There is only one more chapter after this and let me warn you: the story doesn't really end. It just stops. And the hiatus that I said I would be on will be shorted than I thought. R&R – Alice xoxo ps, I meant to make this chapter have angst, but I'm not really sure if it does.

Chapter 6:

I thought that everything would go back to normal. Like nothing had happened. We went back into the apartment and Jasper made us some dinner. The only thing that changed was that I didn't put up a fight.

We ate quietly and Jasper went into his room. I went to the bathroom and had an urge to cut myself. I don't know where it came from. But I haven't done that in days.

Even so, I found a pair of scissors in the bathroom and dragged the tool across my wrist. But in a different way, I didn't make a line like I normally did, what if first thought was a design, turned out to look like something that read J+A. Where did that come from?

I cleaned up my mess of blood and went back out to go lay down on the couch. On my way out, I heard Jasper playing his keyboard in his room. Like he was playing around with the notes. Either he was writing a song or he didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

Wow. When was the last time I said 'fuck'? Something was wrong about me. Something has changed…

I couldn't sleep at all that night. I probably only got 3 or so hours. I knew Jasper didn't sleep, either. I heard him playing both his guitar and keyboard thought the night. It got better and better, and soon, it was a tune that I was unfamiliar with. He played that over and over on both the guitar and keyboard, until eventually, I fell asleep…

There was a note for me again when I woke up in the morning. Alice, it said, I'm at work. I'll call you on my break and I'll be home for lunch. – Jasper.

That was it. Nothing about keeping the door locked. Nothing about not going out. Nothing about getting something to eat. It almost was a message for himself, to remember what to do.

Something wasn't right. I was almost happy here but now I'm… Change was coming, I could feel it.

The ringing phone pulls me from my thoughts. I glance over at the clock before answering. It says its 10:07. It has to be Jasper.

I pick u the hone. "Hello," I say into it tiredly.

"Alice," It's Jasper's voice, I know that. But something about it seems wrong. "Are you ok?"

I sigh. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes. "I don't know. You just sound kind of…" His voice trailed off and I wanted to say something to fill the silence, but there was nothing to say. "Well, I should go…"

"Bye," I whispered.

"I lo – I'll cya – I'll be home for lunch soon," he stuttered before the line cut off. There it was again. He'd almost said he loved me.

I almost couldn't believe it. He couldn't love me. I was not worth loving. Bella'd said she loved me and she kicked me out. My mom said she loved me but she nearly killed me. My dad said he loved me but he and his friends all used me for my body. I grew up learning that love leads to pain. I couldn't let Jasper love me because he'd probably end up hurting me.

But that's impossible though. I couldn't not let Jasper love me. It was inevitable. Love is inevitable. It just happens. Like everything else in the world.

When Jasper comes home for lunch, not only does he only stay for a few minutes – when he has about 15 – but he also doesn't look at me directly. As if I wasn't wearing any clothes and he doesn't want me to catch him staring.

The last thing he says before he leaves as that 'we need to talk' when he gets home. Those are the four most hateful words in the English speaking language.

I wait for three hours for him to come home. Part of me considered getting all my stuff ready, in case he wants to kick me out. The past few days have probably been boring for him. I haven't done much and I'm taking up most of his space.

Jasper finally does get home and when he does, I'm in the same spot that I was in when he left.

"Alice," he says nervously, "I really need to talk to you." He takes my hand and starts leading me towards his room. I hesitate. "What's the matter?"

"I know what you're going to say. You're sick of me living here and want me to go back to Bella's house," I whisper shakily. I wasn't going to cry, I told myself.

Jasper just smiled for the first time that day and I could feel the tears sting at my eyes. Tears of frustration. He's about to kick me out and he's smiling? Is he really that excided to let me go. He tries again to pull towards his room, whispering, "Common, Alice," and smiling.

I fallow him as he takes me into his room, he has this nervous smile on his face and I'm about ready to slap him. Instead, he picks me up and sets me in the middle of the bed like I'm a little kid or something.

"Ok, before we talk, Alice, I wrote you a song," he said. I blush about fifteen shades of red, "would you like for me to play it on the guitar or keyboard?"

So that's what he was doing all night that kept me awake. "Uhmm," I say. My voice really high, "The keyboard, I guess."

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek before getting up and going over to the keyboard where he proceeds to play the piece that I heard him working on all night. It's sweet. Romantic.

When Jasper comes back over to sit next to me, he has to wipe the tears away in order for me to see him.

"That was…wow," I say, blushing and looking down. "That was really sweet. Why did you do that, Jasper?"

He takes my hand before speaking. "Alice. Remember yesterday on the way home from that mall, and you kissed me?" I nod and he looks down. "Well that's the only thing I've been able to think about for the past I don't know how long. I couldn't sleep last night so I had to write it out. And also – call me crazy – I think that I'm possibly falling in love with you."

Jasper looks up at me, expecting to see me crying or smiling or whatever girls do when boys tell them they love her. But I'm defiantly not smiling. And if there are tears in my eyes, they're because of anger. His smile eventually fades when he notices my expression.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

"Do you know what love equals? Pain, Jasper. Love is pain. Did you know that everyone who has told me they loved me, has hurt me? I told you what my parents did to me. After they said they love me. Bella said she loved me and she fucking kicked me out." By the time I'm done talking, I'm crying. Jasper pulls me close and brushes the tears off my cheek.

"You don't have to love me Alice. But I'm not going to stop. And I wont hurt you. Ever. I promise," He said, kissing my hair often.

"I didn't say I didn't want to love you. I said you can't love me."

"I can't help how I feel, Alice. And if I want to love you, I think I have the right to. I promise I wont hurt you. Ever."

There's nothing I can say, so I just lift the sleeve up on my shirt and show him the scar that I created yesterday. J+A. I now know what it means. Jasper and Alice.

"I love you," I whisper as Jasper kisses me passionately. He plays with the edge of my shirt, unsure if I want him to take it of me or not. I let him.

His finger traces my belly button as he whispers, "We don't have to do anything, Alice. You don't have to prove that you love me. I believe you."

I sigh nervously, "I-I want to," I whisper before kissing him

--

I wake up in Jasper's bed to the phone ringing. Something about it seems ominous.

"Who is it?" Jasper asks, only half awake. I roll out of bed and put my panties on quickly along with Jasper's shirt that's on the floor.

"I don't know," I answer him as I leave the room. I made it to the phone just as the answering machine comes on. "Hello?" I say into it.

"Uhmm, yeah, is Jasper there?" The girl's voice answers.

"No. Well, yes he IS here but he's sleeping," I say even though he just entered the room. "Who is this?"

"I'm Maria. His girlfriend."