No, it was not my intention to publish a cliffy... I'm just good at delaying sex. Hahahaha! I've re-read Never Let Me Go yesterday and I realized that Yui and Kurama had sex immediately after confirming they love each other. I realized it happened quite fast, which I might try to avoid in this fiction. After all, better things come to those who wait. :) Thanks for reading and please do leave reviews! :D
ThePinkMartini: I think Yui has this mysterious allure when she's not speaking, much like her inner self shines through when there are not much words involved. Like how Suboshi fell for her in FY. :D
LeeRaRa: Haha. I'm really very careful when I write Tokiya's perspective because I might get the character wrong. I think he's very observant, especially on something that annoys him. I think he always weighs a person's character through the smallest things. :) I even have to write their scenes on separate days.
Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi and Recca no Honou are not mine.
Chapter Six
By Slavedriver2008
OUR FIRST KISS TASTED OF TOBACCO. I cupped my face and tried to stop the unbearable warmth that filled my face whenever that night cropped up in my thoughts. We shouldn't have agreed to Yanagi in the first place. If we didn't, the fights would never happen and the kiss and the invitation. Yes, he asked me to do it with him and I agreed. It was such an easy decision that night, even after all the pushing and shoving and vicious words before it culminated in the kiss.
It's been a week but he's still in my thoughts. We never did anything but kiss and it, I dunno, sealed everything. I stood up from bed and pulled the drawer near my bed, where I hide the stacks of medicine for my sudden needs. Am I experiencing depression? I haven't been drinking the pills for the last seven days and it was the longest time I went on without medication. I closed it again. No, I was not depressed, the symptoms were different. I was not downtrodden or miserable. I was... happy.
Did someone need medication for being happy?
The phone rang and I immediately answered it, my heart palpitating. I was expecting a familiar certain voice but was disappointed. "Yui! It's me Yanagi!" I acknowledged her and threw myself back to the bed. "I never got to ask... What happened between you and Tokiya?"
I laughed. I didn't know why but I laughed. Damn, I should be lashing out how angry I was for all the hurtful words and the way he fought with me. I cleared my throat and stared at the ceiling. "Like what?"
"You had fun with him, didn't you?" she asked and I shook my head.
"No—Are you crazy? He's awful—He called me a dumb blonde!" I blurted out, my mind still wandering to that wonderful wonderful kiss. I shook my head, I should not think about it or I might say it out carelessly.
"HE DID?" Yanagi said with disbelief. I embraced my dinosaur plushie and stared at the window, where drops of rain crawled slowly. It was raining again and the rain reminded me of him and his eyes. I smiled and touched my lips, my cheeks still burning.
"Yeah he's such a jerk, I—"
"Are you crazy, he just called you pretty!" Yanagi cut me and I sat up from the bed, confused.
"Huh?"
"Silly. Dumb blondes are stereotypically beautiful. You should take it as a compliment," she pointed out and I rolled my eyes. There was no way he'd conceal a compliment with a harsh phrase. You are beautiful when you're not speaking... I flushed again and lied down on the bed, crouched and hugging my plushie.
"Well, Yanagi, dumb blondes are stereotypically DUMB."
"No, no. If you know Tokiya, he means exactly the opposite of what he says," she clarified and I bit my lip.
"Really...? I mean-I'm not buying this. Are you trying to set up another date? He smokes you know," I pointed out, sighing. It had been a long time since I talked about a boy over the phone and I don't know if I should be happy or not. For one, it was Mikagami Tokiya. I had contemplated killing him that night out of sheer annoyance.
"Well he does smoke. But you know, Yui, you seldom find college boys who smoke as occasionally as Mi-chan. Whoa, he never smoked in front of anyone in the gang, you probably made him all tensed and everything." Yanagi laughed. How can she translate every small annoying thing about him as something worth teasing me with?
"That's not funny."
"Yui, loosen up. Mi-chan is the perfect catch. He's sometimes hard to talk to as a friend, but he might be quite easy to understand as a girlfriend," she said matter-of-factly. "He has a sweet side and he's quite protective."
"And you're saying this from experience...?" I inquired. Why had it not occured to me that Tokiya and Yanagi had a past? I sat up from the bed and clutched the linen. Was it the reason why he agreed to date her? Because he couldn't disagree with Yanagi? I crawled back to bed. I was in no way interested about him and his relationships. He can date Yanagi for all I care.
"Silly, we never dated," she said and I was momentarily relieved for some reason. "But he did hint liking me once-But that's not the point."
"That's quite a long introduction you know. I'm getting sleepy," I said, feigning yawning and stretching out on the bed to stare at the blue ceiling. His hair was in a deep blue hue, like a cascading waterfalls, cool and soft. And his eyes were as intense as a thunder-filled sky. For the first time, I was not scared of thunder. I touched my forehead, it was burning like the rest of my face. I smiled, I liked this feeling.
"Haha. Funny, Yui. If I don't know you, you're probably all red and elated now."
"YANAGI!" I sat up, flustered.
"Ha, I knew it. Anyway, before you melt on your bed daydreaming about him, the gang's going to the beach tomorrow. How about coming along? Tokiya will be alone... and you'll have more time to get to know each other," she explained as if everything was too easy. I can't just join them and get to know him better. Not after what happened. But then, what was supposed to happen after the kiss?
Shoot, I've been miserable for the last years that I have forgotten how a relationship should start or work. Well, it's not my fault I didn't learn much from Tetsuya in the last 2 years. I mean, he was running after me all the time. I was just... flowing along with everything.
"Yanagi... I don't want to date him," I pointed out. "It's just... It won't work so why even try?"
"You were holding each other's hand during the temple festival," she pointed out and I let myself fall back on the bed. Yeah, his hand was strong but I can't remember what I felt when I hold him. Maybe I should... hold him again? "Yui?"
"Because we... explode," I answered to cover my spacing out. "We always come up with the worst unpleasant attacks against each other and you know I hate fighting. And besides, I already have a weekend commitment. Keisuke's treating us to the beach because he got his first paycheck," I said, slightly disappointed.
"Keisuke?"
"Miaka's brother," I answered nonchalantly.
"Potential boyfriend?" Yanagi teased and I laughed.
"No, are you crazy? He's my ex-boyfriend's bestfriend so it wouldn't work." I sighed. All the men around me "won't work" and I wondered if it was because there were really no potential or because I'm stopping myself from entertaining any possibilities. If I throw these hesitation away, would fate give me a boyfriend?
"Aww... That's sad. But anyway, if you change your mind we have a free slot for you in Domon's van, beside Tokiya of course." We said our goodbyes and I was somehow relieved that the conversation ended before it veered into another topic about him. In my state, would Tokiya want me?
I shook my head. An ideal man would never want someone like me. I'm broken beyond repair, and my medicine dependency proved that fact. Sometimes I wished the book never happened or I should have been more optimistic after it did. Because sometimes I'm just so tired of being this emotional, of being this weak. I was tired of taking the medicine, of feeling temporary happiness, of being scared of the smallest things.
The perfect woman for Tokiya was the me before the book, not the person I was now. I will never be good enough for him or for anyone because I will never be the same Yui. Tears fell from my eyes and depression slowly filled me, a heaviness I had not felt in a week. I hastily pulled the drawer and took out the medicine. My hands were trembling, my face wet with tears. I wiped my cheek clumsily but it was useless, I was crying beyond my control. I opened the bottle and quickly drank the medicine, closing my eyes as I swallowed the bitter pill.
I licked my lips and waited for a temporary fulfillment, a phony happiness that my body could not produce on its own. I closed my eyes, I don't want to see the ceiling, the rain-drenched window, the cloudy skies outside. I don't want to think of him and that night.
I don't want to think of something I cannot have.
IT STOPPED RAINING. The hydrangeas were in the best state for a photograph but I found the scene useless. I hate repeating subjects and I was not in the mood to think about apertures and shutter speeds. I turned lightly to my right as the mist cleared and I saw a familiar scene, a throng of late afternoon caffeine freaks, drenched by the rain, seeking a warm refuge by gorging on coffee as their umbrellas dried. Two girls man the coffee shop and one of them has blue eyes that shone like sapphires from where I sat.
"You can really see her clearly from here, ne?" a familiar annoying voice cut my thoughts and I turned to find Recca, sitting behind me, rubbing the tips of his bandaged nose.
"Who?" I asked, looking away, annoyed. I want to kill him right now. Recca sniggered knowingly. Domon was not around and if I start a fight with this punk, no one will stop us. I rubbed the bridge of my nose. Why was I stopping myself from killing him?
"Yanagi said Yui-san can't come with us tomorrow but you still have to come," he said and I didn't mind him. My head was slightly aching and I want the pain off my body before night comes. Recca waited for my answer but I gave none. "She used to work with Hime-chan in the day care center in Junior High. She showed me a picture of them together when they were 15, they're so cute."
I eyed Recca sharply, a little envious. "The hell do I care," I responded, pretending to be annoyed. But the truth was, I wanted him to say more. Damn, it was all because of that proposal.
"Oh-Ho-Ho-Ho" Recca pulled out a picture from his uniform and wagged it over my face. I was about to take it when he moved it away quickly. "No, you can't until you—" I pulled his ear and in a second, grabbed the photo. "Hey, that's cheating! Return that to me—Yanagi gave that to me!" he screamed but I was not listening.
I sank back on the bench and looked at the photo, Recca leaning at the backseat and eyeing the picture. I was immediately surprised when I saw her. She was standing straight, Yanagi clung to her arm, smiling very wide. Very short boyish hair, a wide smile that showed high cheekbones, and eyes that were filled with happiness. I looked at the picture intently. She was very easy to read here, very transparent, bearing the innocence of youth. Her eyes bore no mysterious blankness in them.
I smiled. She was so cute. Recca sniggered beside me and when I turned found him holding up a phone and taking a photo of me. "RECCA—" I tried to grab his phone but he had moved away quickly. I really hated that monkey.
"Whoa, you're smiling here—Fuuko and Domon will love this picture!" He laughed and I stood up, eyeing him murderously. Before I could step closer, he ran away, clutching his baseball cap, his long brown tail wagging behind him. Why am I in the company of monkeys? I sighed and stared at the picture on my hand. At least the stupid monkey forgot about this picture. Yanagi was cute here too, looked so much like my sister when she was 15.
I tucked the photo in the pocket of my long-sleeved white shirt and treaded the way toward the restaurant, where she stood behind a counter, preparing orders in a small tray. I didn't know what pushed me to cross the space when I had contented myself with the view from the park for one long and tedious week. She was finished delivering an order when I stepped in and her face paled.
Yui turned and walked away immediately, refusing to meet my gaze. She slowly placed the tray on the counter and went straight for the bathroom. I followed her, my heart beating wildly as each step brought me closer to her. Before she could close the door, I stopped her hand and stepped inside. She gasped and I closed it behind me, immediately turning to see her flustered face. I blinked. Why was I here? Damn, I can't remember what brought me here. Damn, I did something without thinking again, just like that night. When I kissed her.
"What are you doing—"
"Don't make a scene, who knows what they'll think once they find us," I whispered and she sighed, admitting defeat. She leaned back on the other side of the wall, barely an arm away. The scene was awkward and I briefly regretted crossing the space. But at the same time, being stuck with her in such close space was also surprisingly pleasant.
"What do you want?" she asked softly, looking away. She thumbed the single blue earring on her right lobe. I struggled for a reason but there was none in my head. It was blank. I inserted my hand inside my pocket and surprisingly pulled out the ointment. I took her right hand, hoping it was still throbbing. But it was fine now. I bit my lip and slid the ointment back into my pocket.
"I told you it works fast..." I said softly as she pulled her hand away, placing it back on the earring. She nodded, still not meeting my gaze.
"Yeah... Arigatou..." She sighed and stood straight, moving slightly closer. She doesn't smell of lavender or roses but I felt... weird, like I was trapped in a trance. "I should go now, Miaka needs me," she said and I immediately stopped her. My hand grazed her arm and she looked up, surprised. I took my hand back as her cheeks gained color.
"What time will you go off today?" I never expected her to be coy and expressive. She was blushing like all the normal girls in my presence. But she was different, she was cute when she blushes and it somehow gave me some little amount of pride.
"Tokiya...?" she asked, taken aback.
"Well?" I leaned closer, staring at her intently. Her eyes were beautiful, like an after-rain summer sky.
"Around midnight," she answered very softly.
"It's dangerous to go home alone, I'll—" I stopped speaking and our eyes met. Do I really want to say what I was about to say? "Yui, I'll take you home," I said sternly. She blinked and then hastily shook her head.
"No, No Tokiya—"
Knocks came from the door and we both turned. "Yui are you there? Are you alright?" It was her brunette friend. I sighed and pushed the stray hairs off my face. Yui cupped her face and then turned toward the door.
"Yeah Miaka, I'll be done in awhile. I'm sorry," she answered aloud. She pushed some dusty blonde hair behind her right ear and straightened her uniform. She smelled different today, like green tea. I loved green tea.
"Okay, there's another customer in Table 3, don't forget." Miaka walked away and we were left together again. I don't have much time, I needed to do what I was supposed to do.
"Yes, yes. I just need a minute." She turned to me and her lips moved lightly to a thin smile. "Excuse me." I clutched her arm again and I didn't pull back even when she turned.
"I'll be here at 10 o'clock and wait, just like the first night—"
"You're waiting for nothing." She opened the door and I was forced to let her go. I pulled it open and step outside immediately after she did. To hell with whoever can see us. Who were they anyway?
"Yui—?" Miaka gasped when she saw us. It's not everyday I am found in a bathroom with a girl but the idea seemed normal to me now. It was the second time it happened.
"Hey Barbie—" I called and she turned, surprised and a little offened. "You're not nothing," I said, intently staring at her pretty face. I didn't wait for a response or a violent reaction. Instead, I walked past her and out of the restaurant, into the cool after-rain afternoon, feeling as light as the wind. I didn't turn even when I reached my apartment. I lied down on the bed and closed my eyes, smiling. Now I can finally sleep.
A/N: This chapter made me really sad but hopeful. But then, this is an angsty type of fiction. Then again, maybe it should be Hurt/Comfort instead? Haha. Don't forget to leave reviews!