Are you tired of me yet telling you how awesome you are? Well, I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. And I can't stop thanking everyone either for reading and taking the time to comment on this story. Thank you and you're awesome!
…
He's a dick. He tells himself this again and again as if he has to remind himself of it though it's really the only thing he knows anymore. He's a Dixon and he's a dick and that's just the way things are. And Beth might not realize that right now but the sooner she does, the better off she'll be. One day, she'll look back and realize how relieved she is about the whole thing; that he pushed her away and kept her away and forced her to move on. She doesn't see it now but her life will be so much better in the long run.
So why the hell is he jealous? He figures that's what it is. He's been jealous enough times in his life but that was always when he was younger and directed towards other kids his age. Jealous of their moms and dads and bikes and toys and nice homes and perfect lives. He's never been jealous of a man before because of a girl. And Daryl's figuring it's jealousy because every time he sees Spencer, he has the strongest urge to punch the guy in the face.
And that makes absolutely no sense to him because why hell should he be jealous? Beth giving her attention to some other guy besides him is exactly what he wants. She was getting an obvious crush on him and Daryl wanted that to stop before anything could happen because why the hell should that girl have a crush on him? She may not see it but he did her a favor being a dick to her and basically pushing her towards someone like Spencer. The guy is boring, a little bland, but he seems good enough. Daryl admits that he's tried to get a feel for him and he gets no alarm bells going off when he's around the guy.
Wanting to punch the guy in the face just must be a natural reaction when seeing him around Beth because… Daryl actually has no idea. Why would it be a natural reaction? He shouldn't want to punch the guy. He may be a dick but he's not the sort to just go around, punching people he doesn't care for. That's more like Merle. That's never been Daryl.
There's no reason to want to punch Spencer.
Except that he gets Beth to smile. That can get Daryl's blood boiling.
He doesn't know why it would though.
…
He adopts the black cat.
He and Martinez had headed over to the animal shelter on their lunch break because Martinez's kids keep bugging him for a dog and he wants to go look to see what the shelter has available. Daryl's not sure what it is but he sees the cat, too skinny and too scared to be around so many people and other animals, and Daryl looks at that cat and thinks that maybe they have something in common.
"You're the first person that cat lets pick up," Lori Grimes smiles at him.
And that settles it. He pays the fifteen dollar adoption fee and buys the cat a collar and food and a couple of bowls and kitty litter and Lori tells him that the cat will be waiting for him after work.
The shelter had named the cat Morris and Daryl thinks that's a good enough name because he doesn't know what the hell else to name him.
"What the hell is that?" Merle asks from his spot on the couch when Daryl walks through the door that evening, Morris in his arms and everything else he bought for the cat in a bag hanging from his hand.
"What the hell it look like?" Daryl asks back and then promptly ignores his brother as he takes Morris into the kitchen to fill the bowls with some of the food and fresh water.
He sighs at the sight of the ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts on the table and the collection of beer cans – empty and crushed – on the counter. Merle is a slob. No way around that. He's never had an issue with living in his own filth. Just like their old man. But Daryl keeps that thought to himself. A sure way to a black eye is calling his brother anything close to Will Dixon. Daryl isn't the only one who hates their dad and he's not the only one with scars.
So, Daryl keeps quiet and he gets the cat something to eat and then begins cleaning the kitchen. He thinks of Beth's kitchen. The kitchens in these apartments aren't anything special. Small and simple and Daryl's cabinets are empty except for two plastic cups and two plastic plates that he had bought at the dollar store and a drawer of plastic utensils saved from the various nights he's gotten carry-out from somewhere. And he has one lone dishtowel hanging over the bar handle on the stove, one pot in the cabinet he can boil water in and one spoon to stir. He's never needed much more than that.
But he thinks of Beth's kitchen with her real plates and glasses and real silverware and her yellow fancy mixer on the counter and jars on the counter filled with pasta and sugar and salt and flour and cookies and the large canister she has filled with all sorts of cooking utensils. Her kitchen is all white with shades of yellow mixed in and he thinks that he could probably just sit on one of the stools at the counter for hours and watch her move around that kitchen.
But something like that ain't never gonna happen and he knows it, he tells himself as he picks up the ashtray and turns it over, emptying all of the butts into the trashcan, followed by all of the beer cans. He then drags the trashcan over to the refrigerator and begins getting rid of anything in there that smells a little off.
Morris is done with his food now and he's silent but Daryl can feel his eyes on him as he sits there, staring at him. Daryl turns his head to look at the cat – now his cat from over his shoulder.
"What?" He asks as if he's expecting Morris to answer.
The cat just blinks at him.
Daryl turns back to the refrigerator.
"I'm headin' out," Merle says, already opening the front door. "Have fun with your new friend." And then he leaves, the door closing behind him before Daryl can ask where he's going or what he's going to be doing – not that Daryl was planning on asking.
Daryl isn't Merle's babysitter. It took him a long time to learn that and he's got it good here. A good job and a good place to live and Merle just isn't the sort to want those things, too. And it's weird but Merle seems to know that about Daryl and has stopped asking him to always come along with him. Although he takes a lot of Merle on as his responsibility, at the end of the day, Daryl knows that Merle does whatever the hell Merle wants to do and nothing Daryl does can stop him.
"You need to put that kid on a damn leash," Daryl hears his brother growl from the hallway and in a second, Daryl's sprung up and goes to open the door to look out into the hall.
Sure enough, Beth, Matty and Merle are all there, Merle glaring at them both before heading down the stairs. Matty looks frightened for a moment but then he sees Daryl standing in the open doorway and his grin is instant.
"Hi, Daryl!" The kid greets him excitedly, Merle completely forgotten.
Beth only glances at him for a second before going to her own door, unlocking it.
"Hey, Matty," Daryl greets him with a little twitch of his lips.
He then looks to Beth. She's holding a brown paper bag in the crook of her arm and he knows she's going to go inside and start getting dinner ready. It's none of his business but he can't help but wonder what she's going to be making tonight. He thinks he's probably going to order in some Chinese.
He thinks of Amy for a second. Amy is nice and everything but she thinks she's his girlfriend or something. She's a little too clingy for only being a girl he's slept with a couple of times and he's promised her nothing and definitely hasn't called her his girlfriend.
That first morning waking up with her next to him in his bed, he had looked at Amy and had confused her for Beth before he quickly realized his mistake and every time since then, when he looks at Beth, deep down he knows that no one can be compared to this girl. There's just something about her. There's some sort of invisible aura of goodness and light that surrounds her and he's never seen or experienced anything like that in his life before. he's never met anyone like her before and he wonders – for split seconds at a time – how it would have been if he hadn't pushed her away after that kiss in the waiting room of the urgent care; if he would have had goodness and light in his life by now, too.
Of course, he knows it's useless to think about things like that. He made a decision – the right decision – and went through with it and now there's no point in thinking of what ifs.
"Come on, Matty. Let's get dinner ready," Beth says as he expected and she opens the door wider for Matty to go running through into their apartment.
Daryl expects her to turn into the apartment without saying a word to him but instead, she lingers there for a moment and he can see on her face that she's debating something with herself. She then turns herself enough to be able to look at him.
"Would you like to come over for dinner?" She then asks him and it takes a lot to surprise him but Daryl admits that this girl has just knocked him over with that invitation.
"You sure you wan' me to come?" He asks and as soon as he hears the question, he almost wants to slap himself. Why ask her that and give her the chance to back out of it?
Beth doesn't stop and pause though. She nods her head. "If you like tuna, you can come in."
Daryl likes tuna. And hell, even if he didn't, he won't turn down a chance for dinner.
Not with them.
…
He's not sure why she does it but she starts inviting him over at least three times a week. Sometimes, it's just the three of them – him, Beth and Matty – but sometimes, Spencer is there, too. Those are never the most comfortable dinners with Daryl hardly saying a word as Spencer keeps the conversation going with talks about cases and court that day. If he thinks it's weird that his girlfriend's across the hall neighbor is at dinner with them, he doesn't act like it.
Daryl wonders why it doesn't bother Spencer because he knows that if some guy was coming over to his girlfriend's apartment to eat dinner with her and her kid, he might have a little problem with it. Maybe Spencer is one of those guys who just doesn't get jealous. Or maybe he's an idiot and doesn't realize that a guy should be protective of a girl like Beth.
Not that Spencer has to be protective of Beth – especially because of someone like him. He doesn't want Beth like that. He just likes hanging out with her and the kid. That's alright, right? He may have not wanted to pursue anything with Beth but he did mean it when he told himself that he won't mind if they're friends. But he still doesn't know if she wants to be his friend. She doesn't seem to outright hate him though he knows that Beth isn't the kind of person to hate anything or anyone in this world.
On the nights Spencer isn't over for dinner and it's just the three of them – those are the dinner nights Daryl prefers – he sometimes will bring Morris over, too, which always gets Matty excited and he never seems to want the cat to go back across the hall at the end of the meal, always petting the cat and holding him and trying to play catch with him even though Daryl and Beth both tell him that he's not really a cat who plays fetch.
Beth's in the kitchen, cleaning up after they've eaten, and Matty is in the living room, patting Morris as the cat has contently curled beside him on the couch and they watch television. Daryl looks at them for a moment before taking the plates from the table and carrying them into the kitchen.
"You don't have to help," Beth says as she scoops the leftovers into a Tupperware container but he just shrugs, opening her dishwasher.
"Leas' I can do with you feedin' me like this," he answers.
He then looks to her as she turns and puts the container in the refrigerator and then goes to the table to get the silverware and glasses. She's humming a soft song to herself and there's almost a smile pulling at her lips and if Daryl doesn't know any better, he might start thinking that she's happy that night.
"Why have you been invitin' me over for dinner?" He then can't help but ask.
Beth shrugs, not looking at him as she closes the dishwasher and then begins wiping down the counter with a paper towel. "Too much carryout gets expensive," she says.
Daryl stands there and he's not too sure what to say to that. He guesses Beth's been watching him, though, just like he's been watching her.
…
Merle's definitely up to something but what it is, Daryl has no clue. He just knows that his older brother is out a lot, spending his time with his old buddy, Len, who's also from this area and those two idiots spending so much time together can never be a good thing.
But Daryl doesn't ask. He guesses there's nothing for him to do anyway because Merle does what Merle wants to do and all Daryl can do is wait for the phone call – either from the police or the hospital regarding his idiot brother.
Whatever it is though, Merle doesn't try to drag Daryl into it with him and Daryl's grateful for that. Maybe Merle's finally realized that Daryl's not interested in screwing up this life he's got going for himself here. And maybe Daryl's realized that, too. He's done following his brother around like some sort of puppy.
After driving home from the garage that night, he lingers outside for a few minutes, finishing the cigarette he had lit on the short drive home and once finished, he flicks it into the street before turning, heading into the apartment building.
He stops short in his tracks though when he looks up the stairs. There, sitting on the top one is Beth. He stands there and stares at her for a moment, wondering what the hell she's doing and why she isn't inside her place and wondering where Matty is but then he hears her let out a quiet sniffle and he realizes that she's crying.
Shit. He's really not good with anyone crying and he bets he's completely clueless when it comes to Beth crying. But still… this is Beth crying and she's sitting on the stairs and he can't just walk past her and act like he doesn't see her. It's Beth.
He takes the stairs and slowly, without saying a word to her, he sits down beside her.
Beth doesn't look at him. It's almost as if she's not surprised in the least that he's there.
Her hair is down and curled that evening and she's wearing a dress with flowers all over it. Her feet are bare – her heels off and in her lap – and he wants to tell her how pretty she looks that night but the words clump in his throat. He can't say something like that to her.
She sniffles again and finally lifts her head. She looks ahead though instead of at him.
"Maggie's watching Matty for me. I don't want either of them to see me right now," she says.
Daryl nods and looks at her and doesn't say anything. He waits for her to say something else. And she does after a moment. She sighs softly and looks down to the heels in her lap.
"Spencer's office had just won some big case and they were having a dinner tonight to celebrate. Spencer wanted me to go with him so I did…" she says and Daryl doesn't say a word as he listens to every word that she says.
He wonders if he'll finally have a legitimate reason to punch Spencer in the face.
"I'm not a stupid person. I've never felt stupid. I know I went to culinary school and not college but I'm not stupid. You can't be stupid and be a baker," Beth says and finally turns her head, looking at him. He sees the redness in her eyes and the flush across her cheeks.
"Did they call you stupid?" He asks and he hears how low his voice is. He can already feel the anger bubbling in his stomach at just the possibility of someone insulting Beth like that.
"No. Not really," she shakes her head and then sighs. "Just being in a room with all of them… they've been to these amazing universities and then these amazing law schools… Did you know Spencer's mom is a Congresswoman? I saw more than one of them giving these looks to Spencer as if they're wondering what the hell he's doing, dating someone who's just bakes cupcakes."
"You're not jus' anything," he says firmly. "And if anyone's an idiot, it's Spencer and his friends if they can't see how great you are."
She laughs at that – softly – but it's not a true laugh. It sounds hollow and it hurts his ears.
"You don't think I'm great, Daryl," she then says, her smile gone again.
"Yeah, I do," he mutters softly and he can't blame her for not believing him. After everything he's done – and not done – why should she believe him? "Too great for me," he then says and it's the first time he's ever said something to her that's close to why he did what he did.
Beth is quiet, looking at him, and he almost shifts because she's not saying anything and he doesn't know what he wants her to say but he wishes she wasn't staring at him like that.
And she still doesn't say anything but she leans in and for the first time in what feels like forever, he feels her lips on his cheek.
…
In the back of his mind, Daryl's been waiting for it and the call comes when he's at work.
"Daryl!" Martinez calls out and Daryl walks towards the phone on the wall, wiping his hands on his bandanna.
"Yeah?" He answers.
"Hey, Daryl. It's Sheriff Grimes," the man on the other end of the phone says and Daryl knows that it's something official because if it had just been a regular call, he would have said that it was Rick instead of his fancy title. "Do you think you can come by the station? Maybe at your lunch break?"
"What'd he do?" Daryl says while suppressing a sigh. He's already going over the money he has saved – wondering if it will be enough for bail.
"He and a friend of his were cooking meth in a trailer a bit ways out of town. Exploded today," Rick answers. "Both are fine," he's then quick to add. "But they've been arrested."
Daryl wants to act angry or upset but the truth is, he's not surprised in the least. He knew Merle was up to something and trying to cook his own meth is definitely stupid enough for Merle to try and think he can do.
"Yeah, I'll come by at noon," Daryl says and hangs up the phone.
He loves Merle. He loves him as much as a Dixon is capable of loving anyone and Merle's been the only person he's ever had in his life – even with Merle constantly coming and going again. But the Dixons are nothing if not loyal to one another and even though Daryl thinks Merle is an idiot and this is just another in a long string of idiotic things Merle has attempted to do, he will do anything he can do to help Merle out.
When he gets to the station a few minutes past noon just as he promised, Rick is waiting for him at the front desk and he holds out his hand, Daryl shaking it. Since moving to this town, he's met quite a few people and the Sheriff is one of them.
"He's getting transported up to Atlanta tomorrow morning," Rick tells him as they head towards the back where the jail cells are. "He'll get a date and when the judge hears his case, he'll set bail. If he can't make bail, he'll stay in the jail until his court date," Rick tells Daryl all of this as if Daryl's never had to go through any of this before.
He's not surprised that along with Merle in the holding cell is Len.
Merle grins when he sees him. "Hey, baby brother," he says and comes up to the bars.
Rick stands nearby, keeping an eye on all of them.
It's always amazing to Daryl how Merle can always act like being in a jail cell is just some huge joke to him. Daryl's never been arrested but he knew that if he was sitting in a cell, he wouldn't be grinning about it like Merle.
"You need anythin'?" Daryl asks even though he really just wants to call Merle an idiot and tell him he's done with all of this. That will never happen though and they both know it.
"Officer Friendly tell you?" Merle asks.
"'bout you goin' to Atlanta tomorrow or you bein' stupid enough to try and cook?"
Merle chuckles. "Both, I suppose."
Daryl just sighs. "Call me when you can and lemme know your date."
"You gonna come?" Merle looks a little surprised even though Daryl has never missed one of his days in court before this.
"'course I'm gonna come," Daryl says, frowning a little, and he wonders why Merle would even question that. He may be missed but if Merle's taught him anything, it's this.
Blood is blood and nothing is thicker in this world than that. Merle's all he got.
…
He's just pulling out a rabbit he cleaned and put in the freezer from one of his past hunting trips to thaw and cook it up for dinner when there's a knock on his door. For a second, he expects it to be Amy. He hasn't been to the bar in a while and hasn't seen her in that long and he figures she's come around, looking for him. Or maybe it's Beth wanting something. Maybe he can tell her that he can cook the rabbit and make her dinner this time.
But it's neither of them.
Instead, it's Matty and the boy stands there, grinning up at him.
"What's up, kid?" Daryl asks and Matty thrusts out a piece of paper towards him.
"Mama's birthday's next weekend. Grandma and grandpa are having a dinner and you're invited," Matty informs him.
Daryl takes the paper and sees that it's an invitation to a birthday dinner for Beth's twenty-fourth birthday – a dinner described as casual scheduled for next Friday night.
He looks at it for a moment and then shakes his head slightly. "Don't know if your mama would want me there," he says and he really has no idea where he stands with her. She kissed his cheek and he still comes over for dinner some nights but he still doesn't know what any of it means; if it means anything.
Matty's brow furrows as he looks up at him. "Grandma was asking mama how many people she wants at the dinner and she said your name. You have to come!"
Daryl stares down at the kid for a moment, letting those words roll around in his head. "She said my name?" He asks and he feels a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
…
He's actually never bought a birthday present before – especially for someone like Beth – and he has absolutely no idea what to get her. He figures her family will be getting her all sorts of baking stuff for her birthday but he doesn't know what else to get her. He realizes that he doesn't know that much about her at all.
Their town is small and doesn't have a lot of stores but they do have a little department store though and Daryl wanders in there after work one night, having never been in there before and having no idea where anything is. There are makeup and perfume counters but Daryl avoids them entirely. He doesn't want to buy Beth perfume. He likes the way she smells. Buttercream and chocolate and sugar and none of these bottles will have anything that smells nearly as good as that.
He follows the signs and takes the escalator to the lower level where housewares are. He doesn't even know what he's looking for but he figures he'll just wander around until something catches his eye. He had no idea so much crap was sold just for having a home and most of the stuff sold in the kitchen department, he has no idea what it's for.
He stops at the baking pans and looks them all over. They sell the sort of cupcake pans that he's seen in Beth's kitchen and he crouches down, looking at them closer because they're on a lower shelf. The silicone pans are cheaper, he notes, but he remembers Beth saying once that she doesn't like cooking in silicone so he stays away from those. There are pans in all sorts of colors and he picks up a yellow colored one. It's ceramic and heavy and it's only big enough to cook six muffins or cupcakes but he looks at it and instantly thinks of Beth.
He stands up and turns it over, looking at the forty dollar price tag.
Whatever, he thinks to himself. Not like he's spending his money on much of anything else. Merle's arraignment is next week and he's going to go and hear how much bail is but Rick warned him that with all of Merle's priors and his crime this time, the judge might not even offer bail. He supposes he could save all of his money until then but it's Beth's birthday and Daryl wants to get her at least one thing.
But as he walks away from the baking bans, his eyes begin catching other things in the department – and other departments, too – and they all start reminding him of Beth.
"Would you like a basket, sir?"
Daryl turns his head to see a woman with a name-tag smiling at him and he then looks at all of the things he's holding in his arms. He hadn't even realized that he had grabbed that much already.
"Uh, yeah," he says and the woman smiles, holding one out for him and he carefully sets everything down in it before taking the basket handles in his hand. "Thanks," he grunts.
"Do you have a store card?" She then asks. He just frowns, his brow furrowed. "If you sign up for a store card today, you get fifteen percent off your first purchase and then we will send you coupons in the mail for future sales and exclusive card holder deals."
Daryl's still frowning but after a moment of thinking it through, he gives his head a nod. "Sure," he agrees and the woman's smile somehow manages to grow even bigger. "I ain't done shoppin' yet though." He hasn't even gotten to the different kitchen utensils yet.
"Of course. Please take your time. When you are done, I'll be at that register over there," the woman says, pointing to the nearby register close to the escalator. "Come find me and we'll get you your application for a card."
Daryl's brow furrows once more. "Application?"
"Just your name and address and general information like that," the woman explains. "And we have to make sure that you have a good credit score."
Daryl doesn't know what that is. He just pays for everything which cash or a check. "Okay," he says though. He figures he'll explain that to the woman once he's done with his shopping and he wonders if fifteen percent off is even worth what sounds like will be some hassle.
They sell food here, too – jars of nuts and packages of popcorn and boxes of candies and chocolates. Daryl looks over everything and then grabs a few things to load into the basket. He looks down at his selections. He came here to get Beth one thing for her birthday but looking over everything, he's gotten her at least ten. He's going overboard, for sure. Maybe he should just put all of this stuff back and just get her the yellow ceramic baking pan.
But he's reluctant to take even one thing out of the basket. It's Beth's birthday and she said his name about who she wants at her birthday dinner and he knows he's a dick but maybe, he's just tired of being a dick to her.
"All set?" The woman asks once he gets to the register and sets his basket down.
"Yeah," he answers while adding obviously silently in his mind to himself. Why the hell else would he have come up here with his basket?
"This is quite a haul," the woman just keeps smiling as she starts unloading the basket.
"'s my friend's birthday," Daryl explains though he doesn't know why he feels the need to explain anything.
And is this what it is? His friend's birthday? He still has no idea if that's what he and Beth are or if they're still just across-the-hall neighbors and nothing much more than that.
But she said his name.
No matter what happens from here on out, he'll just keep reminding himself of that.
…
Thank you so much for reading and please review!