6
Kakashi sat on Iruka's couch, staring at a picture of Iruka and Naruto together at Ichiraku's, taken shortly after Naruto's graduation. It was an image filled with joy: good times and a certain innocence that only Iruka, and freshly graduated gennins seemed to have. Naruto's eyes were so much softer, so much more childish than they were now, even though it hadn't been all that long ago that the picture had been taken. Iruka, in the picture, was smiling so hard his eyes were closed and his cheeks were flushed endearingly. Judging from how the framed photograph was placed in a central part of the room, Kakashi guessed that it was especially important to Iruka. It pained him to know that Iruka would never actually see the picture again. He hoped that the Chuunin looked at the picture enough to have it memorized in his mind, for his sake.
It was late, and Iruka had already gone to bed an hour ago…officially, anyway. He was incredibly drained from his visit with Kakashi's students, and still hadn't recovered after dinner. Kakashi sighed, rubbing his face. If Tsunade found out, she'd kill him. Iruka was supposed to be getting better not completely draining himself of all his energy. Even still, to see Iruka smile as he talked especially with Naruto, but the other's as well, had been worth the possible flaying he might receive later. Kakashi sighed, sinking back on the couch and closing his eyes. He was unusually tired, considering how things normally went for an active Jounin, Sensei, and former ANBU. Normal work for Kakashi usually meant at best dealing with a trio of uncooperative, yelling teenagers. Worst case scenarios usually were comprised of something like a gaping, open wound, struggling to survive for several days, and something unpleasant like bad weather, or leeches.
The worst this mission had thrown at Kakashi was the occasional pot or pan that needed extra soaking after dinner. So why was he so tired?
'You touch too much…' Kakashi winced as the memory suddenly washed up in his brain like a tsunami. Kakashi thought he'd been rather conservative in the hands-on department, but it was hard when all he wanted to do was wrap Iruka up in a blanket and hug him until the cows came home. Don't think about that! Kakashi groaned. Lord knows he needs it, though… Kakashi's inner critic told him that he'd better go and find Naruto to hug his Iruka-Sensei half to death, then, because if Kakashi tried it, he'd probably get his arms ripped off. Indeed, Kakashi knew better. Iruka, sweet and lovable as he could be, had something of a split personality. Kakashi had seen the man practically breath fire, when crossed. He so wasn't going there.
Then you'd better be careful, He reminded himself. He already hates you, don't piss him off even more by getting all touchy-feely with him when he doesn't want it…not from you, anyway…
"…Shit." Kakashi grabbed one of the pillows he'd knocked off the couch earlier up off the floor and smashed it down over his face in a feeble attempt at smothering himself. Why did he have to fall for someone who wasn't even batting for Kakashi's team?
Wallowing in depression, Kakashi unintentionally fell asleep sprawled across Iruka's couch.
Iruka awoke the next morning to a very quiet home. And a headache, as usual, but he tried to ignore that. He hadn't woken up screaming, and he hadn't woken up to Kakashi messing with him, so it couldn't all be bad, right? He felt better, too. For starters, he was actually able to sit up. Lifting his-Kakashi's- hitai-ate up off his eyes he turned his head towards his bedroom windows, and peeled his aching eyes open.
White.
The sudden brightness of sunlight attacking those battered nerves in his eyes stung, and Iruka clamped his eyes shut again, wincing. At least he knew it was daytime.
"Eeh…What time is it…?" He asked aloud, more than partially expecting Kakashi to answer. When he was greeted with only silence, Iruka frowned. "…Kakashi?" Nothing. Relaxing, Iruka stretched out looking for the man. He was on the couch, twisted uncomfortably, and apparently asleep still. Iruka got up, deciding that if he'd woken up on his own accord, than it was also time for Kakashi to get up. He staggered a little as he stood, but regained his balance and moved as quickly as he could through the house. He didn't want to drain himself just trying to get from one side of his home to the other.
Standing over Kakashi, Iruka watched him for a moment.
"Umph…" Kakashi grunted and tossed his head to the side, twisting more in his sleep. Iruka frowned. He looked uncomfortable. No, he had to be uncomfortable, half curled, half sprawled and twisted with his hips pointing one way and his shoulders the other… Kakashi was going to have a sore back when he woke up. "Aah…N--" Kakashi whimpered, surprising Iruka. "No… I…s-sorry…" Iruka let his vision fade to black, and just listened. He could hear Kakashi shift restlessly again, and his moans became more coherent. "I'm s-sorry! Pl--please…don't…" Kakashi let out a single choked sob. "R….'ka… wait…please…" One final gasp and Kakashi sat up. "Wait!" Gasping, Kakashi raised a hand to his face, wiping a few stray tears away and staring down at his trembling hand in horror.
"Kakashi…" Iruka breathed. He stood very close to where Kakashi lay, but had gone unnoticed. Kakashi jumped, cursing in his surprise. Iruka winced. He hadn't realized that Kakashi was so troubled by anything. In hindsight, it was an idiotic assumption to think he wasn't. "…are…are you alright…?" Iruka asked. Kakashi looked away.
"Yeah… I'm fine."
"You were talking in your sleep…" Iruka said.
"Yeah…I do that, sometimes…" Kakashi said, voice remaining hollow and barely a whisper. "What'd I say?" He asked, wondering, given what he had been dreaming, if he'd let anything slip.
"You…were apologizing…you wanted someone to 'wait'." Iruka said. He didn't mention that Kakashi had breathed something that sounded suspiciously like his name. "You…were crying, weren't you…?"
"Yeah…" Kakashi said, sitting up. "Was just a bad dream…" He added. He wiped his face before changing the subject. "How're you doing this morning?" He asked. "See you're back on your feet…"
"I feel much better… What time is it, though? It feels late…" Kakashi glanced at the clock.
"It's almost eleven." Kakashi informed. "I guess we both needed to crash…" He tried to laugh, but it came out a little wet. "I guess I'm making us brunch this morning…"
"Who is it?" Iruka asked suddenly, ignoring Kakashi's attempt at lightening the rather heavy mood they'd woken up to.
"What?" Kakashi breathed, staring up at Iruka, who managed to navigate his way to a clear space on the couch beside Kakashi.
"Who was it you were talking to in your dreams?"
"It doesn't really matter."
"You should apologize to them in person." Iruka said. "If it's bothering you so much that it's giving you nightmares…"
"What if that's not possible?" Kakashi asked, wanting desperately to change the subject. "Almost everyone I've ever held dear are dead."
"They'll still hear you." Iruka said, oddly confident. Kakashi blanched.
"It…it doesn't matter…it's not so much a specific apology anyway…I'm just not good enough." He said softly, then stood and walked away before Iruka could ask any more questions. "I'm making breakfast…lunch…brunch, whatever…" Kakashi called back despondently.
Iruka sat in silence, thinking on what Kakashi had said, and how out of character his words had been. Not good enough! He's Konoha's best…! Iruka didn't understand.
Kakashi hissed, snatching his hand back and holding it to his chest for a brief moment.
"Damn…" He sucked on his burned finger for a moment before going back to the boiling pot in front of him.
He felt numb. And empty. He knew that Iruka had followed him into the kitchen and was, if not per say watching him, then paying very close attention. Kakashi didn't need to turn and look to know the younger man sat at the table behind him, head tilted in his direction. He pretended not to notice, and went about cooking in silence.
Iruka heard Kakashi's whispered oath, and the hiss of pain, and frowned. There had been a time when he'd only wished that Kakashi would shut the hell up, but now he was so quiet. Iruka wished he would at least whistle.
"Kakashi-San…" Iruka said softly. He heard something rattle, and assumed that he had startled Kakashi.
"Yes?" His voice was tight and low. "Break-er, brunch is almost ready, sorry." Kakashi said. Iruka sat back, mildly surprised.
"No, it's okay… You're just so quiet…"
"Sorry." Kakashi said again. He coughed slightly. "Er, well, anyway… here… Incoming." Kakashi placed a bowl of ramen before Iruka. Iruka took a deep breath. It was the home made type, not the instant stuff that Naruto lived off of, and from the aroma, well embellished with meat and vegetables as well.
"Smells good…" Iruka commented, fumbling for his chopsticks until Kakashi pressed them into his hand. Iruka tried not to twitch as Kakashi's fingers brushed his palm.
"Oops. Sorry." Kakashi said, noticing his own blunder. Iruka bit his lip.
"It's alright." Iruka assured. He didn't know why he was trying to reassure Kakashi all of the sudden. It wasn't alright that Kakashi kept invading his personal space. At least, it hadn't been…and it wasn't alright that Iruka suddenly felt so confused. Why did he care if Kakashi was wallowing in his own guilt over something he won't even try to recompense himself? He didn't…not really. But the way Kakashi was acting so much like a beaten dog this morning was bothering him. Kakashi, however, was obviously not going to address the point. Choosing silence, Iruka went to his meal.
It wasn't easy, finding the bits of ramen though the extended brail of his chopsticks, and Iruka eventually gave up after eating most of the noodles. Setting the chopsticks down, he sighed.
"Just drink it." Kakashi said suddenly. "There's no shame in that, and you don't need my help that way…" Iruka caught his breath, realized Kakashi must have been watching him again.
"Er…" Iruka picked up the bowl, brought it to his lips with some effort, and drained it in minutes.
Kakashi watched Iruka polish off his ramen with a bittersweet smile. At least he's willing to not just give up, and try and adapt. He thought. …Probably out of desperation…I can imagine he's probably sick of me by now… That thought stung, and Kakashi's throat closed a little. He choked down some of his own ramen, forcing the tight muscles in his throat to loosen up. You should be happy that he's going to be alright…He admonished himself silently. "You want more?" He asked aloud. Iruka shook his head in negation.
"No, I'm fine, thanks." He said, possibly forcing out the politeness. Iruka was like that. He could be polite and formal when he needed to be, and nobody would be the wiser to what he really thought about you. Unless you caught his eyes. Then they would avert themselves, and his cheeks would pinken, and Kakashi would know he was hiding something, or lying. Kakashi mentally slapped himself for the blindfold.
But maybe it was better this way. Iruka had been given little to no privacy since he'd been in Kakashi's care. At least he could keep his emotions private. Silence stretched across the kitchen table, like a million miles for every inch of wood. Kakashi sank in his chair silently.
"You should go out and see the kids today," Iruka said suddenly, his voice calm and pleasant. Conversational. "You have barely gotten out all week. See some sunshine."
"But--" Kakashi began.
"I'm okay for a little bit on my own, Kakashi." Iruka said firmly. "You need to get out. I can tell." Kakashi rubbed his face, tugging his mask back up into place. He left it down more and more when he was around Iruka, for the obvious reason that the Chuunin would never know if it were up or down anyway, and sometimes he found himself almost forgetting to put it back up.
"Do you want to come too?" Kakashi offered.
"Nope." Iruka said cheerfully. "If you don't go out for a little bit on your own, I'll kick you out. You're getting depressed in this dark little apartment." Kakashi snorted.
"I don't get depressed!" He said, bravado thick in his voice. Iruka arched a well-aimed eyebrow at him.
"So that's why you weren't crying in your sleep this morning, and haven't said much more than offering food and apologies since." Iruka said flatly. Kakashi felt that the scowl that crawled across his face was justified.
"You're one to talk, Mr. Has Nightmares Then Goes and Decks Poor Kakashi-Sensei Half Out of His Wits." Kakashi countered rather bitterly. Iruka winced.
"Ok. You win. Scratch that, but you're still depressed, I can tell, so don't bother trying to deny it."
"How would you know? You can't even see my face. I might be grinning my ass off right now and leading you on." Kakashi said.
"If you were, you wouldn't have told me, you would have let me worry myself into a knot. And I don't need to see. It took you too long to answer me before. You actually had to think up a smart-assed retort instead of letting one come naturally, which means you've been thrown off balance because I'm right."
Kakashi stared at Iruka in shocked silence.
"… Okay. I'm going!" He said finally, giving up. Which, of course, he realized belatedly was another sign of his depression. Kakashi, after all, had an apparently well-known history of roasting Iruka to cinders in verbal sparring matches. He watched Iruka's face, waiting for the smirk to appear, but it didn't. "…Um…Do you want me to bring Naruto back for a visit? I bet he would appreciate a hug from his favorite sensei…" Kakashi asked, voice soft. Iruka smiled.
"Sure. That would be nice."
"Anything else you need, since I'm apparently going out?"
"Bring home a tub of ice cream." Iruka said after a moment's thought. Kakashi blinked. Of all the random things to ask for…
"Er… What flavor?"
"Something you like too. Ice cream is ice cream to me, I like it all."
"Um…Okay." Kakashi was a little confused. "So…Naruto, and Ice cream…?"
"Yah."
"Alright." Iruka listened as Kakashi cleared off the table, and then headed for the door. He must have been as stunned as he sounded, because Kakashi usually just teleported out, and rarely bothered with doors. If anything, he'd go out a window. But this time he used the front door.
"What a morning…" Iruka breathed.
Naruto skipped alongside Kakashi, thrilled that Iruka-Sensei wanted to see him. Kakashi strolled down the street with the blond, a plastic grocery bag with a half gallon of ice cream thumping against his thigh, far more subdued. He'd spent a couple of hours with Team 7 training them, before he'd grabbed Naruto and headed back to Iruka's apartment. He was anxious to return and check on Iruka, but also somewhat nervous about doing so. Had he been gone long enough? He'd nearly been kicked out, after all. Or maybe too long? Was Iruka alright? What if he wasn't, and then Naruto would be there… Kakashi shook his head roughly, trying to quiet the disturbing circle of thoughts.
"Heey, Kakashi-Sensei, are you alright?" Naruto asked. Kakashi snapped out of his haze, looking down at Naruto, who'd stopped walking.
"Yeah. Sorry. Just worrying over silly things." Kakashi said. Naruto frowned gravely, narrowing his uniquely blue eyes at Kakashi.
"That's not like you. You're all stressed out. Usually you're all goofy and stuff…" Naruto observed. Kakashi rolled his eyes at the rather unorthodox but true observation.
"Yeah, I guess so." Kakashi said, deciding that if it was so obvious that even Naruto noticed, that he'd better not try lying.
"Why?" Naruto asked. Kakashi sighed.
"It's difficult taking care of someone else twenty-four seven. Plus, Iruka-Sensei and I don't exactly always get along very well."
"Sakura-Chan said you guys had a big fight before the Chuunin Exams." Naruto said thoughtfully.
"Where'd she hear that!" Kakashi asked, surprised. Naruto wrinkled his nose.
"Ino-Chan told her, I guess."
"Ah." Kakashi said, beginning to walk again.
"So…" Naruto began after Kakashi refused to say more, "What happened?" Kakashi almost didn't answer, but glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Naruto glaring up at him, waiting impatiently.
"Well…He was worried about you guys taking the exam so young, and disagreed with my decision of letting you enter… I guess I got riled into giving him a piece of my mind…" He glanced sideways at the boy at his shoulder again, but Naruto was still staring up at him expectantly. "I…I was unnecessarily cruel to him…" Kakashi said softly, silently bracing himself for Naruto to begin yelling.
"Cruel…?" Naruto breathed. Somewhere inside, the boy wondered if maybe there was a darker side to his sensei.
Kakashi went on. "I've been trying to make it up to him, but it's too late, he already hates me."
Naruto remained unusually quiet.
"If he can forgive me for killing his family, he can forgive you for yelling at him." Naruto said at last.
"You're different," Kakashi countered. "That wasn't you who killed his family, and you both know it."
"But I think he's forgiven the demon, too…" Naruto said softly. "Iruka-Sensei has a big heart like that." He added more clearly.
"Yeah…maybe…"
"Don't get all depressed about it. He's not making it so you can't help him, right? That's your job, right? Just make him stronger." Naruto said.
"Yeah. You're right." Kakashi said. It's my job. That's it. If I want to get attached, I can do it on both my and Iruka's free time.
"I mean," Naruto went on, interrupting Kakashi's bitter thoughts, "If it was just that once…he'll cool down… I know Iruka-Sensei can be really scary when he's pissed off, but he always goes back to his super-nice self afterwards."
"See, that's the thing. I keep screwing up and pissing him off again. All stupid, little things, too." Kakashi said mournfully. Naruto didn't understand why Kakashi was so upset about this. Usually, he didn't seem to give a shit what people thought of him. The blond shrugged.
"Don't worry about it so much and maybe you'll stop messing up."
"Maybe." Kakashi said, forcing a lighter tone into his voice just as they reached Iruka's apartment. He wasn't going to continue to dump his problems on one of his students. He opened the door, letting himself and Naruto in.
The sight that greeted them made Kakashi smile behind his mask. Iruka sat cross-legged near where his TV resided, on the floor, head tilted to one side and a serene smile on his lips. Music played softly from a stereo that lived in a cabinet under the TV. Iruka turned his head away from the music and towards Kakashi and Naruto when they entered.
"Back already?" He asked.
"Shall we leave for a while longer?" Kakashi replied, feeling nervous. Naruto darted away from his side to kneel on the floor beside Iruka, hugging him. Iruka's smile grew.
"No, I was actually starting to get lonely. It's weird how quiet this place gets when it's empty." He said, turning to hug Naruto more properly.
"Okay. Got your ice cream, I'm going to go put it away for now, I think it's starting to melt…" Kakashi said, wandering out of the room.
"Thanks." Iruka said.
When Kakashi returned to the living room, he found Iruka and Naruto cuddled up together on the couch. The music had been shut off.
"There's not much else to do than eat, sleep, and listen to music right now…" Iruka was telling Naruto. "I might practice my Second Sight, but yesterday I completely wore myself out. I drained my chakara so badly I collapsed and could barely move all day." Oddly, Naruto's face lit up.
"Hey! Hey! Kakashi-Sensei did that once! When we went to Wave Country. He used his funky Sharingan-Eye thingy too much and drained himself. Scared the heck out of everybody. He was just walking along then BAM! he just falls flat on his face in the middle of the road!" Naruto declared loudly. Iruka quirked an eyebrow in surprise. "…Except for Kakashi-Sensei, he was stuck in bed for a couple of days…then he was hobbling around on crutches…Didn't keep the Bastard from making us work, though…" Naruto added, scowling.
"I'm right here, you know." Kakashi said from behind the couch. Naruto turned around to shoot a dirty face at Kakashi.
"Be nice, Naruto." Iruka said, somehow sensing what had transpired. Naruto whined halfheartedly in response, and began to jabber off some story or another to Iruka. Kakashi seated himself across the room and watched the pair, feeling somehow further distanced from Iruka when Naruto was around.
"--And so then Sasuke-Bastard went and--"
"Naruto, you shouldn't call people that."
"But he IS! …ANYWAY….of COURSE he ruined my moment…totally messed up my concentration and then Sakura yelled at me and said Sasuke…" Kakashi drifted in and out of awareness, tuning out Naruto's voice. He thought he'd already heard this story, anyway. Iruka had his arms around Naruto's shoulder, hugging the boy lovingly even as they just talked. He was probably glad for the physical anchor, Kakashi reasoned. He'd never seen Iruka truly cling to Naruto like this before. Closing his eyes for a moment, Kakashi let his mind drift.
Kakashi listened hazily as Naruto's voice began to lower in tone, his words slowing down as the blond sagged against Iruka's chest. Iruka was rubbing his surrogate son's shoulder gently with one hand, and it was putting the boy to sleep despite the early hour. His eyes were drooping heavily, and Naruto continued to mumble, forcing the words out sleepily.
"Shh…" Iruka said, in such a motherly fashion that it made Kakashi's heart ache, just a little. Iruka leaned foreword, kissing the top of Naruto's head, and the boy fell silent. Kakashi felt a jolt go through him, tried to fight off the memories that the sight triggered.
"S-Sensei…" He hadn't cried, not really, since his father had died, so many years ago. "It…it's my f-fault…" That one notion had haunted him all through the funeral, the reception of which had just ended. It was a weird day for a funeral: Warm and sunny, and at the end of a war. The day seemed so oddly off kilter to the way he was feeling.
"Nonsense." Came the simple, confident answer. Warm, large arms tightened around his narrow shoulders, and Kakashi wondered if he'd always been this small and simply never noticed before. Believing instantly, he sank foreword into his Sensei's chest, letting the padded vest he wore soak up the rebellious tears. It was against the rules to cry. He was a ninja, he shouldn't cry…but he'd also learned, that sometimes, it's okay to break the rules…Maybe, just maybe, if he'd learned a little sooner, He wouldn't have left him so soon…
"Why…why does everyone leave me…? First father, now…" He trailed off. He didn't want to say the name.
"Obito-Kun left us so that you and Rin could live. He died protecting those most precious to him…" Kakashi's tears came harder.
"I WOULD HAVE DIED! I wish it had been me!" He argued, voice strained and wet. He had to fight back sobbing hiccups.
"Think about how much that would have hurt Obito…he was a sensitive person…" Sensei said. Kakashi clamped his eyes shut. No, his and Obito'seye. His left eye seemed to be doing most of his crying on it's own. In fact, his left eye hadn't really stopped crying since the transplant.
"…but it hurts, Sensei…" Kakashi breathed. "I don't want to be alone…" His Sensei didn't answer him immediately with words, but instead kissed the top of Kakashi's head lightly. It was an almost entirely foreign sensation to the boy, and it made his scalp burn and tingle lightly. His Sensei pulled him into his embrace more firmly.
"You'll never be alone, Kakashi-kun. You still have Rin and I, remember?" Kakashi went quiet. His parents and Obito were dead, who was next? His Sensei sighed, rocking gently with Kakashi. "Kakashi, you're an excellent ninja, and you're destined to grow into a fine man. You have both your father's, and Obito's legacies to pave the way, and your own spirit and genius to fuel greatness. Not many people know you now, Kakashi, but I don't doubt that one day you will be well known and greatly respected. You will never be alone. I know you feel lonely now, but you have a whole village full of people just lining up to be a part of your family. They just don't know it yet." Kakashi remained quiet, and his Sensei pulled back out of the hug, brilliant blue eyes fixed on Kakashi's mismatched ones. Kakashi was hiccupping silently, and looked away, ashamed. He didn't flinch as tanned fingers tugged down the hem of his mask. The Yondaime and Rin were the only two people alive who'd ever seen Kakashi's face, but he trusted them, felt safe enough to drop his guard with them. He'd trusted Obito, too, despite how much they fought and bickered. They really had been best friends.
Kakashi drew his eyes back to his Sensei's as a warm hand brushed his face, wiping stray tears away. He knew that the face his Sensei saw was pale and twisted with grief. That his lips were thin and tight, and that the fresh scar, not yet fully healed, over his left eye was red and swollen, the area around it slightly bruised. Sensei reached up, gently pulling off Kakashi's muddy, frayed and fading hitai-ate and stuffed it in a pocket. He the removed his own, and retied it onto Kakashi's forehead, slanting it to cover his left eye, giving the boy a smile. Kakashi took a slow, deep breath, letting the fresh air enter his lungs unfiltered, and dropped his gaze. Sensei's eyes were gentle, his smile sad, his wild, golden hair falling even more freely over his face as he hugged Kakashi once more, briefly, then tugged the boy's mask back up to it's proper position.
"You'll never be alone," He repeated confidently, giving Kakashi's new headband a small adjustment. "I promise."
Kakashi felt his eyes start to sting and water, and wiped at his face irritably. If he didn't clear his head of these depressing thoughts and memories, Obito's eye would start to cry soon.
Why did the one part of you that survived have to be your crybaby side! He thought to his long-dead friend with mixed mirth and sincerity. Obito, of course, didn't answer. His thoughts turned to the Fourth Hokage. I hope you didn't break your promise, Sensei…I sure feel alone right now…What do I do?
On the couch, Naruto was snoring in a heap against Iruka, who was more or less pinned.
"Kakashi-San?" He asked softly, so as not to wake Naruto. "Are you still there?"
"Yeah." Kakashi's voice cracked slightly, and he winced. Iruka frowned.
"Are you alright?" Kakashi coughed, clearing his throat.
"Yeah. Just had a catch in my throat." Kakashi lied. Iruka shrugged slightly, shifting to pull Naruto up into his arms.
"Would you take Naruto-kun home for me? There's a key to his apartment on a hook by the front door. It's got this goofy frog key chain on it, I think…" Kakashi stood, moving to take the boy from his ward's arms.
"Yeah, I'll be back in a minute." Kakashi said. Iruka nodded. Naruto, though his sleep was disturbed slightly, only snored with increasing volume. Kakashi repositioned the growing young man in his arms, juggled Naruto's apartment key, the front door, and the boy, for a moment and then vanished.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN: Ugh...Childhood flashbacks. yes, it is that bad. Why? Because I absolutely love both Yondaime and Obito and I had to get them in here at least a little. lol.
Status on Fic: Just finished chapter 10 and started in on 11. Between then and now, yes, it does get worse. Shit hits the fan Ch. 10. Hopefully, after that, things will get better.
Until then, you have five more chapters of angst. lol. Increasing angst. but it does get better! HONEST! I made it get better! just there in ch. 11! I'm proud of me! lol.
As of today, I'm 2 pages into ch. 11 and the fic in its entirity is 80 pages long. whoo. I think most of my fics average about 75 pages. lol. I'm getting more in depth.
NOTE: If Kakashi seems uncharacteristically emotional, it's for a reason. He has to break down before he can be built up again.
thanks to all who've read and reviewed. I'm getting some really great comments:)