Saturday, 4/25/12, Shirogane Estate, Evening

*click*

*click

*click*

Naoto let the bright bulb blind her for a few seconds, hoping that this new sensation might jar her out of the malaise that had overtaken her for the past twenty four hours. No such luck.

She had been laying in her desk chair, tugging on the swinging chain of her desk lamp, clicking it on and off for what felt like hours, trying her hardest to control the tempest of thoughts buzzing in her head. It was only when Yakushiji ducked his head into her room and said something that her mind broke away for a mere moment. Even then, she gave an autopilot response, just something to get him out of the room so she could continue to obsess over this new problem in her life.

Only a day had passed since Rise confessed her secret to her in Okina, but it had only taken that one day to completely consume Naoto from the inside out.

Her stomach hurt just to think of it: ""H-he confessed to me! T-that he liked me! Like like-liked me!." A knife twisting in her guts may have been more pleasant to think about. It had been so all-consuming that she couldn't even muster up the will to do anything else. All she had done was throw on a nice white shirt and some slacks, as if that would somehow imply she had been productive for the day.

Why did this feel so...wrong? It's not like it was an earth shattering revelation; close friends entered relationships all the time, especially those who endure traumatic or bonding experiences together over a long period of time. It made perfect sense: Rise, the starlet, the pretty idol, with the mysterious handsome outsider who could do no wrong. Perfect, except that it made her physically ill.

She stood up from her chair, rubbing her face and trying to make sense of it all. Narukami was a great friend, Rise was a great friend, and she should be happy that they had found happiness in each other. She repeated it over and over in her head as if that would convince her to accept the fact. It wasn't working.

Her overactive imagination conjured up an image of Narukami, like a magic mirror. Steel hair that matched steel eyes boring a hole into her very soul. They weren't angry eyes, or inquisitive, but blank, waiting to hear whatever it was she had to say. Kind eyes, eyes that didn't judge her for who she was and accepted her for her, be it man or woman, child or adult.

With memories of him came even more of the times they had spent together solving a case she had been lured into late last year. She thought of their final breakthrough in the case, how quickly he was willing to leap in front of the faux knife that an apparent madman (actually a disguised Yakushiji) had pulled. His eagerness to protect her...that had to mean something, didn't it?

Annoyed, she glanced to the side of her room and saw the wardrobe door ajar; she had probably been too distracted to close it when she had gotten dressed. The oddly out-of-place wardrobe had been her Grandfather's choice; he had always had a taste for older, Victorian-era décor, and this was one of his more eccentric choices. Naoto hadn't minded, since it was very spacious and wide and accommodated her unique choice of clothing very adequately. One of the nicer things about the old wardrobe was the mirror attached to the back of the left door, which immediately let her see how she was going to look before she got too comfortable.

As she looked at the open door, the mirror reflected her in the low light of the room. Slowly approaching it, she took a good hard look at what she saw.

Normally, Naoto was usually only upset that her body was small and ill-suited to more rugged work, but now she couldn't help but view it with a different, more harsh lens. Her legs were short and unappealing, always fully concealed compared to the thousands of bare legs one could see at her high school. Even if she were to show them off, she doubted that her skinny stems would be enough to really attract anyone. Her hips were bony, not exactly something anyone would notice if they were to look at her. As always, her true chest was concealed, leaving a sort of formless shape to her torso that was tightly compressed beneath layers of clothing. Even without the binder, Naoto's breasts were inconspicuous, certainly way less developed than her fellow senpai and Rise.

The self flagellation continued the further she moved her gaze up. Her arms were scrawny and lacked definition, looking like they may crack if squeezed hard enough. She stopped looking at the mirror and gazed down at her hands, grimacing at what she saw. Dainty, long fingers that would have been beautiful if not for the calluses from years of tinkering and crafting. She ran a hand across her cheek, noting the sandpaper-like consistency of her well-worn palm.

That just left her face. Considering the way she dressed, It was difficult to distinguish, just from her face, that Naoto was a girl at all. Her eyes were a muddy grey with a thick and heavy brow leaning slightly down in a sort of permanent, severe look. Thin and pallid cheeks hung over a pointed chin, and her jaw was unusually sharp. Not a hint of makeup or other beauty product was to be found, which meant nothing was disguising the bags under her eyes or the hints of acne cropping up around her cheeks. Her hair was short, shaggy, and unkempt, its thickness and luster disguised by the flat shape it retained after wearing her hat for so long.

It was normally a point of pride that she could look in such a way that her features were neutral gendered, but now it seemed more like a crippling weakness than ever. Naturally, she compared herself to Rise, who may as well have been sculpted from clay; Naoto found it tough to admit, but Rise Kujikawa was, by any aesthetical lens, gorgeous. She had clearly blossomed young, and her curves were thick and full even in her adolescence. A gifted touch with mascara, lipstick and blush made her face look like she had just walked off a photo shoot and into the real world. Her hair, long and flowing, almost always had little ringlets in it as if to maximize her cuteness. She smelled of jasmine, a perfume that almost seemed to follow her like an overzealous cloud. Even the way she talked and laughed was cherubic, like someone had gone into a laboratory and discovered the concoction to make someone beautiful and appealing and just inserted that into a perfect android body. She could have had any boy she wanted, yet she just had to have Narukami, the one boy in Naoto's life who didn't seem to hyper-focus on outside appearances.

More memories came flooding back in. The detective couldn't help but remember a time during the Phantom Thief investigation when she and Yu had found an old watch she had made as a child. The watch had made her nostalgic for days gone, but also sadness at the fact that all of her childhood antics were so boyish. Yu had said something so profound that it still echoed in her mind:

"Why...? Why couldn't I have been born male...? It would have been much easier for me... I could have done what I wanted..."

"Naoto-kun, your gender doesn't matter; what you are matters. Regardless of how you were born, we all have the right to live our life the way we want. Can't you see that?"

Knowing that she was still ignoring Narukami's advice made Naoto hiss angrily and slam shut the door of the wardrobe, causing the whole thing to shake. She was getting upset, trying her best to control her breathing. In a last ditch effort, Naoto attempted her exercises, hoping that it would calm her down. She took a neutral, strong stance and started deep in her diaphragm, sucking in the first bit of air and feeling her stomach expand. The first breath came strong, almost euphoric. As she gathered the next breath, yet another memory began to play in her mind, grainy and fuzzy like the Midnight Channel.

"Rrrgh...you're always like that! I can't imagine becoming a woman only to have a man protect me!"

"I-I'm sorry, Naoto."

"And yet...you always...Why!?"

"Because we're friends! And...I'm not gonna let you get hurt because of me. I'd...I'd die before I let that happen!"

The scene barreled through her senses like a freight train. This was during their final outing with the mysterious Phantom Thief, just after Yu had seemingly offered to take a knife for Naoto. Stupid, senseless, imbecilic...and yet so endearing. Her breath caught in her nasal passage, and she coughed a bit before attempting another one. The breaths came harder, and it was taking all of her concentration just to power through it. She breathed a sigh of relief that she had left her binder off, as it would have just impeded her breathing even more. While she was doing that, her mind again flickered back to the past, drudging up a moment that she and Yu had shared on the hills overlooking Inaba not long before he departed.

"I'm really glad I came to this town, Narukami-senpai..."

"I'm glad you did too, Naoto-kun. This place really seems special."

"Indeed. Everyone here has been so great! But I must admit, when I'm with you, I become scared..."

"Heh, I didn't think you got scared that often, detective."

"Mm, I try not to...but, sometimes, I get scared that the instant I admit the truth, everything will spill out..."

This time, Naoto full on sputtered, putting her hands on her chest and taking some fresh air. She slammed a fist on her desk; it was almost physically painful to remember that particular moment. She had come this close to telling Narukami how she truly felt, but had faltered at the moment of truth, like a coward. Between that and the latent feelings about what gender really was to her, Naoto felt like she was sinking back to her old ways, of being paralyzed by the fear of wanting to change but also wanting things to stay as they were.

Shaking her head, Naoto sunk back into her favorite chair, her face in her hands. When it came to discovering the key to Naoto's heart, Narukami was like a master detective, or, rather, a thief. It wasn't fair, to steal just her heart. Her desire to see him was almost overpowering, and even if he was arriving very soon, this little kernel of information would change their relationship almost unquestionably, and the detective wasn't sure if she could handle that.

With her intellect and unique infamy, Naoto had often found it difficult to find relationships that came with no strings attached; whether it was her peers wanting to know her just to get answers and rub shoulders with a person they had seen on TV, or police officers who wanted to let her do the footwork and take the credit, it had never been easy for the detective to meet people. For once, it had been relaxing to spend time with someone her age who let her speak and be herself, while also not judging her for the way she presented herself.

Everything used to be so black and white: adult men got to have "cool" jobs like being a detective, and women were destined to be never taken as seriously as their male counterparts. The box that was checked when you were born forever identified you and how you were supposed to think and act. But meeting everyone in Inaba had taught her that maybe not everything is as simple as what it appears on the surface, and it was never too late to change. With Yu's help, Naoto could finally see a world where she was just herself, free of whatever conventions that previously weighed heavily on her soul. It was only natural that she felt an extremely close-knit bond to someone so important to her.

And now it was all slipping away.

The other unfortunate effect of all this was how it made her see Rise. She hadn't lied; Naoto really did consider Rise a very close friend. She may not have been on her intellectual level, and she could be a bit vapid even at the best of times, but there was an underlying sweetness to her personality that the detective found very charming. Much like Yu, she could suss out negative feelings and get Naoto to talk about things she thought she'd never share with anyone else, intimate details that before would have been taboo to even her Grandfather. She had certainly never showed her binder to anyone else, nor had she ever communicated that her thoughts about her gender were still in flux.

But now, Rise had taken from Naoto something that the detective had been desiring on a very deep and personal level, which made it incredibly difficult to feel anything other than intense anger. Was it right to feel this aggression toward Rise, even though she had no idea how much her relationship hurt Naoto? Naoto's brain told her no, but every vein and muscle in her body told her yes, yes, yes.

Still uneasy, she looked at her cell phone, lying motionless near its charger. She had been trying to keep her feelings internalized and hated to burden someone else with her issues, but she realized it may be easier to talk to someone, anyone about this. But who? Of course, Rise would be best, but she was obviously not an option; Naoto was barely sure how she was going to face her on Monday for school, let alone talk to her about her feelings. Who did that leave?

Naoto fashioned a list in her head, ticking off the choices that didn't make much sense. Almost automatically, all of the boys were off the list. Yosuke, Kanji and Teddie were indeed her good friends, but they seemed incredibly misguided when it came to their efforts with the opposite sex. Yosuke and Teddie, in particular, were so ineffective in their efforts that she almost felt sorry for them, and Kanji could barely talk to her without acting oddly.

That left the girls. Rise was out, so her two senpai remained. Chie and Yukiko had both proven over time to be kind and sensitive girls who would do a lot to help their friends and Naoto had no doubt that either would make able listeners, but she realized she should probably stick to just one of them. Logically, Yukiko made the most sense; while Chie was, in a good way, much like an overbearing and protective older sister, Naoto wasn't sure she had much experience in the realm of romance. Yukiko, on the other hand, was almost always denying suitors who approached her at the school gate. Naoto often dealt with the same issue, finding love notes in her shoe locker on a regular basis from both men who were smitten with her and women who were confused about her gender. Most importantly, Yukiko's combination of unabashed naivete and oddball sense of humor had proven to be a potent mixture for honesty, which is what Naoto craved more than anything.

With renewed determination, she grabbed her mobile and quickly scrolled through her contacts, highlighting Yukiko Amagi and firing off a quick text.

"NEED 2 SPEAK WITH U REGARDING URGENT MANNER. MEET JUNES TMRRW Y/N?"

She put her phone down and drummed her fingers on the desk, hoping that Yukiko wasn't having too much of a busy day to respond. Yukiko was in training to become the proprietor of her family's old school establishment, the Amagi inn. This kept her occupied a lot of the time, but she usually always made time to go and see her friends. Sure enough, the phone blinked again after two minutes.

"Sure! We won't be really busy until next weekend, so I have some time. Is everyone coming?"

Naoto grimaced, quickly typing out a response.

"JUST ME. NEED 2 SPEAK 2 U"

Another minute before a reply.

"Alright. I hope everything is okay. I'll see you tomorrow!"

Letting out a sigh of relief, Naoto put her phone down. The easy part went of without a hitch, but the hardest part of her plan was still lying in wait. Her next goal was to figure out how she could relate her woes to Yukiko without being too specific. She had promised Rise that her secret would be theirs alone, and although Rise was now more of a nemesis, a Shirogane's word was unbreakable. She would never betray Rise's trust in her, no matter how much it hurt to bottle those feelings inside of her.

Saturday, 4/25/12, Okina City, Evening

"Still no answer? Shoot!"

Rise grumbled to herself as she strutted down the streets of Okina city. She had just gotten out of a production meeting at the Takura Productions building and was taking a break before she went in to do a voiceover for a commercial. After grabbing a bite to eat, she thought she'd text Naoto and see if she was feeling any better. This was her second attempt with no response.

Annoyed, she bit down on her ruby lower lip and tugged on her tight ponytail. Since she was out and about, she had disguised herself with big sunglasses and worn her hair a different way, and it appeared to be doing the trick so far; it was easier to get lost in a bigger city like Okina than in Inaba. She needed to be alone, too, if only to confront the thoughts that had been plaguing her through her entire day.

Naoto clearly did not like the news that Rise had told her the other day. As soon as they had gotten back, the detective had become strangely withdrawn and distant, hastily bidding Rise goodbye, not even making eye contact. It didn't take someone as smart as her to see that there was something more to her reaction, and Rise was dreading that it was the one thing she had been afraid of most of all.

She had told Naoto her big secret with the hope that it might inspire the shy girl to finish what she had been attempting to say, but Rise may have stumbled upon it herself: Naoto liked Yu. Like-liked him. That would be the only thing that Rise could think of that would have stunned the detective into such a silence. The telltale signs were all there, just like they had been with Yukiko when Rise had talked to her about the same subject.

This revelation made Rise's heart heavy. Seeing Naoto so vulnerable and clearly conflicted about her own self-esteem made Rise think that knowing the truth could be potentially devastating to the little detective. How was it possible that she could run into the same situation with Naoto that she had with Yukiko?! Rise rubbed her head, feeling a stress headache coming on. Maybe, hopefully, it was all a total misunderstanding...but then again, maybe it wasn't.

This was definitely not the time to add more to her social life, either. Not only was her boyfriend going to visit after a few months away, but it was time to start ramping up production on her comeback album, too. The meeting she had been in earlier was about nailing down the logistics of the album: length, tracks, who might be producing, projected release date, etc. Rise had made the decision to contribute at least one song of her own to the new album in order to emphasize a change in direction, which her team was more than willing to work with her on. This meant that her time was going to start being pretty limited, and having the stress of worrying about Naoto in addition to the struggles of being back in the recording studio again was not meshing well. Her heart tended to side with helping Naoto, however, since she wasn't sure she could deal with the emotional fallout of actively losing a friend.

This anxiety had plagued Rise even before her career as an idol singer. As a child, she was soft-spoken and weak, unable to fight back against the bullies that would relentlessly tease her. Music and singing had been a nice escape; she never dreamed it would lead her to the life she was living currently. But even more than being able to live her creative dreams as reality, she wanted a best friend. Someone that she could call any time of day and they would answer, whom could talk her through her lowest points, and lend her strength when she couldn't find anymore. Yu was this, in many ways, but he was so far away and would be for the near future. Each friend from Yasogami High fit the bill in their own way, but so far, none could replace what Yu gave to her, and she felt she was this close to achieving it with Naoto.

Sighing heavily, she took off her sunglasses and rubbed her eyes, wincing at the bright glow of the setting sun. She had been up and at it since seven o'clock that morning and was feeling rather worn out. As she was setting her sunglasses back on, she noticed she had stopped, coincidentally, right in front of Croco Fur. The cogs in her mind began to whir as she quickly whipped out her cell phone and checked the time; she still had about ten minutes. Quickly, she ran into the store, hoping that the plan brewing in her mind would be enough to save her friendship.