After Jacks monthly physicial the following notice went up on the Cheyenne Mountian notice board
Official Memo
Due to the results of General O'Neill most recent physical he must not be given the following things.
1 Beer (Will raise his blood pressure)
2 Cakes or sweets (Too fattening)
3 Coffee
4 Any thing containing large amounts of salt
5 Any highly unsaturated fats (Not at all good for him)
6 Pudding
7 Bad news in an exciting way
But please provide him with the following as much as he wants
1 Rice cakes (Ummm)
2 Tea or hot chocolate
3 Tofu
4 Salad
5 Water
6 Your support
This may seem an unusual step but I predict this change will be diffucult for General O'Neill and that he needs everyones support and help. Plus as this constitues as a order regarding the health of an officer General O'Neill cannot order you to do the things I have ordered you not to do. So dont let him bully you, this is in his best intrest.
From the desk of Dr. Janet Frasier
Official Memo
Due to the result of my physical results I want you all to remember
1 Dr. Frasier is a horrible person
2 Dont let her near a joke, she will kill it
3 Pudding is for the deserving, and i work hard
4 This base is at serious risk if i dont get my morning coffee
5 I dont have the power to countermand her orders on health, but i can reassign her to alaska
6 And anyone else who annoys me
7 I am willing to pay anyone who will bring me coffee and pudding
8 Without caffine i get really cranky, so anyone who gets in my way, prepare for hell
Thank you all for reading this and please i hope you all feel as terrible as me
From the desk of General Jack O'Neill
Two days later
Official Memo
I am sorry for what i said. The lack of caffine made me grouchy but now i feel much better. The removal of these poison from my system has helped me realise how much we have all came to rely on caffine and sugar toomuch. So from now all members of staff will follow the diet plan laid out by Dr. Frasier, except in cases where medical evidence can be provided. I want you all to thank Dr. Frasier for helping me see how much better we can function without coffee.
From the desk of General Jack O'Neill
That would teach her.