A/N: Again, thank you for all the reviews and follows. As you can probably tell, I'm going to be skipping around a lot in this piece; we've all played the game and I see no point in rehashing all the missions unless I can add something to them. And, quite honestly, there are far better authors than I when it comes to steering left of canon. My goal is to simply create as interesting a bridge into ME3 that I can.

Thanks again for those you continue to read, follow, review...and tolerate my sporadic updating.

And by the way, Illium's up next.

Best,

-jt-

Chapter 5: Casualties of War

I have wondered about you
Where will you be
When this is through
If all goes as planned
Where will you redeem my life again?

The Presidium

August 2183

It's late when Shepard finally arrives back at the apartment. Chakwas had been especially merciless that session, and after two hours of intensive rehab still makes her run home. The apartment is on the other end of the damn ward, but the doctor ignores her protests. She stumbles in the door nearly an hour later, chest heaving and legs like rubber. Shepard manages to make it to the refrigeration unit and down several glasses of water. It takes her a moment to realize that Liara isn't there.

She finds the asari out on the small back deck, curled away from her on the swinging bench, looking impossibly small. She doesn't hear Shepard approach, and the human has to call her name twice before she responds. Liara jerks as if she's been slapped, and quickly swipes at her face. She still smiles warmly, though, despite her tears, and it's sad and beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.

Shepard walks over and carefully sits down next to her, wincing slightly at the stiffness in her knee and hips. She tentatively raises an arm, and Liara silently turns and buries her face in the human's chest, tucking her legs underneath her to avoid the brace clamped around Shepard's knee. There's a slight breeze, generated by the Citadel's environmental controls, and the cool air feels divine on Shepard's flushed skin, but Liara has been sitting outside so long that she's shivering. Shepard tightens both arms around her, and Liara makes a joke about the human needing a shower. She doesn't pull away, though, instead burrowing deeper and twisting a hand in Shepard's damp shirt. Shepard smiles thinly. Li's always cold.

Grief comes off the asari in waves, so thick Shepard feels like she's choking. She wants to apologize yet again, drop to her knees and beg forgiveness, swear upon all that is holy that she would trade places with Liara's mother if she could. But that's not want Liara needs. Nor would it do any good. They both know it had to be done, but that doesn't make it any easier to stomach or make the pain disappear any faster.

Shepard thinks a moment, chewing slightly on her bottom lip, then speaks.

What was she like?

Liara's tone is soft, hesitant, but quickly grows in strength. She tells Shepard of Benezia's grace and kindness. That she looked beautiful in yellow. The acres of gardens that surrounded the estate in Armali. How her mother would scold her for digging for ruins in the park nearby their home, but then filled the library with every archeology book she could find. That Benezia loved to cook, and how her bright laugh would fill every room of the estate.

Then Liara's voice shifts, and Shepard hears the bitterness creep in. Apparently, with each year that passed, she saw less and less of her mother. Liara talks about the formal dinners and meetings and speeches that took precedence over all. Her mother had only seen a handful of her skyball games. Missed countless school events and award ceremonies. And, of course, had decried her career in academia even though she was never there to witness its gestation. Liara doesn't elaborate on what ultimately lead to the falling out, but Shepard guesses Benezia's absenteeism played a larger role than Li would want to admit. There is never enough time.

The apartment is nestled on the opposite side of the main traffic lanes, and the omnipresent squeal of aircars is reduced to a mere hum. She only hears the sound of Liara's voice and the soft breathing against her neck. Shepard leans back slightly and looks up at the night sky. She knows the stars are fake, just a holographic projection to complete the illusion of a day/night cycle, but she can appreciate the effort put in to such theatrics.

What about your mother?

Shepard starts at the question, and her mouth opens and closes several times as she formulates a response. In all honesty, she tries not to think of the woman. Any good memories are entwined too tightly with the bad. Liara apologizes before Shepard answers, knowing that is a difficult subject, and the human just pulls her in tighter and murmurs that it's okay.

Looking up at the stars, she's suddenly reminded of Ashley and her father, and the comfort the other woman took in her beliefs. Shepard remembers the first conversation they had, when she asked how you could look out at the galaxy and not believe in something. She wonders, for a brief moment, if the chief was right. Was Ashley's father looking down on them during the fight against Saren? What about Shepard's parents? Does Benezia know of her daughter's grief? And yet, even as she thinks about it, something tells her it's not true.

Shepard turns her head away from the sky. She presses her lips to Liara's forehead, then gently moves her hand to brush against the asari's cheek. She's no longer crying. Li reaches up and takes Shepard's hand in her own.

Can we stay out here a little longer?

Shepard smiles as their fingers lace together. She closes her eyes.

Of course.

YOU WILL KNOW PAIN.

Shepard grunted loudly as she crouched behind the wall of a prefab. She slapped out the spent heat sink, then pressed the palm of her hand to her forehead. Fuck. It felt like her head was slowly being squeezed in a vice. The voice echoed through her and reverberated inside her skull.

I SENSE YOUR WEAKNESS.

Harbinger. She knew of him only through his loud proclamations, and although her squad could hear him as well, his pointed comments were directed at her alone - as were a majority of the Collector troops they were facing. At first she thought the voice was coming from a Collector, but then she witnessed one of the drones rising up like it had been snatched by some invisible hand, howl in pain as its carapace cracked, and then land with a harsh biotic glow. The realization that an actual Reaper was not only directing the attack, but could also possess a drone, sent a sharp chill down Shepard's spine.

MY ATTACKS WILL TEAR YOU APART.

And, like Sovereign, it appeared Harbinger was also a cocky asshole.

Shepard spun deftly around the corner, dropping to one knee as she brought her rifle to bear. She released three short bursts of fire, neatly downing the three Collectors advancing on her position. Off to her side, just out of her field of vision, she heard Harbinger howl in frustration. A fresh pack of drones suddenly dropped from the sky and made a beeline towards her position.

Shepard dove to the side just as a particle beam sliced through the wall of the prefab, exactly where her head had been a moment before. The stench of singed hair and melting plastic followed her as she rolled, and she suppressed a grimace. She came up out of her roll behind a shipping crate, bringing her rifle up at the same time she dug in the toe of her boot to stop her momentum.

Just as she was about to fire, a shaved, tattooed head filled her scope. Jack's arm was stretched behind her, her fist tightly clenched and wreathed in blue. She brought her arm forward with a violent sweeping motion and sent a searing path of explosions towards the group of Collectors Shepard had been aiming at. The drones were launched into the air and then hit the ground with devastating force.

"Goddammit, Jack!" Shepard barked, yanking up her rifle. "Watch your fucking line!"

The convict just looked over her shoulder and cackled maniacally. She leapt over a stack of crates and ran straight for the nearest drone, her biotics already recharged and glowing fiercely. On the far side of the defense tower, Shepard saw Grunt gleefully stomping on the Collectors that Jack had sent skyward a minute before. She could hear the visceral crack of their carapaces from across the battlefield, accompanied by the adolescent krogan's triumphant roar. He unloaded several rounds from his shotgun into the flattened carcasses, then turned and charged at a cluster of husks that seemingly emerged out of nowhere.

Shepard shook her head, then darted across the open field towards the steady, rhythmic rifle pops that were coming from behind an enclosed entry to one of the larger prefabs surrounding the tower. She slid in neatly next to Garrus, who continued to calmly pick off drones like it was a training exercise.

She reached into the bag slung across the turian's hip and pulled out several fresh heat sinks. "Well, at least they're enthusiastic," she grumbled irritably, quickly restocking the empty ammo pockets on her belt.

"Oh, let the kids have their fun, boss." Garrus ripped off two quick shots, then popped the spent heat sink with a flourish. "Grunt's been going crazy being cooped up in the storage bay all day."

Shepard couldn't help rolling her eyes. She swung out from behind their cover, fired several short bursts, then ducked back down again. She keyed her comm. "EDI, status report."

"GARDIAN anti-ship batteries at 78%. Continue defending the tower," the AI responded.

The commander grimaced, hunching down as several rounds pinged off the structure. That was easier said than done, Shepard realized, as she looked out over the battlefield. Jack, while staggeringly powerful, would eventually have to surrender to basic biology and could only keep her biotics active for so long before she burned out. Grunt, for all his strength and energy, had yet to learn to pace himself and Shepard could see he was already tiring. Shepard and Garrus, as expected, were faring better than the more inexperienced squad members, but they were running dangerously low on thermal clips. And the Collectors just kept coming.

As if reading her mind, the turian yelled over the comm. "Reinforcements!"

Shepard rolled away from Garrus and peered over the cover of the prefab's walkway. More drones - a dozen at least - flooded the open space between her position and the tower's firing computer. Another round of husks crawled out from beneath the prefabs, staggering forward as if they'd just been released from the bowels of hell. A sudden flash of pain exploded in Shepard's head, and she crouched down further, grinding her teeth together in frustration.

I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS.

Harbinger had possessed the drone nearest to Shepard, and its body was glowing menacingly as it charged itself for biotic attack. She tensed, the muscles in her torso coiling tightly as she exhaled through her teeth. She felt energy within her starting to build, swirling through her chest and trailing down her arms until the tips of her fingers tingled and itched. The air surrounding her began to crackle.

"Oh, would you just shut up!"

Shepard swung her arm over the railing, fist tightly clenched, and released a surge of dark energy directly at the possessed drone's head. The force of the discharge sent the Collector shooting across the field like a bullet, colliding into several other drones, until it struck the wall of a prefab with an audible crack. The eerie glow faded from the corpse, a thick black discharge oozing from its carapace.

The human hunkered back down and took a steadying breath. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Garrus's head turn.

"Impressive," he remarked dryly.

Shepard ignored him and popped her head out to take down two more drones with a burst of fire. No matter how awed her comrade was by the display, it would do them no damn good if they were overrun.

"EDI, how much - "

Shepard stopped as the drones and husks inexplicably halted their advance, instead retreating back behind the largest prefab. The commander frowned and her eyes flashed for a moment as they swept across the field. Her jaw twitched.

"Stay sharp." The words came out in harsh, clipped tones.

Just as she spoke, a great rumble tore through the ground beneath her and vibrated up the length of her shins. Over the tops of the prefabs, she saw the outline of what could only be described as a large insect heading directly toward the tower. Shepard blinked once, twice, before she was able to fully absorb what she was seeing.

It was like an insect, surely; six legs were clearly visible, curled tightly underneath its massive carapace, and two larger arms that extended from its front. But it wasn't fully organic, fully alive, as she could also see the pieces of metal that constructed its frame. As it drew slowly drew closer, Shepard could also make out the deformed husks the comprised the heart of the craft. She let out an involuntary shudder. The unholy alliance of flesh and metal, fused together with a utilitarian edge that left no room for aesthetic, reminded her sharply of Saren.

She barely had time to bark into the comm or duck behind cover before the monstrosity lit up in a blinding blue glow, then slammed down onto the ground. Shepard was thrown roughly against the nearest wall, the force of the impact pushing all the air out of her lungs. Her shields had collapsed completely, and her hardsuit interface was blaring in her ear, informing her that she was now exposed. She managed to climb up on all fours, then roll away as a particle beam, thicker and heavier than what the drones had been using before, began carving an arc towards her.

Shepard scrambled back towards Garrus, watching as the machine began to charge again, wrapping itself in the same eerily blue aura. She exchanged glances with the turian, who wordlessly unstrapped the grenade launcher lashed to his back. Shepard coughed roughly, then keyed her comm.

"Jack!" She had to yell to be heard over the whine of the beam. "We gotta get that thing's barrier down!"

"Fuck!" The curse nearly shattered Shepard's eardrum. "Get these fucking bugs off me first!"

The previously idle husks and drones had resumed their attack, and Shepard saw Jack fighting off the brunt of the drones as she slowly made her way closer to the commander's position. As if anticipating her move, several drones broke off to outflank her. Shepard's rifle snapped up, and she began picking off drones as fast as she could. She heard another roar from Grunt, one that sounded slightly more fatigued, as he continued his decimation of the husks.

Suddenly, Shepard was thrown back again as the machine slammed down without warning. She flew awkwardly, and her head cracked sharply against metal grating, her rifle skittering away. Dazed and tasting blood, she struggled to regain her footing, her head now pounding violently and her vision swimming. Shepard was so disorientated that, at first, she thought she was hallucinating when she caught a flash of white armor vaulting over a storage container.

Shepard pressed her palm to her forehead, blinked, then looked again. Ashley Williams had launched herself into the fray, bolting over to Jack's side. Her shotgun was ablaze, spitting forth rounds as fast as she could load them. It only took seconds for three drones to drop, and the chief punctuated her arrival by slamming the stock of her shotgun into the face of the fourth, then discharging a round directly into its head.

Jack whooped triumphantly, pumping her glowing fist in excitement and letting loose a barrage of curses. Shepard's vision cleared, and she gestured sharply at the biotic, then at the machine. She felt the energy grow within her again, and she gripped her rifle tightly, straining to hold back its release.

Jack darted to the opposite side of the field, drawing the attention of the massive particle beam. It carved at her heels as she sprinted, and she managed to duck behind cover as the beam dissipated to recharge. Jack immediately stood, reaching back as far as her arm could extend, and brought it forward like a giant, swinging haymaker punch, sending a discharge of energy towards the Collector machine. The beast was staggered for only a moment, swaying slightly as it hovered in midair. Shepard jumped up, thrusting her arm forward and release her own barrage of energy. They continued on like that for a few moments; each alternating hitting the machine and buffeting it back and forth enough so that was unable to recharge. Finally, its barriers fell with a loud groan.

Garrus swung out from cover, pivoting on his foot like a dancer, and let loose with the grenade launcher. The repeated thunk thunk thunk of the weapon echoed over the comm, and Shepard couldn't resist a slight grin as all three projectiles found their target. The monster crackled and hissed, as if in defiance, then belched forth a giant plume of smoke and collapsed to the ground.

"Shepard, the GUARDIAN anti-ship batteries are fully charged." EDI chirped cheerfully. "Shall I - "

"Yes, yes! Hit the goddamn thing!"

The ground rumbled beneath her again, but this time it was a welcome occurrence. Shepard watched as the massive lasers aligned themselves directly at the Collector ship in the distance and released their full battery. After only a few strikes, the ship withdrew, leaving the remnants of the pillaged colony in its wake.

Shepard hauled herself to her feet, head still pounding. They hadn't been successful; nearly half the population of Horizon was onboard that ship, but that was almost an afterthought. What was more important was that the Collectors were clearly a formidable enemy, were allied with the Reapers, and knew who she was. She set her jaw, drawing her lips into a thin, pale line ignoring the throbbing just behind her eyes.

Ashley was finishing off the last of the drones, joined by Jack and Grunt. Her squadmembers stepped aside as Shepard approached, displaying a remarkable amount of tact for a deranged biotic and teenaged krogan. They looked at the commander expectantly as Ashley popped her last heat sink, then turned towards Shepard.

"You have got to be shittin' me." Shepard was pulled into a rough hug before she could even react, which was immediately followed by a punch to her shoulder. "Have you been alive this whole time?"

Shepard saw Ashley's dark brown eyes flash in wonder, then excitement, then finally settle on anger. She quickly held up a placating hand. "No, no. I was in a coma for two years. I only came out of it a few months ago, I swear."

Ashley eyed her skeptically. "What the hell's going on, Skipper? First I hear rumors that you're actually alive, that the Alliance practically disowned you, and then that you might be working for Cerberus...?"

Shepard sighed and ran a hand through her grimy hair. Her head felt like it was slowly being split in two, and her former crewmate's accusatory look did nothing to ease the pain. "Look, chief - lieutenant - " Shepard stopped and immediately corrected herself when she noticed the new rank insignia on Ashley's armor. "I know this all sounds crazy, but I can explain - "

"Commander!" Shepard scowled as she was cut off by Miranda and Jacob's approach. She turned to see the operatives jog up to her location, the Normandy's shuttle idling several yards away. They were both still dressed in their Cerberus gear. She cursed under her breath.

Ashley's eyes widened and she took one long, deliberate step back. "So it's true? You're working for terrorists now?" Her eyes hardened into a piercing glare, and she looked over Shepard's shoulder. "You too, Garrus?"

The turian's mandibles clicked rapidly in agitation. "Ash, just give us a chance to - "

"Hell no." Ashley scoffed. "What is there to say? The first thing you did after waking up from a coma - if I even believe that - is join Cerberus? Did that bioamp they drilled into leave you braindead, too? That's not the Shepard I knew. And it's not you either, Garrus."

Shepard's jaw twitched. She reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose, her patience growing dangerously thin. "The Collectors are abducting entire colonies and are working for the Reapers. I'm not a traitor. The Alliance and the Council both hung me out to dry. Cerberus is the only organization that seems to give a damn about what we're about to face." The commander stepped forward, wisps of blue energy swirling around her hands. She spoke through tightly clenched teeth. "Do you think I wanted to lose two years of my life? Do you think I asked for this? I didn't have a fucking choice."

Ashley didn't flinch. "Bullshit." She jerked up her chin and stared at the taller woman defiantly. "I was on Ontarom, remember? I saw what Cerberus did to that corporal, and I watched as he blew his brains out because of it. You always have a choice, Shepard." She shook her head and then, as if to twist the knife deeper, spoke again. "What do you think Liara would say if she knew? Did you even bother to - "

At the mention of the asari's name, Shepard snapped. Her fist was in motion before she realized it, and the action didn't even register until she heard the meaty crack upon her fist's impact. Ashley staggered back, but didn't fall. She bent forward at the waist, her hand clutching at her jaw and blood running from her mouth.

Shepard threw up her hands in frustration, then scrubbed at her face, ignoring the way her gloved palms scraped uncomfortably against the scars on her cheeks. Tentatively, she reached forward. "Fuck, Ash, I'm sorry..."

Ashley straightened, her normally playful eyes filled with a venom Shepard had never seen before. She slapped away the offered hand, than spat a mouthful of blood on the ground at Shepard's feet. Her voice was a low growl.

"Go to hell, Commander."

And with that, Ashley turned and walked away, shoulders back and chin held high. Shepard sighed and hung her head, staring at the spot of blood glistening on the toe of her boot. She looked up, eyes turning a soft violet as she watched the retreating form disappear behind a prefab. Quietly, she spoke under her breath.

"What do you see, Chief?"