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Fear Is How I Fall
Chapter 6: A Restless Night, Part 1
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It would be so much easier... if I was an ignorant child like some of the other Slytherins. They go by, day to day... focused on things that aren't important. Lord Voldemort? Whatever. I canhardly believe that was me a few weeks ago... only caring for myself and my stupid ambitions… That was all before that damned diary. I had to pick it up, didn't I? And I had to read it, too...
Draco shook his head. Before I read that book... I thought she was just an ordinary muggleborn witch... For some reason, I can't even begin to put what I feel into words… Something just clicked, didn't it? I'm not the only person who grew up in a broken home.
I wonder where my heart went all those years... It seems so much colder now... I'm just trapped. I can't love her.
I can't take away all of her pain. If I did... my actions would result in her being murdered, no doubt. And I'm hurting her now, to save her... She doesn't understand. It's ridiculous... All these years I've tormented her... and now... I just seem so... infatuated.
He snorted. If father could only see me now. He imagined the kind of torture his father would put him through if he ever found out, and he involuntarily shuddered.
Draco rolled over in his bed and stared at the clock. He had been lying awake for hours, his thoughts preventing him from sleeping. Like he wanted to go to bed anyways... there was no telling what kind of twisted dreams he could have at this point.
He sat up in bed and rubbed his temples. It was useless... The Easter holidays were closely approaching. He would return home, and his father would become suspicious if there was any slip. Then he would find out… That was yet another reason why he couldn't love her- his father was a powerful wizard. Draco had lived through his Cruciatus curses, but there were things thatwere more horrifying...
He knew his screams could be heard through the entire mansion, and yet no one ever came to help him... He had always thought his mother would save him... He had trusted her, at least. Anyways, what good was trust? It would just stab you in the back...
And without trust there is no love.
He rolled his eyes as he slid out of his bed and pulled on a robe. Why did he think he had all this love stuff down? He had never loved anyone. He had always been taught how to discriminate, how to ruthlessly hate those who were below him.
"Love..." He whispered the unfamiliar word, wondering what he was getting himself into.
The word sounded strange on his tongue. He knew his thoughts classified him as weak... but no one knew enough to even guess about him and Hermione.
...Or did they?
He didn't know. He almost couldn't say that he didn't care, either. No one could know... So he wouldn't even acknowledge her... past schoolwork. She wasn't going to be hurt on his account... he would make sure of it.
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Okay, I realize that this was a really short chapter- but this section is good with three breaks and this is the first break… the more reviews I get, the quicker I'll post another chapter (this is called incentive, so you'll refer all your fanfic reading friends to this story as well)!
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-Stevie