cried.
"Yeah," said Kenpachi unexpectedly. Aizen raised an eyebrow in surprise. Kenpachi caught the look.
"What?" he grumbled. "Yachiru forced me. She kept on pestering me – and Yumichika too – until I'd learnt them."
Momo nodded approvingly, seeming to recover some more. "Good work, Kusajishi Fuku-Taichou."
"I know!" Yachiru grinned, baring her fangs again.
"So, perhaps you'd like to do the monologues first?" Aizen asked.
"Okay!" Yachiru jumped up excitedly, and skipped to the centre of the room. "Can I start?"
"Of course," Momo said, taking on her professional tone again.
Kenpachi slouched to the corner of the room and leaned against the window as Yachiru started. With an enormous grin on her face, she began speaking in a very happy, excited voice.
"It was a crippling thing," she beamed. "This sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest – just like a hollow! – excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and-"
"Um, Kusajishi Fuku-Taichou?" Momo interrupted hesitantly. "You've diverted a little from the script."
"No I haven't!" Yachiru said happily. "But I'll carry on anyway if that's what you want. I like this speech though! It has lots of blood and bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and-"
"Yes, Kusajishi Fuku-Taichou, we get the picture," Aizen interjected. "Please continue."
"Mm-hmm!" Yachiru nodded. "So after all the bleeding, despite the passages of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun-" she cried, spinning around happily like it was Christmas. Aizen happened to know for a fact that Yachiru loved Christmas. Something about all the candy . . .
"Please, Kusajishi Fuku-Taichou!" Momo scolded. "Can you stick to the script?"
"I am!" she replied. "Anyway – spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating and beating and beating and-" Yachiru caught sight of the look Momo was sending her way and seemed to decide that she might have jumped over the line too much this time. "-beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me!" Yachiru chirped, finishing with an animated leap in the air.
"Um, thank you, Kusajishi Fuku-Taichou," Momo said weakly. Aizen thought Yachiru was probably the most out-of-character Bella he'd seen in all these auditions. Definitely had made a nice change.
"Yay!" Yachiru cried. "Ken-chan, it's your turn!"
With what sounded like a mild curse under his breath, Kenpachi swapped places with Yachiru.
"When you're ready, Zaraki Taichou," Momo said, looking apprehensive.
Kenpachi swung his sword casually in front of him, starting his monologue in a bored tone, without any inflictions. "I swear, they're like hall monitors gone bad. They don't start fights, they keep the peace." He snorted. "There was this guy from up somewhere by the Makah rez, big guy too, scary-looking. Well, word got around that he was selling meth to kids, and Sam Uley and his disciples ran him off our land. They're all about our land, and tribe pride . . . it's getting ridiculous." Kenpachi looked as if he'd just realised what he'd said – as though he'd learnt the words without actually registering them.
"Hell," he grinned. "They sound just like that damn Byakuya." He looked up at Aizen. "You know what I'd do? I'd go charge straight over to them and cut them right down – like this!" And he charged forward, swinging his sword down and slicing the judge's table directly in half. Momo let out a small scream. Aizen leapt back slightly.
"Yes, yes, we understand how you feel, Zaraki Taichou," he said hastily, concerned for his own safety now. "Can you just finish your speech quickly please?"
Kenpachi looked disappointed, but unbelievably did as he was told.
"The worst part is that the council takes them seriously. Embry said that the council actually meets with Sam." Kenpachi finished the monologue as quickly as he could. "Embry also heard from Leah Clearwater that they call themselves 'protectors' or something like that. Jesus, these people could take lessons from that stuck-up Kuchiki anyday."
"Thank you, very much, Zaraki Taichou," Momo said. "Now, let's move onto the set-scene."
"Yippee!" Yachiru jumped forward to join Kenpachi. "Let's start, Ken-chan!"
"Fine," Kenpachi sighed. "Just get this over with."
"You start, Ken-chan," Yachiru beamed.
Kenpachi paced around boredly. "How old are you?"
"Seventeen!" sang Yachiru.
"How long have you been seventeen?"
"Oooh, watch this, watch this, look, I've been taking lessons from Fox-face!" Yachiru said eagerly, and bared her teeth in an absolutely terrifyingly evil grin, a complete mirror of Gin's, just with the addition of vampire fangs. "And then I say – a long long long long long long long long long while!"
"I know what you are."
"Say it!" Yachiru said gleefully. "Out loooooouuuuuuuuud!"
"Vampire."
"Are you afraid?"
"No."
"You should be!" Yachiru smiled evilly again. Aizen had to admit, he wasn't afraid of the vampire Yachiru – he was terrified.
Kenpachi turned around to the door. "Okay, that's done, now let's go. I want to fight someone. C'mon Yachiru."
"Okay!" Yachiru leapt onto his back. "Ken-chan, go! Go!"
Momo shook her head wearily as they disappeared. "What a riot those two are." Then she froze. "Hang on. Is it just me, or did they do the set-scene the wrong way around?"
Aizen reflected as he picked up his notes. "Hmm, so they did. Though I must admit, Yachiru's impression of Edward was quite . . . uh, fear-inducing."
"Kenpachi as Bella . . ." Momo looked disgusted. "Oh my God."