The Infinite Perfection of Being
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
It had been a while since that last time Sakura had seen the puppet brigade training. Lately, they had been so busy working on their original prototypes that they had barely any time to actually train. And watching them toil over their creations in the workshop everyday would have been rather dull. Today, she hoped things would pick up a bit so she decided to make an appearance. As she approached the training grounds, Kankuro turned to her and waved.
"Hey! Check it out, they finished the prototypes," he said enthusiastically.
"About time!" she returned cheerfully.
Sakura turned her attention to her right, where Hachi and Yasude's impromptu battle raged. They artfully controlled their puppets with elaborate hand gesticulations. Squinting, Sakura could faintly make out the thin chakra strings connected to their puppets.
"I didn't think they would finish so quickly," she commented. "I thought making an original puppet took a lot of time."
"Well, these are more like the first draft. There's a lot of fine-tuning to be done, and really, a puppet is never actually finished. There are always adjustments to be made," Kankuro said. "But these guys have been pulling all-nighters trying to get them done. I think everyone is really motivated to impress you-know-who," he whispered discreetly.
Sakura glanced at Sasori, who was now watching the battle a short distance away with a frown on his face. She wondered what he thought about this new progress, and turned her attention back to the warring puppeteers. Hachi's puppet was fairly compact and equipped with what looked like nasty stingers on its arms and head. Yasude's puppet had a long torso and a whopping six pairs of arms, making it look more like an insect. It appeared that Yasude was trying to catch Hachi's puppet with its arms, while Hachi dodged gracefully, trying to land a hit with one of the very sharp stingers.
"Where are the others?" Sakura asked.
"Inside. They're also finished with their prototypes, but I think they're making some final adjustments. Everyone wanted to be done today to start practicing the actual puppet technique."
As if on cue, Cho and Ari emerged from the puppet brigade's workshop and headquarters, both carrying their puppets. Well, dragging was more like it. Cho, especially, looked awkward as she struggled to carry her rather large puppet. Sakura immediately jogged to help her.
"Cho, Ari, let me help you," she offered. "I don't have super strength for nothing."
Cho beamed at the older girl, grateful for the help. Ari, however, ignored her and trudged past without a word. His puppet was very bulky, and it was clear that he was having a bit of difficulty walking purposefully. Sakura rolled her eyes.
Men.
Once everyone had gathered around in a group, Sasori looked around at the new puppets with a trained eye. It seemed like everyone was holding their breaths, waiting for his evaluation. They had finished earlier than expected, but would it be enough?
"I didn't expect everyone to finish their prototypes so quickly. Well done," he said evenly.
Everyone tried to keep a neutral face, but it was obvious that they were relieved to hear that they had done something right. They knew how impatient Sasori could be, after all.
"However, there will undoubtedly be major flaws in your original designs, and you will likely find that your creations are severely lacking in certain respects. Rushing often leads to careless oversight."
Sakura sweat dropped. Of course, everyone should have expected this kind of blunt reaction from the redheaded puppet master.
"For now let's see what you can do with your new puppets. Then we can decide how to improve upon their designs."
A new determination came over the small group as they eagerly paired up, ready to test out their first original creations. Sasori walked toward them in order to better observe their duels, but Kankuro made no move to participate.
"You're not going to join them?" Sakura asked.
"Well, there's an even number," he trailed off.
"Oh."
The two of them stood there in silence, and Kankuro watched the four other members of the puppet brigade duke it out with their fledgling creations. Sakura worried that he was feeling left out, but wasn't sure what to do about it.
"What was it like to fight him?"
Sakura blinked, glancing at Kankuro out of the corner of her eye.
"You've fought him before, too," she said softly.
"He dismantled my puppets and poisoned me. It was hardly a fair fight," he said, his voice laced with the barest hint of disappointment.
"You couldn't have known that he would do that. And it wasn't your fault—we didn't have antidotes on hand at the time."
"What was it like, though?"
Sakura paused, thinking.
"It was like nothing I have ever experienced before," she said truthfully. "It's almost hard to describe. The memory is so vivid, but it feels like one big rush of feeling."
"Is it true that he summoned one hundred puppets?"
"Yeah. It was incredible. He was really terrifying back then."
Sakura watched him carefully, taking note of the hint of wistfulness on his features. She shifted.
"What do you think the chances are that Gaara would give him back his chakra for one fight?"
Sakura should have been expecting this question, but it still made her feel uneasy to hear him voice it. And the way he tried and failed to keep the twinge of hope out of his voice made her groan inwardly.
"I don't know."
"It's just such a waste, you know? To think what I could learn from fighting him and not having to worry about dying. A hands-on approach would be much more valuable than any amount of theory."
Sakura sighed, looking to where Sasori was talking to Ari and Cho. He was gesturing with his hands, as if trying to show them a more proper way to move their fingers to better execute a particular jutsu.
"I'm actually a little worried about those chakra suppressing bangles. They drain him to the point of lethargy, and they leave these really nasty rashes on his skin."
"Well, I think you should definitely bring that up with Gaara, then. If this is a health concern, then I'm sure—"
"I really don't think Gaara will budge on this one, Kankuro. Giving Sasori back his chakra would be like signing our own death warrants."
"Sakura." He turned to look at her, his eyes hard. "Do you have reason to believe that Sasori would try to kill you given the chance? Be honest."
Sakura opened her mouth to respond that yes, obviously he would in an instant. But she closed it again, thinking. Would he try to kill her? She recalled her simple spar with him the other day. Technically, he was weak from a lack of chakra, and it would be foolish to assume he couldn't seriously hurt her. But their spar had been nothing but productive and exhilarating—it wasn't the least bit dangerous to her. He was a threat regardless, but she and Kankuro had both visited his apartment alone numerous times now and there had been no perceived threat. So technically, that could be construed as Sasori making a conscious decision not to be hostile. In fact, the only time he had ever acted in any way hostile toward her had been in the first few days after he'd woken up while he was still being tortured. The way things were now, she could almost say they were on decent terms.
"I'm not sure."
"Has he tried anything?"
"Well, he didn't seem very happy when he first woke up. And there was one time while he was still in prison that he pinned me to the ground because I said something he didn't like."
"But recently? How do your checkups usually go?"
Sakura looked thoughtful, trying to think objectively.
"He doesn't like the fact that I'm supposed to keep him alive. But he never actually tries to hinder my treatments. At worst, he won't tell me if something is wrong, like if he's in pain, which is technically just as bad." Kankuro looked at her expectantly and Sakura sighed. "Since he was moved to his apartment, he's never given me any reason to feel threatened," she said reluctantly.
Kankuro crossed his arms.
"I know I'm being selfish, and maybe this is totally out in left field. But I don't think you understand how incredibly amazing it would be for me to fight him for real. I wish there was a way."
Sakura reached out and squeezed his arm in an attempt to comfort him. Kankuro had a way of convincing her to do things she would otherwise never think to do. In a way, he reminded her a little of Naruto, who had a similarly uncanny ability to make her want to think outside the box. Maybe they could bring it up with Gaara, just for kicks. The worst he could do was say no, right? Then, at least she would have tried. If anything, she was a little disturbed by the effects of those chakra-suppressing bangles, herself. She would bet her left foot that they were directly inhibiting his recovery.
"I'll talk to Gaara. There's no point in not trying, at least."
"No, we'll talk to Gaara. Together. I'm not going to throw you to the wolves by yourself for my sake," he said, looking determined.
Sakura smiled at him. "You know, I really don't understand how you convince me to do these things. I'm afraid somewhere down the road, this is going to come back to haunt me."
"Nonsense. You're just paranoid."
Sakura stole another glance at the puppet brigade and Sasori, noticing now that they had all stopped and were listening to him give his comments. They seemed totally absorbed in whatever he was saying, although Sakura could not hear from this distance.
"I hope you're right," she whispered.
Sakura really liked her mission to train Suna's medical ninjas and researchers. Really, she did. Even though the majority of her students possessed only average knowledge and skill in medical ninjutsu and theory, it was usually very rewarding to help them. It's just that sometimes they asked the same questions over and over. And over. And even after she explained the issue, they still couldn't take that extra step a normal, intelligent person should be able to take to apply what one knows to new situations. She really wanted to help them, but sometimes she wanted to pull her hair out and scream.
Today, she was scheduled to work in the labs with the researchers on antidotes to common poisons. Luckily, the researchers she would be working with today were quite advanced. At least it would be more interesting for her not to have to go over the same rudimentary steps over and over. And over. Ugh.
But before she went to the lab, she was due to check on Sasori. She knocked, waiting for him to answer. Over time, Sakura had become acutely aware that Sasori was a very impatient man. He was never one to drag things out or make people wait, which was actually a good habit on most days. But today, he was not answering the door as promptly as he should have been. It made her a little worried given his usually impeccable punctuality.
"Sasori? Are you in there?"
Of course he's in there, idiot. It's not like he could leave.
Sakura looked around, wondering if she should alert one of the ANBU she was sure were stationed somewhere nearby out of sight. She was about to do just that when suddenly the door opened.
"There you are. I was worried something might have happ—"
She never finished her sentence. And how could she possibly speak when Sasori, clad only in a pair of loose fitting pants and mussed bed head, was standing casually in the doorway? He yawned, and Sakura gulped. Obviously, she'd had the misfortune of waking him up. This was just not fair. She was not prepared to deal with this. How dare he stand in the doorway without a freaking shirt on!
"Good morning, S-Sasori," she managed.
Sasori peered at her for a moment. His silent scrutiny was doing nothing for the heat starting to creep onto her cheeks. To her utter horror, he leaned down until they were eyes level and proceeded to scrutinize her.
"You look a little feverish," he said.
Sakura, stop. He's a patient. And a criminal. You're not allowed to look at him like that. Even if he is kind of cute.
Sakura actually had to grab the edge of the doorway to keep herself from falling over in shock. On the inside, she banged her head against a concrete wall, willing herself to just stop. Honestly, she'd spent a lot of time with him already, and she'd seen him shirtless before. Since when was Sasori cute? And why did she have to notice it for the first time right this second?
There was only one thing to do about this: ignore it, obviously. Clearly, she had eaten a bad batch of pancakes this morning and was thinking like a crazy person. Shuddering at her traitorous thoughts, she took a deep breath and forcefully pushed past him into the small apartment. She came to a stop in the middle of the room and whirled around to face him, suddenly very irritated.
"Is there a reason you're not wearing a shirt? Do I have to remind you that your body is weak and very susceptible to illness? If you don't wear clothing, you're going to get sick and that means more work for me," she said in what she thought was her best 'disappointed doctor' voice.
Sasori walked casually past her and reached for the dresser behind her to pull out a long sleeved shirt. He turned to face her and held it out.
"It was too hot to sleep in a shirt," he said neutrally.
"Whatever. Just get dressed, please. I have to run my checkup."
He peered at her in that infuriatingly curious way for a moment before pulling the shirt on. She hoped he was still too new to human emotions to have picked up on her earlier discomfort.
"Did you sleep well?" she asked as she tentatively moved to palm his now (thankfully) clothed chest.
No answer. She stole a glance upward and saw him looking off into the distance. It was then that she noticed the faint, dark circles under his eyes and she frowned. Obviously, he hadn't slept well.
"Something keep you up last night?" she asked.
"Nothing life-threatening."
She had half a mind to call him out on that, but knew it would be a waste of energy. Instead she focused on checking his system. He seemed to be less sluggish than normal despite his lack of sleep. It was a bit of a relief—she'd been worried that their previous sparring session would take a toll on Sasori's ailing body. But she noticed that the arrhythmia had finally returned, much to her dismay. Biting her lip, she sent chakra pulses to the organ, once more willing it to pump more deeply and efficiently so the blood would reach the ventricles. After about fifteen minutes, she was satisfied that it was calmer than before.
"What's the problem?" he asked.
Sakura took a deep breath and willed herself to speak neutrally. It was about time she told him about his ailment, now that she was convinced it was not going to go away of its own accord anytime soon. She would have to start thinking about a more invasive treatment, but she worried about the strain it might put on his frail body. In any case, as a patient, Sasori deserved to know what was happening to him, at the very least.
"It's not an uncommon condition. You seem to have a type of arrhythmia called Atrial Fibrillation, or AF for short. Basically, it means that your heart flutters inefficiently and the blood doesn't reach the lower chambers. I've already identified it, and as an isolated irregularity it isn't exactly dangerous."
Sasori immediately picked up on her unsaid words. "But it could lead to complications that are dangerous."
"Potentially, yes. But it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen," she said, her voice low and serious.
"How can you be sure that I have AF? Perhaps it's simply a flaw in your organ regrowth technique. Arrhythmias are not easy to diagnose."
"You sound like you're familiar with the subject," she commented, deciding to ignore the insult to her medical abilities.
"I invented the human puppet technique. I should think it's obvious that I have intimate knowledge of the human anatomy."
Well. Sakura could overlook that particularly arrogant comment because it was just the plain and honest truth, but she didn't really want to think about forced mummification so soon after eating breakfast. Although, the idea of turning people into puppets was interesting from a medical standpoint, to be sure. She remembered how Sasori's Third Kazekage puppet had full access to its chakra, but she could not fathom how that was possible. She made a mental note to revisit the topic again later.
"Well, it's true that heart rate can easily change depending on a lot of things. Exertion, for example, makes the heart beat faster to better circulate oxygen when your muscles are working harder. Emotions can affect heart rate, too."
"How so?"
"Extreme nervousness or anxiety can speed up the heart rate, for example."
"I see."
Sakura looked thoughtful for a minute. The arrhythmia was not a threat in and of itself, and she'd reported as much to the Kazekage. But for some reason, her instincts were telling her to be wary. And Sakura's instincts almost never let her down before. She shook her head.
"Maybe I'm just paranoid." She moved away from him to rummage around in the kitchen. Sasori probably had not eaten any breakfast yet, and she could not condone a lack of sustenance on her watch. "When is your training today?" she asked, wanting to change the subject.
"There will be no session today."
"Oh, so I guess you've got the day off," she said as she shoved a bagel into the small toaster and set it to medium.
"Yes."
Sakura stared at the toaster as it heated the food. She didn't think a bagel would be a good breakfast by itself, but she didn't have much time to dawdle before she had to get to the research labs. Sasori would just have to deal with it for today. Suddenly, she had a very interesting idea. "Hey, how would you like to come with me to teach a class on poisons?"
He looked at her like she'd grown antlers. Sakura shrugged nonchalantly.
"You don't have to do anything. It's actually just a couple of the more advanced lab researchers. We've been working on antidotes recently, but they've started asking about the poisons themselves. To be honest, I don't have as much experience mixing poisons as I do counteracting them."
Sasori regarded her with that slightly condescending look he got when he was about to criticize someone. The toaster popped and he approached her. With a paper towel in hand, he artfully plucked the bagel halves from the heated machine while Sakura opened up the cream cheese.
"You really think the ANBU guards would agree to let me work with poisons?" he asked, his tone sarcastic.
"Well, it's more of a theory class. There wouldn't have to be any actual poison mixing. If anything, I would rather have them mix the antidotes." She paused. "If you don't feel like it, you don't have to come. But since you're an expert with poisons, I thought it might be interesting for everyone. And it's not like you have a busy schedule today, anyway."
Sasori spread some cream cheese over one half of the bagel silently as Sakura watched. He brought the food to his mouth and took a bite. The bagel crunched, and Sakura noticed that he'd gotten a bit of spread on his lip.
"Alright."
"Really?" she asked.
Before he had the chance to retort, she interrupted, "Sorry, I know you don't like to repeat yourself. I guess it's just a habit to ask for confirmation."
She didn't notice him smirk at her as she shoved a napkin in his direction. He accepted it, but noticed she would not look at him. Tentatively, Sasori wiped his mouth of the excess bit of spread, his honey eyes trained carefully on the pink haired medic.
"Well, let's get going then. I'll just have a word with the ANBU," she said, excusing herself to go outside.
Sasori walked next to Sakura through the stark, white corridors of the Sunagakure hospital. They'd departed soon after he ate breakfast, mostly because Sakura refused to leave until he'd finished the whole bagel. His ANBU escorts formed a loose barrier on all sides, much to Sakura's dismay. She was worried that their presence might make the hospital's patients nervous, but they insisted. Oh well.
"I'm actually surprised I didn't think of this sooner. I guess I didn't think you would care, though," she said offhandedly.
"Hm."
"Actually, you've been a lot more open to the whole teaching thing than I thought you would be. That's saying a lot coming from the guy who thought teaching others is a waste of time," she snickered.
"I am a master puppeteer. I have every right to impart my knowledge and experience to others if I so choose. And you said yourself that I am an expert with poisons."
Sakura gaped at him. Seriously? Seriously, though? A nasty retort itched at the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back. She clenched her fists and mentally counted to ten. If she blew up at him like this, it would only prove that he affected her. And that was probably what he wanted, the conniving bastard. No. Instead, she would play his own game even better than he did.
"It's just as well, then. I knew you'd make an effective teacher."
Sasori turned and saw Sakura watching him, a mischievous glint in her eyes. He looked a little disturbed.
"You're very objective and down to earth, and you're good at finding flaws and correcting them," Sakura elaborated, hoping her praise would catch him off guard.
He sighed softly. "I've never had a reason to teach others."
Sakura blinked at him, wonderment quickly replacing her previous desire to one-up him. He was staring ahead, but it seemed like he wasn't really seeing. Sakura got the distinct feeling that he was remembering something again, and wished she could read his mind. It reminded her that there were depths to this man that she did not know, and that familiar curiosity niggled desperately at her consciousness. She wondered if he would ever willingly explain his actions to her. And she wondered why all of a sudden, that really mattered to her.
"Well, whatever your reason, I'm glad you have one now." She meant her words as she held the lazy, sideways glance he shot her.
They arrived at the chemical lab on the eastern side of the hospital to find that none of the 'students' had arrived yet. Sakura decided to busy herself arranging various dried plants, vials of strangely colored liquids, and an assortment of powders on a large stainless steel table. Then she went to retrieve bowls, pestles, empty test tubes, and various other tools that might be useful for examining substances and mixing them together. Sasori watched her silently.
"What made you interested in poisons?" Sakura asked.
"It's a good weapon for any shinobi."
"Yes, but most of us don't go mixing our own."
"There is an inexplicable satisfaction that comes with creating something unique."
"You mean like a puppet?"
"It's the same general concept, but the two are decidedly different."
"Sasori," she said tentatively.
They stood with the stainless steel table between them.
"The other day, when I fought Kankuro," she trailed off.
To her surprise, he chuckled softly. "An unexpected trip down memory lane, don't you think?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious of his words. "I thought it was a little strange, actually."
He didn't respond to this.
She shifted her weight. "Did it bother you that he used your, um," she hesitated.
"My old body?" he clarified in that blunt duh tone. "Why should it?"
"Why wouldn't it? I thought you might be angry."
Sasori leaned forward and rested his chin in his hands as he gazed languidly at a tense Sakura. Truly, she let herself get so worked up over the most trivial things, he thought. "That body is a failed experiment."
"But it was your body once," she argued, slightly exasperated.
Sasori inclined his head, his honey eyes examining her seemingly stressed features. Why was she so worked up about it? "It's a puppet. That's always what it was," he said thoughtfully.
Sakura blinked. He was right—it was just a puppet. A lifeless golem. "I prefer the way you are now," she said without thinking.
Sasori's eyes narrowed at her words, as if searching for the lie in them. What kind of frivolity was she babbling about now?
"Why did you do it?" she asked all of a sudden.
He regarded her carefully. The last time they had crossed paths, he had explained his vision of art somewhat, but he doubted she could comprehend his philosophy. Now, she seemed hyper-focused on whatever he might reveal.
"I won't understand unless you explain it to me," she added earnestly. "All of it."
A strange light flickered across his honey eyes and he cocked his head slightly to the side, as if trying to get a better look at her.
"Why should I?"
"I want to know," she said with quiet resolve. "I need to know."
A long silence passed, and Sakura was sure he wasn't going to tell her.
"It's a long story."
"I have time."
After a few moments of tense silence, he opened his mouth to say something.
"Haruno-sensei! I'm sorry we're late," a male voice penetrated the silence.
If looks could kill, the guy who had just interrupted would be dead on his feet. Sakura glared angrily at the intruder, knowing Sasori would not speak with others around.
"Dan," she addressed the newcomers. "Kawabata-san, Mihara-san."
The three researchers all nodded to her before settling wary gazes on Sasori.
"This is Akasuna no Sasori. Please do not be alarmed. His chakra is sealed and there is a team of very capable ANBU guards right outside," she said, fighting to keep the irritation from being interrupted out of her voice and failing.
The three researchers tentatively stepped into the lab, carefully and very obviously skirting Sasori with a wide berth. The lone female, Kawabata Maki, was a mousy woman in her thirties with large, round spectacles. She approached Sakura, keeping a wary eye on Sasori.
"Um, Haruno-sensei, is this really appropriate?" she whispered.
"It's fine," Sakura bit out a little more forcefully than was really necessary.
Kawabata's eyes widened in surprise and she scampered to the other side of the table to join the two male researchers. It was slightly comical the way they huddled together in a clump while Sasori practically had the entire right side of the table to himself as he lounged almost lazily on a stainless steel stool. Sakura rolled her eyes.
"Look, I understand your apprehension, but I assure you this is perfectly safe. I would not put you at risk," she tried to assuage their fears.
Mihara Kazuaki, a tall man in his forties, spoke up.
"Might I ask why?" he trailed off, indicating Sasori.
"I'm glad you asked that, Mihara-san. Actually, I'm sure you are probably aware that Sasori is a poisons specialist. Since you all wanted to talk about poisons instead of antidotes today, I thought it would be a good idea to bring in an expert. I myself am not a poisons specialist, so it seemed only natural to enlist some professional help."
She could almost hear the collective gulp from the three researchers. But she supposed she should cut them a little slack—they hadn't spent as much time with Sasori as she had, so their apprehension was justified. She was about to say something to try to calm them down, but the youngest researcher, Maehara Dan, spoke up.
"Haruno-sensei, if you think this will further our understanding, then I am eager to get started."
Sakura blinked at the younger male. She had always liked him, but now she felt a twinge of respect for him that she hadn't felt before. It was always nice to see people who put personal differences behind them to focus on the task at hand.
"I'm glad to hear you say that. Sasori is actually just here to observe, so I'll be leading the class. But please feel free to speak up if you feel so inclined," she addressed the redhead.
He nodded, his eyes empty and cold once more. She tried to ignore the uncomfortable twisting in her chest at the sight.
"Well, let's get started, shall we?"
The class consisted of a general lecture about common poisons and their effects, as well as familiarizing themselves with certain ingredients that, when properly mixed, could create different poisons. Of course, Sakura did not want to actually let anyone make poison while Sasori was around, but at least they could see and touch the ingredients. Separately and properly contained, they were relatively harmless.
"This is a sample of ethylene oxide," Sakura explained, holding up a seemingly empty vial. "Can anyone tell me what will happen if we mix it with water?"
"It should produce ethylene glycol, a very toxic substance that is fatal when ingested," Mihara said, reaching for the vial.
Sakura handed it to him to examine.
"That's right. Ethylene glycol is a poison usually used during assassinations. It is odorless and colorless, and it has a faintly sweet taste. Mixed with wine, for example, it can be almost undetectable."
"Ethylene glycol has a syrupy texture, though," Sasori spoke up. "It's not necessarily the best option to mix with a liquid because a skilled shinobi may detect the difference in viscosity."
Sakura looked at him with mild surprise.
"What do you suggest instead?" Kawabata asked Sasori, a look of genuine interest on her face.
Sasori eyed her, and Sakura wondered if he was thinking about whether or not to reveal anything.
"It really depends on the situation. Poisoning someone's food or drink is generally not a good idea if your target is someone important. They will more often than not employ a taster to test anything they plan to ingest. It's better to inflict a wound with a weapon doused in poison," he explained.
"So, do you mean that ingested poisons are generally less effective?" Mihara asked.
"Not necessarily. Hydrogen cyanide, for example, is a gaseous poison. If it is inhaled, the victim can die almost instantly depending on the concentration. The toxicity is caused by the cyanide ion, which halts cellular respiration," he elaborated.
Mihara looked a little pale at the implications.
"Of course, an instant killer is not always beneficial. Sometimes it may be more useful to use poisons that take time to kill. It depends on your purpose," Sasori said, a glint in his eye that made Sakura want to shudder.
The three researchers watched Sasori with looks of morbid awe in their eyes. He described the poisons with an almost wistful ring to his voice, like he was discussing a fond memory. Truly, the man had a flair for imparting knowledge while simultaneously scaring the living daylights out of people.
"And that's why it's important to know how to make an effective antidote," Sakura interjected. "Hydrogen cyanide isn't quite as common on the battlefield because the only way to remain immune would be to wear a respiratory mask—even the user would be susceptible otherwise. Still, there is an established antidote that you should all be aware of."
The class ended up being much more interesting for Sakura than she'd predicted. Sasori was generally quiet, but he would share his opinions and insights at key moments. His input seemed to put things into perspective on the effectiveness and appropriateness of certain poisons. Of course, he tended to say things that blatantly indicated he had more than a lifetime's worth of experience poisoning people than the average person, which Sakura suspected made everyone more than a little uncomfortable. He was certainly more knowledgeable about poisons than Sakura was, and she found herself a little envious of his know-how.
But once it was clear that he knew exactly what he was talking about, the researchers had jumped at the opportunity to ask his opinion on certain poisons, how to store them, what the most effective method of contamination might be, and anything else that crossed their minds. Sakura was secretly pleased that he answered their questions in stride whenever she couldn't. She also noticed that he worded his answers in a way that would address any potential follow-up questions the researchers might have. He even managed not come off as harsh and intolerant, the way he sometimes was with the puppet brigade when they made mistakes. By the end of the day, Sakura knew more about how to kill people with poison than she really cared to know.
"Sasori-san, thank you for sharing your insight with us!" Dan said enthusiastically. "I hope you will consider visiting our class again in the future."
Sakura grinned deviously at a confused looking Sasori, earning her a scowl from the poisons expert. Clearly, though, the fact that he was a source of specialized knowledge seemed to weigh more heavily in Dan's mind than the fact that he was a criminal who had killed countless people with the very poisons they were so keen to learn more about. Mihara and Kawabata were a little less enthusiastic, but equally satisfied with their new knowledge.
"Haruno-sensei, perhaps next time we can work on actually creating some of these poisons?" Mihara asked, glancing discreetly toward Sasori.
"I suppose we could do that. I'll have to run it by the Kazekage, though, and make sure he's aware that we might be mixing chemical weapons," she replied.
They politely bid Sakura and Sasori good day, leaving the two of them alone once more. Sakura sighed and rubbed her temples; teaching always made her inexplicable tired. She reached for the materials now strewn haplessly over the stainless steel table and proceeded to return them to their designated storage compartments.
"See? That wasn't so bad," she said lightly as she reached to try to slide a microscope onto the top shelf.
A hand rose to grip the tool above her own, and she looked up to see Sasori pushing the microscope onto the taller shelf. He was a few inches taller than her, so his reach extended a bit farther than hers. Sakura noticed that he was standing very close to her in order to reach the shelf, and she was vaguely aware of the heat he emanated through his clothing. She felt her cheeks tingle with warmth.
"Oh, thanks for your help," she mumbled, avoiding eye contact.
"Why are you nervous?" he asked.
Sakura met his eyes, blushing.
"Why would you say that I'm nervous?"
"You're blushing. And it looks like your heartbeat is accelerating," he pointed out as he scrutinized her.
Damnit. Of course he would remember what she'd told him earlier about emotions affecting heart rate. And of course he would turn her words against her. Damnit.
"Well, I'm not nervous, ok? It's just hot in here," she grumbled, pushing past him to retrieve more supplies from the table.
"You're a bad liar."
"I don't have to explain myself to you."
She walked past him once more with a rack of test tubs and stoppers, making a beeline for the storage closet. He watched her put the equipment away safely before she turned around and faced him.
"You asked about why I turned myself into a puppet earlier."
Sakura froze, her earlier jitters forgotten.
"Yes," she said, tentatively.
"I don't have to explain myself to you, either," he said matter-of-factly.
Sakura felt her eye twitch. Damn him, using her own evasive technique against her.
"There's nothing to explain," she said quietly.
"I see."
A tense silence fell around them, and Sakura fidgeted. What was he trying to do? She didn't even really understand why she'd been embarrassed. She had just been a little startled at their proximity. And also, she hadn't expected him to help her put the lab equipment away. Yes, that was obviously it.
"I just didn't expect you to help me put everything away. And I guess," she hesitated, feeling suddenly awkward, "I guess I was just a little startled when you were all of a sudden standing right next to me."
She looked somewhere to the right of his shoulder, feeling unbearably awkward at the admission. Why should it matter? She really shouldn't let this get to her.
"I make you nervous."
She flicked her eyes up to meet his.
"I didn't say that."
"But you were nervous just now."
"I—," she cut herself off.
Sakura crossed her arms over her chest, an unconscious defense mechanism. A frown found its way onto her mouth as she bit down on her lower lip in consternation. If she had been looking at Sasori, she might have noticed the way he shifted his weight, his honey eyes regarding her silently, curiously, as if he was carefully analyzing the new information with an uncanny degree of calculation.
"I wanted to obtain the perfect body, one that would never age or rot. True immortality," he said softly.
Sakura's head snapped up, her eyes wide with surprise.
"But as you know, that plan ultimately failed."
Sakura blinked. This could be a rare opportunity for her to glean more information from him.
"But why would you want to be immortal? Was it really worth leaving behind your human life?"
"I wanted to become true art."
She gaped at him. That was his reason?
"Art is something that retains its beauty ad infinitum. Something truly timeless."
"So something that doesn't stay beautiful forever isn't art," she said, trying to understand.
"Yes. Take the human body, for instance. It ages and rots, only to shrivel up and die one day," he said, the disgust evident in his tone. "Humans are finite, imperfect creatures."
"But isn't there beauty in that, too? I would think something so perfect is by association a bit dull. It's the flaws that make every person unique. I think that kind of imperfection is beautiful in it's own way."
He regarded her the way a knowing parent would regard a rebellious teenager. That patronizing look made her blood boil.
"I can understand why you would want to defend humans. After all, you yourself are human. But you will not be young and beautiful forever. And one day, you will die and turn to dust, and your memory will fade as if you never even existed."
Sakura was speechless. Maybe it was the fact that she now had a better understanding of what was clearly one of his core philosophies. Or maybe it was the fact that he had inadvertently called her beautiful. Either way, that hint of resignation in his tone reminded her of how hopeless she'd felt talking to him during his first days of imprisonment. It made her angry.
"You're human now, too, Sasori. You will grow old and die eventually."
"Wrong. I will be executed before I have the chance," he said.
"What are you not telling me? You say you wanted immortality, and yet you seem to have a fatalistic outlook on your life. What's really the issue here?" she challenged.
"There is no issue. I have simply accepted my fate."
"I don't understand you. You're a perfectionist, the way you harp on the puppet brigade. Everything you do is with the end goal of achieving the highest level of perfection. And yet you're accepting defeat so easily. Just like the time you let Chiyo-baa-sama kill you."
Sasori's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Then tell me," Sakura cried. "Why did you let us win? Why would someone so focused on achieving immortality and infinite beauty just give up in the end? Why are you giving up now?"
He glared at her, and Sakura felt herself shaking with the intensity of her feelings. She'd probably just blown any chance of finding out the truth at this point, if the way he was glowering at her was any indication. She let out a pained, frustrated sigh and shook her head, trying to clear her muddled emotions.
"I know you're hiding something, and I know you don't want to tell me what it is. But I'm not going to push you to reveal anything. It's your secret to tell or to keep," she said, rubbing the back of her neck to work out the stiffness.
After a moment, Sasori seemed to revert back to that cold, hollow look he usually sported. "Why do you want to know about me?"
Sakura smiled bitterly.
"Because you acknowledged me when no one else would. You and Chiyo-baa-sama. That fight was one of the only times in my entire life that I felt like my existence was essential to others. I guess I can't let that go. It's kind of pathetic."
"It is pathetic."
"Well, it's the truth."
The silence stretched between them, but somehow Sakura felt a little better now that she'd finally voiced her insecurity. For as long as she could remember, she had warred with herself about how to be useful to others. And as much as she hated to admit it, the fight with Sasori four years ago had really left a deep impression on her. Never in her life had she felt more alive, knowing that she was so close to death and no one was holding her back, trying to 'keep her safe.' Chiyo had praised her countenance, and Sasori had acknowledged her skills, albeit grudgingly. And yet, they had both died shortly after the fact, leaving no proof of the exhilarating experience. As time went on, Sakura herself began to doubt it had ever happened; that particular feeling of usefulness had been nearly impossible for her to replicate since then.
"Come on. It's late, and you should eat something," she said softly, taking care to avoid eye contact.
He didn't say anything as they left the lab in silence.