A/N: If you're still hanging in there with me, thanks. Here's the next installment. School is almost out and I am traveling to a few continents this summer so updates may slow down a bit. Thanks again to Marina and EStrunk for their thoughts and perusals.

She pulled the chair out for me to sit. So I didn't hesitate, I just moved. There was so much I wanted to say that I didn't know where to begin. So as soon as I sat, I didn't give her time to speak.

"Okay, let's go through this point by point," I said trying to appeal to her organized side, "first this morning, then maybe the Draco thing, and then Fred." She nodded. I took a deep breath.

"I know the way I acted this morning was completely," I searched for an adequate word, "bonkers." I failed. I eyed her speculatively, looking for a reaction. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had never been a pretty crier and I mentally kicked myself for causing this. She nodded her head and her face remained sad and her eyes revealed how much she was hurting.

"Okay. First of all, I went round your place to apologize for leaving you last night. I'm glad you were honest with me and if, for some bloody miracle, we ever get past all of this, I always want you to be honest with me." I saw the corner of her mouth twitch. I took that as a good sign and it made my heart flip.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm glad I had some time to talk to Malfoy. I'm not glad that I shouted at you or that I accused you of sleeping around. But, Hermione, this Fred thing, it bloody hurts. You know how the twins made me feel. I think I believe the worst all the time because why would someone like you be attracted to me?" I hadn't planned to ask her that question and in asking it I realize how pathetic it sounded. She opened her mouth to answer. I held my hands out in a blocking motion, "But that's point three, let me get this next part out." My mind was spinning and I didn't want to lose my train of thought.

"When I finally realized that Malfoy wasn't a wanker any more, or," I still didn't know if I trusted him, "at least he's pretending to not be one, he said something that really struck me." I had decided that wankers can be right once in a while. I picked up one of her small hands and held it in mine. "Malfoy said he and I suffer from the same personality defect—insecurity. And if you could forgive him, then maybe you can forgive me. And I realize now, that that is the reason I always think the worst. I've put you on a pedestal, 'Mione, and that's not fair to either of us." She fell off the pedestal, last night, but I didn't verbalize that thought. Her brow furrowed as she thought about my words and I continued on.

"I'm sorry about jumping to a conclusion this morning. I am hurt and angry and we have a lot of things to discuss. I went 'round your place to do that and I was confronted with the one person whose caused us more fights in the past few months than anyone else. I'm still angry, and a bit mad, but not about Draco being at your place. Though," I added, "I hope soon you'll tell me how the hell that happened, because he's still a snotty little bastard."

Hermione was always a stickler for rules, agonizingly precise, naggingly punctual, and annoyingly correct almost all of the damn time. But, it was those things, combined with her stellar perception that made people want to be better around her. I wanted to be better. Just sometimes I felt like I could never measure up. Maybe her fall was a good thing. It was time she had a fuck up. But, this was one painful fall for me. It was like she landed on me. Her face softened and the hard edges of her clenched jaw slacked ever-so-slightly and the iciness of her eyes melted. Her pursed lips parted as she exhaled long and slow.

"You are such a wanker sometimes," she said to me.

"I know," I admitted.

"You have to stop this," she said.

"I know."

"I love you," she admitted softly. It looked like she wanted to say something else. I looked into her brown eyes and I saw it there. But something had changed in me in the past few hours.

"I know." I said, because, I did know it. "Are we done with what happened this morning then?" I asked. She nodded. "Good." I looked at her and squared my shoulders.

"Malfoy?" I asked. "You know how I feel about him, too!"

"Merlin, Ron," she dropped her head in her hands like a heavy weight had been placed upon it, "I've messed up so much! I shouldn't have kept that a secret from you either. There just never seemed to be the right time to tell you that I've been trying to help him."

"Help, him? Hermione, he was a fucking Death Eater! He was going to kill Dumbledore and it the process he almost killed me, your boyfriend. Remember me?" She flinched and I realized I was bordering on becoming offensive and I remembered my earlier goal of controlling myself so I didn't have to back pedal. "Sorry. It's just that we've been through this so much over the last few months..." and then it occurred to me why she'd been so adamant about his ability to change. She'd been watching it. "So how do you know he isn't a spy?" I finally asked.

"I don't. Ron, I'm so messed up right now." She shook her head and ran her hand over her forehead. "I've been making justifications in my head for so long about Fred and Draco that what I've concocted just seems right. But now that some of my justifications are spoken aloud," she looked away as a tear rolled down her face, "I realize how crazy and dangerous and just plain stupid I've been. It's not like me. I don't know what's wrong with me." She wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth a little bit. My heart tore a little, she was listening to me-not arguing. She was considering the reasons I might have to be upset.

"I know I haven't been treating you like I love you and trust you. I get that now. But I do love you and that's why I get crazy," I promised. "But this Fred thing-that hurts, Hermione. He was my brother. And you knew how I felt about my brothers. I just. . ." I shook my head not knowing how to tell her that choosing one of the twins over me made it extremely hard to get over. She pulled me out of my thoughts after a few beats.

"I know, Ron. I don't even know what I was thinking," she started.

"Stop," I said a little annoyed, "I know what you were thinking. Fred hit on you and you fell for it. I get it. You made it clear last night that I was shoving Lavender in your face." I really didn't want to belabor this point because that would go badly very quickly. "I'm sure that one thing led to another and you stole moments here and there. If you were trying to hurt me, it worked. I wasn't trying to hurt you with Lavender, I just wanted a snog and..." I didn't know how to end that sentence without sounding like a wanker. "I got sucked in by her," I finished weakly.

"So did I," Hermione said. "I never set out to hurt you. It was just," her eyes met mine, "thoughtless. I wanted to be selfish for a little bit."

POW! I felt like I had been hit in the gut. That was my relationship with Lavender. I never set out to hurt anyone, or flaunt anything. It was just convenient. I was curious and Lavender was willing. She was very willing and she didn't care who was around. I was a randy teenaged boy. But something about the situations didn't measure up.

"You said you loved him, though," I recalled. "I admit that I let things go too far with Lavender and I didn't have the stones to break up with her when I should have, but you being in love with Fred makes this a whole lot harder for me."

"I know. That is why it took me so long to tell you. I've justified so many things in my mind that I don't know what's right anymore," and she hiccupped, "I feel so lost." Tears began to stream down her face again, but I didn't cause them this time. "I have to really figure some things out."

"So do I, 'Mione. So do I," I said solemnly.

"And how are you going to do that?" Hermione asked me. Her tone was curious not mocking or even being sarcastic. It was almost as if she was looking for direction. She wanted to know how I was going to figure things out. She wanted to know if I had a plan. She always remarked on how things couldn't get done if we didn't have a plan and nothing would change if we didn't do anything. The problem was I hadn't thought of a plan. Apparently neither had she.

"I haven't worked all that out yet, but I know that I need to do something with myself." She perked up a little at this, like she was interested. "Harry said that there's a spot that opened up for an apprentice at the Auror's office where he works and I think I'll apply. And, I think George needs some help at the shop. His flat is a bit disgusting, too, so I think I'll stay there a while and help him out." I was pretty impressed that I came up with all of that on the spot. I'd been putting off going to work with Harry for a while. I just wanted some time to breathe. Harry said too much time breathing gave him too much time to think. With all this new information, I was beginning to believe him.

"Those sound like good things, Ron," her voice was level but devoid of emotion. She was deep in thought and that worried me a bit until she placed her other hand on top of mine. I could tell she made a decision because she took a breath and nodded. After a few moments, she brought her eyes up to mine again.

"I'm going to go after my parents," she said and I could see tears forming in her eyes. "I need them, Ron." I think I understood that. As much as I complained about my hovering mum and my daffy dad, I don't know what I'd do without them. I hadn't even considered her feelings added to all our other losses.

"Do you want me to come with you and help? I could…." She cut me off.

"No. This is something I have to do on my own. You have to make something of yourself. I can't do this Ron," and her hand lifted and gestured between the two of us before she placed it back on mine, "if I'm the source for your self-worth. You have to find that on your own." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I love you, but you have to love you, too. You have to quit seeing yourself in term of someone's brother or Harry Potter's best friend. Go make something of Ronald Weasley." She reached up to touch my cheek. "There is so much that has been and can be done," she whispered stroking my cheek with her thumb.

I knew she was right, but her statement irritated me nonetheless. I wasn't going to bring that up right now though. There were many other things we needed to work on before I some catty remark about her piety. If we couldn't get past some of this big stuff, that little thing wouldn't even matter. But, I was sorry that I hurt her so much.

"I'm sorry I make you cry so much," and I reached over the wipe the tears from her face.

"Oh, Ron, don't be. I can only cry this much because I love you so much. Let's just reduce the frequency." She smiled at me. "Besides, I think what I've done," she couldn't get the words out, "to hurt you so much...I think I've lost my own self-worth. I have to go find my own again."

"Okay," I said and she leaned her face into my hand. I could see it was taking a toll on her. I believed that she didn't start a relationship with Fred to hurt me and I believed that Fred was just an opportunist. The twins' pranks were painful, but they did them to get a laugh. They never set out to hurt anyone. But I figured that was what caused most of the problems in life. Most people—Voldemort and Bellatrix aside—didn't set out to hurt others maliciously. They just didn't think. I was certainly guilty of that. I had some lingering guilt about how I treated Lavender when I actually allowed myself to think about it. That's when I figured out that my form of selfishness what just not thinking about things through. It took too much time and effort, sometime, to think about things too hard and how it would affect others. Most peoples' skins were too thin anyway, I had reasoned to myself many times, and they just needed to get over things. That was true in some cases, but both Hermione and I had done some pretty thoughtless and hurtful things. We both had some things to work out.

"Do you know how long you'll be gone?" I asked emerging from my thoughts.

"No. But it will probably take a couple of months." My face fell and she continued to explain. "I know where I put them, but I don't know where they ended up. I know what names they used, but I may not recognize them. The kind of memory charms I did could change their personalities, especially if I did them poorly," she sniffled. "And, depending on how much they change, the reversal could be very difficult. I've been doing quite a bit of reading on it. Too bad Professor Lockhart is still nutters," she mused.

"Months?" I squeaked.

"Ron, we both need this time. You have broken my heart a number of times over the years. And I know," she let out a little gasp, "that I have really hurt you, too. We both played some pretty petty games and maybe some distance can help us put things in perspective." Her candor tore through me and she sniffled again. Another tear made its journey down her forlorn face. "We both need to believe in ourselves before we can begin to believe in each other again."

We needed to be equally matched. That was a tall order in my mind, but Hermione knew I could do it. Knowing that she knew I could do it made it seem possible. Hermione was almost always right. Or she used to be.

"Okay," I nodded and took a deep breath, "I'm going to miss you terribly, but okay. I can do it. I will do it." She smiled at me again.

"We'll both do it," she agreed. She took another deep, fortifying breath. "Good. I'm going to leave now before I change my mind. I need some time, too, to clear my head. I've told you about Fred, now. And Ron," her voice quavered, "I miss him so much. And I have to get over the fact that I broke things off with him right before he died. I feel immensely guilty for that. He knew that I chose you over him." Seeing her so upset, made me forget that she shagged my brother. Fred was a special person and she hadn't been able to grieve properly. I opened my arms to her and just held her like we would have done before everything got so messed up. I savored the moment because I knew it would be a long time before I'd get to do this again.

"Shh, Hermione," I soothed. She sobbed in my arms and I realized that she needed to do this ages ago and the pain and the guilt that she was carrying must have been unbearable. But she bore it just like she bore Bellatrix's curses. This strong woman loved me and I had to go discover—and believe—the reasons why. "You go do what you need to do. I'll be here doing what I need to do. If you need me, or Harry, or any of my family for anything…" I squeezed her gently, "you just let us know." She nodded and those chestnut eyes looked up into mine and I could see the depth of her love again. I knew I loved her. What I had to do was figure out if I loved her enough to get past the fact that she loved Fred, too. I couldn't bloody well go have a shout at him.

"Okay," she whispered to herself. "Okay. That means a lot, Ron, really it does." She hugged me briefly. "I have to go now." She turned to me, placed her hand on my cheek, kissed my lips so softly that I almost didn't feel it, and then I was left alone with the gentle pop of her dissaparation. My heart tore a little more. There was so much to think about and I didn't want to think. It hurt too much.

I sat down on the kitchen chair again and looked over at the counter. I saw the dish with the shepherd's pie she had summoned from her own flat and pulled out my wand. "Accio," I muttered and did the rest non-verbally, bringing the dish towards me. It landed in front of me with a soft thunk. "Engorgio," I muttered it expanded enough to feed Malfoy and me, if he was hungry—and just a little left for later. I covered the leftovers and sent the dish to the cooler in the corner of Harry's kitchen. Grimmauld Place didn't have electricity or a refrigerator like Hermione's. It did, however, have a cupboard that magically kept everything cool like most wizard houses.

I was mostly finished with my plate when Harry and Malfoy came back into the kitchen. I pushed the other plate towards Malfoy who smirked remembering my prediction that Hermione'd be here because of the missing pie.

"You're mum left me some cookies the other day. Want some?" Harry asked me walking over to the counter to the cookie jar.

"No," I said.

"Yes," Malfoy said louder than me. "This is brilliant," he said pointing to his plate.

"Malfoy, don't they feed you at your house?" Harry asked bringing the cookie jar shaped like a giant golden snitch. Ginny gave it to him for his birthday this last summer. He offered one to Malfoy.

"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked, but Malfoy answered his question first. I found it so odd after everything we'd been through the last seven years that the three of us were sitting here eating lunch together like nothing had happened.

"Sure I was fed, but it was all posh and fashionable food."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"It means the serving sizes are crap and I walked around starving any time I was away from Hogwarts, to be honest. I used to be able to order the house elves to sneak me food, but one of them got punished severely for doing it. So I stopped," he shrugged. "These are brilliant, too," he said taking a bite of the cookie, spraying bits of it across the table.

"Well that's just sad," I said. "He was punished for following orders?" I shook my head. I was glad Hermione wasn't here. She'd be livid. My heart ached.

"Ron," Harry jerked my attention back to him, "where's Hermione?"

"She left," I said and suddenly became very interested in a hangnail on my thumb. But I had a plan; I had to ask him about the plan. "Look, Harry, who would I have to see to apply for that internship down at the Auror's office? I was thinking about going by tomorrow."

"What do you mean she left?" Harry and Malfoy said in unison.

"Umm," I cleared my throat, "she went to take care of some things." I didn't know if I should say anything with Malfoy around. Her parents' whereabouts were top secret.

"When's she coming back?" Harry asked through a mouthful of cookie.

"Umm," I cleared my throat again, "don't know, exactly. Maybe a few months." All movement stopped and they both just stared at me.

"Ron, I thought you were going to fix things," Harry said. Malfoy just looked—well he looked depressed.

"This is how we're fixing it. She's in search of something she misplaced and I'm going to make something of myself," I repeated hoping the more I said it the more it'd come to pass. They both continued to stare at me. "Look, it was her idea!" I was starting to get upset. "I had to let her go."

"Well, are you going to hear from her?" Harry asked. I didn't know.

"It's Hermione," Malfoy piped up, "if she wants to communicate, then she will." He looked at his empty plate. "I sure hope you know what you're doing, Weasley. That girl means a lot, to a lot of people." Harry shifted his gaze to Malfoy and we both stared at him. Never in a million lunar calendars would I have imagined those words tumbling from Malfoy's mouth about the girl he used to call "Mudblood." The war had changed him; and he was...nicer? Not really.

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing!" I finally said showing a little emotion. "But she does," I said more quietly. "And she said that we both have things to do and this is the best time to do them." We were all quiet for a few moments, probably all contemplating what she meant to us. She was the driving force in my life; a constant reminder that there is always something to be done. I could see her being the same for the other two as well.

"Yeah. Tomorrow'll be great to come down to the office, Ron. What time should we expect you?" Harry asked me seeming to fully understand my need.

"Nine o'clock. I'll be there at nine," I replied. I figured I get there right as the day began and make a good impression. I already had my hair cut, thanks to mum.

"Come on, then," Harry said to the both of us.

"Where are we going?" Malfoy asked getting up from the table like Harry's will controlled his.

"We're going to see if she left us any instructions. If she's going to be gone for an extended period of time, she had expectations for each of us. Hermione would never pass up a chance to be bossy," Harry smirked. That seemed to cheer Malfoy up a bit.

"Let's just go straight to her kitchen," Harry said. "Then we don't risk Malfoy's discovery any more than necessary." I didn't know what that meant, but I agreed. I sent the dishes to the sink to be cleaned while Malfoy and Harry disapparated.

When I appeared in Hermione's kitchen Harry handed me a scroll with my name on it. Malfoy was already reading his with a smile. I unrolled mine:

Ron,

I'm not asking you, or expecting you, to be anything other than what you are. Our lives have been defined by dark powers and we worked very hard to ensure the world was not overtaken. You were a part of that, Ronald. You brought your own special gifts and insights to that war and we triumphed. It's time you see what the rest of us do. I love you and that is not going to change over time and distance. You need to know that, too. Take care and I'll send word, as soon as I'm settled and know where I'll be staying. I love you.

Always, 'Mione

I knew she was right. I had to find my own worth. I had a feeling this was going to be harder than I expected, but we'd survived so much more. Surely we could weather this, too. We would.

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