I didn't create these characters, Marvel did. So blame them.
Prologue- Diagnosed with cancer after he dropped out of High School, Wade Wilson went to a shady organization that gave him a power to heal from any injury and disease. They also gave him high-tech weapons and a teleportation belt. Now he's out on his own, living in a crappy low-rent apartment in New York as a mercenary for hire. He also knows he's a fictional character, he is…
Wade Wilson, DEADPOOL:
Living Through the 4th Wall
(Part 6 0f 6)
By w00tmaster93
That is stupid and this was stupid. By "that was stupid" I mean the ending to last chapter where w00tmaster93 consistently said "OMG CLIFFHANGER!" that was so stupid. And by "this is stupid" I mean the beginning of this chapter where we realize that I teleported the exploding Robert Hunter into the air…killing myself in the process. If I was avoiding dieing why would I sacrifice my life for that? I think the answer is quite clear…it's w00tmaster93's fault. Anyway back to the story, I teleported Robert 8 miles in the air right before he exploded and the sun was rising so now apparently I'm dead.
Why? I guess it was my first instinct to save those people in Robert's building. Could it be that there's good in my soul? I guess as w00tmaster93 would say, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.
"Deadpool…" a voice from the darkness said to me…it was Death.
"Oh great, it's you again." I replied.
"Do you know how many people who've saved tonight?"
"Umm…a lot?"
"More than the people who've killed."
"Does that mean…"
"No, you aren't going to hell. It seems that you aren't good enough for heaven but aren't bad enough for hell. It seems the only way to go is granting you immortality."
"Can I have my healing factor back?"
"Umm…you have to have a healing factor or else you won't be immortal so I guess so, yeah."
"Cool."
"I can't believe you died again though."
"I can believe it. I'm a comic book character. Speaking of dead guys, how's Robert?"
"He's dead. No one can survive an 8 mile drop."
"That'll show him for killing Capt. Marvel and then causing Civil War that brought back Capt. Marvel for some reason."
"Wrong continuity Deadpool."
"Man, nothing cool ever happens in my continuity."
"Deadpool, are you ready to go back to your earth…it's a bright new morning full of opportunities."
"Like killing people."
"Damn it Deadpool! Haven't you learned anything from last night?"
"Yeah, judging by her attitude Jean Grey must like it nasty."
"You disgust me. You know the real reason I granted you immortality is that I'll never have to see you again. Bye, you disgusting killing machine."
The next second, I was in my bed and I just woke up. "Was that a dream? Only one way to find out I guess." I took out a gun from my dresser, put it into my mouth and pulled the trigger. I didn't die so it wasn't a dream. I ran out of my apartment and started yelling "I'm not dead! I'm not dead! I'm going to live to kill again!" People on the street were staring at me, probably because I was only wearing underwear and my body is horribly scarred. I went up to a lady and said. "I'm not dead and here I though t that I was going to die because I made fun of w00tmaster93's writing!"
"Put on some pants you freak!" She yelled.
"Good idea." I ran back to my apartment.
About an hour later I stopped by Weasel's apartment. "Deadpool?" Weasel asked as I busted in.
"Crap! Weasel, I was going to say a snappy line to indicate that I arrived before you said my name." I said.
"Sorry." Weasel said.
"Hey, where's Wolverine? I sent him here a while ago." I asked.
"He's in my room, I gave him sleeping pills because he scared me."
"Where's Blind Al? I asked.
"I'm right here." Blind Al came into the room, with a gun.
"Blind Al, is that a gun?" I asked.
"Yeah…it is." He fired it. Instead of a bullet a sign that said "BANG!" came out. "Weasel, did I get him?"
"Yeah you shoot Deadpool good Blind Al, shot him good." Weasel said.
"Good, now I'm going to get some rest." Blind Al walked back to his room.
"He's a riot." I said to Weasel about Blind Al.
"Blind Al's a girl." Weasel said.
"…that's disgusting." I said. "She really hates me doesn't she?"
"When she told me she was going to shoot you I replaced her gun with that gag one." Weasel said.
"Whatever, I' going to go outside, there's nothing to do here."
"You could drive Wolverine home."
"There's nothing to do here." I was walking around town until I ran into Spider-man fighting this guy in a Rhino costume.
"Nothing stops the Rhino, especially not a spider!" The Rhino guy said. I guess he was a rhino.
"Oh come on Rhino, we both know that I can kick your butt 8 times a week." Spider-man said. Despite his bragging, he wasn't doing so well, Rhino was winning the fight.
"Hmmm…everyone already knows the not-so milled mannered Deadpool I need a disguise if I want to join in on this fight." I ripped of my pants, remembering what that woman said this morning. "This looks like a job for pants-less man!"
"What the hell?" Spider-man asked when he saw me.
"What's up loser? I'm pants-less man!" I said.
"Not even a guy with no pants can stop the Rhino!" Rhino yelled.
"Dude, talking in the 3rd person really isn't increasing your street cred." I said. "And I'm not just a pants-less man. I'm a pants-less man armed to the wazoo with explosives." I threw a lot of bombs at Rhino but that didn't stop him.
"You're an idiot! That won't stop him." Spider-man said.
"Than what will stop him, those dinky webs of yours?" I asked.
"Actually, yeah." Spider-man fired all his webs at Rhino until he finally got caught in them. "Rhino, you need to change your catchphrase." Just then the police came.
"Freeze, it's the police!" One of them said and he started firing his gun at me and Spider-man but he grabbed me and web-swung onto a nearby rooftop so we would be safe.
"That was close." Spider-man said and then he turned to me. "So are you looking to get work in the not-so rewarding field of super-heroics?"
"No, I just felt inclined to help people, I think something is wrong with me today." I said.
"Well if you are going to be a hero you have to remember that with great power comes great responsibility." He said that as he swung away. I thought about that for a while. I went through a life changing experience last night. Should I be a good guy as pants-less man or a guy who kills people as Deadpool who goes by the motto "with great firepower comes a great need to kill people for fun"? Hmm….
That night, a teenager and a shady guy are talking into an alley. "Ok kid, your new name is Harold Stranger, here is your fake ID." The shady guy gives the kid a fake ID.
"Cool, now I can buy beer and get wasted!" the kid says. But just then I come out of the darkness with a gun.
"No! It can't be!" The shady guy recognizes me.
"Yes! It can be!" I emerge and shoot the kid with my gun. "Deadpool's back, bitch!"
Next: The Typeface saga.