It was three weeks after the Pontmercy's had returned from the seaside, and Cosette's pregnancy was confirmed. It was in a very early stage, but she was a very healthy woman, so there shouldn't be any problems. She scarcely drank anyway, so giving up wine at dinner was not a problem. Everyone in the house doted on Cosette, and they forbid her from doing anything trying. It would be the first child in this house since Marius, and Grandfather was especially thrilled.

Marius, for his part, was paying even more attention to Cosette than usual. He was making every effort to find the very best doctor for her, and was even spending time reading about having children. Cosette had gone into his study to tidy up and found the stack of books on his desk… when she asked him about them, he had responded by telling her "Well… neither of us had a mother and I never really had a father, so… I guess I wanted us to be prepared."

She reacted by burying her face in his chest. She was so glad he was doing this, and he seemed so excited by being a father. He was always remarking on it. Cosette tried not to admit that she was terrified, though she hated herself for it.

It wasn't that she didn't want children, especially Marius' children. No, it was that she felt that upon hearing that she was pregnant, her whole world had burst into some rehearsed dance that she didn't know. Even Marius, who had had less parenting than she, seemed to know what to do. She knew she should be happy. And she was happy; she loved her life. She had a lover she adored, who also happened to be her husband. And he loved her back. She lived in a beautiful home and was pregnant with her first child. To top it all off, her husband was taking interest in the pregnancy and wanted to make sure it was all done right. She knew enough about men to know that this didn't happen often. All this made her so joyful that tears even came to her eyes sometimes just thinking about it.

But still she was terrified. Sometimes she was excited, imagining being a mother. It was something she had always wanted, and when she met Marius, she had barely allowed herself to think about it. But in the back of her mind she had wanted to raise a family with him since they had met. She could see herself nursing a baby, and talking him for walks in the park on a sunny day. She could see dressing up her child, teaching him to walk, talk, and even read; but she didn't know how to get there.

Marius knew something was wrong. He frequently asked her to tell him what was bothering her, and she always said something dismissive, such as "Oh, I'm just tired," or, "I just can't believe we're to have a baby!" She had heard that pregnant women were supposed to be emotional and have mood swings. She knew these feelings weren't caused by that; she hoped that Marius didn't dismiss them that way.

Was she a terrible person for not jumping into this like everyone else? One night she just couldn't stand it anymore. She was alone in the living room, reading a book, feeling as overwhelmed as she usually did, but this time she started to cry. She clutched the book to her chest like it was something more precious than gold, and wept. I don't know what to do. I'm going to be a terrible mother, she thought.

The clock struck eleven then, and she stood up, wiped her tears, and walked gracefully upstairs. She didn't know where Marius was, but she changed into her nightgown and lay down in bed. She couldn't stop her tears from flowing again, and as she tried to wipe them away she only felt more come down. She hadn't heard Marius come in, but he was standing near the door watching her. She continued crying softly. Cosette, you need to stop this, she tried to tell herself, but, as she did, she only thought of more reasons to cry. I'm so scared… I don't know what to do!

Marius walked over and lay down next to her. She gave a start upon feeling the bed move, and quickly wiped away her tears.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you come in-"she tried to say, but he stopped her. Marius didn't really know what was wrong or how to help, but he tried anyway. He put his arms around her in the way he knew she liked best.

"Ok, my love, you have to tell me what's wrong." She hesitated for a minute, then just let out a sob. She turned and buried her face in his chest and cried for a solid ten minutes. Marius was very confused, and desperate to know what was wrong. He had seen how upset she was in the past weeks, and he knew it had to do with the fact that she was pregnant. But that didn't really give him much information. He just waited for her to cry herself out and rubbed her back. Finally she looked up with red eyes and very wet cheeks.

"Marius, I'm scared. I don't know what to do- I've never had a mother, you know that, and I have no idea how to be one. Everyone around me is bustling about doing things, and I have no idea what to do! Everyone seems to know what to do. Everyone's so excited. They all think I'm going to be some wonderful mother. You think I'm going to be a wonderful mother. How can I be? I don't even remember mine! Marius, I do want this. I love you. Please don't think I don't want a child, because that's not true," she said, wanting to make sure he understood. "But I am out of my mind afraid that I'm going to do something to hurt him," her words were becoming jumbled through her sobs. Marius wanted to interrupt her, but he sensed that she needed to get this out. "There's all this… pressure. Everyone doting on me, and Grandfather is so excited. And… you. I know how you feel about this baby. And seeing that… seeing that makes me feel so safe, and yet also even more afraid. Because I know that it will kill me if I do this wrong. But now I know that it will kill you, too."

"Oh, Cosette." He couldn't speak for a moment, and just held her tighter. He hadn't known that she felt that way, but she had most of it wrong. No one in this house knew what they were doing; and God knows he was as afraid as she was. But Marius was always better at hiding his emotions than Cosette, which wasn't necessarily a good thing. "Darling… You will be a wonderful mother. I can tell. Cosette, I'm just as afraid as you are. I've grown up with my grandfather as my only father figure. He was the coldest, most judgmental person to grow up with. I was afraid of him. And I don't want to be like that. I don't want our child to have to run away from home and live like a beggar for years because they're afraid of me. And I don't think they will. But I have no idea what to do, either, Cosette. And I don't think anyone does, the first time they have children! I guess we'll just have to do our best. But you, you'll be fine. You're the most patient person I've ever met, and so very kind. You mustn't worry."

She smiled and rolled over again to hide her face. She was feeling better, more from telling Marius her feelings than from anything he'd said.

"I guess you're right," she sighed, then yawned. She lay there for a few minutes, and Marius' mind wandered. He thought about growing up in this house, and how much he had resented living here. And then he thought of living here now, and how happy he was, all because of who lived here. I guess perceptions can change, he thought, then looked down, about to say something to Cosette. But then he realized she had already fallen asleep.

OK, please review when you read this! Lemme know your thoughts, I would appreciate it!