Thanks for Anna for looking over this story when I know she's been super busy! I'm glad that you're all liking this story! It's coming to an end soon, but until then please enjoy this chapter.

Gathering her wits, Beckett finally brought herself to knock on the damn door she had been standing in front of for a good half an hour. She found it worked in her favor that she used to live here, so no one would think to call the cops on her. The person that answered the door was anything but pleased to see her. Beckett accepted it. After all she did deserve Alexis' hatred. "Hi." Beckett pushed a loose strand of hair off her face, "You alone?"

"Jeremy is having dinner with his mother." Alexis gripped the edge of the door so tightly her knuckles turned white. "So you're back?"

"I am."

"Why are you here?"

"I was hoping we could talk."

The redhead thought for a moment and Beckett could tell that Alexis was close to shutting the door in her face. In the end, Alexis stepped aside in a wordless invitation.

Beckett closed the door behind her letting Alexis walk off to the kitchen. The apartment remained largely untouched since she moved out. There were little small touches of Alexis throughout the place making Beckett feel like the young woman was hesitant to make this place a home. Beckett couldn't help but wonder why that was.

"So." Alexis struggled to still her busy hands, "I thought you would be gone longer. Have you gone to seen dad?"

"No. I just got back into the city." Beckett softly explained, "I wanted to see you first. I have a lot to explain to you and I'm not even sure how to even start. Saying I'm sorry doesn't seem to cover it."

"You just up and walked away."

No matter how hard she tried, Beckett couldn't keep the guilt from leaking into her voice, "I know I did."

Temper flared in Alexis's blue eyes, "You walked away without a second thought like we meant nothing."

The words cut deep. Beckett fought tooth and nail to hold back the tears. How could she have been so stupid? How could she risk all of the love and trust of this family? "You mean more to me than I can put into words."

"Then why did you leave?"

"Because I was broken," Beckett confessed on a soft sob, "And I didn't ... Don't feel worthy of you or your father."

Alexis blinked, "Kate."

"You deserve the best. You both have such big hearts and so much love to give. You deserve a mother who can be there for you no matter what. A mother who knows how to put her own pain aside to see you through anything." Something that Alexis never got from her own mother until very recently. Beckett had vowed to never be in the same category as Meredith. "Rick deserves a wife that doesn't think twice about hurting him. He deserves a wife free of baggage and so many scars. Both of you deserve to be happy and I've caused you nothing but pain."

"Nobody is perfect." Alexis reasoned finding her anger dissipating Damn it! She wanted to hate this woman for a bit longer. "And we don't want perfect. It's boring and predictable. And if you haven't noticed, the Castle family is anything but."

"I know."

Alexis gripped both of Beckett's hands forcing her stepmother to finally look up at her. "I'm mad at you...No wait, furious with you, Kate, but I still love you. Nothing will change that because you've been my greatest friend and enemy when I needed it." She fought Beckett when she tried to argue, "And you are a mother who puts her own pain aside. Hell, Kate you nearly put your life aside for mine. The moment you took on Grey yourself and told me to run, you knew that it could possibly mean your life. You did it even though I'm not even your daughter."

Hearing that made Beckett's spine stiffen. Through all her soul searching and wondering about life, one thing remained. That she loved Alexis with every inch of her heart and would do anything for her. Even give her own life to make sure that she was safe. Beckett had been so scared that by leaving she had lost Alexis. "Yes, you are. No matter what happens in life or between your father and me, you will always be my daughter. Never forget that." Alexis was hers. If anything came out of this conversation that was what Beckett wanted her to know. Alexis could tell her to stay the hell away from her and Castle and Beckett would respect that. She would walk away never to bother them again. But Alexis would always be hers. No one would take that from her.

"The only way I will is if you go away." Alexis whispered. "Are you staying this time?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"If you give me permission to come back. I know I hurt you and I hurt your father over and over again. I don't know why I do it. I should know by now that running from those that I love is not the answer. I'm not going anywhere."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Beckett found herself stunned into silence the moment the loft door opened revealing a very haggard looking Richard Castle. Alexis hadn't been exaggerating on how bad he was taking all of this. His blue eyes, the eyes that always sparkled with his youthful spirit, were bloodshot and glazed over from the lack of sleep and tears. It was very clear to her that he hadn't seen a mirror or touched any type of grooming product since the morning she left.

"Kate?" Like a drunk, Castle stumbled before catching himself on the door. He blinked and sure enough there was Kate Beckett soaked to the bone standing on his door step.

Blinded by the pain she caused, Beckett attempt to smile failed. Jesus, she had to be the most selfish person on the fuckin' planet. The child she lost was part of him. In her grief, Beckett ignored that fact. Ignored the agony of losing that life had caused him. "You said…" Emotions clogged her throat to the point she felt like she couldn't breathe. "That you would take me any way you can. I'm bruised, tattered and torn, but I love you, Richard Castle. I don't deserve you and I never will, but I will do whatever it takes to make up for what I've put you through. I know who I am and what I want. You… If you'll have me."

Castle stood there silently another moment letting everything just sink in. Once it did, he snatched Beckett into his arms and held on tight. He did nothing to stop the tears. Unlike all the ones before, these were of joy. "Yes." He pressed his face into the thick locks of her hair breathing in the scent he missed so much. He even took to sleeping with one of her shirts.

Beckett slipped her arms around her husband's trembling body and slid one hand up his spine until coming to rest at the nape of his neck. Each sob physically tore at her. "I'm sorry." The words seemed very inadequate, but it was all she seemed to be able to muster at the moment. Sorry for leaving. Sorry for losing the baby. Sorry for always for hurting him. Yeah, sorry didn't even begin to cover it.

Not being able to support his own weight anymore, Castle sank to his knees in the doorway taking Beckett with him. He wasn't sure she was coming back even with her vow on the rooftop. He sure as hell didn't expect her so soon. Trying to hold it together in her absence was nothing short of a failure, only to have added to his daughter's and mother's anger. The two women didn't hide their bitterness about Beckett up and leaving not knowing nor understanding how difficult and painful it was for her to do so. They called him insane for just standing by and letting it happen. They didn't know Beckett like he did. They didn't understand all the turmoil she had been put through in such a short amount of time.

After a few minutes, his tears dried up and Beckett carefully stroked a hand through his wild hair afraid that he would reject her touch. "Let's get you up."

Somehow Castle got the message to his legs and with the help of his wife made it to the couch. When she sat, all Castle could do was stare at her.

"I can't even begin to explain or..."

"You don't have to." Castle cut her off by snatching her hands in his, "We look forward. Not back, Kate."

"Saying that knowing it's for my benefit and not yours is one of the many reason I love you." Beckett swiped at her cheek before rummaging through the small duffle she brought up. She fished out a book and a few sealed envelopes to hand them over.

He looked down and back up with an arched brow, "What is this?"

Nervous now, Beckett tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I started driving with no real purpose or destination in mind, but I found my way to my father's cabin. I guess it's a place I knew I could be alone to think. It helped me heal last time." She pressed a finger to the book's worn jacket cover. "There is a book store, not far from there, I use to go with my mother when we went up there. I picked up your first book there. Mom made fun of me, saying I only picked it up because I thought you looked handsome in the cover jacket."

Castle softly laughed drawing a small smile from her. The more Beckett talked about her mother the more Castle wished he could have met the woman. The further he agonized over the fact that the man responsible for her death not only walked free but had built his entire success from it.

"I guess it was nice to just have something else to bond over with her. She loved your books so much that she had two sets of each book. One for the city and one for the cabin. She counted down the days to the release of your next book." She stopped realizing that she was rambling and needed to get to the point. "That was the book we picked up that day."

"Not my best work." Castle grinned turning the book in his hand.

"No, you don't get it." Beckett forced him to open the front cover and pointed to the name on the inside. "It's my mom's. I guess Dad got rid of some of her things at the cabin. Here I am wondering around this hole in the wall bookstore trying to figure out what the hell I want out of life and I find this. I felt like she was talking to me. Or rather giving me a good kick in the ass to get my head straight before I lose the best thing in my life."

Looking down, seeing Johanna Beckett written so neatly in the top corner and knowing that it was written by the woman, Castle found himself battling back tears again. A firm believer in fate, he also felt like Johanna's hand gave her daughter the push to come back to him. "I thought you didn't believe in such things."

The corner of her mouth curved in what felt like her first smile in ages, "I have you to thank for changing my mind. I thought that without my job and losing that bit that inspired you mean I would lose you. And then losing the baby."

"Kate."

"I was an idiot to think that time away was the answer. You are my rock, Rick. My guiding light and North star. You made me a better person because you inspired me with your understanding, friendship, and most importantly your love. It doesn't matter who I was meant to be or who I want too, because with you by my side I can do anything." Why it took her high tailing it out of town, she didn't know. All Beckett did know was that she would never run again. They would face whatever life threw at them together. "Be anything."

Castle set the book and letters on the coffee table to take her face in his hands. His heart melted at the way she closed her eyes to savor his touch. "Whatever you want to be, Kate, I'll support you."

"And what do you want, Rick? You always put everyone before yourself, so I want to know what you want."

He lowered his brow to hers, muzzling her nose, "I want to spend the rest of my life as your husband. To love you until we are old and grey. I want to be a father to our children." He felt her hands tighten on his wrist, "I just want you, Kate."

"You have me."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Rubbing a towel over his damp hair, Castle entered the bedroom finding Beckett sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed. "Better?" He asked throwing the towel carelessly aside.

Beckett tilted her head in consideration, "You look somewhat human again. Keeping the beard?"

"Chicks dig 'em."

Well Beckett did have a fondness for them, but she would never tell him that. "If you say so."

Hearing the strain in her voice, Castle joined her on the bed. "Talk to me, Kate."

"I just don't know how you can forgive me." She knew that not all was forgiven and it would be sometime before he offered it, Beckett found herself amazed they had gotten this far. He should have told her to leave. Or to give him space. Hell, he even had the right to make her beg for his forgiveness. It's what she deserved after all the pain she caused.

"Because I love you." Castle simply said as if it explained every answer to every question in the world.

Beckett struggled to understand, "That's enough? Love?"

Patient as ever, Castle linked fingers before bringing their joint hands to his lips. "Loving you is anything but easy, Kate. You have hurt me and you think I should hold that against you, but that's not love. Love heals, not destroys. You said it to yourself in this very spot that we've already lost so much time dancing around our feelings for one another. I don't want to waste a single moment we have left. I have no intention of ever letting you go."

"I just…" Beckett's gaze shifted to their joined hands, "I just want to be enough for you."

"You're already enough for me because who you are is who I need."

"I'm going to talk to Gates tomorrow about getting my job back. My mother may have been the reason I became a cop, but getting justice and helping those that can't help themselves is who I am. If I don't get my job back then I'll find another way to do those things."

Castle brushed her hair from her face, "Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together."

"Together," Beckett promised burying himself in his arms, "Always."

0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Come in."

Taking a deep breath, Beckett pushed her way into the captain's office. "Sir." Gates jolted in her chair behind the desk at the sound of her voice. Clearly her appearance had not been expected.

Gates pulled off her glasses, "Mrs. Castle." She caught a slither of pride across Beckett's face, "What a surprise to see you."

Beckett felt like cowering when Gates pushed to her feet, "I was, well..." She licked her lips trying to calm her breathing. For Christ sake, she faced down her shooter and looked Bracken in the eyes before threatening him with a pure bluff. So she shouldn't be afraid to ask for her job back. "...I was hoping that you would reconsider my resignation."

"Really?"

"I recently had some time to think about things in my life and I realized the error in my actions. I compromised not only my safety, but that of my partners. Maddox is dead and my case will no longer be an issue."

"Are you sure about that?" Gates asked leaning into the desk, "Because it's the gift that keeps on giving."

"I'm sure?"

"How do I know that you won't cross the line again? That you can do your job objectively?"

"There is no way I can." Beckett would be stupid to even try to convince her that she would. The type of person, of cop, was what made her good at her job. If getting justice for someone meant crossing a line or two then by God she would break it completely. "My job is to protect the citizens of all those that inhabit this city and I do that by doing my job better than anyone else to get results. I don't cross the line, Sir. I put myself on it to get justice for those who can't get it from themselves. It's..."

"You've made your case, Detective Beckett. Or will you go by Castle now?"

Beckett hesitated for a moment, "Does that mean I can come back?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Castle looked up from his phone just as Beckett stepped out of the office. He couldn't tell by her expression on how well things went. "So?"

Beckett silently picked up her jacket off the back of her chair.

"How did it go?"

"I have to serve out my suspension and then I can return." Beckett had been prepared for much worse. At first, she wanted to challenge it. But after talking to Gates about everything including her miscarriage, Beckett figured that a little more time before going back to the streets wasn't such a bad thing.

Castle spared a quick glance at Gates' office, "And what about me?"

"Either you've grown on Gates or she's a hopeless romantic, but I guess it doesn't matter because she said you're back as well." The joy on his face made her grin like an idiot. "Since the Commissioner is aware of our marriage, there is no need to hide it, but we have to act professionally in the work place. Gates called it our wedding gift."

"Sweet!" Castle started to pull her close, only to remember where they were, and stopped. "Whoa. Not here, it's inappropriate. Gotta be professional."

Laughing, Beckett slid her arms around his neck and tried not to frown when she felt him flinch ever so slightly. Progress, she silently reminded herself. They still had a lot of progress to make before they were the couple they use to be. "Well I'm not officially back just yet. So…"

"I see." He wasted no time pulling her in for a gentle kiss.

"Eww." Ryan's voice broke the pair apart, "Get a room."

"Bite me." Castle grumbled moving away to a more reasonable distance from his wife in their environment.

"You coming back, Beckett?" Ryan wondered.

She nodded, "Have to serve out my suspension first."

"Good," Ryan glanced at his partner's empty desk, "It's far too quiet around here."

"How is Jenny?" Beckett softly asked trying to change the subject in hopes to chase away the sadness in Ryan's blue eyes.

"Pregnant, but happy." Ryan missed the way the pair flinched in his haze of happiness. "Nearly three months to go and the doctors are thinking about putting her on bed rest pretty soon. Apparently the boys want to come early."

Beckett was happy for the man, she really was. Just she couldn't stand to listen to him boasting about his healthy pregnant wife and children to be. Not so soon after losing the life she once carried. "Tell Jenny if boredom becomes too much to give me a call."

"I'm glad you're back, Becks."

"Hey!" Castle protested, "What about me?"

Ryan looked over in consideration before smiling, "You too, Castle. Now go. Some of us have paper work to do."

"Have fun, Ryan."

"So," Castle waited until they were in the elevator to speak, "Two months of nothing to do."

"Not nothing." Beckett corrected hitting the button to their desired floor. "We got two months to heal together."

Smiling, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder to pull her flush to his side. They would be professional next time, "I like that plan."

So what did you guys think?