Alair closed the door to his room and let out a deep breath. That was close, far too close….

He sank to the wooden floor and closed his eyes.

Everything was working out in his favour, was it not?

He had nothing to worry about.

Ceion had messed up and now he was heading to university in a few years instead to learn what he wished.

And much thanks to my elder brother's mistakes, no one shall force me to marry. No. Not for quite a while, I suspect.

I am safe.

Alair took another deep breath and slowly stood once again. Everything was sorted, there was nothing Ceion could do to fix his life and there was nothing that Alair couldn't do to improve his own.

Life was marvelous.

But then, Alair walked over to his desk and pulled out his pencils and some paper, why do I feel like a storm is coming.

Because there was one… This one, Alair laughed at himself a few months later as icy rain poured down from the clouds in wet drops, the water washing onto the cobblestone street where many a foot danced in the waters, pleased and yet rather annoyed. And it is not helping me get to my father's work any more swiftly…

Being the heir to the family was not quite what he expected, but he expected it to be a task in itself. In his free-time when he was openly studying for university, Darwin, however, still hidden; Alair often shadowed his father at his work. When he was not, he was learning proper etiquette and the many and complex rules of society.

Many of which I loathe, but that cannot be helped, can It? he finally arrived at his destination, the wooden door of the large university , spared from the dastardly rain by an elegant and yet dull wooden overhanging which wrapped around the entire structure.

Alair paused to brush the dripping water from his black mackintosh. His umbrella forgotten in his rush to arrive, before knocking on the door. After a long while, the door opened and Alair made his way inside to the small office on the second floor where he knocked briskly once again, not wishing to wait much lon-

"Hello?" A man asked, clearly a professor here at the university by the looks of it.. "How may I help you?"

"Hello," Alair smiled and held out his hand to the gentleman, "Alair Grants here to-" a drop of water dripped off the tips of his rich brown hair and hit his shoulder. "Here to begin his apprenticeship today? I have been shadowing my father's wonderful work as of lately and I-"

"Oh, it's you," the man said, a smile crossing his face. "I didn't notice that it was you as you are-dear me, dripping wet."

Alair paused.

He was just a little wet.

"Um...I see," Alair said, not sure what else to state on the matter.

"Yes, I see as well," The man at the door nodded, not sure what to do besides, "perhaps you can head home and change into some warm clothes before you catch cold and come back later?"

"But I walked all the way over here!" Alair did not want to walk all the way back through the crowds of people, all of whom-

"But you're not use if you are going to catch a cold!"

"I can assure you, I shan't," he marched inside the small office and glanced around. Not much going on. Boring grey, brown books… "And now, I had this wonderful idea on the way over here that I truly thought would be of some use to you, old man. Now, sit down, will you? What?" Alair asked as the professor stared at him in utter shock. "What? I said, sit down. I need you to listen to me, is that clear? I won't…" he continued to speak, not sure what he was saying, but it was useful.

Was it not?

And yet, even though the release of all his thoughts racing through his head felt so good, his mind began to panic once again. What was he saying?! He didn't want to say that, but he could not stop himself. He was too ingenious to be silenced and No, I don't really want to- but he did something once again, he did not wish to do, damn it!

Alair watched himself walk out of the office and down the hallway, leaving the papers on the floor along with the professor.

He had to stop, but he could not seem to gain control of his actions. What was wrong with him?

Maybe, I just… I- I need to rest. Maybe that will-Oh, William might know something. Isn't he some kind of doctor? That-but wher- I do not- His thoughts raced off without him once again as his feet dance through the rain. The streets one colour after another, the rain making the city glisten as if it were winter, the people walking, their shoes dancing and the chatter of words and whispers becoming a song.

His own feet arriving in one of the beautiful back alleyways of London, the people drab and grey against the blue sky overhead.

"Come in, come in," a voice called to him and he walked into the small tavern where he found himself enveloped in colours and sin. Sin of the most interesting kind, the lace running across her bosom as she offered him a drink.

"No, I am sorry… I don't really enjoy drinking," Alair replied, smiling ever so sweetly as his eyes caught a glance in the back of the room. "I want to…" he paused, his mind suddenly finding a moment of peace, "is that….Who is that?" He pointed to the man in the corner of the room, he had seen him before and yet, why was…

"William Masterson, nice man," The lady said with a gesture and Alair stood up. Was his mind fooling him or,- too many people in the room, he walked through the crowd of people up to man with dark brown hair, eyes to match and a smile creeping out from under a small mustache. "Oh, I see you have one of those beardy things…" Alair commented, not sure if it suited William, "but I can see the appeal. Been looking for you. I found you."

"And Alair is it?" William inquired, holding his hand out to the other man who was a year younger than he.

"Yes-" Alair wrapped his arms around the man and pulled away a second later. It was too much. Of what, he wasn't sure, but he wanted more. "You know…" Alair muttered as their lips parted, "I could not help but stare at you, you handsome man."

"Well, I could not help myself," William replied, not sure quite what was going on, "you are quite-the-can-" If only he could get a word in! "And-Alair!" He took the young man by the shoulders and gently moved him a way. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, why?" he asked, rather confused.

"I am trying to speak with you and, are you all right?"

Alair Grants grinned foolishly, "of course I am all right. Everything is perfect and I am perfect, what do you need? I'll give you anything you want."
"Alair…" William glanced down into his brown eyes, not sure how to state this, "please, sit."

"But I don't feel lik-"

Alair found himself doing so anyhow and frowned. "I don't like this. Sitting is boring and I am doing it again, damn it! William, I am so glad I found you. I need to talk to you, I do not know what I am doing and I cannot stop! I keep doing things I know I am not supposed to, yet I cannot help myself and I cannot seem to get you out of my mind, William, but I cannot get this to stop… Ugh, I need a drink."

"But I thought I heard you do not drink," William said, glancing over his shoulder at the barmaid.

"I do now," Alair laughed, pleased to have made his mind up about something. Anything at all, truly was a feat in itself. "So, yes, slowly we shall go and I…"

What? I do not know-the thing is-I do not-

"What?" William asked, watching him think for a moment.

"I…" Alair glanced around. He couldn't remember, but that was all right. Everything was okay. "I don't know where I am, exactly. And I just-" William reached across the table and he frowned a bit, making Alair panic. "What, what's wrong? I am fine, I think. I do not kn-"

"I need to get you back home, you are quite feverish and my God, soaking wet!" How he had not noticed he had only a faint idea, "how long have you been out in the rain?"

Alair shrugged as he was helped to his feet, "I do not know. Some time?" He offered, hoping William knew, but no such luck. "But you cannot take me home! I… I did not wish to, but I rather pushed someone I should not have and I did not wish to, but I cannot control what I am doing and I am so scared. Yet, why do I feel so good? That is what is so fun about this past day and I-"

A strong hand grabbed his wrist, making him pause.

"Come with me." William instructed, making Alair stand and follow him to a back room with just two chairs. Not much entertainment, was he? What a shame. "Alair, please sit down."

"Sit?" he asked, not sure why he was being ask to sit once more, "I do not wish to sit at the-"

Once again, he was forced to do so.

"Alair," William began, his voice rather concerned and yet amazed for some reason unknown. "I need you to sit and listen to me. Can you do that?"

"Yes? If you give me a kiss?" Alair bargained, wishing he could keep his mouth shut. "It really was my first and I really like-"

"Alair, I would do that, but I cannot," William's voice was too serious for his own good at the moment. "I do wish to see you once again and take things slowly, but I need you to tell me a few things. It's something new from medical school I learned a few years ago and it came up recently once again. It's rather new, but-"

"Oh, I get it…" Alair grinned, "You want to sleep with me, don't you? I would lik-"

"I find you attractive too, but not now, we just met," William reached over and gently slipped Alair's jacket back on his shoulders. "But I would love to court you, is that okay?"

"Yes, it is, if-" Alair put a hand over his own mouth before he said something else.

"Ready to listen?" William asked after a pause.

"Yes, I am, go on… I will try to stay quiet."

"Good, thank you, dear," William took a deep breath and sat back in his chair. "Alair, I am going to talk fast as I feel like you will understand what I am saying better. A few years ago, something interesting was brought to the table. I am not much for psychology, but the idea seemed to have passed around all the departments an-"

"Which one are you in?"

"Biology," William quickly replied. "This idea was first presented by two French psychiatrists years ago, but now, there is this new theory, the one that went around, by a German psychiatrist, Emil Kräpelin."

"And what of it? Was it interesting and why are you telling-"

William held up his hand. "I am telling you because, I… This sound crazy, but this German gentleman has been building on the research of the other French psychiatrists and-"

"Oh, get to the point, I do not have all day and I want to kiss you," Alair cut in as the other man paused to take a breath of air. "I also should be getting back home as I have work there to do, but oh, I cannot. I didn't mean to do this, but I-"

"Alair, the point of this lecture is, I am beginning to think that you have this, 'manic disorder' mentioned by Emil," William finished quickly. "I know it may sound insane-"

"The only thing insane is our love," Alair finished, not wanting to hear anymore. He was hardly insane and there was no way he was ill. "And what you just said."

"Alair, listen to me."

"Kiss me first."

"Fine," William gave in and granted Alair a small kiss on the lips before sitting down again. "Tell me one more thing. I know it is highly personal, but we both have our secrets. Now, have you ever felt depressed?"

"Define?" Alair managed to say, not sure why William was asking such a stupid question.

"Not wanting to do anything, feeling quite sad and-"

"Yes," Alair nodded, his mouth betraying him once again as he went on, "I have been? In fact, just a few days ago, I almost jumped off a bridge and looking back, it was quite foolish an idea. I am too wonderful to die. In fact, I do not wish to and why I was thinking that way, I have no idea, but I am feeling much better now, thank you. And for the record, I am not crazy and yet I find odd comfort in the fact you realise something is wrong, because I do not know what to do with myself anymore. I cannot stop and I am doing things I swear I would never do and oh, shit. I kissed you. I am in so much trouble! My mother would die and my father would murder me. I swear he would and Ceion would laugh over my dead body and I cannot go home, William. I cannot. If I do, I am scared of what I will say and do. I do not wish to do all I have, but I… I really liked kissing you and would love to court you in secret somehow, but I just cannot sit here for the next ten minutes and I do not feel so good and I panicking and I please, please stop me and I-"

"Alair, calm down," William finally cut in, much to his relief, their eyes meeting for a second. "It is going to be okay… do you want to come to the university hospital ward and we can get your fever taken care of and you do not have to worry about your parents."

"Yes, please," Alair wanted nothing more than to escape to somewhere else. "I do and William?"

"Yes?"

"I will not be this way forever, will I? I love this. I love all of it, but I do not know how much more I can take."

Alair watched William sigh and take his hand in his to help him stand up. "I have to be honest, Alair. I do not know that far. But for right now, we can take you to the hospital ward at university and I can claim that I found you wandering around in the rain, all right? Your parents will know nothing of what happened here, nor of this conversation."

"That is good," Alair agreed, grabbing William's hand away from the door handle, "I… I know what I am saying right now and I am in control. I want to ask you to court me."

A smile crossed William's face. "You said that before and I agreed, but I shall agree again. Now, let us depart." With one last secret kiss, he opened the door and led Alair back into the tavern where no one seemed to be paying much attention as the barmaids were putting on a risque act at the moment. "This way, please."

"Of course…" Alair followed, not sure he wanted to be outside. So much was happening around him at once, he could not take it in. "Can we not go back to sitting down? I enjoyed that much more…and which way are we going?"

"To the right," William placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him as he walked. "Just a few miles from here."

"Ah, that good news…" Alair muttered, beginning to realise that standing up and walking really was not the smartest choice as all the colours seemed to attack him at once. "I do not quite know why, but I am feeling rather…" He glanced at William moments before his surroundings faded into darkness.

Author's Notes:

Thank you so much to Hael of NaNoWriMo for assisting me with this chapter, you helped me so much!

And Emil Kräpelin (Or Kraepelin) is a real-life person who did do research on 'Manic-depressive Disorder' which is more commonly referred to by many as Bipolar Disorder. The first theories supposedly coming from Jules Baillarger and Jean-Pierre Falret. (And this research comes from Psychology Today's piece on the Short History of Bipolar Disorder).

I know that Käpelin's work was said occur in the early 1900's and since this is fiction, I took the liberty of drawing it back maybe a year or two for the plot.

Otherwise, nothing else to note besides I am forever in debt to Hael, who is so awesome and Tsarina Torment as well for reading over this chapter. (I am desperate need of a Beta Reader, so please, do NOT hesitate to PM me. You don't even have to work on all my other stories, you can just work on this one if you wish).

Thank you for reading and following along!