Package

Chapter 6

The bed weighed down to one side, the crickets outside giving lazy chirps as they start to drift quieter knowing winter was beginning to set. It was colder than usual that night, then again they were upstate, the snow usually fell on the hard ground before the last cricket could burrow deep into the soil for a winter's rest. It wouldn't be long before flacks of powder white drifted down to blanket in a world of silence. It was that silence Leonardo never liked, it frightened him, there was nothing quiet like it, nothing could imitate that sound that was the lack there of -that winter provided. It was as if the very trees held their breath waiting for the sun to come back out and melt away what they were so afraid of. Some times Leonardo thought that it was the lack of productivity during the later and early months of the year that got to him. All of them felt naturally sluggish during the time their natural instincts would make them hibernate, but they worked themselves past the hindrance of lethargy in favor of spending times with friends and family. The vigorous work outs of their training helped keep them from wanting to settle their heads down into pillows. But he found out that wasn't what bothered him. What bothered him was that silence, it reminded him of the times on the battle field when all was over with and casualties were counted. No one breathed until all four were present and able to move on their own.

Winter reminded Donatello of a dark place he felt inside when Leonardo had came crashing through the window at April's apartment, his life barely hanging onto the tether he and their family sent to him to bring him back -to heal from his wounds. He remembered crying the frist night his older brother could move on his own. Leonardo had been asleep and Donatello was on watch just to make sure he didn't strain himself. He didn't know what it was, maybe the bandages, perhaps the reminder that they were indeed mortal and one could die at any given moment. Either way he found himself curled up on himself on his chair, tears sliding down his cheeks as he watched the blankets raise and fall with each slumbering breath. When Leo woke up, Donatello had fallen asleep, worn out from his own emotions. He only stirred when his brother sat up, moving Donatello into the bed to share the blankets with him. He remembered sleeping well soon as he was next to that warm body, bathed in sent that he was so scared of not having near him. It was the next day that the purple clad turtle had began to think more about his sibling than he was supposed to.

Little did he know that Leonardo had been awake through half of Donatello's silent sobs. He had to quell the deep pain of hearing the breath come in labored, tainted with whimpers and choked sobs. When he pulled his brother next to him, he held tightly wishing that pain in his chest would disappear. It didn't, it only grew more and more through out their adventures. It stung and stabbed so deeply until finally one day he cornered his brother in his work shop above, welding something new on the Battle Shell. The pain soothed, the throb lessened as he pulled Donatello into a kiss; glee finally replaced that horrible feeling in his heart when he was kissed back.

That pain never truly left though, it remained in the back, a constant reminder that he had caused those eyes to water. He couldn't forgive himself, and now he had forced himself upon the one he loved. He had taken advantage of that situation in the woods and placed a claim that was not his to take. Leonardo hated himself for that, found himself disgusting. When they got back to the house he shut himself off in the room he shared with Donatello, hiding away on the bed as he tired to think. Every thought always ended the same, he had done his lover a great dishonor. He had not been thinking, he could have caused so much more trouble but... He covered his eyes, pressing his palms in trying to stop the stinging. He had no right to cry, no right at all.

Flopping onto his back he rolled up onto his side, allowing the cold to drift in through the open window. It bit into his skin as he tried to think. Eventually Donatello came to the room, his dark eyes giving his lover a shy quizzical look hiding slightly behind the door. For himself he was unsure. Did he do something wrong by letting Leonardo take what he wanted at that time? Was their relationship going to change for the worse? The possible answers left him feeling anxious and somewhat dry inside. He expected to find the blue loving leader meditating trying to find his center, but what he found was someone in deep pain. It hurt, so deeply to see him curled up like that, hands covering his face allowing the cold to be his blanket for the night.

"Hurts don't it," Donatello gave a start at the rough voice of Raphael next to him.

Turning he looked to his brother who was leaning against the wall, arms folded as he stared off into space as if focusing would cause him to loose his train of thought. The younger of the two remained silent waiting for more to be spoken, when nothing came he swallowed the hard lump that was forming in his throat. "Wha... What can I do?"

With out looking, Raphael shrugged, "Not much. Control of the situation can't be given, you can't tell him about things you don't understand, so all you really can do is make sure he knows none of it is his fault." He closed his eyes, remembering Michelangelo. The way he struggled, the desperation of needing to know that was happening when all was secret or hidden truths. It hurt to bottle it all up, trying to protect him when it was Raphael himself that needed the protection.

Brown eyes gazed down at the floor before turning back to the image of Leonardo. His voice was a whisper, "I'm... not sure how to do that. Leo's complex."

"Hey," he turned his attention back to the sibling standing next to him. This time Raphael was looking at him, leaning against the wall with his shoulder. "You listen to me," his auburn eyes looking almost like embers in the dark hallway, his tone comforting yet strong at the same time. "If you love 'im, you'll figure out a way. It ain't easy, but it's worth it."

That was right, Raphael knew how it felt to see the person you loved most in the world suffer because of you; because you couldn't figure out how to say what was wrong or figure out a remedy to an uncontrollable event. He had been the same, standing and watching as Mikey blamed himself -Raph had to tell himself that it was okay, that it was for the better that he bottled everything and kept himself distant. But things got better after he finally spoke up, finding his own worries to be a balm to the injuries of the heart. Donatello gave a soft smile of understanding as a thank you for the advice. To be honest he didn't know if he would be able to move past it, to speak up if he didn't have the help. He was soft by nature, he wasn't forward like the others, he hid away. He had waited for Leo to come to him, waited for him to make the first move each and every time; his fears being his stopper. But now he had to take a step out of that safe box that was built around him giving him shelter against all that could cause harm. There was no one to invite in not any more. He was waiting, outside, needing to be sought after.

Red smiled as Donatello slipped into the room he shared with their leader. He reached over, closing the door after his brother with a soft click. Nodding to himself, he reassured his own mind that they would be fine, after all, they had Michelangelo and himself to come to. They didn't have to venture forth into the unknown by themselves, if they chose they could seek a guide from their brothers. "Good luck," he whispered before padding down the hallway. When he reached the room that he heard Mikey occupying, he simply went in, closing the door behind him. Creeping up, he slipped onto the bed behind his mate; wrapping his arms around the youngest who was having trouble reading one of his favorite comics. Settling his legs on either side of a sea-green lap, he started to kneed at tense shoulders. He had told Michelangelo to give him a moment alone to talk to Donnie, to try and give at least a little reassurance to the one that was beginning to start a bond with him that was based on the relation of having something awful happen that was like a spiraling rollercoaster. It took everything the orange clad turtle had in him to allow Raphael out of his sight, telling himself over and over again that he was coming right back.

"Your tense," Raph massaged a bit more. "I never thought I'd be sayin' it but... you need to loosen up Mikey."

The ragged breath was the first to be noticed, it caused a pang in his heart as he leaned over; slowly pulling the Sliver Sentry comic from hands that quivered. The smaller body of the usually fun loving turtle twisted around, face burying face into chest as tears stained an orange bandana. Memories too powerful filling his head as he silently cried.

"Sshh, Mikey, Mikey..." Raphael ran his hand over skin and shell. "What's wrong?"

"I," he hiccupped squeezing his eyes shut tight. "I keep on telling myself," a shuddering breath. "that everything is okay. That- that you won't suddenly disappear. But," he swallowed hard. "But I can't... seem to get it out of my head. It won't leave me... alone."

The push of forehead against his peck set a worry inside him, Mikey only did that when he was really upset. Was someone starting to mess with him as well? Bringing back memories of the past that were best forgotten? If so, the someone was going to get a nail in the coffin. With a stern voice he placed his hands on shoulders that heaved with sobbing breaths, "What or who won't leave you alone?"

Wet blue eyes looked up to him, a hand pressed against each chest as if to make sure both hearts were still beating. "I keep asking myself if this is a dream or not, and if I wake up if you'll be in that cell with wires sticking out of you because I was too stupid. My own head won't leave me alone. Soon as you leave my sight here I expect to see you running out of the woods with blood and bullet wounds!" He thrust a hand out to the side motioning outside for emphasis. "And not only that but I'm petrified that I'll wake up and you'll be cold because your heart stopped or because that person after Donnie broke in and did... I don't know what! But they should leave Donnie alone! He's a good person, he doesn't deserve this and Leo's all messed in the head because you just KNOW he's blaming himself and Splinter is angry at us and I think April might disown us and- and-!!"

Raphael pressed his lips against the ones that were ranting. The desperate sobs turned into sniffles as chaste kisses calmed wracked nerves. Who would have guessed that the one that worried the most about the family was the one that goofed off more than anyone else. He hid it away so well behind his mask of sunshine and candy.

"I ain't," he kissed him again. "goin' no where. You ain't dreamin' either," he moved taking Michelangelo's hand, pressing it against his chest. "I'm breathin'," he moved that hand to his neck letting his fluttering plus be felt before moving to nuzzle his cheek into the sea-green palm. "And my heart is still beatin'. I'm not dead, I've got no wires in me, and you won't wake up to me being a cold corps. And if that person after Donnie comes in, I'm sure you'll be the first one there taken that sick dirt bag apart. Leo's gonna have Donnie there to tell him that it ain't his fault, just like I had you. They'll have to work it out themselves but we can at least give them something to look towards for help. As for sensei he just needs his time, and April won't just walk out on us because we're together. She's may suspect and maybe even figured it all out, but she ain't someone who would hate someone just because they're different. Shell Mikey she's like our sister."

One last sniffle, "So... you think she might want to meet Mr. Kissy?"

Raphael swatted him lightly to the back of the head, glad that Michelangelo was acting more like the turtle he had fallen in love with, "Don't start with that. You know that 'Mr. Kissy' is grounded for runnin' away."

A small smile, "Oh? Where did he run off to?"

A warm kiss, "To Leo and Donnie which he knows better."

"He already said he was sorry," orange licked his lips.

"Yeah, well, I ain't buyin' it."

"Then let me show you how sorry he really is."

To Be Continued...