Tony and May had a talk
Coping
At some point, Tony tuned out everything else except the feel of dirt and ash on his hand. He pushed away the glaring problem – he was stranded on an alien planet – and focused on just trying to breathe.
The voice in his head was so loud – Peter's voice, afraid and desperate about wanting to stay.
Still, at some point, Tony became vaguely aware of a pair of arms hauling him to his feet. He felt fingers prodding the stab wound and inspecting it. He felt himself fall on something hard and metallic, and his gaze strayed around taking in the fact that he was in a piece of junk that this woman told him was a space ship.
Woman? Alien? Robot?
He wasn't sure and he didn't think he cared much at this point. He didn't even care that if this went on, he would likely sustain a whiplash from the trip or better still, die.
Death, he figured, didn't sound so bad.
He would welcome it, in fact. The oblivion would be sweet and eventually, he would learn to feel at home in the darkness. He imagined Peter, dead and lifeless, consumed by an ever growing darkness.
His throat constricted and he found himself gasping for air.
"Breathe, Stark. You don't get to die on me."
Witnessing the deaths and then surviving it was painful. He had this recurring nightmare for years and to live through it….
The space ship hurtled through and Tony lurched forward before it became steady once more, not that the noise the engine was making filled him with ease.
"We are on Earth," the blue-being informed him.
Tony blinked at that information.
"Who are you?" he asked, finally raising his head to focus on her.
She turned to look at him over her shoulder, eyes narrowing at the question before she sighed and then her entire stance softened.
"Nebula," she answered.
It sounded familiar now which meant that she must have told him somewhere before or during their journey but he was still cloaked in a haze to register.
She asked for directions – where to fly, where is safe, where to land and who to trust – and he provided her the answers the best he could. Tony closed his eyes, finally feeling the exhaustion crept in only to be startled awake when Nebula kicked his foot.
"Don't sleep," she warned. "You might not wake up."
That's the plan, he wanted to tell her but even speaking required a certain amount of effort he didn't have the energy to spare.
The spaceship rumbled and Tony took a moment to actually appreciate the fact that they survived the trip. They landed on the front yard of the Avengers Facility, and the grass patch there would burn, he knew. Nebula slung his arm over her shoulder and helped him down the ship as Tony gestured vaguely towards the direction of the compound.
Cap strode forward; grasped Tony's other arm to ensure he stood upright and eased Nebula from having to bear his whole weight.
"Tony," Cap greeted.
Tony raised his head and for the first time after a long while, they locked eyes.
"Cap," he nodded. "Found your old room, did you?"
He ignored the jibe. "I'm glad you made it, Tony," Steve said.
"Who else… Who else made it?" Tony struggled to get the words out.
His breathing was becoming ragged by the minute and the pain from his side was becoming worst.
He heard Steve inhaled sharply at his question.
"The Avengers – the six of us, we're all here. Nat is getting Clint to come over. Ms. Potts is inside – she's worried," Steve told him.
"Pepper," he breathed out.
As he swam in and out of focus on that spaceship, he had thought of Pepper, scared to death to actually know the truth if she had survived or shared Peter's fate. But she was here, she survived and some of the pressure lifted from his chest. He didn't think he could take it if he lost Pepper too.
"Banner caught me up. None of us knew if you'd make it out of that space planet."
"Shit," Tony cursed suddenly, startling them both.
Steve stopped abruptly while Nebula threw them both a look.
"The kid," he said. "He's got an aunt. I need to – "
He jerked his leg, as if to turn back around.
"I need a suit," he declared. "I'll get there faster."
"You need the hospital," Cap countered firmly.
"If she survived, she'd want to know," Tony insisted despite the blinding pain he was trying hard to mask. "Just like Pepper would want to know about me. Just like anyone who's got someone they love would want to know. Let me go, Steve."
"You'll bleed out to death," Nebula frowned. "I didn't get you from Titan to Earth only for you to die here, Stark."
He tried to argue but at that exact moment, a tremor ran through his body and he doubled in pain, only managing not to crumple to the ground because of Steve and Nebula. Between the two of them, they easily managed to get him to the hospital in the compound.
The last thing he remembered was staring at lights so bright and blinding before his mouth and nose was covered with an oxygen mask as Pepper held his hand and told him not to fight it.
He gave in to the unconsciousness, and stayed there in a place where his mind was free and his body was weightless.
When he woke up, Pepper was there next to him.
"I don't want to spring this on you so soon but it's important. There's someone here to see you and I think you might want to see her too," Pepper told him softly and placed a kiss his cheek.
May walked in and to Tony, she had seen better days. Her eyes were red and swollen, and there were dark circles under her eyes.
She's been crying, his brain supplied
"May," he spoke her name gently, as if that would soften the blow of whatever it was to come.
She sat on the chair next to his bed, hands bundled together and eyes glassy.
"The – uh – there was a lady… A blue lady," her brows crinkled, as if still trying to wrap her head around that, "she was… She told me she saw spider – Peter. She saw Peter on that – that planet. She told me what happened."
Tony exhaled shakily. He had wanted to be the one to tell her. He owed it to her, if nothing else.
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."
"How was it supposed to be?" she asked, forcing a small smile on her face. "Peter could never sit by when others was in danger."
Tony frowned. He was waiting for the blame to come swinging his way, for her to scream at him, to hit him and to tell him that Peter was just a kid who should have stayed at home like she had done when she found out what 'internship' really meant or that he had been the one to give Peter an upgraded suit. It had been hell then, and Peter had watched from where he stood behind May, wide-eyed and in shocked. Tony never thought that petite woman could scream but boy, did he learn his lesson that day.
"Were you there with him until the very end, Mr. Stark?"
"Tony," he offered immediately. "Yes… I was."
I held him as he turned to ash was left unsaid. It wasn't something she needed to know. He kept Peter's last pleas and his last words to himself. That memory was his burden to bear, not for May to know and be haunted with.
"I saw it on the news," May started talking. "I saw Peter in his spider suit heading straight for that … thing," she spat. "I was – I was terrified."
Tony realised then he could somewhat relate because he felt that way when he knew Peter was clinging to the side of the space ship and finding it difficult to breathe as it climbed higher, but once again, he kept it to himself. He had always been hyper-verbal but with May mourning, someone needed to be there to listen. It wasn't like he had anything comforting to offer except his presence and to answer whatever questions she needed to know.
"I didn't know what to do. It wasn't something you could report to the police about," she fretted. "It wasn't something the police could help me with. I was worried to death – a part of New York was in ruins and my nephew was gone. I thought that was the worst of it…" May scoffed. "Then it started to happen…"
"May, I should have -"
"I had to distract myself from worrying about Peter," she went on as if she had not heard Tony speak, "so I went to the supermarket to get started on dinner – can you believe it? dinner - and then people just started disintegrating. They turned to ash, just like that. I was horrified, of course, but I thought – maybe it was a good thing Peter wasn't around. Maybe he is spared from all that, wherever he is."
She paused seemingly to collect her thoughts but she choked on her next word and it turned into sobs that wrecked her body. Tony stared, stunned before he moved into action. He shuffled slowly until he could maneuver himself into the seat next to her and draped his arm around her. He drew her close. He didn't try to tell her that it was going to be alright like he had done with Peter. He was aware that it was never going to be alright. The pain and the gaping hole left behind when you lose someone could never truly heal. And May had loved and raised the kid… The pain she must be feeling…
"He looked up to you," she said suddenly, in between sobs. "Ever since he was a child… He was always quiet and spent his time alone, you were the hero he needed growing up. He had some of the same fears other kids had – monsters in the closet and thunderstorms – but he always had you, in a way. He kept an Iron Man toy in the closet and told me that no monster will come with you protecting his closet. He was so adorable then."
Despite the situation, Tony smiled at that image. He would have loved to meet that young Peter Parker.
"For his eleventh birthday, I gave him an Iron Man helmet so he could use it when riding his bicycle. He wore it even at home. It made me so frustrated. I regretted getting him that. He never misses your press conferences, never."
"It sounds like he had a good childhood," he remarked.
"I hope he did," May sniffled. "He wouldn't stop talking about you, especially after you came to the house. Lately, it was all about not disappointing you. The way a -," she paused, like it had suddenly just dawned on her, "- a child would never want to disappoint his father."
That was the last thing he expected to hear and it felt like a stab through his heart. Tony squeezed his eyes shut. On the rooftop after the incident with the Staten Island Ferry, he had lectured the kid like his father had lectured him. He had tried to praise and commend the kid in a way his father never had. Maybe, in a way, he was a father figure to Peter.
"He grew on me," Tony managed to say.
May lifted her head and for a long time, she watched him.
"I hope you loved him the way he clearly adored you."
"Yeah," Tony nodded and with a quiet certainty, he said, "I do."