I collapsed on the floor. I have never lost anyone in my family before. My brain shut off and I began to shake from the uncontrollable sobs. Fuzzy images swam before my eyes, I couldn't tell what was going on around me. This was my breaking point, I had it. I started screaming, noises that I didn't know were humanly possible came out of me. My whole body was in shock. I remember hearing people talk about people who have a traumatic experience breaking down and going into shock but I could never feel what they felt, now I know. It's an indescribable feeling, so unpleasant, more than disturbing. There's no control over any bone in your body and the world seems to stop for the longest time. You have no idea what's going on around you and your mind goes cold, like it just gives up. I had tried to be publicly strong for the longest time. Ezra helped me cope and I only cried in front of him but this was beyond control. Things began to slow down and that's the last thing I remember.
I woke up in a dark room slightly glowing with daylight, the blinds were closed. There was a warm cloth placed on my forehead and I slowly sat up.
"Hey, hey, lay down." Ezra soft voice pushed through the dark. I didn't want to replay that phone call in my head, I knew what happened but was in denial. "How do you feel?"
"Fine. Where are we?" I kept my eyes closed it was easier to concentrate, my head was pounding.
"Home." He didn't explain since the explanation was a mutual understanding. "You've been asleep for twelve hours. You fell asleep at the hotel and I brought you out to the car and drove home." He put his arm around my back and I begged him to come closer.
"You're way too good." My face stayed serious but he laughed. "I'm not kidding Ezra I don't deserve you. All I do in this relationship is bring problems. You are always there for me and I love you more than anything for that." I then remembered our previous conversation.
"Aria, we've been through this. You were there for me just as much as I have been for you. If you weren't here for me when I was in the hospital I don't know what I would have done."
"Just hold me." Ezra removed the cloth from my head and held my head in his chest while a tear trickled down my cheek. I didn't know what I was going to do without my mom. She was always there for me. She wanted me to be happy and it didn't matter what she thought. I thought we would be together forever me and mom against the world. The feeling is strange. You don't know what to think. You feel empty, angry, and incredibly sad all at the same time, it's confusing. Something about crying seems like the only thing to do. What happened to my mom is irreversible, but it could've been prevented. If I wasn't so selfish I didn't give the idea of leaving we would have been here. We could've been here and my mom would've at least known where we were. She might've called for help or we could've still been one family. If I just told my mom that terrible day then my mom might've been home with my dad or me or Mike. There's so many what ifs that I wish I could turn back time. I was conflicted beyond belief. After thinking of all the what ifs and contemplating life and thinking about my mom, my brain forced me to sleep. I dreamed about my mom all night in a restless sleep. I woke up in the same position as last night, my head in Ezra's chest with his arms around me.
"Good morning." He smiled trying to cheer me up.
"Can we just stay right here forever. Just lay here and forget about everything."
"Well, I don't know about you but I have to eat and I'm not giving that up." He stroked my cheek and rolled out of bed. "What do you want?"
"I'm fine I can get it." I tried getting up but Ezra had to help me walk since I was so dizzy from laying down for almost twenty four hours straight.
After he sat me down on the couch he began to make our world famous eggs. "Have you talked to Mike? He called while you were sleeping I didn't want you to worry."
"No, I've been dreading this but I'll call him now."
"He sounded better. The only thing he can do is help." I picked up my phone and dialed his number.