Ratchet was at his desk, staring at an unactivated datapad and lost in memories, when Sideswipe came barreling into the medbay. The temporary visor hid his optics, but his frantic expression was still clear enough to read. It transformed to relief when he saw First Aid recharging on the berth.
"Whew. I thought we'd lost him!" Sideswipe sighed, as he slumped against one of the berths.
Ratchet frowned at Sideswipe's dramatic entry and tapped a finger digit against his mouthplates and pointed at First Aid with the other hand in stern signal to keep it down. First Aid stirred a little, but did not, by some miracle, awake from recharge. Sideswipe winced apologetically and started to leave, but Ratchet stood and waved him over to the far side of the medbay.
"Since you're here, let me take a look at those optics," he said, keeping his voice low and motioning Sideswipe to sit up on the berth. He still felt a little guilty about not catching the damage sooner, although photon damage was notoriously tricky to diagnose early on. Sideswipe sat with exaggerated silence, his lip components pressed firmly together, and Ratchet had to suppress a chuckle. Even when the red frontliner was shorting out his last patience circuit, he somehow couldn't maintain his annoyance for long. Not that he planned on letting Sideswipe catch onto that little fact; the red menace did not need any encouragement.
"The damage is pretty significant, and I definitely want to get mag-wave treatment started now, but looks like we caught it in time. Should have known better than to doubt Aid's medic instincts, even if he was delirious."
"He doing ok?" Sideswipe finally dared to speak, keeping his voice very quiet and tilting his helm to indicate First Aid's berth on the far side of the medbay.
Ratchet nodded as he angled the overhead mag-wave generator towards Sideswipe's helm. "Better. You and Sunstreaker helped, immensely. So thank you."
Sideswipe straightened on the berth. "Well," he said, in a tone of mock-modesty, "we can't help it, our vibes are just that awesome."
Ratchet snorted and put a restraining hand on Sideswipe's shoulder, holding him still as he activated the mag-wave. He'd set it for the five breem cycle, although he had his doubts that Sideswipe would manage to sit still for that long. "Don't move until the unit finishes the cycle," he cautioned, and turned to go back to his desk and start working on the next round of scheduling for routine maintenance check ups.
"He's really only what, like, nine vorns old?" The mag-wave unit bleeped an error message as Sideswipe leaned forward on the berth, and Ratchet turned back with an exasperated sigh.
"Hold still means hold still, Sideswipe." Ratchet crossed his arms until Sideswipe straightened back up and the mag-wave beeped and reactivated the treatment cycle. "And Aid's ten vorns. It's only about a quarter vorn until his sparkday, actually." Eleven vorns, when First Aid would officially no longer be a sparkling. They hadn't celebrated any of First Aid's sparkdays since his brothers had been lost, at least not officially. Too many memories, and Aid had so clearly preferred to avoid any sort of fuss, although they all managed to sneak in a few presents and small kindnesses for "no particular reason" around the relevant dates. They really should do something for this one, though, Ratchet had been thinking. The eleventh sparkday was special.
"It's hard to believe he's still a sparkling. Are you going to have a party?" Sideswipe asked, apparently thinking along the same lines. "We should do something."
"We should, should we." Ratchet eyed Sideswipe in amusement.
Sideswipe gave a small, slightly embarrassed shrug, careful this time not to move out of range of the mag-wave generator. "The guy saved my life. And Sunny's. A couple of times apparently. And I almost deactivated him, even if it was an accident. I want to do something, y'know. Nice."
Ratchet didn't think his expression had changed, but Sideswipe still added somewhat defensively, "What? I can be nice."
"Yes, you certainly can. You've proven that already." Although Ratchet had to admit to a certain trepidation as to what Sideswipe's idea of a good party might entail, he found he had no doubts of Sideswipe's sincerity in this.
In his own way, Sideswipe's continued sanity, despite his quirks, was as much a miracle as First Aid's. Sideswipe's processor showed undeniable signs of traumatic spark integration, which almost invariably resulted in severe and permanent psychosis. Sparks and processors could be transferred into new frames, but it had to be done carefully, and in sync. Whoever had frame-transferred Sideswipe had not bothered to transfer Sideswipe's original processor, but instead had memory wiped the original and merely transferred Sideswipe's spark. If Sideswipe was aware of what had happened to him, and what this had done to Sunstreaker, connected by their bond, was anyone's guess. Sunstreaker's emotional programming was so scrambled the psychological function analyzer back on Cybertron gave up and labeled him "unknown profile, manage with extreme caution." It had been a risk, accepting them into the Autobot ranks, but Optimus had given them that chance. Ratchet had had some doubts at the time, though he had spoken in their favor. He found he was glad, looking at Sideswipe's sheepishly pleased expression, remembering First Aid tucked between the red frontliner and the yellow. Very glad.
"If you could...spend time with him, get him out of this medbay now and then, I'd count it a great favor."
Sideswipe nodded his helm, causing the mag-wave scanner to beep and reset again, but Ratchet couldn't find it in himself to be annoyed in the face of Sideswipe's grin.
"You got it, Ratchet! Niceness for First Aid, it's a done deal."
'Doing something nice' for First Aid turned out to be much more difficult than Sideswipe initially expected. Ratchet seemed to think that merely hanging out with Aid a little was more than enough to ask, but Sideswipe had something more substantial in mind. He was still mulling over the idea of an eleventh sparkday celebration, but that was still a long way out. Problem was the peaceful little medbot didn't seem to WANT anything. How was he supposed to work with that? He tried offering to help out in the medbay, but Ratchet's alarmed expression put an end to that. Sunstreaker offered some of his favorite polish, and First Aid accepted politely, but it was clear that First Aid, although keeping his armor adequately clean, did not particularly care if it was extra shiny. He wasn't interested in games, or holo vids. He already had every medical device known to Cybertron, and several that weren't, most of them built right in.
"I liked it that one time, when you put me up on the wall," First Aid said a little wistfully, when Sideswipe finally asked, in exasperation, what on all of Cybertron he could do that Aid would appreciate. Sideswipe looked at him in astonishment. First of all because he'd almost entirely forgotten the incident (he remembered Ratchet's reaction more clearly. He had been…displeased, to say the least, to find his assistant stuck with adhesive to the medbay walls. That had been during the first long jump between planets, and Ironhide had been vigilant about keeping them far too busy with training to get bored during interplanetary jumps since then.)
"You…liked that?" Hopeless, that's what First Aid was. What good was pranking someone if the prankee actually enjoyed it?
"It was fun." First Aid shrugged a little. "And I could have gotten down if there was an emergency. I carry solvent you know."
Sideswipe shook his head. He had barely noticed First Aid as an actual person at the time. He might have felt badly about the incident now, except that First Aid had so clearly enjoyed it. Who knew there was so much going on underneath the quiet medical assistant's nondescript exterior. He was certainly a funny little bot, he thought, not for the first time. Why did this have to be so hard?
"Make something," Sunstreaker suggested. "That's the best present; something you make yourself."
Sideswipe stared at his brother as if he had grown an extra head. "What. The. Slag."
Sunstreaker shrugged, unoffended. "What? You didn't know I was an expert on methods of being nice? Fine, ignore my expertise."
Make something. Sideswipe pondered that. Not a half bad idea, honestly, though Sunstreaker coming up with it was like Ultra Magnus suddenly deciding the Ark needed redecorating and hanging up little sparkly crystal decorations in his office.
Today's project was to get First Aid out of the medbay to get some energon in the rec room, rather than gulping it down in the medbay like he usually did. First Aid came willingly enough. Sideswipe was pleased to see he was steadier on his pedes. They were walking at an almost normal pace through the hallways, Sunstreaker trailing a little behind them both, glowering as he usually was in public. When they got there, Sideswipe went to get the cubes and all three sat at one of the corner tables, Sunstreaker with his back to the wall, where he could watch, a place for Sideswipe at the other wall, First Aid trustingly with his back to the room, apparently unworried about the possibility of being jumped from behind. Unlikely the Ark, of course, but Sideswipe had a feeling he'd be the same in the middle of a seedy spaceport.
One of the energon dispensers was acting up. Sideswipe cursed and kicked it a few times, until it sputtered and dispensed the final cube. First Aid turned from their table and looked over in concern.
"I'll be right back," he said, as Sideswipe arrived at the table with their cubes. Sideswipe sat down by Sunstreaker as First Aid got up and went over to the dispenser, opening up a panel on one side. At first Sunstreaker and Sideswipe politely waited to drink their energon (Guzzling the energon as if you were starving got funny looks, that was one thing they'd had to learn. It was ok to wait a little, enjoy it slowly. Autobots did not gang up on one another and steal energon. Sideswipe had been on both ends of that one.) When First Aid kept puttering away at the dispenser, however, Sideswipe gave up and went over to see what on Cybertron was taking so long.
"There you go," he heard First Aid murmur as he came up behind him. First Aid twiddled something inside the dispenser one more time, and the dispenser sputtered, splattered, and then let out a steady stream of energon. "That should feel much better now," First Aid said in satisfaction, closing up the panel and giving the dispenser a pat. He turned and gave a little start as he found Sideswipe standing next to him.
"Oh! Hi, Sideswipe."
"Aid…that's an energon dispenser."
First Aid's optics blinked at Sideswipe a few times, behind his visor. "Yes? It's working better now, if you want another cube."
Sideswipe shook his head and gave up. "We still haven't started our first; we were waiting for you."
"You didn't need to do that," First Aid scolded gently as he followed Sideswipe back to the table. Sunstreaker looked up from finishing off the last cube as they got there.
"Sunny!" Sideswipe exclaimed, snatching the almost empty cube out of his brother's grasp and inspecting it in disgust. "All three? What the frag, you have any self control at all?"
"I thought you were bringing back more! Don't have a Cybercow, slagger." Sunstreaker made a grab for the cube, missed, and settled for grabbing his brother's arm instead and yanking Sideswipe down. Sideswipe dropped the cube and twisted around until he could throw a leg over Sunstreaker, knocking him to the ground. They wrestled until they knocked hard against the chair First Aid was standing beside. First Aid tried to jump out of the way, but lost his balance and started to fall. Sideswipe felt a strange sort of wrenching through the bond with his brother, and suddenly Sunstreaker was gone, a streak of yellow as he snatched First Aid mid-fall, rolling so that First Aid landed safely on top of his chassis. First Aid laughed as they flew through the air, plonking his helm on Sunstreaker's chassis as they landed and then lifting it, still laughing softly, palms outspread on Sunstreaker's chest, visor flashing bright.
Sunstreaker rolled again, pulling First Aid up with him, hooking the chair upright with his foot and setting First Aid into it.
"I'll get more energon," Sunstreaker said, turning and striding to the dispenser.
Sideswipe blinked, not really sure yet what had just happened. A few of the other mechs had risen in alarm at the scuffling match, though they knew better than to interfere with the twins, but maybe one or two of them had been thinking to snatch First Aid out of danger. They sat back down, some with raised optic ridges, but conversation resumed. Until Sunstreaker had gone all…whatever he had gone. Sideswipe was still puzzling over the strange mix of emotions that had come from his twin, but whatever it was Sunstreaker had it all tucked away now.
"Uh," Sideswipe said, sitting down slowly across from First Aid.
"Hmm?" First Aid asked, tilting his helm at him. His face mask was up again, but Sideswipe got the impression he was smiling.
"You ok? You didn't get…jostled, or anything, did you?"
"Nope." First Aid laughed again, a little. "You two are so funny, sometimes."
"We're funny," Sideswipe snorted, smiling despite himself. His processor had caught up with events and was just now imagining Ratchet's reaction to the news that they'd damaged First Aid while wrestling around.
Sunstreaker returned with four more cubes, plopping them down on the table and then returning to his previous position and attitude of silently brooding, gaze surveying the rec room watchfully. Sideswipe sipped his cube, trying to think of something to talk about, although First Aid seemed content with the silence, tucking both of his feet up on the chair (the chairs could be reconfigured, but most of the time no one bothered and kept them at standard mid-size: perfect for the twins, a bit large for Aid, small for bots like Optimus Prime and Ultra Magnus. Minibots would look ridiculous on them, but they generally opted to sit on the tables instead.)
Jazz came over after a moment and pulled up a chair, needing no invitation, but somehow so disarming and friendly that it never occurred to anyone to be resentful, not even Sunstreaker, though Sideswipe could feel his almost reflexive wariness. Just a quick run through of the best ways to deactivate Jazz, if it became necessary. Jazz would be a tricky one. He was small, smaller that First Aid even (though he sat in the slightly-too-big-for-him chair as if it had been specially designed, just for him, leaning it on one or two legs every now and then), but he was also very quick, and devious, and despite his casual and honest friendliness there was a certain…ruthlessness about him. Sideswipe was glad they were friends, and he had a feeling Jazz's hanging out with them was going a long way towards reassuring anyone alarmed by their impromptu scuffling match.
Jazz kept up a steady stream of conversation, teasing Sideswipe about his less than stylish taste in visors (but in such a way that even Sunstreaker recognized it as all in good fun, and did not take offense, and that was also part of Jazz's Jazzness) asking First Aid about his recovery and a few detailed questions about his research on organics, which, much to Sideswipe's surprise was actually more interesting than he'd ever suspected, especially when getting into some of First Aid's observations of mech-shaped organics and their similarities to the quintessential Cybertronian form, with paired sets of optics and four limbs, nasal crests and mouthparts all bearing a remarkable similarity of form. Jazz claimed it made perfect sense, as Primus had created the ideal design it was not so surprising to find it copied in other lifeforms, while First Aid was doubtful.
Sideswipe could feel Sunstreaker's interest as he listened, though his expression gave nothing away.
/You gettin' all of this, bro?/ he sent.
/Mostly. Aid does have a point - there are some strange anomalies in our design. I'll explain it to you later, in smaller words/ Sunstreaker sent an impression of a smirk.
Sideswipe responded with a growl, causing Jazz and First Aid to eye him curiously.
/Behave/ Sunstreaker said. /No wrestling around breakable medics/
Sideswipe gave a mental (this time) snort. /I'm beginning to think that guy's about the least breakable of all of us/ He added, after a calculated pause /Anyway, First Aid seemed to enjoy the wrestling, especially the part where you snatched him out of the air/
Sunstreaker determinedly ignored him. Sideswipe grinned to himself, and turned his attention back to First Aid and Jazz. /Is it just me, or is he not looking so hot?/ he asked.
Sunstreaker blinked and looked at the medic more closely. Jazz's attention had been diverted to Trailbreaker, who had come over with a question about his duty shift, and First Aid was listening politely but somehow Sideswipe got the impression that what he really wanted to do was put his head down on the table. He was listing a little to the side, and his optics seemed less bright behind the visor. He'd finished less than a quarter of his energon cube as well.
/Back to Ratchet/ was Sunstreaker's verdict. Without further ado he stood and scooped First Aid up and onto his shoulder, and headed out the door.
"First Aid was looking tired," Sideswipe gave a hasty explanation, Trailbreaker looking bemused and Jazz with the beginnings of a wry smile, after a quick glance at First Aid determined that the medic seemed to be perfectly fine with being suddenly carted off.
Sideswipe hastily double stepped out of the rec room, catching up to his brother and his red-and-white passenger.
"It might be a good idea to, oh I don't know, ASK, before you suddenly throw someone over your shoulder," he said sarcastically. Really, no wonder everyone on the Ark looked at them like they were from another planet. First Aid blinked at him from over Sunstreaker's shoulder.
"You doin' ok there, Aid?"
First Aid bobbed his head a few times, though that might have been just from the motion of Sunstreaker walking. Sunstreaker barely waited for the doors to the medbay to open before striding through, to deposit First Aid on the closest berth. He spun around and exited the medbay just as quickly. Ratchet looked back and forth from First Aid to Sideswipe, puzzled. Sideswipe shrugged.
"Sunstreaker decided it was time for me to come back," First Aid explained.
"He did?" Ratchet raised an optic ridge and come over. "Any particular reason?"
"He was looking kind of tired. And he barely refueled at all," Sideswipe tattled, leaving out the part where they almost knocked him down.
"Not refueling?" First Aid sank a little under Ratchet's worried glare. Ratchet came over and began hooking up First Aid to several sensors, pursing his lips as he looked at the readouts.
"I was just talking to Jazz, I was going to refuel," First Aid protested, swinging his legs a little. "I'm fine, Ratchet."
Ratchet turned the readout so First Aid could see it.
"Oh," First Aid said. He sighed and held out an arm so Ratchet could hook up an energon transfusion line.
"He gonna be ok, Ratchet?" Sideswipe asked, shifting uneasily. Slag, maybe they had damaged him, somehow. Again.
Ratchet glanced at First Aid, not sure how much information the junior medic wanted to share with the red warrior.
"I'll be fine Sideswipe," First Aid said, flashing his visor at him reassuringly. "My energon processing system is just having a little trouble getting back in gear. It'll just take some time is all."
Sideswipe looked at Ratchet, who was frowning at First Aid's readouts. Ratchet met Sideswipe's gaze and something in it made him quirk a smile suddenly.
"Don't look so worried, Sideswipe. It'll take more than being impaled through the spark to keep First Aid down." He reached over and rubbed First Aid fondly on the helm a few times. "Now, since you're here, let me check those optics again before your duty shift," he said briskly, motioning Sideswipe to sit on the neighboring berth.
"Not another mag-wave treatment," Sideswipe groaned.
"Mmm, well, that's what I'm going to find out. If we're lucky, maybe you won't need any more."
"I could work on scheduling everyone for their full system scans while you do that," First Aid suggested, looking at Ratchet hopefully. Sideswipe gave another groan. Full system scans were a pain, and took fragging forever.
Ratchet gave First Aid a considering look, but aside from being low on energy didn't seem to be able to find too much amiss. "Good idea," he said, finally, handing First Aid a datapad. First Aid wiggled happily, settling his back against the berth as he got started.
Ratchet turned back to Sideswipe to finish checking his optics, and First Aid looked up when Ratchet was done to hear the verdict.
"Everything looks good," Ratchet said, motioning to Sideswipe that he could leave. "No more mag-wave treatments, but you'll need to keep the visor for a few more orns.
"Thanks, Ratch," Sideswipe said. "Bye, Aid."
"Be well, Sideswipe," First Aid told him. His face mask was retracted, and that little smile Sideswipe remembered from before quirked his lips before he returned to his datapad. Sideswipe's intakes caught for a moment as he remembered, like a brief spark ember flare from the tangled darkness that was their past, Sunstreaker, running up to hug him. "Sideswipe, come and see," he had been saying, laughing sweet and free as a seeker in flight. "Come and see what I made!"
He was still standing by the berth, Sideswipe realized after a moment, stunned by memory and by First Aid's smile which for some mysterious reason felt like it had speared him right through the spark. Fair trade, perhaps, for the spearing he'd inadvertently done to First Aid's own spark. Ratchet was starting to look concerned. He wheeled around and left before Ratchet could ask him any questions that he had no answers to.
He sought out his brother, following the trace of Sunstreaker's soul like a heat-seeking missile. His own spark was beating hard. Frightened. By that one memory, Sunstreaker laughing. Sunstreaker rarely smiled, and never laughed. Sideswipe would have sworn it. Sunstreaker had never run into his arms like that, but Sideswipe could feel his arms and chest warm and aching with the memory of it, and he gripped his arms tightly around himself as he walked. What else had been lost? Himself, his brother. Sideswipe was usually content to let the dark places lie, undisturbed. He was afraid to probe them too deeply, stir up monsters, especially when the monsters might wear his own face. What else had been lost? Sideswipe wanted to cry, wanted to scream, maybe tear a few things apart, but instead he just walked faster, towards his other star.
Sunstreaker had had some forewarning of Sideswipe's state of mind, through the bond, but even so he looked a little startled when Sideswipe strode through the entry of the training arena and tackled him, air wrenching harshly through his intakes.
"Sideswipe-," he began, but all speech was forgotten as Sideswipe proceeded to attempt to pummel his brother to scrap. Sunstreaker's confusion and simmering rage flared and rose in a wave to match his own overwhelming torrent of emotion, and they wrestled and flung one another around on the arena floor as if they were the bitterest of enemies, faces twisted in rage or pain. It ended, finally, when Sunstreaker slammed Sideswipe hard enough into the wall to blank out his processor for several kliks. He slumped to the floor, dazed, with Sunstreaker panting beside him. Both of them were leaking energon from several dents and tears, where they'd gouged at one another with their bare hands.
"What the frag…was that all about," Sunstreaker gasped out finally, when he'd gotten his intakes somewhat under control. Sideswipe couldn't answer just yet. He considered briefly smacking Sunstreaker one more time across the helm, but a sharp twinge in his shoulder when he tried to move it convinced him otherwise. There was something wet trickling down his face. It tickled, annoying amongst all the other sharper pains, and he managed to move his other arm to swipe at it weakly. He expected energon, but it was clear, not pink. Optic fluid. Primus, he was crying like a sparkling. When had he started doing that?
/Sides?/ Sunstreaker's mental query was…tentative. Worried, under the layers of anger and battle-rage. It held a little of the flavor of that other Sunstreaker, the one Sideswipe had seen in his memory. Sideswipe showed it to him, that bright, happy Sunstreaker, laughing.
/Laughing/ Sideswipe found another reserve of strength, turning to topple and pin his unresisting brother to the ground, and growling in his audio.
"Laughing." He was still crying, his vents trying to catch with sobs but he wouldn't let them, but he could not stop the fluid leaking from his optics. "That was you. Where did that Sunstreaker go? What happened to us? What else are you keeping from me," he gritted out. Sunstreaker remembered more than he did. Sideswipe had always suspected it, and now he was certain, feeling Sunstreaker's sudden mental withdrawal.
Sideswipe closed his hands around Sunstreaker's throat, digging his fingers, sharpened at the ends. "Tell me," he snarled. Who was he? This person called Sideswipe. There were parts of him missing, great chunks of life, both of them, and he knew it now and he wanted them back.
Sunstreaker was unresisting, though energon was starting to leak from his neck, around the dents where his neck was buckling under Sideswipe's fingers. He tried to speak, but his vocalizer only gave a harsh crackle of static.
/No/ Sunny sent through the bond instead. /You can still laugh. I won't take that from you/
Sideswipe dug his fingers in harder. Sunstreaker kicked him, suddenly, in the crotchplates, and Sideswipe's optics flew open in shock.
/And stop that/ Sunstreaker sent, with a strong feeling of annoyance. /You're ruining my finish/
That was the understatement of the vorn. Sunstreaker hissed a little in pain as Sideswipe carefully extracted his fingers from his brother's neck. He'd missed the vital energon lines by mere nanospans. He rubbed one hand, still wet with his brother's energon, across his forehead and sank back on his heels, feeling a dull sort of pre-horror creep over him. An echo of another memory, when Sunstreaker's hands had been around his throat and he was ready to die or live, as Sunstreaker willed it. He would be horrified in a moment, but now he giggled weakly at Sunstreaker's baleful gaze.
/That's not the kind of laughing I meant/ Sunstreaker sent, rolling himself upright with an effort and at that Sideswipe was laughing helplessly, until it turned, between one intake and the next into a cry of agonized sorrow, for everything, everything in those dark spaces and the laughing Sunstreaker that was no more. He rested his helm on Sunstreaker's knee and wept like a lost sparkling.
/You can still cry, too/ Sunstreaker's mind voice sounded wistful. Sideswipe had no memory of Sunstreaker weeping, but he supposed that he must have done that too, once. /That's a good thing, Sides. That's a good thing/ Sunstreaker did not hug him, that was not part of his programming, not anymore, but he could feel their helms touching, where Sunstreaker had leaned over to reach him, the hot gusting of his vents against his neckplates. Sideswipe stopped crying at last, out of exhaustion mainly.
/What was it you made?/ Sideswipe asked through the bond after awhile, too tired to speak aloud. /Back then, do you remember?/ He felt Sunstreaker shake his head against the back of his helm.
"No," Sunstreaker whispered. "I'm afraid to remember." /It's gone and I'm afraid, Sides, I'm sorry/ Sunstreaker's thoughts and speech overlapped one another. Sideswipe pressed his helm against Sunstreaker's knee a bit harder – it hurt, Sunstreaker's knee was not the most comfortable headrest - before lifting his head, Sunstreaker sitting back up with him.
"You lost your visor thing," Sunstreaker observed. He looked like slag, energon drying from where it had leaked on his face and neck. He probably didn't look much better. Sideswipe felt at his face and helm, in the irrational hope that the visor was stuck there somewhere.
"Slag." Sideswipe looked around. Ratchet was going to deactivate him. He didn't see anything resembling a visor though. Maybe they'd kicked it underneath something? Sideswipe rolled to his knees to go look, and something crunched as he did so. He lifted his knee to find a pile of glittery dust. There were several other small shards and fragments scattered about.
"Pit, Sunny, we pulverized it." He met his brother's optics with a horror almost on par with what he'd felt when realizing he had nearly strangled his own brother. Ratchet was going to weld him to a berth and glare at him until he broke into a gibbering mess, Sideswipe was sure of it.
"Not my fault, bro." Sunstreaker raised his hands, disclaiming any responsibility, then frowned as he noticed the scratches all over his hands. "You started it," he said, rubbing at a place where gray plating showed on his knuckles.
They both had duty in half a cycle. Sideswipe wanted nothing more than to find his berth and recharge for a vorn. Everything hurt, inside and out. He briefly considered hiding from Ratchet for the rest of his existence, but that really wasn't an option in outer space. Maybe once they got back to Cybertron though? Maybe he could hide on the Ark until then? Or maybe…
He opened a comlink. Aid? Hey, Aid, you got a klik?
There was a slight pause, and then Aid responded, Sideswipe? his transmission somewhat fuzzy. Sideswipe gave himself a mental kick. Slag, First Aid had probably been recharging and he'd woken him up. More fodder for the Wrath of Ratchet. He was so deactivated.
Um, nevermind, he sent hastily. Go back to recharge.
Sideswipe, what is it? First Aid sounded almost…stern. It made Sideswipe smile.
I…uh…I might have broken my visor?
Ah, I see. First Aid took the information in stride. And you'd prefer Ratchet not find out?
Oh Primus please yes, Sideswipe babbled. First Aid gave a little chuckle.
Don't worry, Sideswipe, I can fix it easily enough. Tell me where you are and I'll be there in a few breems.
In the training arena, Sideswipe sent thankfully. And…um, I don't know if it's exactly…fixable. Can you bring a new one?
Sure, Sideswipe, that's no problem, First Aid replied, Primus bless his tolerant little spark. Better give me another breem though, is that ok?
That's great, Aid, thank you so much. Uh…you're not going to get in trouble with Ratchet over this, are you? he added belatedly.
Mmm. Well, possibly, if he finds out. Don't worry about it though; Ratchet's in a meeting so we should be safe enough. He only yells when he cares an awful lot. Just sit tight, and I'll be there soon.
Sunstreaker was eyeing him.
"First Aid," Sideswipe explained, pointing to his visorless optics.
"He's coming all the way here?" Sunstreaker asked, looking worried. Sideswipe nodded, feeling doubly guilty now. Not only was First Aid risking Ratchet's displeasure, he was also still recovering and Sideswipe was making him walk to the other side of the ship.
"I don't know about this, Sideswipe." Sunstreaker inspected another dent on his leg, wiping futilely at the energon that had leaked from it and then looked up at his brother unhappily. "Hanging around with us doesn't seem to be good for his health."
"You're awfully protective of him," Sideswipe said curiously, remembering the earlier snatch from harm's way in the rec room. "What's up with that, bro?" Sunstreaker snorted and didn't answer, but somehow managed to strongly imply that Sideswipe was hardly one to talk. He pulled out a polishing cloth from one of his storage panels and returned to fussing over his badly marred finish.
"Here, let me do that," Sideswipe said in mingled irritation and guilt, snatching the cloth out of Sunstreaker's hand. "You're only making it worse."
"What we really need is a trip to the washracks," Sunstreaker muttered, but he did not resist as Sideswipe began cleaning up the worst of the dents and scrapes.
There was a dismayed sound from the entry to the training arena, and suddenly gentle hands were examining him. No fear of them, Sideswipe thought, no fear of them at all, looking up in mild bemusement at First Aid, who quickly determining that all of Sideswipe's injuries were superficial had now turned to Sunstreaker. Going in where even Prowl, or Ironhide, or even Ratchet might fear to tread, First Aid had one hand on Sunstreaker's chin, lightly tilting it up so he could get a better look at the deep gouges in Sunstreaker's neck.
First Aid's optic ridges were drawn hard together; his visor flared brightly as he turned to look at Sideswipe with something like shock in his expression. The little medic abruptly sat down on the training arena floor with a clunk. The twins looked at him in alarm as First Aid bent his head over and rested it on his knees.
"Aid…?" Sideswipe said hesitantly.
"I'm ok," Aid replied, voice muffled.
"You don't look ok," Sideswipe said nervously, wondering if First Aid's injuries were acting up and debating whether to call Ratchet, and face the consequences. Or maybe he was overwhelmed by Sunstreaker's injuries…Sideswipe glanced at his brother in sudden worry, but Sunstreaker looked hale enough. Like slag, of course, but otherwise ok. And First Aid wasn't exactly the type to get queasy at a little spilled energon.
First Aid mumbled something.
"What was that?" Sideswipe asked.
"You did this to each other." First Aid looked up and sighed.
Sideswipe scratched at his helm, looking over at Sunstreaker, who shrugged. "Oh well, yeah, kinda."
First Aid rubbed his hands over his face a few times and pulled himself up, returning to his perusal of Sunstreaker's neck.
"I'm sorry, it just took me by surprise," he said, transforming one finger into a delicate-looking tool, as he began cleaning and sealing up the injury.
"It bothers you that much?" Sideswipe asked, surprised it would affect him so strongly. He and Sunstreaker fought and wrestled all the time, although usually not this violently, and First Aid hadn't been bothered by it before.
First Aid nodded, not turning from his work. "You came within a microspan of slicing open Sunstreaker's primary energon feed to his processor."
Sideswipe widened his optics at that. "Oh. Sorry bro."
Sunstreaker shrugged one shoulder cautiously. "You were upset."
"The Aerialbots get in fights sometimes," First Aid said softly, "but you two have them beat, I think. There," he added running another tool up Sunstreaker's throatplate. "Try not to move your head around too much for the next breem or so while that seals up."
He made short work of Sunstreaker's other dents and injuries, and then turned to Sideswipe.
"Hey," Sideswipe said, as First Aid started cleaning the gouge marks on his helm, his hands moving with quiet and steady confidence, no different now than they were in the middle of a raging battle. "Sorry. Sorry if we upset you. And made you come all the way out here. It was stupid."
First Aid twinkled his visor at him, and from the shape of his optics Sideswipe thought he might be smiling, although his face mask was up so he couldn't be sure. "It's ok, Sideswipe, I'll live," First Aid patted him on the shoulder. "This is what I'm here for, you know. I was built for this, repairing. Even stupid injuries. It makes me happy to do it. Are you feeling better now? Sunstreaker said you were upset…"
Sideswipe ducked his head evasively. To his horror he felt a wave of emotion rising through him again-he couldn't push it down-making his vocalizer catch and his intakes falter. Slag, what was wrong with him? But he couldn't stop the spark-breaking image of that lost, laughing Sunstreaker, lost Sideswipe, whoever he had been. First Aid made a sad sympathetic noise, and at the sound Sideswipe curled up tighter and began sobbing in earnest. He felt arms around him, First Aid, and he let himself uncurl and pressed his helm into the medic's shoulder as he wept. First Aid's arms weren't quite long enough to go all the way around him, but he felt one gently rubbing on the edge of his back. In circles, of course. Sideswipe gave a choked laugh. Sunstreaker was rubbing hesitantly on the other side of his back.
/I've gone insane, bro. It's official/ he sent.
/Welcome to the club/ Sunstreaker thought back at him, his mental tone wry, worried, but…tender, Sideswipe would have said, except that Sunstreaker was never tender, no more than he ever laughed. He'd been protecting Sideswipe from the dark places, keeping him sane, Sideswipe realized now. At what cost, Sideswipe didn't know. He'd been hiding things from him, and still was. Sideswipe wanted to be angry at him for it, but he was too tired to summon the energy, and a little afraid, remembering what he had done earlier.
First Aid rubbed his back a final time as Sideswipe quieted, and then calmly resumed his repairs, as if nothing had happened. He pulled out another visor from one of his storage compartments and began fitting it to Sideswipe's helm, after using a soft absorbent bit of something to matter-of-factly wipe away the optic fluid that had leaked all over his face.
"All right," he said, making one final adjustment to the visor. "That should do it. How does that feel?"
Sideswipe nodded, feeling at the visor. "Good."
Sunstreaker shifted behind him. "We should get going if we're going to get cleaned up first, or we'll be late."
"Do you want me to tell Ironhide you're on medical leave for the next shift?" First Aid asked quietly.
Sideswipe shook his head. He felt exhausted, but he didn't want to recharge. At least they were both scheduled to help with hull inspections, something relatively mindless but active enough to keep him awake.
"All right then." First Aid didn't argue, brushing a hand across Sideswipe's shoulder in a comforting gesture but otherwise not pressing him about his outburst, for which Sideswipe was grateful.. "Try to take it easy if you can, both of you."
Sideswipe surveyed his brother critically. They both looked battered, but no worse than after some of their other sparring sessions, so they hopefully shouldn't excite too many questions.
First Aid gave them a last look over, lingering a little as if worried they might start pounding one another again, but at last he turned to go, heading slowly back to medbay. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe left a few kliks later, Sideswipe turning left, intending to go to the washracks, but Sunstreaker turned the other way.
"Go ahead, I'll catch up," he said.
"Where are you going?" Sideswipe asked. Sunstreaker shrugged and continued walking. Sideswipe changed course and followed behind him.
"We're going to be late you know," he warned.
"I'm going to be late, fraghead. Go to the washracks." Sideswipe ignored him. Sunstreaker slowed his pace as First Aid came in view, making his careful way down the corridor.
/You're following him to make sure he gets back all right/ Sideswipe said, grinning at the back of his brother's helm. Sunstreaker didn't answer. Sideswipe wasn't sure why this discovery should make him so delighted, but it did. /You're totally soft on him, aren't you?/ he teased.
/I bet I could melt your frame down in the waste disposal unit. No one would ever find it/ Sunstreaker sent, but there was no heat behind the thought. Sideswipe chortled silently.
First Aid had paused to rest and was leaning one hand against the wall, not seeming to notice the two following him. They watched while Pipes walked by, with a friendly wave at Aid and something about being happy to see him up and about, and then an uneasy glance at the two twins, apparently stalking behind him in the corridor. Sunstreaker looked back expressionlessly, Sideswipe grinned his best I-eat-minibots-for-snacks grin and Pipes averted his gaze, walking past them quickly. Ha, he still had it. Pipes generally steered clear of them both, and they returned the favor, but Sideswipe still hadn't entirely forgiven him for protesting their inclusion on the Ark mission early on. First Aid was still resting, apparently, and Sideswipe shifted. They were definitely late.
/Since when have you been so worried about late? Go ahead. Tell Ironhide I'm still in the washracks polishing or something. He'll believe it/ Sunstreaker really did want to get to the washracks. Sideswipe could sense the scuff marks on his armor were driving him nuts, but he was bound and determined to be sure First Aid got back to the medbay ok.
"Ahem," came the sound of someone clearing their vocalizer behind them. They turned to find Ultra Magnus looking at them sternly.
"Weren't you two supposed to be on duty a breem ago?" The commander's optics flashed, no doubt taking in their slightly battered appearance, and the traces of energon still staining their armor.
"Uh…" Sideswipe scrambled for a convincing story.
"And what's this I hear about you sneaking around after First Aid?"
Sunstreaker just gazed back at Ultra Magnus, impassive, though Sideswipe could feel the familiar boil of his anger, never far from the surface, but under control. It was a lot better than it had been, before they'd come to the Autobots. There had been times when Sideswipe had been afraid, not of his brother, never, but for him, but he was different now. Sideswipe suppressed the urge to say something flippant or mocking. Ultra Magnus had always been fair to them, and he was only looking out for First Aid after all. Sideswipe couldn't fault him for that.
"We'd never do anything that would hurt First Aid," Sideswipe said, meeting Ultra Magnus's gaze squarely. "Not on purpose anyway," Sideswipe added, with a slight wince, opting for total honesty. Waking First Aid up and having him walk all the way to the training arena and back might not have been the best idea, in retrospect.
Ultra Magnus eyed the freshly welded gouges on Sideswipe's arms doubtfully. Sunstreaker shifted suddenly, looking over Sideswipe's shoulder. Up ahead First Aid had finally moved away from the wall to continue his walk, but he was moving slower than before.
Ultra Magnus followed Sunstreaker's gaze. "Ah," he murmured, looking from First Aid's halting progress to the twins' worried expressions, and lifting an optic ridge. "I think I see. I'll let Ironhide know you two are running late." Sideswipe, deciding he might as well roll with it, since there was really no point in denying it, flashed Ultra Magnus his best cheeky grin. Sunstreaker was already moving past them as First Aid turned the corner out of sight.
"Thank you, sir," Sideswipe said. "You're not such a bad sort, you know."
Ultra Magnus frowned down at him. "Carry on, soldier."
Sideswipe gave him a carefully regulation salute (no sense pushing Magnus's buttons too far, after all, tempting as it was) and hurried after his brother. They saw First Aid safely to the medbay, with the medic none the wiser, and reported for duty. Ironhide made no comment on their appearance, and they spent the next duty cycle banging on all the rivets on the Ark's hull. Sunstreaker's mind was strangely quiet as they worked. Sideswipe was grateful, although normally he depended on Sunstreaker to keep him from boredom. His own processor was in a haze, a comfortable place without thought, leaving just enough attention to the job as he worked between his brother and Ironhide, under the clear bright stars of whatever system they were passing through.
They went to the washracks afterward, the warm cleanser relaxing as it beat down on their plating. Sideswipe helped Sunstreaker repaint and polish up his finish. The color nanites would recolonize on their own, but it bothered both of them to see the gray metal exposed.
"I remember," Sunstreaker said, out of the blue, rubbing one finger obsessively over a small dent on his forearm that hadn't quite smoothed out yet.
"What?"
"I remember now. What it was I made." Sunstreaker stopped rubbing his finish and folded his hands together in an odd gesture, looking down at them as if they belonged to someone else.
/Show me/ Sideswipe said, knowing somehow, what he would see even before Sunstreaker did so. He remembered too.
/Oh Primus, Sunny/ A bright dance of color and form bloomed through both their minds. Sunstreaker was shivering. They sat together, back to back on the floor of the washracks as they had guarded one another through all the times of darkness.
/Primus, Sunny, you were amazing/ Sideswipe laughed in wonder. Sunstreaker shivered harder, wrapping his arms around his knees tightly. /Do you think I could do that, too?/
Sunstreaker snorted suddenly in surprise, startled out of his shock. /You were hopeless bro. Couldn't draw a four dimensional hypersphere if your life depended on it/ Sideswipe chuckled, not surprised. It was ok. Part of his processor knew how much work it was, making something like that. More fun to just watch.
/Can you still…/ Sideswipe sent, tentative. Sunstreaker was silent, the shivering coming in waves now. He rested his head on his knees and sighed.
"That Sunstreaker is gone, Sides," he said softly.
"No, he's not," Sideswipe replied stubbornly. Sunstreaker's mind gave him a picture, battle scarred hands stained with energon, not paint, crushing sparks beneath his fingers. Some had deserved that death, many had not.
/That Sunstreaker would have been sorry, Sideswipe. I'm not sorry. I should feel something when I deactivate a spark, but I don't/
Sideswipe didn't feel bad at all, deactivating Decepticons, but he had friends now, in the Autobots. And even the annoying Autobots he'd feel bad about deactivating. Sunstreaker would, too. He had a spark under there; he wasn't a monster.
/What if it were me, that you deactivated?/ Sideswipe asked him.
/Wouldn't matter, I'd keel over too/ That was a matter of fact, one they knew. They had come close to deactivating one another, in those moments of madness, Sunny those vorns ago when Sideswipe had first found him again, Sideswipe only a few joors ago. Sideswipe found he wasn't particularly worried about it, though he found himself remembering First Aid, so upset over the thought of them seriously hurting one another.
/What about First Aid?/ he sent to Sunstreaker, teasing. /Wouldn't want to deactivate your favorite little med-bot, now, would you?/
Sunstreaker thought-flashed on an image of First Aid, spark flickering beneath his hands into non-existence, the blue light of his optics behind his visor going dark, but his face still wearing that little smile, unafraid. Sunstreaker's vents faltered suddenly and he curled in on himself. /I would feel bad. Oh Primus, Sides…I would/
A massive wave of elation and pain hit Sideswipe from his brother. He gasped, unprepared for the onslaught.
/I would feel bad/ Sunstreaker gulped a sob. Sideswipe blinked in shock. /I would feel bad, Sides, I would/ Sunstreaker's thoughts babbled over and over, an overwhelming sense of relief flooding the bond, he was not a monster, he could feel…
/Of course you would, Sunny, of course you would/ Sideswipe tried to reassure his brother, clinging precariously to his own self control. /You're NOT a monster/ he sent firmly. Sunstreaker sobbed again.
/What about Ratchet? Would you feel bad if you killed Ratchet?/ Sunstreaker froze for a moment, imagining it, then sob-laughed.
"I'd feel terrible, Sideswipe." He was giggling half hysterically. "Oh Primus, I'd probably deactivate myself." Sideswipe was giggling along with Sunstreaker, carried along by his brother's emotions.
"That's great, Sunny!" he managed to gasp out, between spasms of hilarity. He scooted around so he could see Sunstreaker, huddling up close to his brother, pressing their helms together. Vulnerable, they were vulnerable like this facing inward, backs to the world where anyone could sneak up on them, but that was ok here. No one was going to hurt them here.
/What about Prime?/
Sunstreaker's optics widened and he nodded against Sideswipe's helm. /Really bad/
/Jazz?/
Sunstreaker nodded again.
/Even that slagger Pipes/ Sunstreaker sent, deep sobs shaking him now. /I'd even feel bad about that slagger Pipes, if I killed him. I didn't know it until now, Sides, I really didn't…but I would, I would feel bad if I killed him/
Together they killed off the entire Autobot army, and a few of the Decepticons too, and wept for them, and laughed, and at last fell into recharge there, on the floor, in the washracks where anyone could have deactivated them and they recharged deep and peaceful pressed close together, the way their processors never remembered doing, but they must have, once upon a time, because how else would Sunstreaker have known how to rest his hands on either side of Sideswipe's helm and press the their forehead plates close together? How else would Sideswipe have known how to cradle Sunstreaker in his arms just so? Together they dreamed bright color, deep beauty, a simple line curving, touching the stars to become their entwined sparks.