Lex's response to Clark's question was an immediate denial that such an entity as the Grim Reaper even existed. Clark was in turn a bit disbelieving of Lex's disbelief, given that in the past couple of years they had not only met tons of magic users, including Mordred and Morgana from Arthurian legend, they had also encountered members of the Greek pantheon, a dragon from another dimension, and what Lex still swore was a mutated horse, even though they both knew it was totally a unicorn. From there they got into a discussion that was achingly familiar of years gone by, in tone if not in content, about the nature of skepticism and when it went from being logical and rational to ridiculous and arbitrary. Of course, then Clark had to mention the time he met Santa Claus and they went right back to bickering.
In the middle of that, the door opened and Conner walked in. "Hey Dads, I'm back."
"Conner, tell Lex that I really did meet Santa," Clark said.
"You did not meet Santa; he's not real!" Lex objected.
"Well, I wasn't there when it happened, but if Dad said he met Santa Claus, then he really did meet Santa Claus," Conner said loyally because he was the Best Son Ever.
"I'll grant you he thinks he met Santa, but from his story it's clear that who he actually met was a very confused and possibly deranged magic user," Lex said in his 'reasonable' tone.
"But who's to say the 'real' Santa that all the stories are based on isn't a long-lived very confused and possibly deranged magic user?" Conner pointed out.
Lex opened his mouth. Closed it again. Finally said, "I suppose you might have a point."
Clark beamed at Conner. "Thank you."
"Not a problem," Conner said with a shrug. "So, I'll just leave you guys to it, then."
"No wait a minute," said Clark, holding up a hand to forestall Conner heading back to his room. "We have something we need to talk to you about."
"You better let me handle it," Lex interjected, "since you've proven yourself to be completely incompetent at handling the situation so far." Which was a kind of mean way of putting it, but not a completely unwarranted one, Clark had to admit, so he frowned a little bit, but inclined his head in acknowledgement.
Conner looked between the two of them very quickly, then literally flung himself over the back of the couch, using a bit of hovering to clear it – Clark had considered asking him to stop doing that, but since he had ended up with so many weird hang-ups about his powers when he was younger, he hated discouraging Conner from using his – and settled in next to Lex. "What's up, mini Dad?"
Lex scowled, which still looked completely adorable; Clark was going to miss the angry kitten look when Lex got big again. "I'd prefer it if you didn't call me that."
"Fair enough," Conner agreed. "What should I call you? Papa? Father? Dad Two? Other Dad? Lex Dad? Mom?"
Clark tried to cover his laugh with a cough, but since he was a yellow sun powered Kryptonian who didn't need to cough ever it was probably less than convincing. The way Lex was glaring daggers at him pretty much confirmed it. "Not Mom," he said decisively. "Any other one of those would be fine."
Conner pursed his lips in thought for a minute before nodding and saying "Okay, Lex Dad, what's up?"
Lex seemed to need a moment to consider where to start before he finally on asking, "How much do know about your origins?"
Mistake number one right there, but Lex wanted to handle this, so Clark was going to let him handle it.
Ten minutes later, Lex finally decided to cut into Conner's explanation of advanced genetics and cloning techniques and the effects of Kryptonite on both, etc., etc. – and a good thing too, because they probably would have still been listening to Conner all night otherwise. "I think it's probably safe to assume you know everything and just go from there," said Lex.
Conner nodded, seeming not even slightly put off about being interrupted. "Pretty much."
"I didn't tell him right away that the two of you were related and it worked out pretty poorly, so I figured it would just be better to give him all the information he could stand… which turned out to be more than I could stand, actually," Clark explained, and Conner nodded again.
"Well," Lex said, "what Clark couldn't have told you, since he himself didn't know, is the project that created all my clones and yourself was never originally intended for that purpose. It was made to clone body parts to replace the ones I lost or was going to lose to hypothermia; the scientists in charge of the project apparently changed it after I died. Because of that, I didn't find out until just this morning that the two of us are related to each other."
"Clark Dad didn't tell you either, huh?" Conner said sympathetically as he gave Clark a look that had Clark wondering whether the term 'Clark Dad' was really just for clarification, or if it was supposed to express some sort of disapproval.
"He did not," Lex agreed and now Clark was getting the look in stereo. There really wasn't any doubt that Lex and Conner were father and son.
"I already said I was sorry," Clark objected. "To both of you. Multiple times." Then because neither of them were letting up – though Conner, at least, was probably more messing with Clark than anything – Clark changed the subject. "Look, the point is Lex just found out that he's your other parent, and now that he knows, he wants to spend time with you too."
Lex started to say something that would undoubtedly be self-depreciating yet hopeful, and it was strange to think Clark could still read Lex's face after all these years, especially since Clark wasn't sure if he was able to in spite of the child's body Lex was currently inhabiting, or because of it. Conner, however, either didn't notice or just wasn't as good at reading Lex as Clark was, and so he began talking before Lex could get a word out. "Well, I know Jenny in my math class stays with her dad on Wednesdays and every other weekend. So, we could just do that and just switch it up if it's not working," he suggested easily.
Lex looked – not gobsmacked, not even defenses-somewhat-lowered, trapped-in-the-body-of-a-five-year-old Lex could look gobsmacked, but he did look like he would look gobsmacked if he were anyone but Lex Luthor. "Just like that?"
Conner regarded Lex with honest confusion and curiosity. "Was I supposed to object? Because I don't have a problem with it, but I could probably pretend like I do if you wanted me too."
"I don't want you to, I just…" Lex said, faltering. Clearly, even if Lex wasn't Conner's other father, Clark would still need to get the two of them to spend more time together, if just for the sheer 'throwing Lex off his game' potential. "Don't the two of you have a problem with the vast majority of things I do in both my private and professional life because you think I'm sort of evil supervillain?" Lex finally demanded, once he gathered his bearings again.
"I don't think you're evil," Conner protested, and for that matter neither did Clark. Not really. "I mean obviously you're a supervillain, since you have basically set yourself up as Clark Dad's archnemesis, which, keeping in mind he could reasonably be considered the most destructive force on Earth-"
"Hey!" Clark objected, but Conner just waved his protests off.
"You know it's true, Dad. Anyways, I was saying, it's actually a pretty bold choice, so I have to respect it at least a little bit. As far as having a problem with it… I guess I do somewhat, but I'm willing to live and let live as long as you don't try to pressure me to follow in you footsteps or anything. I mean, I know I'm going to make some stupid life decisions at some point, because everyone does, but I'd at least like them to be my own decisions and not ones my Dad forced on me."
"Stupid life decisions?" Lex echoed, sounding faintly offended.
Mistake number two. Because then Conner went into an impassioned speech about why exactly being a supervillain, as well as an im-/a- moral CEO was a stupid life decision, complete with examples of things Lex had actually done, all of which either worked out badly, or were going to end up working out badly, according to Conner at least. And obviously Clark had been completely wrong about Lex being incapable of looking gobsmacked, because there it was, in the flesh on Clark's couch.
Clark was never sure how he managed it later – he thought it might have involved a bit of superspeed – but somehow he made it into his room with the door closed before he burst into laughter.