Adam is frozen, his body locked ontop of the blonde boy beneath him.
The boy looks around confused, still drunk from the club, he only can
loll his head back onto the arm of the couch looking quite pathetic.
Tommy doesn't say anything...no tears are shed...just cold dead eyes
piercing straight through Adam's tortured soul. He is unable to move
or even breathe.
"What are you doing here?" 'you idiot, he missed you and here you are
about to fuck some whore' Adam mentally dictates himself. He knows
that what he was about to was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to
care at the moment.
"I...I..don't know...I'm clearly not welcome here anymore..." with
each word another bullet is shot straight through Adams shattered
heart. He could see the death in Tommys eyes and to be honest, it
scared him. Enough to snap him out of his drunken state and give him
the ability to remove himself from the couch. The boy just slumps off
the couch with a thudd. How pathetic... Gabbing like the drunken idiot
he was, he grabs his shirt and exits the apartment. Shooting the
petrified Tommy a smirk before walking out the door. That boy had some
nerve!
Tommy let's out a shakey sigh, setting down the small bag he was
carrying-looked as though it came from a gift shop or some small
boutique. He slowly closes the door. Leaving his shakey hand on the
handle, Tommy refuses to look at the eyes of the cheating man now
standing in the middle of the living room before him. He couldn't bare
to make eye contact with the man that just cheated on him with some
drunken floozey on the same couch him and Adam had almost made love on
not 3 hours ago.
"Im going home. Your not who I remember. Your not the Adam Lambert i
fell inlove with in highschool. Your some emo drunken junkie." Oh how
Tommy hated labels..but no other words could describe the singer at
this point. "Sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll, huh? Guess it comes in
some sort of bubble deal. You get one, you get all of them." It
destroyed him to speak those words to the love of his life. None of
which he meant. He knew he didn't mean what he said. Oh how he wanted
to take Adam into his arms, hold him, and kiss him, telling him that
it's alright. That he forgives him & they can overcome this. But
something inside Tommy restrains him from doing so. Resulting in the
death of what could have been.
Adam slowly makes his way over to his boyfriend...or ex-boyfriend now,
he assumes. The pain in Tommys voice could bring the strongest man
down to his knees from an aching heart. Words like poison no less.
The reality of what Adam had just done began to kick him in the balls
as the high from the heroine and the beers from the club began to wear
off. Fuck, he really fucked things up now...no way was Tommy gonna
want to stay..let alone forgive him. No point in apologizing. It
wouldn't make a difference. Adam had come to terms with the fact that
he ruined any future he had with his former high school sweetheart.
'Wow, Adam. Fucked your whole future up in less than 24 hours...that
must be a new world record' banters his little mental demon. The
bastard was getting on Adams nerves. Mostly because he knew he was
right...
"I won't stop you." Adam blantly says. All the alcohol free from his
speech. 'Stop him! Beg him to forgive you. Don't let him walk out of
your life again!' battles that blasted demon again. He really needs to
make up his damn mind.
"Very well then...if this is how it's gonna be...I'm sorry I ever came
out here. I'm sorry I tattered your Rock Star lifestyle. I'm sorry I
ever saw your battle scars."
Battle scars? Adam never thought of them that way. And now that he
does, it makes sense. He began cutting and shooting up to deviate
himself away from the battle of getting over the fact that Tommy was
no longer apart of his life and that he had to move on with his life
if he ever wanted to amount to anything. A battle he never won. A
battle he is still fighting. A battle that he is currently losing.
"Goodbye, Adam..." Tommy opens the door, leaving the forgotten bag on
the floor, and walks out of Adams life for the second time.
Adam couldn't move. Couldnt speak. Couldn't breathe. Did he just let
Tommy walk out on him again? Without even stopping him? Without even
trying to mend things together? Wow, he really was a failure at life.
"No amount of money, fame, or sex you have in your life, it don't
meant shit unless it's connected with love." (yes, I quoted Adam...it
fit perfectly).
What was he to do now? He had no boyfriend, no bassist for the band-
who gives a fuck about the band? His life is meaningless without his
Tommy. He has no reason to continue walking this earth without the
love of his life beside him. Might as well end it now. What good is he
to anyone?
Adam stumbles his way to his bathroom. Rumaging through the cabinet
beneath the sink, insearch of his little box of goodies. Ah...the pot
of gold. The treasure chest. The box in which Adam vicariously finds
his sanity.
Adam sets the box down next to the sink, and grips the edge. Knuckles
white, fingers clenching and unclenching. Bloody decorated wrists
trembling. He looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection laughing
at him. Mocking the once beautiful man. He now looked pathetic.
Useless. Good for nothing. Pure, utter trash. He really would be
better off dead...atleast he would be doing the world a favor by
ridding such a disturbing presence.