I listened as Rick detailed off who was going where. Who was checking out Aaron's car and maybe Aaron's back up, and who was hiding out in the trees here, watchin' for said back up to creep on up and take us all down.
When Rick realized I was hanging back, I indicated my knee, out of the prisoner's eyeline. I wasn't running from no one anytime soon.
"'Groups of two'," I repeated his instruction back to him, shooting a significant look at Judith, who was sitting on the dirt floor playing with the strap on someone's bag. "An' she don't count. But if you're keeping her here, you might need your hands free." I sat down, adding my fingers to her game, distracting her. Out the corner of my eye I could see Rick didn't like it much, but abruptly he nodded and went to close the barn door.
I shifted my gaze back to the guy tied up to the post. Of all the ways this could play out, only a couple didn't end up with at least one person dead. Most likely him.
When we'd gotten inside the barn, and he'd come across so friendly, even trying to joke around, it was a fucking flashback to what I'd done, out on the road. But that was before he made the mistake of using people's names, like they were all old buddies; he acted like he'd known Sasha forever, called Rick 'Rick' without them being introduced. Rookie error.
Of course I approved of whatever spying Aaron had done, I ain't that much of a hypocrite. But if he'd been watching careful enough, he'd have known Rick was currently nearer one side of the knife edge than the other. He wasn't in the market for no new BFF. Aaron's walkin' in here, spruced up like some catalog model, acting like he was inviting us to some fucking glee club, was beyond stupid. I was pretty sure it was more than just the fact I was a chick, that had stopped Rick from laying me out cold, like he did to Aaron. Aaron was kind of asking for it; fuck, I could've landed one on him myself, just to wipe the 'eager beaverness' off his perky little face.
Now I watched him as he tried reasoning again, despite being tied up, said how he thought we were 'good'. And I carried on watching as Rick told him that us being good people didn't mean we wouldn't kill him. I could see that Aaron believed him. He should've.
Rick came back, crouched down to check on Judith and met my eyes. He raised an eyebrow, which I took as an invitation to give my opinion. I'd kept quiet earlier, waited on the others' reactions to what Aaron was saying. More than one person—important people, like Michonne especially—wanted to believe, wanted to go wherever it was that Aaron lived. His photos of the place, his 'proof', the shit he was carrying with him, they latched onto it all.
And that put me in a real awkward situation. No way was I on their side, if it came down to the group against Rick. What a fucking waste of the effort I'd put into this so far. Plus, what was my option then? Turn it around on Daryl or Abe? Not hardly gonna be credible at this stage of the game. But...
"Look at his clothes," I whispered. "He's living somewhere, for real." I rubbed my own chin and nodded at Rick's beard. "You know he ain't lookin' like that, without hot water on the regular. But, whatever you say...that's how this goes down."
Rick nodded thoughtfully, then paced back across the barn.
I guess it was weird, for Judith, everyone up and leaving like that. She started fussing. I sat her on my lap and started tapping out a beat, but it was only when Rick shot me a disbelieving look that I realized I was singing under my breath. Or maybe it was the choice of song that startled him. Well, I didn't know no freaking nursery rhymes and who was he to say she wouldn't like Kings of Leon, if she heard 'em.
Except it didn't work. She got louder. I stood up, walked around, jiggled her about a bit, switched her left to right. No dice, the kid was hungry and didn't care who knew it.
"You did see the jar of apple sauce in my bag, right?"
Rick and I stared hard at the guy tied up to the post.
Aaron gabbled, "...self preservation. If the roamers hear her, I'll be the first to go..." He had every reason to be shit scared, adding in a walker-attracting baby siren was probably his final straw. I moved towards his stuff, where Carl had emptied out his pack earlier, under Rick's inspection.
"No." Same as the water in the road—apparently from this guy. And whoever else was out there with him—same reaction from Rick. He shook his head at me and took Judith, tried to quieten her himself. Without success. I wondered if the others, in the bushes outside, could hear her. Wondered which of them woulda been better'n me at looking after her.
She started to howl something fierce.
I opened the jar anyway.
With a glare, Rick scooped up a spoonful of the apple sauce, marched over and shoved it towards Aaron's mouth.
Protesting that he wouldn't try to poison Judith, Aaron looked desperately at both of us. Then he made another mistake, he told Rick he didn't want to eat it because he hated apple sauce. I saw something flicker in Rick's eyes. The thought that his kid was literally starving in front of him and this guy was expressing a preference for what he ate...
"Rick." As I got his attention back, I stuck two fingers in the jar and licked up the sauce. My taste buds went into shock. Rick grimaced in annoyance, but I shrugged. "Tastes like apple sauce."
He still made Aaron eat from the spoon and then he went ahead and tested it himself. I wasn't sure how long he would wait, to see if it was laced with anything; being as it was homemade, I wasn't sure he would ever trust it.
Judith wailed. Well, shit, on top of being hungry, she'd just hadda watch all of us eat something.
I picked up Aaron's can of corned beef and started to undo it with the key.
Rick growled in annoyance and walked right up to me, glaring again, keeping his back to the man on the floor, effectively hiding me from Aaron's view.
"The fuck's he gonna be able to do to stuff in a can?" I hissed, meeting his expression with a challenging stare of my own. "You fed her from the cans I brought with me, when you didn't know me, didn'tcha? She's hungry." I scooped out a bit of the meat, ate it myself for whatever proof that would give, then did it again and squished it some, not sure how much the kid could chew.
He hovered on that knife edge again. Between what he wanted to be true and what bitter experience had taught him to expect.
I went ahead an' put the squishy piece in Judith's mouth and it was like a switch flicking off. Silence. She put all her attention into chewing.
"Look," I barely breathed the words. "I know I wasn't where y'all were. Terminus. I never met those...people. But I seen enough shit out there, believe me. I still think maybe we haveta allow that it's possible—possible—that he's on the level. That he has somewhere safe and wants to share it." Rick's eyes never moved from mine. I offered Judith another fingertip's worth of corned beef and she gummed it enthusiastically. "Just so you know, it ain't about the 'where'. For me." I held his gaze. Fuck, the man could stare, but I was just as good. And, dammit, by my reckoning I'd just defied him three times an' I was still standing. "But maybe we test the place? Like the frigging apple sauce. If you don't like it, don't think it's safe...we don't stay."
His thoughts chased across his face, but all he said was, "We don't stay?"
I smiled and put my hand on his arm.
Careful.
xxXxx
"Welcome to Alexandria."
Kind of fancy, for an interrogation room. The old lady wasn't gonna be blocking the doorway, but I checked my other options anyhow as I paced past the bookshelves; the windows might be locked, but there was plenty of random ornaments and crap around, any of which I could hurl through the glass if I needed to. The drop out front wasn't nothing.
If I made it to the gate, there wasn't no look outs, no actual guards, far as I'd seen. The place was like some creepy kind of time capsule. Apart from the big metal walls, it was business as usual for these freaks. Where 'business' meant living high on the fuckin' hog. Even the row houses here was fancy as hell.
The guided tour had turned into picking us off, for 'interviews'. Individually. Like this was some fucking country club. Like it made a difference, what they thought of us.
The boss lady offered me a seat. I looked at the upholstery. She was either out of her mind or she had freaking maid service. I stood behind the armchair she indicated, deliberately wiped the dirt-smudged back of my hand across it, and stared her out.
She smiled, in a way she probably thought was reassuring. "Do you mind if I film this?"
"Why?"
"We're all about transparency...no secrets between people—"
"I know what transparency means." Fuck you, you condescending bitch.
"No offense intended. Do you mind, then, if I film you?"
"Whatever." Different times, I'd thought. Other times. No databases, no records, no more. I kept my breathing very calm.
"How long were you out there?"
"How long have y'all been in here?"
"Since almost the beginning."
"Then you don't even know what you're asking. 'Out there'? How long was I 'out there'? Lady, you wasn't never 'out there' even before everything went to shit."
She nodded, like she was taking all that on board. The fuck she was. She didn't know jack about it. "And what did you do? Before 'everything went to shit'."
The hell? Right before I said something beyond stupid, it came to me that she was asking what job I used to do. I smirked at her. "I was a Rockette."
"Sarah, it's okay if you don't trust us. It's okay if you don't want to stay."
"What?"
"It's not an 'all or nothing' offer. Some of you may have other thoughts—"
"Like who? What did Rick say?"
Again with the look, like what I said wasn't what she heard. Fuck that. "Are we done?" I made a move towards the door.
"Sarah? I'm good at reading people. If you have a place here, I'll find it for you."
If?
xxXxx
The instinct to check every room, every closet, every single damn corner, was too deep dyed in everyone. Fuck that this place was quiet and clean and styled like some goddamn show home, I still did it and so did every other person in the house. I assumed next door, in the second house that was also 'ours', the others were going through the same motions, including checking out the bedrooms, even though Rick's gut reaction had been to say we'd all stay together.
Gradually though, I heard faucets being turned on, heard delighted exclamations and stunned swearing. I looked around the bedroom that Tara and I had selected, for stowing our gear and having bathroom access, wherever we ended up actually sleeping. She'd asked Sasha to join us, before I got a say, but there was no sign of any of her shit. Somehow I didn't think we'd be sitting around braiding each other's hair any time soon.
The biggest bedroom had a crib set up in it, so someone had anticipated Family Grimes staying in there. Fair enough. Maggie and Glenn had laid claim to the other en-suite room and I didn't blame them. Their door was shut already. This 'un was one of the 'kids' room, with two single beds and fucking 'girly' wallpaper. It was opposite the main bathroom which Tara was playing in, as I started pulling drawers and looking in boxes – fancy storage boxes, all kinds of pastel colors. I didn't remember the last time I'd seen so much...pale.
The first giggle that burst out of my mouth surprised even me. By the time I was laughing hysterically, it had pulled Tara away from washing her hands over and over, and attracted more faces in the doorway. I realized I probably sounded like I'd lost it, but I couldn't help it.
"What?" Carol actually looked concerned as I slid to my knees, tears of laughter running down my face.
"Look," I gasped, holding up the scrap of fabric from the drawer I'd opened. "Pajamas. They gave us pajamas."
Tara grabbed up the top, complete with printed teddy bear holding a cup of hot chocolate. She started laughing as well, joining me on the floor.
Carol rolled her eyes and stalked off, but Michonne was smiling—at us, not with us, I was pretty sure—as she disappeared too. Whatever. Everything about this fucking Disneyland was freaky and if they thought I misinterpreted that, they were the idiots.
Turned out that Carol had took advantage and occupied the shower, causing Tara to howl in mock dismay. I let her go next, since she was so all fired up. By the time I got to explore the bathroom, the various shampoos and lotions were already half empty. I put a decent dent in them myself.
I heard the knock at the kitchen door as I was getting dressed. Someone answered it, although the house was all the way quiet now. I was kind of glad the others had disappeared, gone exploring or to be 'interviewed' or whatever. Even with new clothes on, I felt exposed, naked without the layer of filth that had coated me for forever. It was like being in the room with a stranger, when I looked in the mirror. My hair was already drying, the ends curling without the sweat and blood that usually weighed it down. I'd forgotten it did that. I probably would have gotten my natural color wrong, too, if asked; it'd been a long time since I'd seen it. A long time.
I nearly lost myself, in thoughts and memories, might have missed something important if I hadn't registered the extra voice downstairs. And maybe I'd've planned something different, come up with something real clever if I'd taken any time, but as it turned out it didn't matter.
"Holy shit."
They both looked around, jumped even, as I leaned in the kitchen doorway. The funny thing was, I wasn't even faking the exclamation. In the slightest.
The blonde woman made an attempt to say hello, but I was watching Rick's own shocked expression as he stared at me. I'd seen all I needed to, of Blondie, in the first two seconds. It crossed my mind that maybe the boss lady wasn't so prim after all; maybe she'd sent this little welcome package for Rick on purpose. Too fucking bad.
Blondie was dead in the water and she hadn't even heard the shot fired.
I grinned at Rick, in a way that let the blonde know she was most definitely excluded from the conversation. "Y'know, I haveta say, this might be an overused expression but, again…Holy shit! Look at you, all clean and shiny."
"Right back at ya," he said with a smile that did more than words ever could, as far as seeing off the blonde went. I suppressed a laugh as she fumbled the last couple of cuts, snatching her scissors at Rick's drying hair and commenting that she'd be happy to help out any newcomers, if anyone else wanted a haircut.
"That's real kind." I kept my eyes fixed on Rick. "We'll be sure an' tell 'em. Won't we, Rick?" Hear the implication; that was all 'we', Barbie doll.
He made some comment about having to pin down Carl, and the woman suggested she introduce their sons, but the conversation was dying on its feet and she left.
"Didn't you hate that," I said, closing the kitchen door firmly behind her and walking back over to Rick, who hadn't moved from his chair, "when you was a kid? The assumption that you'd be best friends with a neighbor's kid, just because you happened to be the same age?"
"It'd be good for Carl to hang out with someone his own—" Rick stopped short as I leaned in close, touching his hair, finding a curl that was still long enough to twist around my finger. The symbolism wasn't lost on me.
"Coconut. I'd forgotten how good coconut smells," I murmured. "We got apple in the other bathroom."
"Yeah. I'm getting that," he choked out, his own hand going to the curve of my hair that swung in front of his face.
I stroked his newly clean shaven chin. "This though, Jesus H… I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time."
"Yeah?" Every single part of him was tensed. He never even blinked. "That good or bad?"
"Well now, never said I didn't like the way you looked before. But," as I kissed his jaw line, "I guess this is easier now."
He stood, lifting me in the same movement, crashing us back against the cabinet, arms tight around me and mouth claiming mine in a way that that didn't allow for no going back. At all.
Like I said, couldn't have gone better if I'd planned it.