Ever wonder why there was an orange-clad redshirt in the transporter room, and why exactly the transporters were set for the ruin? here is a guess as to the reason:

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Earlier that week, Lt. Uhura called Redshirt #46, (Johnson to his friends) to her room. With a silky smile, the Lieutenant gestured for him to sit. "I have a proposition for you. You've been selected for a very special mission, if you choose to accept it. Care to hear?"

Johnson, having heard rumors about Uhura's lucky predictions on the Redshirt death rate, nods eagerly. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Well then, I'm glad to hear it. You do this for me and I'll help you avoid the Scourge of the Redshirt. Deal?"

"Yes Ma'am!"

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And so Johnson, dressed in an orange jumpsuit Uhura had obtained from...somewhere, carried box after box to the transporter room, hiding them under a moveable floor-panel until the day of reckoning. Three days later, the ship was rocked by waves of time, put off by something on a planet's surface. Johnson knew this was his cue. Sneaking into the transporter room, (still in orange, to avoid being killed on the way), he began to set things up. He knew Uhura would be watching on the intercom system (how, he didn't know) so he took the greatest care possible.

Following the instructions given him, he set the transporters to the source of the ripples of time. Beaming down two loads of six boxes each, he finishes and replaces the floor panel. Three boxes of the finest Klingon Mead, and nine boxes full to the brim with years' worth of 'Playrock of the Month' Calenders from five different Solar Systems. Now, the plan was for Johnson to beam down after the boxes and obtain an information list from someone on the surface, then bring it back to Uhura, but fate intervened.

Dr. McCoy, high on some sort of something-or-other from the medlab, leaped into the transporter room, spotted Johnson, and slaps him on the butt. Conveniently, as Johnson was wearing the orange jumpsuit, the Redshirt Statistic Radar passed him by and he only fainted from the shock of being hit on by the Captain's "friend".

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In a hastily called meeting, Redshirt #46 trembles before Uhura. "I'm sorry! It all happened so fast! One minute I had just beamed down the boxes and as I was setting up to beam down, he came up and surprised me! The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor with my phaser and belt gone, and surrounded by security guards!" Johnson covers his eyes in disgrace. "Thankfully they didn't recognize me in the orange. What do we do now?"

Uhura taps a perfectly manicured fingernail against the table. "Hmm...Don't worry Johnson, I know you did your best. You kept your part of the bargain, I'll just have to go down and collect the information list myself. Send word to Scotty that I'll be joining the landing party and you can be finished. I'll set your name on the 'Do Not Kill' list first thing when I get back."

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Scotty, getting the message from Uhura, rolls his eyes, and grumbles something incomprehensible, the gist of which is that now there will be one less Redshirt in the landing party to divert any monsters' attentions. "I dinnae what she's up to..." is heard by the three nervous Redshirts in the room with him. Scotty looks them over, then points to the middle one. "Ye can go hoome fer now, laddie."

The Redshirt jumps up and down, clapping his hands, until he gets control of himself. "Yessirthankyousir." Clearing his throat, he runs from the room, nearly knocking Captain Kirk over at the door.

"Well, glad to see someone's happy," the Captain grumbles to his Engineer. "Are we ready, Scotty?"

"Aye, nearly, Sir. Jus' waitin' on one noo."

Kirk automatically looks to Spock to decipher this.

"Nearly ready, Captain."

Right on cue, Uhura steps in, tricorder in hand. She smiles cheerfully at the group. "Here I am, Captain."

Kirk is in such a state over losing McCoy that he doesn't even notice her. Spock is in such a state over Kirk sulking that he fails to comment on the illogic of bringing a communications officer to a rescue mission.

Scotty sighs and shakes his head.

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After Kirk and Spock disappear through the ruin, Scotty leads the two Redshirts in a game of rock-poker, and Uhura sits to have some quality time with the Ruin. The Ruin has agreed to the price of three boxes of Klingon Ale and the boxes of Playrock Calenders. Therefore it gives Uhura twelve minutes to record history on fast-forward, for devices only known to herself.

Given warning by the Ruin that Kirk, Spock and McCoy are being transported back, the crew has time to get back into their original positions and put on their innocent looks, Scotty handing Uhura the wager money he owed.

Kirk, moping because his girlfriend died, sulks out of the Ruin. Spock, just behind him, looks pleased with himself that Edith is gone, (though perhaps not as happy as he would have looked if McCoy was gone too). And McCoy follows closely, looking as though he's doing his darndest not to Arabesque.

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A/N-- Mwa ha ha... Plots abound! I swear, Uhura really does know everything...by the way, here is an advert that I thought y'all might appreciate. ;) And thanks to my Dad for the ideas for this bit, (he really ought to have his own file!) and to my Mum for proofing it, (along with all the other chapters of all my stories...poor Mum) --Allyp

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