Add on to 4.17 #FindKaylaWeber
A/N So sorry for how late this is. RL and the Holidays got me off track. I hope y'all enjoy. The last chapter may be up tomorrow and then hopefully a new Underneath chapter by the weekend.
Sharon Raydor did not realize how much the temperature had actually dropped. In a rush, she had tossed her suit jacket into the passenger's seat of her car before she pulled out of the parking garage at PAB. Now standing in the damp sand just at the water's edge, the cold wind whipped though the greyish purple knit dress she wore. She shivered and hugged herself even tighter. It was dark now but as she watched the last golden rays of the sun dip blow the horizon, her heart dipped as well. This case was almost too much for her. The death of Kayla Weber reinforced to Sharon Raydor the many things she loves and also detests about being a police officer. And it proved to her yet again what a cruel, heartless world it could be. She breathed in a deep, ragged breath and begged for the tears to come, but tonight they wouldn't. Maybe she was too angry, maybe she was too tired. Regardless, she longed to find the release she so desperately needed. The headache that had danced behind her eyes all day was beginning to become unbearable and she swallowed hard to push back the nausea that bubbled up from her stomach. Just a few more minutes she thought, that's all she needed to find her control once again.
The sudden warmth of his hand on her back startled her, but she did not pull away for she instantly knew it was him. Andy didn't speak, no words were needed. He moved to shrug out of his jacket but she stopped him, instead content to settle against the warmth of his chest. In her bare feet, her head rested just below his chin and she fit perfectly in the space in front of him. He pulled her to him, not leaving any room for his warmth to escape. Her hair flew across both their faces as she reached to tame it behind one shoulder.
Her voice was soft, yet distant. "I finally had a chance to speak with Andrea and she said Rusty did really well yesterday." Andy gave a small hum in reply as he waited for her to continue. "She also said that she saw Gus and Rusty sitting together for a few minutes outside the courtroom."
"The kid is going to do the right thing. Just give him some time."
The sound of Andy's voice vibrated in her ear as she leaned against his chest. "I know he will. I just…"
"What?" Andy asked, wanting to turn her so he could look into those deep green orbs but he could still feel her shiver against him so he waited content for now to share his warmth with her.
"Rusty needs to have a life outside of me. He needs real friends. I tried to point that out to him when we talked the other day, but he…"
"He didn't want to hear it." Andy finished for her.
"No, he didn't." She replied shaking her head.
"Can you blame him?"
Sharon turned, her eyes locking with Andy's. The raw emotion he saw swimming there surprised Andy, but he couldn't look away. When she began to speak, it was in a tone Andy had never heard from her before, "It's my fault. I've smothered him; I've kept him too close trying to protect him from Stroh… and his past… and everything else. I…I've failed… as his mother."
Her head fell to his chest, as Andy stood frozen in shock at her words. Mercifully, it only took a moment for him to recover and react. Grabbing her upper arms, maybe harder than he meant to; Andy pushed Sharon out so he could look at her. As he held her at arm's length, he could feel her tremble against him. "How can you even think such a thing?" His voice was loud and she was surprised at his sudden outburst. "That boy would have no life if it wasn't for you. He probably would still be turning tricks in Griffith Park… or even worse dead! You saved him, Sharon. You did that! You saw his potential when no one else did. Hell! We thought you were crazy for taking the little punk home with you, but in a matter of weeks we could all see the difference you were making in his life. How dare you even doubt that! Sharon Beck failed as a mother! Fucking Lori Weber… failed miserably as a mother! But you…" Andy's voice finally softened, and his hands slid down her arms to gently cradle her small hands in his. She refused to look at him, her eyes plastered to sand below. "Damn-it Sharon…What's really going on? Because I don't believe for a second that you actually think you have failed Rusty."
The wind had picked up again, blowing Sharon's hair across her face as she looked up at Andy. Her green eyes were darker than normal and he could see the tears threatening to fall. She didn't speak, but instead once again wrapped herself in the warmth and safety of Andy's body. He could feel her shiver against him as she inhaled his scent so he turned them and gently pulled her across the sand, towards their cars.
"Give me your keys?" Andy ordered as they neared her car. She handed him the single key he didn't realize she had been holding all this time. He led her to the passenger side of her car and opened the door for her. Sharon made no attempt to question what they were going to do about Andy's car; in fact she didn't say anything. She sat and quickly fastened her safety belt; as Andy shrugged his jacket off and lovingly covered her with it before closing the door. Mere seconds later, as Andy settled into the driver's seat, he looked over at Sharon. His jacket was pulled tightly around her. She had removed her glasses; her eyes were closed while her head rested back against the seat. Andy continued to study her in the dim light of the parking lot and he suddenly realized how tired she actually looked and his chest ached that he hadn't noticed sooner.
Sharon didn't stir at all once they got on the road. Andy made the decision to head straight to his house instead of the condo. They had spent very little time together there, but he needed to get to the bottom of what was really bothering Sharon and they needed the privacy his house offered. His mind went back to the last time he had found her on the same stretch of beach just after Stroh escaped. She was upset that night but tonight was so very different. There was a depth to her melancholy that scared him and Andy Flynn didn't scare easily.
As Andy turned on to his street the sound of Sharon's phone ringing sounded across the car speakers causing Sharon to jump with a slight moan. Andy gently reached across to calm her as he pushed the button on the steering wheel to answer her phone.
"Hey Rusty."
"Oh, Andy…I didn't."
"Your mom's right here. We are on our way to my house for a bit." With this news, Sharon sat up a little straighter and looked out the window to confirm that they were in fact just pulling into Andy's driveway.
"Oh good…" Rusty replied. "I just wanted to let you know that Buzz invited me to the movies and I'll probably crash on his sofa afterwards."
Andy placed the car in park as he listened to Rusty. He glanced over to find Sharon cradling her head in her hand, all the while rubbing her left temple. "Have fun Kid. Thanks for letting us know." Andy replied before quickly hanging up.
Sharon had her shoes on and was out of the car before Andy could make it around to her side. He quickly caught up with her on the sidewalk and placed a guiding hand on the small of her back as they stepped onto the porch. Once inside, Andy slid his jacket from Sharon's shoulders and laid it over the back of the sofa. He watched with mounting concern as Sharon held to the back of the side chair while she removed her shoes. She still had not spoken and her face had a very telling pallor to it. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly moving to her side.
"Fine." Her reply was almost a whisper and did very little to satisfy Andy.
His overwhelming concern quickly gave way to the irritation and fear that had been building in Andy for weeks now. "Christ! Sharon! Talk to me…Don't you dare shut me out. Why can't you let me help you? Why can't you tell me what you are really feeling?" Andy quickly stepped away from her side and turned with his back to her trying to calm himself. But this did little to dispel the anxiety pouring from him. His voice was building with each word and his hands were waving wildly in the air. "You give everyone two hundred percent…Me, Rusty, the team…the god-damn case and where does that leave you? Huh? Where? With nothing! And then you won't let me help you! You won't let me even try to take care of you! Jesus…Sharon! You wouldn't even let me walk across the fucking street by myself but you expect me to just sit back and idly watch you suffer. Well, I'm here to tell you…That is not going to fly."
As Andy slowly turned back around he was taken aback to find Sharon no longer standing behind him. He paused for a moment rooted to the spot where he stood, his hands running through his silver hair. He took a ragged breath and began to wonder if he had just blown everything. It wasn't until he heard a strange sound coming from down the hall that his feet began to move. As he got closer to his bedroom, he suddenly realized what he was actually hearing. Hurrying through his bedroom and into the bathroom, he found Sharon kneeling at the base of the toilet. She vomited again as Andy quickly removed a wash cloth from the linen closet and wet it with cold water. Andy moved behind her and carefully gathered her hair up off her neck and placed the soothing wash cloth there. Sharon rested her forehead against the edge of the toilet for a few moments before she reached up to flush it. Andy removed the cloth from her neck and quickly went back to the sink to wet it again. Sharon sat back heavily on to the floor and Andy cautiously moved to sit behind her. She rested back into his chest as he handed her the cool, damp cloth. Sharon wiped her face and mouth while Andy lovingly once again pulled her hair back.
"Better?" He whispered.
She nodded slightly and gave a small hum. "Andy…I'm so sor…"
"Shh..." He breathed. "I'm the one who's sorry. I'm an idiot. I should have realized you had one of those headaches. I just…I worry about you…and…"
"Andy…"
Before she could finish, Andy moved from behind Sharon and stood. He offered her a hand and carefully helped her up. "There's a toothbrush in the second drawer. Why don't you change into something more comfortable while I go get some tea started and find you something to nibble on?" He gently reached up to cup her cheek, happy to see some color returning there as she smiled softly.
Ten minutes later, Andy looked up to find Sharon walking into the kitchen clad in one of his old LAPD t-shirts and his green robe. The robe swallowed her, but he had a feeling she was cold. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and her face was clean of what little makeup had remained from earlier in the day. She looked somewhat better he thought.
Sharon moved over to the dining table and sat with one leg curled under her. She rested her chin on her hand as she watched Andy move about the kitchen. His dress shirt was now thrown over the back of the couch with his jacket and his white undershirt was untucked from his dress pants. Andy approached the table with a tray containing two cups of tea along with cheese and several types of crackers. He sat the tray between them as he took the seat next to Sharon at the end of the table. Sharon cradled her mug with both hands and breathed in the soothing ginger smell before taking a small sip.
Andy watched her over the edge of his mug, not wanting to push her any further than he already had today. So he waited quietly as they both sipped their teas. Sharon placed her mug on the table and looked at Andy. She had so much to say and she wanted to get it right. "The tea is good, just what I needed." She picked up a wheat cracker and took a small bite. "Andy…everything you said…earlier. You're right, exactly right. It's just that I…" She paused for a moment. Frowning slightly, she stood and walked over to the fireplace. Andy fought the urge to get up and go with her; it took everything he had to stay right where he was. "I don't know how to let…you." She breathed out and started again, her back to him now. "I almost lost you…twice and that…terrified me. So I did what I always do…I took control of every single detail that I could, because I couldn't control the one thing that mattered the most." Andy stood and went to her, unable to stop himself. Carefully, he took her by the hand and led her over to the sofa. He sat with his back against the arm of the sofa and pulled her into the space between his legs. She followed his lead and once she was resting against him, she pulled his arms around her.
"Sweetheart, I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere." Andy tried to reassure her.
Her voice caught before she could continue she had to take a few moments before she finally spoke again. "I know…I know." Sharon turned sideways, feeling to need to be able to look at Andy. Her eyes shone bright with unshed tears. "Everything was…just too much. This case…that little girl…Lori Weber should have had to live every minute of every day knowing exactly what she did to that precious little girl, but instead she got the easy way out. And Rusty…I want so much for him. He deserves so much that I…can't give him. And you…Andy…You could have died and I…"
Andy pulled her firm against his chest before she could continue. "Okay…okay" He whispered into her hair. They sat there cradled in each others arms for a long while before Andy softly spoke again, "Thank you."
Sharon leaned back from him, searching his deep chestnut eyes for the meaning of his words. "This…is all I ever wanted." He continued. "You…here in my arms…trusting me with your fears, your worries. You don't have to do this alone anymore. Please tell me you know this…deep down…you know that I will always be here for you."
Sharon reached up and gently cupped his face as one lone tear slowly slid down her cheek. "I hope you will be…I pray… that you always will be…but one thing the last few weeks has reminded me of is how unpredictably cruel this life can be in one minute and how utterly beautiful it can be in the next."
Andy smiled sadly, knowing just how honest her words actually were. He leaned forward and kissed away her remaining tears. She moved again settling back into the warmth and safety of his chest. "I need to let Rusty know I'm okay. I know he wondered why I…"
The deep timbre of his voiced vibrated in her ears before she could finish her thoughts. "I spoke with Rusty while you were getting changed and explained you had one of those bad headaches. I promised him that you would either spend the night here or I would take you home later depending on how you were feeling. He's going to text me when he gets out of the movies just to make sure that you are okay. How's your head by the way?"
"Better…just a dull ache now." She could feel Andy try to shift from behind her. "Don't."
"I was going to find something for your head."
Sharon curled slightly into Andy's chest, as he once again wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Stay." She whispered as her eye lids became heavy, "I've got everything I need right here."