Okay last chapter was DEFINITELY not as liked as well, I liked it. :-P Gotta admit the slow hits/reviews totally saddened me. Along with The Path to… Not being as liked as I wanted it to be. Ugh and don't even get me started on GH. :-P Well that explains part of my slowness in updated (which was followed by super busy RL time).

I've included a little Jessica scene at the very end of this because people were curious about her. It's completely separate from this story though (and really doesn't go with the tones/theme of the story set in chapter 1, which you'll see make a return appearance at the end), so just read it as something COMPLETELY separate from To Come Back. I have another one written for the next chapter as well, if you like this one (or I'll just scrap them if you don't).

Thanks for reading guys!

Hide and Seek

He was hiding. Not surprising since he had just spent ten years running.

Maybe hiding was what he had always done, behind the bravado, behind the booze…It had been a long trip back; it had left him plenty of time to think about, to reevaluate the things he normally ignored. His past…

In Jason's room, after a near catfight between his mother and Carly, a half-eaten lunch in the guest room alone with only a few photo albums Emily had left him that he hadn't been able to stomach for long, much like his meal, being poked, swabbed and pulled at by the lab tech the lawyers had sent. In Jason's room, he had nothing but time and memories. The last cd Jason had listened to. It was cracked from the near demolishment the room had suffered through as its resident, who always put clothing in the hamper, towels on the rod, garbage in the bin, returned glasses and late night snacks to the kitchen…As he undid all of that. Books and cds that had been meticulously arranged, school notebooks since high school within easy reach for future reference…Those same hands that hand lovingly cared for it had nearly destroyed it.

He could see Jason now, just as he could always see him. His personality so ingrained, it left little room for surprise after over 20 years together. It had grown harsher over the years, the wisdom more blunt, words urging quicker action, less compassion; it had grown, changed as Jason had never been given the opportunity to.

He could hear the wheels on the desk chair sliding across the floor as feet pulled it along. His head dropped to the side to see his brother, suddenly aged looking at him. 'What are you doing?'

"Losing my mind," he muttered.

'Hate to break it to you, you lost that awhile ago,' his brother chuckled.

"The day you died," he whispered.

'It was gone long before then,' Jason once more laughed, 'remember jumping off that cliff by Josie's house?'

Josie, they had gone to her house during spring vacation when they were 14 and 15. Their parents were fighting as always had told them, 'We just don't think it's a good time for you boys to come to Port Charles.' It had never been a good time to come home. Maybe it had been reckless; maybe he'd been asking to be hurt as he took that jump off a cliff into what he knew now to be a near puddle of water. Who cared though… Story of his life.

'Dad just died and you're sitting up here feeling sorry for yourself?'

"Dad," the word left a bitter taste in his mouth. "Dad didn't know that I was gone, he loved a new son, a psychopath more than me."

'He never knew who we were,' Jason leaned back in the chair, a pained expression on his face now as well. 'He knew who he expected us to be, wanted us to be.'

"Good son, bad son," then suddenly the pain rose in his throat. "God Jason," the tears welled up, "why'd you have to get into that car?"

'I couldn't let you hurt yourself,' his brother simply explained as he had many times before, when his brother's unconscious would be crying out for comfort, crying out for his family, crying to just remember, be close to his brother once more.

"You got into the car with a drunk driver, you got into a car without your seatbelt…You were smarter than that."

'I thought I could stop you, you're my brother AJ; I couldn't let you hurt yourself.'

He chuckled bitterly.

Jason let out a light laugh, 'Though in my defense if I'd known you were going to put us into a tree.'

"It's not fair, he's gone and you're gone…"

'And you're talking to yourself?'

"And I can't do anything to change it. I tried Jason. I tried to forget. I tried to just live my life. But…"

'At the end of the day you're still AJ Quartermaine?'

"At the end of the day you're still gone and there's nothing I can do to fix that," he finally flung himself off the bed and went to go look out the window.

'I'm still here. I've been having a life without you. Marriages, divorces or actually a divorce and an annulment,' Jason corrected himself.

"Proves it's not you," AJ responded with a smirk. "You'd never allow your marriage to hit the point of divorce. You never give up."

'Sometimes the best thing you can do is give up. Walk away. And you're still just jealous that I married Brenda, I slept with Brenda.'

"It was annulled," AJ pointed out.

'If I married Brenda and didn't sleep with her…I mean its Brenda.'

AJ laughed.

'You should find out.'

"You should have gotten to experience it," he responded with remorse and moved to sit back down on the bed.

-x-X-x-

"Hey AJ?" Emily smiled walking towards her brother half asleep on the bed.

His lids blinked uncertainly, "Oh, hey," he answered with a shake of his head as he pushed himself up and then frowned at her. "Aren't you a little old for dolls?" he asked as he noticed she was carrying one.

She chuckled and the doll moved, "This is Spencer," she turned the baby in her arms, half asleep as he'd just been as she sat down in the chair close by where AJ had been sleeping, that their mother had sat in minutes earlier as he was unaware. "He's Nikolas's son, I asked him to bring him by."

He's eyes flipped between the baby's face and his sister's suddenly maternal one.

"We don't exactly have a clearly defined relationship at the moment, but I'm hoping one day he'll call you Uncle."

Pain tore through him quickly and he looked up at his sister with pained eyes, "Em, I…"

"You're not gonna stay," she quickly said with the instantly heartbroken expression of a teenager.

"It's better this-" he tried to explain.

"No," her head shook and she violently stood. "Don't. It's easier for you. To pretend that we never existed, that you never existed. That Jason…

You know you bailed on him too. You didn't just leave us. You left Jason. Do you have any idea how many times he almost died? Were you there when his wife lost their baby and their marriage fell apart? When Sam lost their little girl just weeks before she was supposed to be born? When Sam was shot and nearly died? Jason risked everything to make sure she got the surgery he KNEW she needed. I had cancer AJ! I was raped!" she hadn't meant to say that, but she did. "And Dad DIED. And where were you?"

He was stunned and nauseous.

The baby started to cry because the loud noises and sudden movements.

"Oh god Spencer, I'm so sorry," she kissed the top of his head. She looked at AJ, who was still staring at her with an open mouth, unable to completely process what she had just said. "Come on, let's go find Daddy." She turned back to her brother as she reached the door, "I get why you left AJ," she nodded, "I really do." She glanced around the room, "Sometimes I feel like I can barely remember that Jason, I'm so used to the brother I have now, but you…" She nodded again, "I understand why you had to leave. But we need you now AJ. Mom," another shake, "Mom won't be able to take it if she loses you again. And," she looked down at the baby, "you have a life here. As much as you don't want it. Mother, grandfather, aunt, siblings, cousins," she looked a little sharper at him, "Justus is dead. He was murdered," was the last thing she said before she left the room.

-x-X-x-

"Where do you think Emily was storming off to?" Lulu asked in hushed tones.

"I don't know, but be glad she didn't see us, if anyone realizes I let you out of your-" Dillon said, back to leading them through the halls after a quick duck into his room trying to get to hers.

AJ's eyes widened as he nearly collided with the two teenagers sneaking past his brother's door, a moment of confusion despite having seen their pictures, but it was nothing in comparison to theirs. Their eyes widened to the point of nearly bugging out, their mouths dropped enough to let in a whole family of flies, and panic ruled their faces.

"AJ, oh god AJ," Dillon automatically positioned himself in front of Lulu, he'd known before this that sneaking her out of her house was a bad idea. First he'd get yelled at for moving her and allowing her to move, then she'd be sentenced to her room at the mansion in order to keep a closer eye on her and he wouldn't wish convalescing with the Q's on anyone.

His hand flung out, looking for something to grab, but finding nothing as he heard Lulu's low whisper of, "Shit," and he felt the press of cold pink steel coming in contact with his hand as she willingly gave over a crutch to protect them.

"Stay back man," Dillon ordered brandishing the weapon.

AJ chuckled, not surprised by the reaction, just the weapon. "If you're trying to avoid your parents I'd keep your voices down," he smirked. "Nice crutch," he nodded.

"Lulu, go get your dad," Dillon firmly ordered.

"Uh," she began.

AJ smiled.

Dillon briefly glimpsed back, then cursed himself realizing that action left them vulnerable, but his cousin made no attempt at an attack.

"If you want," the amusement clearly evident on AJ's face, having last seen Dillon as a baby, he hadn't expected the next time he saw him, he'd be brandishing a pink crutch, "Carly left a frying pan in the bathroom, I could go get you that and you can give Lulu back her crutch, so she can go get Luke."

"Don't…Don't get smart with me," Dammit he sounded like Grandfather, "I can very easily knock you out with this…" he waved it and realized just how light it was.

"Hollow, aluminum crutch?"

"What are you doing up?" Tracy's shrill voice greeted them, she stormed towards them as Dillon's eyes grew even wider. "And what are you doing with her crutch?"

"Mom-" he tried to interject as his mother yanked it out of his hand and handed it back to Lulu.

"And we've instituted a strict, 'No murdering your family' policy and that includes attempts."

"But Mom"/"Tracy."

"That applies to you too young lady," her head shook.

"But AJ?" Dillon once more tried.

"Luckily for him, it's not retroactive."

"As fun as this is, I'm going back to my room," the subject nodded.

"Mom, you can't just-"

"I can't what ground you? Guess what I can. Neither of you are leaving this house for the rest of the day. And Lulu before you start, we'll discuss. Discuss, you possibly returning to your grandmother's tomorrow, after you've rested that leg."

"But Tracy I-"

"I don't care," her head shook, "and your father will agree with me, so don't even bother trying the puppy dog eyes with him."

-x-X-x-

"Don't you think you've done that for long enough?"

AJ looked over from the window he was staring out of. "Sorry?"

"Feeling sorry for yourself," Edward's head gruffly nodded as he walked into the room.

"My father just died," he responded curtly.

"And if I believed that was the reason for a second, I'd let it pass. This is the same 'Woe is me, AJ' as always."

He didn't say anything.

"See," Edward waggled his finger, "this is the same, 'my daddy never loved me' that we always…" Then Edward paused, "This is Jason," awareness dawned in his eyes, "they mentioned you were in his room."

"Is that suddenly a crime?"

"No but what you-"

"What I did to him is," AJ cut him off, "I know."

"It's time to let it go," Edward's voice suddenly softened.

AJ turned in disbelief, "I killed the golden boy and you're telling me to let it go? You of all people?"

His eyes filled with sorrow, "It's not what your father would want or your brother."

"Yea well neither of them are here to say that and you never were exceptionally trustworthy."

"I'm still your grandfather and it's my job now that your father's-" pain suddenly flashed through Edward's eyes.

It made him uncomfortable; he wasn't used to not knowing what to do. Jay Kiernan, could always act, he saw something wrong and he did his best to fix it, he might later realize there had better way, but he was always acted. AJ Quartermaine didn't know how to do that. He floundered, wondered if he should apologize, offer condolences, sympathy, but in the end he did nothing but wait for the old man to begin again.

"You were his greatest regret," Edward spoke matter of factly.

"I noticed," was AJ wry remark.

"No," his head shook, "that was his greatest regret. How he treated you all those years. He did everything in his power to try to make it up, but…" Edward's head shook, "it wasn't even you."

"Do you want me to apologize for the fact that my own father didn't know the difference between his son and a stranger?" he hated this person, the person he was with them, he could hear his tone and words, yet he felt powerless to stop them.

"No, AJ," Edward answered firmly looking his grandson in the eye, "I want you to know he realized he hadn't been a father to you and he did everything he could to try to fix that. He was willing to sacrifice himself, our family for you."

The urge to run returned, stronger than the urge to hide. "I won't help you get Michael," he lashed out with.

That got the grandfather he was used to back, "Won't help me…" fury raged in his eyes, "that is YOUR son. Every second you allow him to stay with Corinthos is a step closer to the day we lose him and even if they somehow manage to keep him alive-"

"Daddy," Tracy ordered coming to the doorway.

"What?" he turned annoyed.

"We're under strict orders not to badger him," she reminded, her voice tinged with humor.

"Since when do you listen to Monica?"

"Well as she points out this is her house, thanks to my idiotic brother…" Pain flashed through her eyes; she blocked it out. "That woman's liable to lose it soon and if she ends up in Ferncliff, I'll be expected to visit and I have better things to do with my time."

He muttered incoherently under his breath.

"Mark Shue is here daddy," she informed him.

He turned and gave the evil eye to his wayward grandson, "The lawyer," he explained before turning back to his daughter, "maybe he'll be able to have them both committed, until we can get this custody issue under control."

-x-X-x-

"Oh man," Dillon let out a shaky breath, "you're not dead."

AJ barely turned to his cousin's words, instead just lifted an eye to view him as he sat in a plush chair reading a magazine. "Sorry to disappoint."

"No no," Dillon rushed into the room in an attempt to explain, "that's not what I meant. Hell I've never even met you, though you know trying to…" he stopped rambling as he realized AJ had put down the magazine as was looking dead at him. "You're not him, they've explained that. Apparently the last time I saw you, I was in diapers, which as you can imagine, I don't exactly have full recollection of."

"Is all of this going anywhere?" AJ dryly asked, he'd had quite enough of his family for the day.

"Sorry," Dillon looked annoyed with yourself, "it's not everyday you find out someone's been masquerading as your cousin for the majority of your life."

"Try having it happen to you," AJ simply offered.

"You didn't come back though," Dillon probed, "I mean you found out and you did nothing."

"He was already dead."

"And if he was dead that meant you were dead," he probed, as always looking for the answers.

AJ was startled by his younger cousin's frank and truthful statement, "Yea." He took a moment before deciding to further his statement, "Any other way of that happening and I probably would have been happy."

"I can understand that," Dillon nodded as he walked towards the chair opposite of AJ's and flopped into it. "This family," he shook his head further.

AJ's eyebrows lifted at his cousin's familiar attitude with him, ignoring the need to knock, be invited into the room or to take a seat.

"And I mean after Jason," Dillon shook his head again, "Em's been explaining it to me." He sat up a little straighter, "Well you know, not that I didn't know beforehand…"

AJ looked over with interest at that statement, "What were we Cain and Abel?"

Dillon shifted uncomfortably as he realized the position he'd put himself into. "Just that you just were close I guess until the accident and then…Arch enemies?"

He looked directly at his little cousin, "Jason will never be my enemy. I would never…" he stopped suddenly.

"Hurt him again?" Dillon offered.

AJ shook his head, "You know I don't really do this touchy feely family stuff. Did you come in here for a reason?"

"Oh yea sorry. Lulu and I were about to put in Superman. I suggested Richard Donner's classic Marlon Brando, Gene Hackman, Christopher Reeve version, she voted for 'hot guy, tight suit,' her words," Dillon smiled. "We figured you could use a foray out of the real world as well."

AJ looked at him skeptically.

"No talking I promise," he swore with a wave of his hands as he bounced up. "Okay or maybe you answer Lulu's questions for the first five minutes, since she was almost killed a few days ago."

He continued to look skeptically at him.

"They most likely won't bother you if they see that you're occupied."

"Good point," he nodded and stood.

-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x--x-X-x-X-x-X-x-

Sidestory/Flashback/Moment in the Life of Jay Kiernan and Jessica Becker:

"I hate to break it to you AJ Quartermaine, but you're a good guy," Jessica teasingly smiled.

He laughed, "Jay Kiernan's a good guy, not AJ Quartermaine."

"Hate to break it to you, but they're the same person," she pushed the conversation further, as she frequently did.

"Trust me AJ Quartermaine could never be a good guy, there aren't enough years to swing that ratio in favor of good guy."

She laughed, "A quarter of a century versus the next three of them."

That made the bottom of his stomach drop out, the idea of surviving with it for that long…A water bottle full of vodka seemed like the better option.

She watched his face fall and hers responded in kind, she walked over to him, placing a hand on his cheek, "You're a good guy."

"No I'm not and there's no way I ever can be," he looked anguished by having to say that aloud.

"AJ a few wrong choices…" she sympathetically began.

"I killed my brother," his eyes instantly grew glassy, a weakness Jay Kiernan was allowed. "Anything else I could have done, I could have fixed. I can't fix that."

"But you could do better and you are. You help people. You help keep this place running; you're saving lives doesn't that-"

"Take a life? Save a life? It all evens out?" He stepped away from her as he violently shook his head, "No it doesn't. Jason was….Jason was better."

"His life was worth more than someone else's?" she mocked.

He turned seriously to her, "Yea." His head nodded again, "It was because he didn't think it was and most people do. He would have always sacrificed himself and what he would have brought to this world…He would have been great, he was great. And I…I turned him into someone that takes lives."

"AJ the type of-"

"No," his head shook, "they're still someone's father or brother or friend…Jason would have never…"

"Jason would have wanted you to move on. To be happy, be a better person."

"And I have," he sadly smiled at her, "I am happy," he stroked her cheek, "I am a better person. Jay Kiernan is someone Jason would have liked, respected. Someone I can be proud of being."

"You can be AJ and still be that person."

"No I can't," he cupped her cheek, "any chance AJ had of redemption died with his brother. From that moment on it was the noose around his neck. The one thing he couldn't escape and he was reminded of it every moment. I really thought I could do it for awhile, that I could be that person that he always wanted me to be, that I always wanted to be, but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough."

She sighed as she held his eyes.

"Don't ask me to be him."

"I want you to be happy with your life and not make-believe."

"Trust me," he smiled, "this is not make believe. I've had a lot of daydreams and fantasies in my life and this," he made a face, "is nowhere near any of them."

"Valid point," she smiled.

-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x--x-X-x-X-x-X-x-